#reader x cassian

Flying was a recurring nightmare in your childhood. 

To be newly mated with an Illyrian, of all beings, was some kind of twisted joke from the Mother. 

It was a warm summer evening, the sun making it’s final glint over the Sidra when Cassian made his newest plea. 

“You know, I’ve been flying my entire existence.” He began, and eyed you from the corner of his vision. The way you straightened immediately, bracing for another go at this disagreement told him the answer already. But he’d never stop trying. Not until you would at least make an attempt at the joy of flight with him.

He couldn’t stand it, needing to walk or be winnowed everywhere. He noticed his jealousy toward Rhys and Azriel mounting of late. Truthfully, he’d always been resentful of their abilities to transport to and from at will, but it’d never bothered him to this extent before. Now, it chafed at his self worth. Seeing how your eyes would light up with apprehension of the void around, then amazement once you’d arrived was something he both loved and hated.

“Cassian…” You sighed, taking a deep breath of sea salt tinged air. The city was finally coming alive around you after a blistering day in the sun, and you kept your voice low as you protested your mate. “I have told you, I wont do it.” 

He took two long strides, stepping in front of you and stopping. “That’s not a good enough reason anymore.” He grunted, and seemed truly upset. You looked at him with a confused expression. He’d never taken such a serious tone about it before.

“I-” He sighed, and took your hands in his, squeezing tight. His throat bobbed, and he looked into your eyes with determined sorrow, a pleading look that left your heart cracking as he spoke. “I need to know truly why. Do you not trust me?” 

“Of course not!” You squeezed his hands back and smiled. “I just… dont enjoy heights.” 

He gave you a plain look, annoyed. “And.. what if you crash us? What if you drop me?!” Your voice raised as your mind raced through the possibilities of him bringing you to the height you’ve seen him at before. When he was barely a speck against the sky, a black star in the broken up sunlight with his armor, black against the blue-gray haze of Velaris. 

“What if we drift into unfriendly lands and they fire upon us? You can’t fight and carry me. I’d be dropped or you’d die getting us away and I can’t live with that-”

He squeezed your hands hard, breaking you out of the spiral of anxiety that was taking over your thoughts.

“Should you fall or be dropped, I’d follow, and greet the ground happily.” 

Your thoughts stuttered, then kicked up new images of him hurtling towards the ground and blood following. 

“You cannot die. Even if I were to-” panic climbed into your throat. He steadied you quickly.

“There is no instance where I live without you.” He said it with finality, surety. Like he’d already vowed this and had an answer for just how he’d make sure his words were the truth. Your eyes welled with hot tears, and he pulled you to his chest, his wings wrapping around you. They blocked the last of the setting sun, blanketing you in shade. “There’s also no instance where I’d ever drop you.” He said with a laugh.

You shoved at his chest, and he pulled back his wings. His smile was soft and hopeful. “You’ll consider it, then?” He asked.

As much as the idea of flying made you want to squirm and run, you nodded. It clearly meant a lot to him, and you couldn’t deny him an attempt just because of some of your fears. He was right, he’d never drop you. You couldn’t help your eyes from wandering to his thick biceps. The urge to bite him there became insatiable. 

His eyes followed yours and he raised his brows. “Shall we fly back to the apartment now, darling?” He teased.

You cleared your throat, and took his hand in yours, restarting your walk back down the streets of Velaris. “Let me think about it. I promise I’ll truly consider it.” You provided, giving him a soft smile.

It’s a testament to your luck that you catch a glimpse of the pair of Stormtroopers when you do. You see them coming out of the corner of your eyes and you’re fairly certain that they’re headed straight towards you.

“Cassian,” you hiss, grabbing hold of his elbow and drawing up beside him as he stops, “Stormtroopers. 3 o’ clock.”

The only sign that he is even the least bit thrown is the way his brown eyes widen, and then he is moving through the crowd, trusting that you will follow.

As he pushes his way through the bustling throngs in the markets, you feel suddenly grateful that he is here with you. This is an important mission and the message you’ve just acquired contains vital information that can’t be allowed to fall into the hands of the Empire. Cassian has more experience than you with this sort of thing and you trust that he will find a way for your both to get out of this scrape undetected.

So when he pulls you into a shadowy spot between two stalls, half-covered by a hanging tarpaulin, you go without question.

Cassian’s arms wrap tight around your waist-- with how little space there is in this darkened alcove, you suppose there’s nowhere else for his hands to go-- his breath plays hot over your face, and you’re convinced you can feel every inch of his body pressed against yours.

And as if that isn’t enough, he gets even closer as he leans past you to peek outside. Whatever he sees doesn’t please him much because the look on his face when he settles back in front of you is slightly panicked.

“Trust me,” he whispers, and then he’s coming in close again, only this time, his nose brushes yours and his breath is warm on your mouth. All of a sudden, time seems to slow to a crawl, every second lasting a minute, and your heart skips one beat, then another, and another still.

So this is it then, you think, this is how I finally end up kissing him.

And it’s the last thought you have before his lips find yours, hot and demanding.

It’s disappointing, in a way. Not the kiss itself, because Cassian obviously knows what he’s doing and you feel like you’re burning up, like your blood is singing through your veins. You’ve never been kissed quite like this before- because Cassian is kissing you like...like he wants to spend eternity wrapped up in you.

But it’s not real, and he doesn’t want forever with you, he’s only doing this to avoid being caught by the Empire, and you can’t help letting the knowledge of that get to you. And you stop responding.

He notices, almost immediately, and he pulls back just far enough for his eyes to meet yours.

“___, come on, work with me here,” he huffs, and his face is shadowed or you would have sworn that he looks crestfallen.

But he’s right, this is not the time for you to be overthinking your feelings for him and the fact that he probably doesn’t reciprocate them. You absolutely cannot afford to be caught.

So you take a deep breath, shake yourself out of it, and surge forward, catching his lips with your own in an open-mouthed kiss that is bordering on wanton. Your fingers tangle into his hair with a will of their own, his hands slip under your shirt, and you are lost.

X

Cassian’s ploy works and the Stormtroopers leave the pair of you alone. Relieved, you make your way to the outskirts of the city where K-2SO is waiting with your transport. You’re both quiet, and on your part it’s because you’re alternating between reliving those—frankly, mind-blowing-- kisses and cursing your luck because this is going to make things awkward between you two.

For his part, Cassian too seems happy to let you stay quiet. Besides, he seems equally withdrawn, and of course, Kay notices this as soon as you both return.

“What happened?” he asks, turning from Cassian to you and back, “you’re both uncharacteristically silent.”

You can feel your cheeks heating and after considering for a minute, you decide there’s nothing you can say in response. So you raise your hand in a vaguely dismissive gesture and make your way towards the back of the plane. You don’t expect that either of them will come after you to press the point. You’re wrong.

“Give us a minute, Kay,” Cassian says somewhere behind you, and your heart starts beating faster.

He takes his time approaching you and when he’s finally in front of you, you notice that he seems almost crestfallen, and hesitant to meet your gaze.

“I’m sorry.”

“I like you.”

You both speak at the same time and then proceed to stare at each other, eyes wide with shock. He breaks first.

“What?” he asks, and there’s something that looks a lot like hope taking shape on his face.

He takes one step towards you, then another, and your heart is pounding so loud in your chest that you’re sure he must be able to hear it, because his next step brings him so close that you can almost feel the warmth of his body.

There’s a part of you that wants to say you meant nothing by it, but a much larger part of you insists on the truth.

“I like you,” you tell him, repeating your earlier words before you draw in a deep, shaky breath, and continue, “so I’m sure you can understand why I was a little displeased about the fact that you were only kissing me to throw those Stormtroopers off our trail.”

“Yes, I… of course,” he stares at you in silence for a minute, and then his lips curl into a slow smile, cheeks dimpling, “in that case, I’m going to withdraw my apology and kiss you again, if that’s okay with you?”

“What?” you ask, half-annoyed, half-confused, and strangely breathless.

“I like you too,” he tells you, his hands land first on your waist and when you don’t pull away, he slides them to the small of your back and takes you in his arms, “and I’d like to kiss you again, for real this time.”

