#reader self insert

“Is everything okay?” Natasha asks, approaching you in the hallway and putting a tentative hand on your shoulder. “You just… Bolted.”

You nod, telling yourself firmly that you’re not going to cry even though you feel like the entire world is crumbling around you. You wrap your arms around yourself whilst Natasha runs her thumb over your shoulder, clearly wanting to comfort you but struggling to know how given she doesn’t know why she’s comforting you.

This is all Sam’s fault. He’d been the one to suggest training outside of the gym, training in other areas. He’d argued that their job as Avengers was to protect the public, that their job descriptions went far beyond kicking and punching. For example, community work, visiting schools, hospitals etc. That was why they’d organised child protection training, and the team had been split into two, one half attending a morning session with the other attending an afternoon session. Nearly everyone had grumbled about it, but you didn’t mind – it would be an opportunity to sit and have a coffee and a pastry, rather than running around the gym until you questioned why you’d taken this job on in the first place.

Although the subject material wasn’t exactly light-hearted you’d still found it interesting in a sense. The tutor had gone over how to identify those children who were being physically abused or neglected, and which services to refer them to. Although the role of the Avengers in child protection weren’t quite clear yet, you were being encouraged to look out for the signs, and to refer as soon as possible if you had suspicions.

It had been going fine until the section on emotional abuse. “Emotional abuse is often more difficult to spot,” The tutor had explained. “But it’s just as insidious, and just as harmful.”

As he’d gone through the checklist of what counted as emotional abuse your heart had sank and your stomach had churned. With every word that left his mouth, you realised that your own mother had abused you – and no one had realised. Not even you until that very moment.

Suddenly you’d jumped up from your desk and bolted out of the room, followed shortly by your girlfriend, Natasha. From the way she’s looking at you, you can tell that she doesn’t suspect it was the subject matter. Natasha’s hand moves to run over your back, and you suppose she figures you’d suddenly felt unwell. That was as good of an excuse as any, so you mumble something about going to lie down. Natasha offers to help you, but you shake your head, telling her you’ll meet up with her later.

Wanda hadn’t been in the morning session, something she’d complained about immensely when she’d realised you and Natasha were in the same session without her. You’d all promised to meet up in the evening for dinner so you tell yourself you’ll have some time alone and then you’ll still meet them both as planned, deciding that spending time with the two of them will make you feel better rather than avoiding them. No doubt Natasha will tell Wanda that you’d bolted from the training, but you can always say you had a headache, that taking a nap had worked wonders.

You step into the room that you’ve been sharing with Natasha and Wanda for a few months now, climbing into the freshly made bed. Tony hiring cleaning staff had made you uncomfortable at first, but they do keep everything so fresh and tidy… You bury your face into the pillow and groan, trying to push the training out of your mind.

Thoughts eventually stray to your childhood though you try desperately to push them away. Things hadn’t been so bad whilst your Dad was alive. You’d always been a Daddy’s girl, and he never shied away from spending time with you. By the time you were ten you were joining him on his morning runs, and sat down every time there was a game to watch football with him. He’d take you to his base, proudly showing off his daughter to his military buddies.

He’d died when you were twelve. Your entire world had fallen apart. The only family you had left was your mother given she and your Dad had been only children, and you also had no siblings. You’d hoped the tragedy would bring you closer together but if anything it created a wider rift between the two of you.

By the time you were fifteen you avoided being home whenever possible. You’d joined the American Cadet Alliance, and worked hard in the hopes of following in your Father’s footsteps one day. Joining the Avengers had been unexpected but welcome. Knowing that you were serving your country just as your Dad had done had brought you a great deal of comfort.

Cadets was the only thing that had given you confidence – your mother had torn apart nearly every shred of it. Even now if Wanda or Natasha tells you that you look pretty, you don’t believe them. Your only sense of worth comes from being an Avenger, from being good at your job. Every other achievement in your life had been belittled by the woman who was supposed to love you unconditionally. Cadets had been your escape – there’d been adults there who praised you, who seemed to genuinely like you. Camping retreats had been a lifetime, a couple of nights away from the house that was supposed to be home but felt more like a nightmare.

When you were at home, you spent most of your time in your room, your head buried in whatever book you’d been able to get your hands on from your schools library. As soon as you turned eighteen you left home, signing up for the army where you’d been recruited to SHIELD, then eventually the Avengers. You’d hoped to leave behind the little girl that you once were. And maybe you could have, if your mother hadn’t called you every day to guilt trip you about never visiting her.

“I mean, I raised you by myself after your Dad died. It was really difficult,” She’d drawl down the phone. “Now you’re all successful and you think you’re too good for me.”

Luckily you could get away with saying you were too busy most of the time. Some kind of Avengers emergency meaning you couldn’t go home for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, for Mother’s Day. You’d go online and order gifts and cards to send direct to her house, hoping they would keep her at bay. It didn’t stop the daily phone calls though, the guilt tripping, the-

You’re interrupted from your thoughts by the door opening and a familiar, soft voice calling out, “Y/N?”

You roll onto your side and give Wanda a small smile. It’s just like Wanda to hear that you’re potentially ill to then immediately come and check on you to see for herself. “Hey Wands.”

“Natasha said you weren’t feeling well.”

“I’m fine, just… Need to lie down for a bit.”

“Do you want me to lie down with you? I’m so bored without you and Natasha. You guys got put in the group with everyone fun. I tried sparring with Scott, it was… Interesting.”

You give a small smile, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Wanda crosses the room and lies down next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and kissing your forehead before teasing quietly, “I hope you haven’t got anything contagious.”

You let out a laugh that’s more a huff of air, “No, just a little tired I guess. I’ll be okay at dinnertime. What’s the plan?”

“I thought we could go to that bistro we all like then go for a walk afterwards since the weather is so nice.”

“That sounds good; I’m looking forward to it.”

Your thoughts still swirl as you bury your face in Wanda’s chest. You’d told Natasha and Wanda about your mom. “We didn’t always see eye to eye when I was a teenager,” was how you’d described it. “Sometimes she wasn’t very nice to me.”

And as far as you were aware, that was the truth. You’d never considered that what she’d done had been… Abuse.

Having Wanda lie with you is warm and comforting, especially when she begins running her hand up and down your back. Natasha is more squeamish when one of you is unwell, whereas Wanda is happier to play nurse to make sure her girlfriends’ are as comfortable as possible. Wanda presses another kiss to your forehead, happy to just lie with you. Eventually she puts on her relaxing playlist, the low music washing over you both as you spend the morning cuddling. It makes you feel better but the nagging thought of what you’d learnt that morning plays in the back of your mind like a broken record.

Wanda makes you soup for lunch which you eat in your room, and Natasha joins you both. Their company is much appreciated but soon Wanda has to go the afternoon session for the child protection seminar, and Natasha heads to training. Wanda lingers in the doorway, clearly feeling bad about leaving you alone but you just