That’s twice now he’s asked. You’re nearly melting from the sheer sweetness of it all and you definitely have no words left so you do the only thing you can: you wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him, deep and slow.

~~~

You pulled away one last time and watched as he and his droid counterpart prepared to leave.

“I’ll make sure he gets back to you.” You turned to see Jyn standing near you. Her eyes following your gaze on Cassian. You squeezed her hand, “You better come back too.”

She gave you a small smile and you knew instantly she was uneasy about this whole thing. Jyn knew it had to be done and she’d do it, despite the worry you saw on her features. “I’ll use the Force, to keep tabs on you. Help guide you.” You whispered, trying to soothe her.

“Can you even do that?” She asked, causing you to smile.

“I’ll sure as Hell try, my sister.” She grinned back at you and enveloped you in a bone-crushing hug.

“I love you, Sunshine.”

“I love you too, Stardust.”

The nickname sounded foreign on your tongue. You could only remember the names being said by Galen, with his rough voice. In that moment, it was a parting gift, a parting memory shared by you and you sister. Jyn pulled away, her eyes glittering with rebellion, and followed Cassian and K2 off the ship. You watched at they disappeared behind the cold metal doors, in their Imperial disguises and felt the knot in your stomach tighten with unease.

You felt anxious just waiting. Everyone was out there fighting, you feel their anger towards the Empire. With the Force you could see how valiant Baze and Chirrut were, acting as the distraction for Cassian, Jyn, and K2.

“If you keep pacing you're going to drive me crazy!” Aben said, her hands in her short brown locks. You stood still, to appease your friend. You reached out further with The Force, and felt Cassian’s presence; strong, brave and in pain. What had happened?! Jyn was still alive, but where…

K2SO.

The droid was down and Cassian felt helpless. Your heart broke as you opened your eyes. Tears traveled down your cheeks and upon seeing this, Aben walked towards you.

“What's wrong?” You let out a small sniffle, “Kaytoo.”

Aben’s face fell, despite her dislike towards the droid. She knew how much you cared for the Captain who owned him.

“Cas and Jyn are fine but I can feel,” you sniffles, “I can feel him pushing his feelings down. The guilt and pain.”

Before Aben could speak, Bodhi appeared out of the cockpit. His brown eyes were wild and his hands shook slightly. “You two have to go now! Troopers are heading here from the east beach!”

Aben quickly grabbed a large bag with grenades hanging from the sides and a large blaster. You grabbed the nearest weapon, which just happened to be a smaller blaster. You turned back to Bodhi, “What about you?!”

“I have to send the message,” he gave you a weak smile, “I'm the pilot.”

Aben hugged Bodhi, who carefully hugged back. “Be careful my friend.” Aben hit the button that lowered the ramp. The remains rebels in the ship readied to cover you both. You gave Bodhi one last look, “May the Force be with you.”

The Scarif heat was intense and you and Aben ran across the beach into the loading bay of another ship. You both were hidden in the bushes, watching the stormtroopers march past you when you reached out with the Force once more. You could feel Chirrut’s strong presence as he walked under a heavy rain of blaster fire. Your heart leapt to your throat when the blast went off. It felt like it was so close, you screamed. Aben slapped her hand over your mouth, stifling the cry but it was too late. Three troopers were heading towards your hiding spot. Aben pulled out her blaster, shooting one square in the helmet. The other two ducked for cover behind a cruiser that was docked on the landing bay.

They fired back at you, but you managed to shoot one down. Before the remaining trooper could call for back ups, Aben opened fire once more and delivered a killing shot. After you both scanned the area for any other troopers, Aben turned towards you.

“Why in Scarlacc’s name did you scream?!”

You swallowed hard, thinking about how to explain the empty, Chirrut-shaped hole in the world. You could only try to guess how Baze was taking it, he’d probably do something quite reckless. Your heart sank further at his pain. 

“I was checking on Chirrut, reaching out to him and I felt him…” Aben realized what you meant and her eyes fell to the ground. “Sorry.” She murmured, running her hand through her hair and looking up to the sky. She stood there, motionless, watching the sky.

“Aben?” You stood next to her now, looking up in the same spot.

The Rebel Fleet had arrived. A wave of renewed hope washed over you at the sight of X-Wings shooting down TIE fighters. You shook Aben who looked back at you with a small grin on her face.

“C’mon,” you said, dragging her deeper into the mainland, “we have to find a ship close to the broadcast to-” You were cut off by a large explosion that was a few landing pads away. An explosion on landing pad nine to be exact. Aben was already running back, her short legs carrying her as quickly as they could. You followed, not far behind. The odds of Bodhi surviving a blast like that was very slim, and upon seeing the wreckage…

There was no sign of the loveable pilot anywhere. The sense of optimism you had felt only moments before, drained from your being. Not Bodhi; it was him that had lead all of you this far with his message from Galen, from papa. Somewhere deep in your heart you felt the overbearing pain of loss. You looked to Aben, who was firing at the remaining troopers.

“You monsters!” She screamed, hitting each trooper, more times than needed to kill them. When they were all laying motionless, Aben sunk to her knees. You rushed over to her, trying to get her up and moving.

“Bodhi didn’t deserve this! He was-” She was interrupted by her cries. Somehow you managed to get her up. “We have to keep going,” You said using your sleeve to wipe her tears away, “He would want the rest of us to get out safely.” She nodded, regaining her somewhat stony composure. She started to walk towards the tower, and you couldn’t help but feel like your friend had lost a part of her.

You and Aben had managed to find a usable Imperial ship at a loading bay closer to the broadcast tower. Aben was slumped against the interior of the ship, her arm across her face to hide her eyes. You knew that it was probably best not to press her about her feelings, you could see them clear was day anyway. You felt a tinge of worry when you thought of Cassian and Jyn. It had been a while since you all had landed on Scarif, but with so much loss a mere few hours could feel longer than normal. You found yourself standing outside on the ramp to the ship looking up at the sky. The Rebel Fleet was still fighting strong and the noise on the ground was overwhelming. Some of the fleet had managed to get past the shield and into Scarif, aiding in the soldiers on the ground. It was nice to see such unity amongst the rebels, but that only could lift our earth for so long.

Before you could turn around, you watched and saw the field of protection surrounding Scarif fade away. Two StarDestoryers fell, entangled with each other, heading towards Scarif’s surface. You ran back inside shaking Aben out of her trance.

    “The Rebels have broken through the shield! Come look!” Aben slowly got up following you outside on the ramp. You tried to get Aben more excited, but the frown on her feature didn’t go away. When outside she got outside, she let out a gasp of horror at the scene playing out in front of her. You covered your mouth with your hand, feeling stinging tears in your eyes.

      “No…..no….” You whispered, eyes catching the outline of the Death Star hanging in the sky. TIE fighters zoomed past towards the already aflame broadcast tower, but this wasn’t noticed by you. You eyes watched as the DeathStar unleashed a greenish beam of light that struck the surface of Scarif. A plume of dirt and smoke jumped up where the laser hit the ground, creating an ominous cloud of debris spreading out across the surface of the planet. Aben ran out and turned, beckoning you to follow. You did, and finally saw the wreckage of the broadcast tower. Immediately you reached out with the Force, searching for Jyn and Cassian.

      “They’re alive,” you said to Aben, “go back in the ship and start it up. I’ll yell when I see them.” Aben nodded and ran back into the ship. You stood at the edge of the ramp, waiting for them to enter your view. You heard the hump of the ship starting and sighed in relief. It would all be okay now; it had to be, after all of that. When you saw the two limping forms of Jyn and Cassina you shouted, getting their attention. You could see Cassian’s smile from the ship and they started to run over faster. You noticed Cassian’s limp and the worry you felt amplified. You stepped closer to the end of the ramp, reaching for Cassian and Jyn as they drew closer. With a jolt, you fell on the ramp and felt it start to close. “Aben!! Open the ramp!” You screamed, seeing Cassian and Jyn speed up their approach.

    “I’m not doing it, Y/N! It’s in like an autopilot mode. It’s...it’s heading to the DeathStar.” You could hear the malice in her voice when she spoke. Her itch for revenge growing with each second. You turned back and saw Cassian and Jyn reach the edge of the ramp.

“Y/N!” Cassian yelled, “What’s going on?”

      “Aben can’t stop it! It’s in autopilot and she can’t override it!” Cassian’s face fell as you still rose up in the ship on the ramp. Jyn came towards you, reaching her hand through the sliver of space. Her fingers brushed your cheek, and she placed her kyber crystal necklace next to you. You looked up into her eyes, peaceful and strong, “Trust in the Force.” She whispered, pulling away as the ramp started to close faster. You laid on your belly now, tear streaming down your face. Cassian leaned up and you grabbed his hand through the closing pocket of space.

    “Have hope Y/N, always.” He retracted his hand, sad brown eyes watching you. And as the space closed you shouted, “Cassian I lov-” You were cut off by the clang of metal as the ramp shut completely. You pounded your fists against the metal, screaming for Cassian and Jyn.

    Aben pulled you off the floor, but you were to overpowered by anger and pain. You threw yourself on the floor and you could hear the ship break through the atmosphere of Scarif.

    “Y/N, if we’re going into the heart of Imperial command, we need to be ready to attack.” Aben’s voice barely broke through to you as you grasped the kyber necklace and closed your eyes. Aben walked away, prepping the weapon you did have. You just sat on the floor, quietly weeping, praying.

Cassian was a dog. He knew it but watched anyway. He didn’t know why it happened, why it had to be you, but he didn’t bother to deny the insatiable craving he had for you when he was this deep into his cups. He turned into an utter and complete animal for the sight of you before him. He was already drooling. He’d be on all fours in a second if it’d appease you. Entranced, he followed your every move, eyes lingering on all the perfect curves and dips of your body as you danced.

Then came the hands upon your hips, so similar to his own, in all but the scarring. 

His own brother in bond didn’t know how Cassian lusted for you. How, in the darkest nights when he knew none would hear, he often pleasured himself to the mental image of you. He once feared Azriel has become aware of the way he felt about the shadowsinger’s mate, but there was never an attempt on Cassian’s life. Surely if Azriel had known, Casisan would be dead on the spot. 

He his behind his pint, taking a long sip before banishing you from his mind. 

He turned in his chair, facing the rest of the crowd that swayed to the band’s music. His stomach clenched and unclenched, as if  not leering at the one he lusted for warred with his very being. He ached. His body, his mind, something deep inside his chest, in his diaphragm keened and pitched - gods he was drunk.

He slapped down a few gold marks and slid from his chair, pushing his hair back from his eyes. Sickness overwhelmed him exiting the bar. Patrons rustled in and out, several attractive fae that gave him looks as he strode out. None seemed quite right though. None were you.

He doubled over and vomited in the streets of Velaris. 

+

He found solace only when you shared quiet evenings together at dinner, Azriel idly brushing lightly over your hand and serving you different foods. Envy gripped Cassian, a noose and a leash. His guide and his demise. He couldn’t look his brother in the eyes when you were around. 

At least his body wasn’t aching. 

+

He found more and more reasons to be around you. His headaches and nausea were growing worse by the week. He’d visited Madja at least three times in the last month, but nothing could be done about his condition. “Perhaps you should take a break from Ritas, General.” She’d scolded, eyeing the way his hands shook and his pallor. 

He hadn’t admitted how the pain only subsided when you were around. If you were his solution, then he’d find another. Eventually. When he had the time. 

But he was so consumed by the pain, he found himself merely enduring life when you weren’t around. Rhys had even begun to question him, commanding that Cassian go to the Illyrian healers and make sure that the more spiritual side of him was alright. He knew how skeptical Rhys was concerning the ‘mage’ centers there, therefore it was no comfort that he’d been so adamant about it.

Cassian drifted. He drank more. He wallowed around at the house of wind, just to be free of the hold the pain had on him. It seemed to be the only place he could find relent from the aching in his diaphragm. His hands shook in the mornings after he’d dreamed of you, just a few doors away. He wondered if you felt his heated presence when he was around, if you saw the way his eyes widened and how he seemed unable to breathe properly when looking into your eyes. 

Then he’d glance over to where Azriel stood, strapping on his belt of weapons or leaping form the balcony, and the shame would shatter him. He’d hide from you for days at a time while Azriel was away, hoping to the Mother that his cock didn’t get him assassinated by his own brother. 

He would leave - he should leave. But what the hel was he meant to do about the migraines, the stomach cramps that accompanied him departing your vicinity? 

He could stay, and risk becoming a homewrecker, or he could leave and be hollowed out on the inside by some of the most intense internal pain he’d ever experienced.

He almost wished Azriel would end him.

+

The illyrian camps were the same as they’d always been. A part of him joyed in seeing the soldiers take up guard as he flew over. He was the Lord of Bloodshed here. A traitor, the male who’d killed an entire village of them for what they’d done to his mother. He would not be disrespected here. 

He winced at the landing, the only thing keeping him flying being the pain management he’d bought from the back alley of a mage’s shop. One known for peddling above average doses. 

He knew drinking himself stupid wouldn’t get him all the way to the Steppes. He also knew showing up to the mages caves would be somewhat dangerous, espically not knowing what’ they’d need to do to fix him. So he’d paid a hefty bag of coin for the shiny purple bottles, and it’d paid off. He would need to be sober for this interaction. 

The front door was a ragged, sunbleached patchwork of driftwood from the beach down the mountain. The gaps between packed with mud and moss, carvings dotting every surface. Some were clearly from children, faded scrawled names and hearts and wings. The majority of the others were symbols, whorls and shapes that almost resembled letters.

He knocked lightly, then entered. The sun on his back disappeared, and his teeth chattered slightly, not entirely from the shade.

“A rare visit from a royal such as yourself” A female voice called, deep and soft and something he would have found sultry if he could think of any female but you. She appeared from behind a partition, holding a bowl with twigs and things rising from the edges. 

He straightened as she breathed deeply. Her eyes flickered beneath her lids, scenting him. Taking stock of his recent history. He shuddered, and the pain lanced through him for a moment. His teeth ground together. He would not fear a female as small as her. But the power she held… it seemed to radiate from her, like the embrace of a fire. 

“I am no royal. I just happen to have a convenient connection to some.” He quipped back, mood souring as his pain spiked and faded. The sawing knives in his gut had grown sharper and hotter with every wingbeat away from Velaris before he’d taken the potion a quarter of the way to the Steppes. Was it already wearing thin? 

“What ails you then, Lord of Bloodshed?” She cocked her head to the side, daring him to dispute his battle earned title. She ran a finger over the lip of the bowl, her eyes tracking the movement of his hand to the center of his torso.

“Shouldn’t you know by now?” He couldn’t help the hand he used as support in that aching spot, just between his ribs. He wasn’t dying, he knew that at least. He’d been close enough to death before to know what it’d be like when it truly came for him. 

“I sense pain, yes. But to truly know you’d have to allow me access to  the afflicted area.” 

Reluctantly, he followed her to the area behind the partition, which was beautifully adorned with dried herbs upon the wall, hanging upside down from several strings. The candlelight flickered over every surface, making shadows dance and radiate a warm glow over the bed upon the floor. 

He removed his tunic. Her eyes darted over his body, every part of his sculpted muscle. Her tongue flicked over her lips. “If you want your coin, you’ll quit smiling like that.” He warned. 

She hissed a laugh, but motioned for him to lay flat on the bed. 

“You may find these methods strange, and different from how your healers in the courts handle things. But you must trust that I am going to help you.” She began, the words practiced and falling from her tongue so quickly he could hardly keep up with the pounding in his head. 

“We will begin with a full body check.” She lit something that began smoldering on a shelf to her side. “I will be sensing your energy from your key points, finding the difficult areas and allowing that to guide me where I sense it is taking me.” Something wet smeared against his cheekbones, but he was beginning to ease into the process with much more willingness now as she explained. 

“It may seem like your afflicted areas become hot or tense when we begin to heal them, but please refrain from moving. The flow of energy is determined by your positioning and your emotion.” She was prepping more things, her honey smooth voice lulling him into a trance. More cool sensations dotted his chest, his abdomen. “If you are running, your body sends more energy to your heart. When you are trying to think of things, more to your mind. Just as a plant cannot grow without enough sunlight, we may not grow without enough positive energy. 

Her hand began at his head, kneading his greased hair and the ever present headache eased into a dull hum behind his eyelids. Her fringers traced over his skin, goosebumps breaking out every time they skimmed too lightly. His mind went blank at the warm pressure when he would push lightly on whatever key points she spoke of. Moving to his face, then his shoulders and chest. 

She eased downwards, the moment she skipped over the center he was arching up, pain lancing through him like a hot spike. A firm hand on his shoulder held him down. His eyes flashed open and panic corrupted his mind. 

“You must relax your body, Cassian.” A voice, not the woman’s languid tone but one that was much more intimately familiar to him. One that set his head spinning and stomach doing flips. One he’d imagined everything from fighting with to fucking with. 

But there was no way you were here, this was a trick of the mind. He knew that. He knew it. 

But it worked. And once he was able to relax his muscles again, the roaring pain in his muscles eased. It faded to little more than a dull ache. And for the first time in months, he went fully and completely unconscious. 

+

“I’ve never experienced such a through sickness such as yours, General. What a grip that female holds on you.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You came here for answers, didnt you? You left your answer back in Velaris.” She pulled a rag from her makeshift sink and tossed it to him. “She is all you need. Your mate. Some scholars believe that-”

“What are you talking about?” He repeated again, his voice echoing through the cave.

She leveled him a look, one that had him straightening. “As I was saying - some scholars believe the refusal of the mating bond is powerful enough to kill. I suggest courting her, if you wish for the pain to ease more quickly.” 

“I don't understand what you are saying. She has a mate. I-” He stammered for the words, unable to comprehend what this female was telling him. Was Rhys right, was all this a scam? A show of something desired for a quick pocket of coin? But that pain he’d experienced - it was eased now. As if temporarily fended off by her power. 

“It is possible to have more than a single mate, Cassian. Especially if both parties of the mated pair are willing.” 

“It is unheard of. Azriel wouldn’t allow it.” He attempted an angry tone, but everything seemed distant and far away. 

Her eyes flashed with the glean of the information. But she kept her composure otherwise. It must have brought pity, from the way her face softened. “Perhaps you do not know all of the Shadowsinger’s secrets. He likely has more than you know.” She blew out the incense and a few of the candles. “But there is no denying that there is a tether in you. A mating bond, quite strong if you’ve been having effects this violent.”

He sat, head spinning. His stomach pitched, but for once it wasn’t because of the illness that infected him when you weren’t around. 

“What do I do, how do I-” His lips were moving, but the words seemed spoken by someone else. He was far, far away from his body and his mind was numb with shock. The words died in his throat before he said them. There wasn’t a single right question to get the answers he needed, and it left him to an ocean of self pity to wallow in. 

“Go to them. At the very least it will ease your suffering.” 

But he was already striding out, leaving a sack of gold marks on the floor behind him. “Mother watch over you, lord of bloodshed.” Her voice echoed through his mind the entire journey home. 

+

Azriel’s mind tricks were strictly forbidden during training, which meant the sight of Cassian approaching with nothing but his leathers on and nothing more than a dagger at his side was real. A rare sight of the General without a sword strapped at his back. His hair was also different, disheveled more than usual. As if he’d been running his hands through it for hours. He was pale, deep purple marks beneath his eyes, standing out even against his dark skin. 

“Cas, what is it?” Azriel turned to the male, not bothering to take up a defensive stance even when Cassian approached him in the ring. 

Something was wrong. Deeply, truly wrong then. 

“I need to speak with both of you.” He said, his voice like gravel. Like he’d been screaming. 

You approached, and they seemed to have a silent exchange. Something in Cassian’s eyes hardened when he looked to the shadowsinger, and there was the slightest nod as he handed Azriel the blade, hilt first. 

Your mate took it uneasily. You’d never seen Azirel seem so uncomfortable with a weapon in hand. He held it loosely, as if it pained him. 

“I can’t say this right. There is no way for me to be able to ever apologize for this. But I need to at least say it once. I am sorry for this. I am sorry for how this is about to fuck everytyhing up. Azriel I understand however you react, and I hope, if you decide to kill me, it is with that blade.” He nodded to the one he’d brought, the tip of it pointed to his stomach. 

“Cassian what-” You began, but his eyes flashed with such pain, such torment and pleading, that it took your breath away. He held your gaze and steadied his mind. This was it then, the moment he’d always hoped for, in some sick way. A part of him joyed that he’d die and no longer have to live with the agonizing guilt. 

“You’re my mate.” He said it, lip curling in disgust at himself. He said it, and seemed to deflate. Azriel was silent, your mouth agape as everything quieted. A beat, two, three. “I’m know it’s at least you. I’m not sure, Azriel if-” He began rambling, his cheeks flaring red beneath the bronze of his skin. The tips of his rounded ears turning a shade of pink. 

Something aligned inside you. Something deep and powerful, shifting the world beneath your feet and settling you into a new reality that seemed wholly incomplete without Cassian. Your eyes went to Azriel for the smallest second, attempting to make sense of what had been said. 

Your mate - your mate, the one you couldn’t imagine life without. The strongest male you’d ever met stood beside you, shaking. 

His shoulders seemed to crumple inwards, his hands trembling fiercely. 

The blade dropped the the ground, the shrill sound of it shocking you from your stupor. Azriel was moving before you could say anything. His hands went to Cassian’s shoulders, pushing him back, and back - stumbling backwards until they were both on the ground. “I asked for the blade-” Cassian ground out.

But Azriel was not choking Cassian, as you thought he may be. When you approached, Azriel was merely staring at him, his eyes locked on the other males in challenge, and in something like awe. 

The same way he watched you, you realized. Your breath hitched in your throat. 

Cassian’s eyes went wide with shock, then they went glassy. His brows pulled up in the middle, and he was breathing something - chanting something over and over. Through the roaring in your ears, his voice  seemed to slip through. A tether, a bond slipping past your mental walls. 

“She was right. She was right, she was right she was right-” It chanted over, and over.

You gripped Azriels shoulder, pulling him backwards off of Cassian. Both of them lay where they’d landed, victims to the reality that was your newly shared bond. 

A tangle of emotion shot through you, forcing you to the ground with them. Pain welled in your mind, your stomach and Azriel groaned along with you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry-” You weren’t sure if the quivering words were coming from Cassian’s mouth or if they were his mental voice, but it cracked and splintered through your very soul. 

The world seemed to be collapsing, turning inward and eating itself whole. Pain and joy, laced with the scent of sea air and warm woods invaded your mind. Light and fear and an all consuming love roared through every bone in your body along with that seaside forest. Your blood sang with it. You could practically taste it upon your tongue, it was so potent. Through a sea of despair and grief, relief flooded your lungs and refilled you with life again. Cassian. You couldn't’ breathe. Not when his mental self was so all consuming. 

Cassian’s presence flowed through you on a bridge of broken, fired swords melded together with every step he took upon them. Every lick of his essence upon them firing them together, forging a bond of unbreakable steel. 

Another angle of anger, a deep rage and pity appeared. Azriel. You’d know his darkness anywhere, it was a part of you. It was the part of you that was so essential, so ingrained into your life, that you couldn’t imagine living without him. His passion, his smile, his laugh, his eyes - mother above, you were nearly knocked breathless waking up to him every morning. You gripped on to the bond, familiar and comforting as he slid into your mind, meeting you halfway. He embraced you for only a moment, not lingering at your side. His presence flew to the new section of your shared mental space, erupting from the black space like an island from the ocean.

 The bond quivered beneath his wrath, threatening to break that path of shadowy webs and ice. A glacier. that's what Azriel was in comparison. But with the heat of Cassian’s forged bridge, it was not unpleasant. You shied away from neither of them. 

Something happened then, something that was so unexpected from the two of them that it had you questioning what you sensed. A truce of sorts seemed to unfold before you as their presence met in your mind. 

Azriel’s northern drift of snow and ice faltered upon meeting Cassian’s wall of flame. They twined around each other, and a great column of wind flowed between the three of you. Emotion raged, jealousy, resentment, brutality and violence. It was dizzying. But then there was also an undeniable love. A tender, tentative love that shone through it all.  Harmony, and heated desire. A shiver rolled through you, and their presence both seemed to turn towards yours for an instant, distracted. There, in that moment, an unbreakable bond of care radiated from both of them - at war with the violence that begged to be released.

 Your mind was lost to it all, strewn wherever it took you. Indignation, then mouth watering need. Sorrow, then shame. You wished you could stop them, to throw yourself between them and endure the pain of it all alone. You would take it. The honesty of the realization shocked you. You’d easily take the burden of it all if it meant you could have them both, still, without the pain you were feeling second hand. 

The same care washed through them. You could feel it, as real and palatable as the chilled wind that washed over your physical body. 

Light flashed, blinding and warm, and it was over. The sky appeared before you, painted pink from the sunset that shone over Velaris. 

The wind you’d felt had been Azriels shadows gathering, black as the deepest part of the oceans and just as cold. He was standing first, his teeth chattering as he helped you, then Cassian to a standing position. 

“I always thought the bond between us was somehow different than how I felt with Rhys… Like there was an entire world more -” Azriel admitted, his cheeks flushing. Their presence in your mind rose and fell together like the sleeping breaths of a giant.

“I didn’t know. I am truly sorry Azriel-”

You were shocked yet again by Azriel’s next words. “Apologizing is a waste of time. We’ve been destined together, likely for longer than we have been.” He gripped your hand for a moment and squeezed. You weren’t offended. It was probably true, and they’d both been in denial of it for a long, long time. You’d only met Azriel a few hundred years ago, in a freak accident in the Hybern sea - and it had seemed too strange to be anything other than the Caludron mixing your lives together. 

But why had fate - the mother - waited so long to pull the three of you together? 

The questions were forced to wait. 

++++++++++

Azriel pulled you both close, then he was winnowing you together into the house of wind, back to your room. The clothes strewn on the bed felt embarrassing now, but Cassian took in the details greedily. You blocked out the heat that flooded his bridge at the sight of the hook points on the bedposts. Azriel’s coolness fluttered with amusement. You smacked his arm, and he hid his grin while watching the other Illyrian. 

It all seemed so natural, as if accepting Cassian as your mate was as easy as speaking to him.  It fell so in line with how the male truly was. It wasn’t a stretch or any kind of adjustment to make at all, it was as if you’d turned your head and he’d been there all along. Waiting, hoping and hungering after you.

The weapons upon the wall, the shelf of odd books on the other side of the room, even the bedspread were not unfamiliar to Cassian. The books were ones Cassian knew well, from basics of different fighting styles to tomes on battle strategy from all areas of the world. He’d envied Azriel for several of the weapons mounted beside them, most of them won in battles. 

Azriel noticed his admiration and smiled - the two had always had similar taste, after all. The General’s eyes shifted to the other pile of books and slips of paper upon the desk, full of different sketches and stories to be told and read. The empty glasses of water and scattered clothes left atop the bed. 

His eyes settled upon you, his eyes taking on a new confidence, like he’d learned enough from the small observations in your room and he now felt equipped for what was undeniably coming next. He could feel it, roiling beneath his skin, a beast of lust and greed lurking inside him. It took all his strength not to allow it freedom. To battle it every second with you so heated and flushed before him, laid bare on that bond - opened wide to both you and Azriel’s raging desire to claim you..

“This is going to be delectable.” Azriel’s dark voice purred in your mind. Then, the vision of you and Cassian locked in a melting kiss appeared. It was something you’d seen more than a few times when you and Azriel envisioned bringing a third into the bedroom. Your heart sped, forcing blood to pump thickly through your throat. 

“Kiss her.” Azriel suggested, his eyes skimming over Cassian’s body as if drinking him in. As if he were finally allowed to do such a thing. 

“Az, I-” Ever the gentleman, Cassian had to enforce some kind of hesitation, for respect alone. He shivered at even the idea, his mind bending to the thought more than it did with a High Lord’s order.

“She likes it slow, at first.” Azriel described, and you could feel the heat flooding through the bond, swelling your desire further. The anticipation tingled upon your tongue. The green tinged nerves that flowed from Cassian made racing to his hand easier. He didn’t need much convincing to grip yours back, glancing between you and Az. 

“Grip her ass, pull her in and it’ll set her off.” The shadowsinger smiled at your glare, and placed a hand on the small of Cassian’s back, leading him forward. You couldn’t deny the pure heat that coursed through your veins at the sight of your mate wanting another male to fuck you. “Once she’s earned it, I mean.” He ended with a wink. 

You rolled your eyes, and raised your free hand to brush away strands of Cassian’s hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. “I’m looking forward to not having to deal with him alone any longer.” You let a finger drag over Cassian’s jawline, and he shivered.

Flames rushed down those mental bridges, Azriel’s just as intense as Cassian’s despite fact that the Shadowsinger stood to the side. Shadows darkened the room around you, the anticipation from Azriel apparent through the outline of his trousers. He gave you a nod with those darkened eyes, making your stomach flip, and you stripped your clothes off quickly. Eagerly, you realized with a small part of your mind that was not entirely consumed with arousal.

 Laid bare before them both, on the edge of the bed, just how Azriel’s eyes had suggested. Azriel knew just how to have you obey him. Just like how he knew to push the right buttons when he wanted you to give him attitude so he could punish you. It was a silent, wicked game you played together in private, but with Cassian here… Doubt crept in. A whisper of his thought floated to you. “Another time. He will not be punishing you until we go over rules first, darling.”  Your gaze flicked from Cassian, then back to him. He’d somehow bypassed Cassian with his implanted thought. You could see his pride shimmering behind his eyes at his accomplishment. 

He was cautious with his testing, you could feel it now, the way he cast shadows from your side of the conjoined bridges, to Cassian’s, then back. Attempting to find weak points, or ways to block out you and him. You would have glared at him, if it weren’t for the way he was also palming the hardness in his leathers. Your mouth popped open at the sight. Two males, both powerful and gorgeous and ready to fuck you. 

More than that. They were ready to lay their lives down for you, if it were commanded of them. This was far, far more than just a threesome. You’d have time for those relevations later, though. You reached down, toying with yourself, reveling in the way both of their eyes tracked the movement and how they both swore.

“Dont be shy now, Cas.” Azriel encouraged, his hands going to gently guide the larger male. The feel of the other Azriel’s skin against his own was like kindling to his flame, and the lord of bloodshed would never admit to the way his eyes fluttered back, pulling on years of hard willed training to not devour you before him. 

Here he was getting exactly what he’d envied Azriel for - Hel, being told to take you by Azriel.. And he was still cautious. He blamed his warrior mind. It was a trick, some way to test his loyalty, it had to be… but he coldn’t deny that connection in his mind that he now felt.

You gave a sinister smile, sensing just what your actions were doing to him, and winked. Upon the first touch of his hands - both of their hands - it was hard to hold back. Hard to keep from pulling them to you and fucking them both right there. It sent sparks to the base of your spine, heat to fuel your very bones. Cassian’s breath shuddered from him at the softness of your body, at the way Azriel was guiding him to touch you. 

Thighs, rubbing - massaging really - heavy, petting strokes of his calloused hands everywhere that he’d desired to touch for so long. Everywhere but your glistening cunt, which he scented with every breath. His mouth watered, but even when Azriel stepped away to watch from the end of the bed, Cassian didn’t immediately go to the feast before him. 

No, he wanted this to last. He wanted to savor every part of this experience. So he broke away for only a second to undo his belt, pull down his trousers and give himself a slight relief from the pressure building inside him. 

His cock was a gorgeous thing to behold. He was thicker than Azriel, but a bit shorter, and the slickness of his head had you anticipating the moment you’d taste him. You sat up to do just that, but a rope of Azriel’s shadow whipped forward and guided you back to the bed. You were going to protest but Cassian was grinning at the other Illyrian. 

“We can communicate openly or -” Cassian’s raspy mental voice lowered, and some part of you knew that the next words were just for you. “Privately. Just us, just for him or me or -” Cassian’s voice took on a more echoing tone next. “I can let you both know just how badly I want to bury my cock inside you.”

Your thighs clamped shut on his hands as he ended the thought with a soft thumbstroke over your clit. Azriel hissed, and you whimpered. The male atop you sucked the pad of his thumb between his lips and sighed. “Fucking delicious.” He muttered, his voice similar to his mental tone. 

His wings flared out, and he knelt before you, finally getting a full taste of your arousal. The heat of him was immeasurable, all consuming and completely fucking wonderful. He groaned into it, looking up to watch you, his mouth atop your clit. He lapped at it slowly while you arched and reached for anything - wanting to have Azriel in your hand, your mouth - anywhere. But he only shook his head, the corner of his lip pulling up slightly as he watched.

“Please-” You whined, unable to stop the way your body rolled and ground harder onto Cassian’s mouth. 

“Fuck-” Azriel panted, his hand steadying at the base of his cock. A bead of precome appeared at the tip, and he dabbed it with his finger. The next moment he was right at your side, shadows swirling from winnowing. His finger traced over your lips a moment before you sucked it into your mouth, reveling in the taste, the weight of it. It would have to suffice until he’d give you what you truly wanted. 

Cassian’s tongue flicked greedily lower, soaking you further with his saliva. You rocked into it, needing more than just the teasing licks. Your core ached, need turning into something that was controlling your very action, no matter how depraved. His tongue dipped into your hole, fucking you there for a moment while your eyes rolled back. You squirmed, locking your legs behind his head and pulling him deeper, closer, angling for more. You need the stretch, the fullness of his cock inside you.  the filthy exhilaration of his muffled moan had your legs quivering, weakening their hold enough for him to break away. Your insides quivered around the loss, and a wave of near orgasm pleasure washed through you, forcing your legs to shake. 

Had that feeling been Azriel? You hadn’t been touched nearly long enough to be so close already. Was Cassian - no, Cassian’s length didn’t reveal the same amount of slickeness that Azriels did. You shuddered at the thought of how much this was doing for Azriel. He’d wanted something like this for so long, but had always been too territorial to allow someone else in. The mother seemed to have answered his wish, and Cassian’s in one go.

Cassian sat up on his knees, a wide, smug smile spreading across his soaked lips. The shine of your wetness on his chin and nose sent you into a frenzy, and you moved to sit up, to taste yourself upon him. before you could, Azriel was at his side, kissing him, lapping it from him. Your mouth fell open, dry from the moaning. 

Watching them together was truly a gift. An extension of yourself felt exactly what they were experiencing, and that alone was so intense and heady you could barely focus on actually looking at the two. Cassian’s broad body was so different from Azriel’s lithe figure, so at odds with how many of your lovers in the past had been built. It made the need for his cock even more heightened. 

Their hands coasted over the plains of each other’s chests, their muscled backs, caressing and being much more tender than you anticipated them to be. Then Cassian’s hand landed at the base of Azriel’s cock, and pumped once. Az’s eyes flashed open, wide and wild. His teeth bared, his shadows devoured him and he re appeared at your head, his cock dripping precome onto your cheek. A rope of shadow pulled your leg back, allowing Cassian easy access.

“Fuck her good Cass.” He growled, then sighed at the heat of your mouth around him. You moaned around it, taking him in deep and humming as Cassian’s blunt head pressed against your entrance. 

He was fire, and he was all consuming, setting flame to every part of you he touched. Pure lava coursed through your veins once he entered you. The first few inches were bliss, and he kept going, and going, sinking into you until you were sure there was no space left to fill. There was nowhere for him to go but he kept pressing, pulling out and nudging back in, slickening his length more with your own juices so he could push in farther. Your mind buzzed with satisfaction. 

“So fucking tight.” He breathed, sweat appearing at his brow. Azriel relieved your mouth and instead positioned himself to your side, summoning at pillow for your head so he no longer had to hold you in place. No, he had much more important things to do with his hands. He languished in his strokes, matching the easy pace that Cassian set. Whining, you reached for him but were denied. 

A warning growl sounded in your mind, the desperation there palpable. He was on the brink, and just from watching. You cursed under your breath, but didn’t push him to give you what you wanted.

You watched Cassian break you apart, separating your lips and pushing deep until he bottomed out, a pinching sensation radiating through you, only to be drowned away by the exquisite pleasure of being so full. 

He rested there for a moment, and Azriel pulled at his cock idly, keeping himself hard while he watched was not a problem, fuck he’d do better with a break so he wouldn’t finish before Cassian.. His balls had tightened to the point of pain, forcing him to choose cumming down your throat or calculating the distance between his bedroom and the shop he’d have to visit tomorrow to buy a contraceptive tea blend. That worked to cool him off.

He was not here for the destination, he reminded himself.. The journey of discovery was something that thankfully would take several, several tries. Over years. Centuries, he hoped.Centuries. His mind unraveled that. Getting to know Cassian on the level he’d always wanted to. Getting to have experiences like this for centuries. His chest filled with heat, a different kind than the one that fueled him to nearly cumming in his own hand. 

It still nearly happened, watching Cassian lick his thumb and circle it over your clit while he pulled out, and gently pushed back into you. Blinding pleasure chased every rub, every thrust, and you pushed away his hand after a few more. “So close already?” He smirked, satisfied with his work.

He glanced to Azriel, and hissed under his breath at the perfection of the male. “I can feel her tightened up, nice and close for me.” Cassian said with a snap of his hips forward. You garbled some plea and tugged on the shadow bound leg that Azriel commanded. With your other hooked around Cassian’s back, you could almost force him deeper, to give you the angel that would have you coming undone around him.

“You like his cock, honey? You can tell me.” Azriel hummed.

Guilt did not burden you at this simple, animalistic pleasure. Not when there were two other sources of ecstacy contributing to your heady need. You nodded fervently, allowing them both to see how you’d truly become engulfed by the pleasure they provided. 

“Good. That’s a good girl, taking him so well.” He bit his lower lip and groaned. “I can feel you, like a ghost. This bond will be the death of me.” Azriel’s cock wept heavily, coating him with slick precome that you wished he’d let you taste. But every time you feebly reached for him, he’d sway from your touch. 

Cassian’s cock surged inside you, pressing up just as he thrust inward. Your body responded with a clench of your pussy around his girth, and gasps and moans echoed through the room, and there were no more games with either of them.

Azriel’s shadow melted away, and his cock was in your mouth at the same moment. Cassian sucked a mark onto your breast, and with both legs free you were able to latch around him and arch into his thrusts, meeting him with every one. 

Salt tanged your tastebuds as Azriel fucked your mouth, his hand keeping you in time with Cassian’s pace. And gods with every one of Cassian’s long, delicious thrusts he ground down onto your clit, sending you barreling towards the edge you weren’t sure if you were ready to be thrown from yet. 

You pulled Cassian forward slightly with your legs, angling him better and - gods. Your eyes rolled, and wetness seemed to burst from your pussy from the way the sound of Cassian’s cock sliding from you changed. Your toes curled, your mind went blank. There was nothing but the muffled, desperate moaning and ragged breaths as the pleasure tore through you. It was violent, and had you writhing on the sheets with the intensity of it.

Your walls spasmed, a hot and intense orgasm ripping through you and leaving you unable to move other than the rhythmic sway of your hips, silently bargaining for more once the intensity died down. Thankfully, Azriel had enough experience with your post orgasm needs that he continued fucking your mouth.

“Fu-u-uck-” Cassian drew the word out, and his eyes squeezed shut. Azriel’s hand tightened in your hair, then he held you there, his cock shoved deep in the back of your throat as he came and came, a breathy mess of loud moaning. 

Cassian wasn’t more than a second behind, spilling into you with a roar that managed to rip through your post-orgasm bliss. The feel of him, of his cum filling you sent your body into a heated need for more. You pulled back from Azriel, his hands had been frozen in your hair even after he’d finished. You climbed to Cassian, fixing your hands upon his broad shoulders and pushing his cock even deeper as you climbed him.

He knew what you wanted. What you needed. He grinned, eyes wild. And though he still shook from his own orgasm, hauled you up and off the soaked bed with corded, trained muscles. He pushed you to a small section of undecorated wall, and pined you there with ease. 

“Greedy thing, aren’t you?” He rumbled, pulling your thighs high up his hips and fucking you hard and fast. Gods this was for you, all of him, and Azriel both -  for you and he was giving it his all- You could hardly think of how lucky you were with his cock nudging into that small place inside you with every brutal thrust.

He was muttering filthy things in your ear, getting you closer with every action. “Y’Just need to cum again, don’t even care how. Gods I can feel you-” He sighed, and his jaw ached with how badly he wished he could finish again, to have you quivering upon his cock as he came into you until you were both fully spent.

Azriel lay on the bed, watching and idly toying with himself, his cheeks flushed and shadows coasting over his thighs. His cock stood proudly, shining with your leftover saliva and his own pleasure. 

Cassian was not forgiving. He pounded into you ruthlessly, rattling the swords and artwork upon the wall. You curled into him, meeting his every thrust with arched eagerness that had you building to another quick, exhilarating finish that left you panting, clawing at his back. The intensity of this one had you shuddering, crumpling in his grasp, and he rode you through it, fucking into you with the same harshness as he had been.

Only when your teeth let the skin of his chest free did he relent with slower, softer rolls of his hips until he was sure you didn’t want more. Until he was sure he couldn’t make you finish again. He wanted to make you like this every hour, every minute of the day now that he’d had a taste. IT would be hard to do anything but this for his foreseeable future. To have you so in his grasp, so tangible now… he still only half believed this was real, and not a dream.

He decided that before he woke, if this really were a dream, he’d treat you right. Both you and Azriel. He lay you down next to Azriel, and pulled his cock free from you. A wash of his cum followed, soaking the bedding further. He stood back a moment, marveling at both his mates.

He would have to make sure to give Azriel more time during their next round. He’d been so consumed with you it had been hard to focus on anything but you and the encouraging words and feelings from Azriel.

The sight before him was his future, and all that mattered in it. His reason, his divine destiny from the Mother. He blinked the tears away before they could pour over.

Cassian joined his mates, avoiding the large wet spots on the bedding. “I hope to the Mother that these sheets actually get washed and not Glamoured…” He grumbled, eyeing the room around him. The house deposited a stack of books upon the end table a moment later. Cassian picked one up. 

A deep, soul level crack had been leveled inside of you when you’d seen Cassian being bounced on by a petite female at Rita’s.A server off her shift, likely half as drunk as Cassian was, and a horrible dancer as she leaned up against him and shook her body at him. A deep well of unnerving feelings erupted from the canyon in your being, followed by a cold, calm fury that overlapped all else. 

You watched for a long while, sitting across the bar, debating if killing your partner would land you in a regular trial or if you’d be dragged straight to the prison beneath the mountain by his brethren. 

His eyes half closed and dazed could only half focus upon her as she twirled and stomped to the beat the band played. His hands rested upon her hips, but didn’t move from there while she swayed to a slower song. The hands that had done everything from wipe away your tears to make you squirm while he was making you come. The ones that now betrayed you, that took your trust and care for the male and tossed it into the abyss of your heart as it split wide. 

He slammed a handful of coin into the females hands at one point, and began stumbling through the crowd. You slipped out the door before he could notice you there, racing back to your apartment. The burn of cold air against your lungs a welcome distraction from the hatred and disgust that roiled in your stomach. 

You slept beside him that night, cringing away from his hands and flushed body. Your eyes were wide, staring out at the glow of streetlights through the sheer curtains. Planning, curating your hurt and betrayal into something tangible. With every small detail that fell into place, it made it more bearable to be at his side, at least for one more night.

The tears came silently, but profusely in the bathroom. You mourned, you pleaded to wake up from the nightmare, but there was no end. The only relief from the hot, overwhelming grief was the chilled tile against your cheek when you passed out in the bathroom.

In the morning you cooked his favorite breakfast, and ran down to the shops to get his favorite coffee. You plated everything, then particularly loudly began doing dishes. He emerged shortly after, rubbing at his face and groaning. He sighed when seeing the bevy of food, and began eating immediately. No good morning, no thanking you, not a single acknowledgement. 

Your rage began anew. You gripped a butter knife, stared at the small serrated edge, and scrubbed viciously at it’s surface.

Your love for him had been replaced by the cold bitterness that you’d honed into a million different words, different jabs and arguments to hurl at him now. Killing him wouldn’t give him the same suffering he’d offered you. Death was too easy, living and knowing he’d hurt the one who loved him most was a much better alternative. 

Once the dishes were done, you sat across from him, where half the plates sat empty and a small drip of coffee marred his white shirt. His head rested in his hands, nursing the pounding in his head. Your excitement to make him hurt was ungodly. 

“Tell me what you did last night.” You demanded. There was no room for conversation in this. If he didn’t tell you on his own, there would be no point in trying further. It was your sign to get out.

He cradled his head in one hand still, gnawing on a piece of bacon. “Huh? ‘Dya mean?” He breathed, scratching at his tangled hair.

“You have two chances to answer me Cassian. What did you do last night?” You said the question slowly, allowing him to hear the rage in your voice.

“You know where I was, we talked about this before I went out.” His tone sharpened, and he looked at you with a frustrated expression. It only fueled your fire. You wanted him to worry about this, you wanted him to stress. You wanted to see your pain tenfold be unleashed upon him. A vengeful, dark part of you wanted his penance to be unending. You’d given him everything, every part of you without limit, an unending well of love and he so easily went and… nausea made your stomach clench in disgust at the memory of his hands upon her, the way he’d watched her.

“With Azriel, right? At Ritas… So who else was there?” You spat, wishing you had something to hold on to, somewhere to place the tension that seeped from every fiber of your being.

He froze, his face going paler than it already was. His mouth popped open, then his brows pulled together. “Did I-” He began, then the food fell from his hand. “I-” He stood, the chair scuttling out from under him when he did. 

You watched, cold and furious as he recalled exactly what he did. 

“Baby I-” He went to you, making the distance in two long strides of his muscled legs. He stopped though, his hands reaching for you. He knew better. He knew just what kind of injuries he’d end up with if he tried touching you when you were angry. He’d had to learn the hard way more than a few times, but never to this extent. 

He’d never done this. You’d never expect him to do anything quite like this. It certainly wasn’t predictable by the way he treated you normally.

“Holy shit.” He buried his face in his hands, his voice going muffled. “Holy shit honey, baby- I’m….” His head moved back and forth slowly, and when his hands moved in front of him, in a praying motion, his eyes were glassy, wet marks appearing upon his cheeks. “I am so sorry- no… Sorry doesn’t begin-” He sighed, and a fresh wave of tears washed across his face.

You couldn’t help but smile at them. At his hurt. At the same time, the part of you that cared for him - the part that was locked away behind a frozen door at the moment - reached for him, cried with him and wanted to hold him and make him better. That part of you, the portion of you that loved him that he’d torn to pieces, and you weren’t sure if it could be fixed.

He reached for you, and when you did not move he placed a hand upon yours. You were frozen, stuck between the strange sense of wanting to go to him and wanting to crucify him. “I thought- no… I- I’m-” He struggled for the words, his other hand pulling hard at his hair. “I’m going to fix this.” He said, his eyes meeting yours. 

“How? I dont think they’ve made a potion to erase memories yet, Cassian. I guess unless you get as drunk as you did, then that counts as one.”

“I know I- I’m a fucking idiot. I… There are no excuses. There’s not a thing I can fucking say to justify it and-” He stood suddenly, then went to the bedroom. You waited, nearly getting up when he came back with his weapons belt. He went back to his knees before you, laying out the items, different knives, small tools, a blunt hammer, the black stone you’d gotten him to sharpen his blades with. “Take your pick. Do what you’d like.”

“I wont-”

“I’m deserve it.”

“I know. Hurting you like this isn’t even close to the pain that you’ve made me feel, though.” 

He crumpled at that, tears rushing down his cheeks as he paced the dining area, his hands upon his head as he took deep, choked breaths. He wasn’t used to this kind of anger from you. He was used to the yelling, to the easy hot and fast arguments that left your voice raw and made wanting to slap him so easy. 

“She didn’t even look like me Cassian-”

“I know, I was drunk and fucking stupid and thats all I have as an excuse.” He managed, his voice wavering. 

“Did you want to fuck her?” You asked calmly. 

He bit his lip, eyes squinted shut and shook his head. “No.” He breathed. 

“Or you already have, and I just caught it before it could happen this time?”

“No, nothing like that- not ever. I have no reason. Not when I have you.”

“Had.” You corrected quickly. 

He hung his head. 

A long silence passed, the pale sunlight painting the dining area in blues and greys. Children outside laughed and screamed as they played in the puddles left overnight. Your mind flashed to the instances when you and he had discussed children, how he’d held your belly, imagining it round with his child. The hands that’d held the hips of that barmaid. 

He went to the pantry, and came out with several bottles of his various liquors. A tendril of his siphons power popped the corks on several, if not cracking the glass mouth entirely. He then laid them all down in the sink and went to you, grasping your hands in both of his own. 

“I am going to fix this. Look-” He moved his head to catch your gaze. “I’m going to do everything. I’m going to make this right, if you want me to burn Rita’s to the ground I’ll make it happen. I’d defy the mother to make it like it never happened. I can’t change that it did, I can’t take it back but gods above I would if I could. If you’d give me the chance to though, if you’re willing to allow me to try -” His voice caught, his chin quivering before he continued. “to make you love me, make you trust me again. If you’d have me.”

Your eyes swam, your cold demeanor, your will to see him suffer cracking beneath his words. 

The hurt still roared beneath it all though.

But if he was willing to try… if he still wanted you, if it’d been a drunken mistake- 

“Nothing you ever do can make this go away.”

“I know, I know baby.” He brushed his thumb over your knuckles. “I don’t expect it to.”

“You’ll never be away from this, from your fuck up- are you saying you’re okay with hearing about this for the rest of your existence?”

He cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears that hadn’t truly stopped since you’d left the bathroom. “Whatever it is, the answer is yes. If it lets you tolerate me, then yes. As long as I can still be with you.” 

You sniffed, unable to hold back the burst of hurt, of fear and sorrow any longer. He held you, rocked you and gave you your space when you wanted it. He bowed his head and nodded when you screamed at him. He went to his kees and clutched your legs when you were nothing but a statue before the window. 

Your heart ached, your body and soul ached by the time the sun crested over the city and fell behind the ocean. 

The brooding tension from Azriel’s piercing stare had your skin crawling, goosebumps breaking out over the chilled skin. Being among the stars and wind while the other Illyrian carried you meant that you couldn’t blame your body’s reaction on anything but the shadowsinger. Cassian’s smug look as he tightened his grip around you meant he felt it as well, and found it amusing. 

You wished for the Dematai abilities that Rhys possessed, because right now you’d be screaming at them both to stop the idiotic feud and just get you to safety. 

Thankfully, that had been their first priority. Among the snapping and growling of lesser males, they were able to fight their way from the horde and get to you in time. You’d been able to defend yourself long enough that the only remarkable injury was a small slice on the side of your palm from where you’d pressed your blade forth against the bodies that had rushed you. It stung now, but it hardly registered when the wanton need of your body begged for friction. 

“Gods you smell amazing-”

Cassian’s scent changed in that moment, and from behind Azriel pushed forth, ready to fight his brother over the comment. His gaze darted to you, though, eyeing the hands that carried you and he dropped back, below your line of sight. 

Cassian’s smile didn’t fade. “If I didn’t know him, I’d say he was jealous.” 

“Jealous that you carry my mate with such a sweet-”

“There.” Cassian banked, and dove suddenly enough to make your stomach lurch into your throat, aiming for a long line of stone fencing. 

Sometimes you feared that they’d tear each other apart. It should have scared you, but all it did was serve to heighten your arousal. Knowing that both males wanted you so badly was an incredibly aphrodisiac to your senses. It muddled your mind, and when you landed and Cassian finally let you out from his burning grasp, you pulled him back to you with a viscous tug to the waistband of his leathers. Your lips parted for him, and his tongue flicked over your lower lip. 

You sensed Azriels landing and reached for him, happily groaning into Cassian’s mouth when the shadowsinger guided your hand to his pants. The need to pleasure them both was astounding, but the unending fire between your legs had you grinding on to Cassian’s leg while you stroked Azriel’s cock. 

“Take them off.” You ordered, pulling away from Cassian to do the same to your own clothes. Cassian’s buttons ripped, and a cold shadow passed over your naked body when your turned to Azriel, his wings splayed out proudly behind him. Against the orange sunset, you could make out the veins and bone structure of the wings. Reaching out to them, you sighed when he allowed you the touch. The wings reacted, bowing toward your hand. Azriel’s head tipped back, and his hand grazed over his abdomen, his other reaching out to pull you close. 

“Don't get distracted, sweetheart.” Cassian purred behind you, his hand landing on your other hip. “His may be pretty, but mine are stronger.” 

“Yours were repaired by the greatest healer in the last seven centuries, Cassian.” Azriel countered, and hooked a finger under your chin. Cassian’s length pressed against you from behind, and you rolled back against it, desperate to satiate your body’s need. 

“He’s going to fuck you good and hard, sweet-” Azriel hummed, watching as Cassian tossed his leathers in front of you. “And when he’s done I’m going to take you. Nice and slow until you’re begging to come on me.” They guided you down, and you presented yourself to Cassian, hoping that he wouldn’t tease you as much as Azriel was promising to do. 

“Dont be so cruel Az-” Cassian grunted as he swiped his thick member over your folds, soaking himself in your wetness. “She’s ready. - fuck…” The warlord’s hand clapped over your ass cheek and the tip of him slipped inside of you with ease. 

“Gods above-” You cried out, leaning back. Arching into the feeling of him, needing more and more. Frenzied with lust, you grabbed for Azriel, needing more of anything while Cassian slowly entered you inch by inch. You took the shadowsinger into your mouth, lapping and sucking at him until Cassian was fully seated inside of you, his cock twitching and pressing against your walls. He was so full, so very full and satisfying that for a moment all you could do was admire the relief of having him inside of you. The carnal need was gone, so long as he was fucking you. 

He pulled out, slightly, and plunged back in. You moaned around Azriel’s length, drawing a groan from his own lips. Scarred hands went into your hair, tuugging at your scalp and using your mouth as he desired. “Fuck yes, gods - Cas…” You looked up, to see Azriel watching as Cassian set an easy rhythm. His thighs slapped into yours, and the shadowsinger bit his lip, hand tightening even more in your hair. The pinch of it was exquisite, some carnal need being met that you found nearly as intense as the cock stretching and filling your insides. 

“I’m enjoying her. Dont rush me.” One of Cassian’s hands slid up your back, warm and caressing. He bowed down, his lips trailing over your spine, and with the movement his cock angled. A guttural, feral sound escaped you as a pressure built suddenly. The two paused a moment, some silent conversation happening in the short span that Cassian had nearly made you collapse. Azriel pulled you from his member, and fixed your hair to the side. “Let me hear you.” He said, and began stroking himself in front of you. 

Cassian pulled out, still curled over your body and snapped his hips forward. Your vision went blank aside from the male and his beautiful cock before you. He reached down and massaged his balls while he stroked, and before you could protest and demand he bring himself back to you, Cassian slid inside again - filling you with the mounting peak of orgasm that you were so near. 

Your walls constricted around him, ready to come around the weight of him. “Fuck-” You panted, reaching between your legs to finish it yourself instead of waiting for him. A cold shadow wrapped around your wrist though, pulling it back to where it’d been on Cassian’s dirtied leathers. It circled, and wrapped over your other wrist as well, immobilizing you. You glared at him as best you could. “Bastard.”

“I could tie you up completely, if you’d prefer.” He suggested, his cock twitching with the words. You didn’t doubt that it was something he’d thought about before - or even done… but this wouldn’t be the time. Not on the precipice of something you could tell would be an incredible orgasm. 

Your body clenched and coiled at the idea of it, being completely at Azriel’s mercy sounded like something that may take a very, very long time. Cassian’s lips sucked a mark on to your back, his teeth scraping over the skin when he pulled out once again, and pulled your hips back, higher into the air. With a final stroke he buried himself in you, his cock straining when he pressed into that spot again. 

You were coming, so hard and violently that your legs shook. The pressure spiked and your walls clamped around the thick cock that filled you. Your body convulsed, and your pussy spurted, warmth covering your thighs and dripping down. Your mouth agape, you looked to Azriel stroking himself quickly. His lip curled and for a moment you saw something similar to the viciousness of battle on his face. He pulled a few more times at his cock, and he was coming as well. His muscles tensed and his head fell back in a wanton moan.

Warmth filled your pussy, and the throb of Cassians cock inside you only served to prolong the orgasm that ripped through your body. He’d lifted your knees from the ground and held you to him, emptying himself with a gravely roar.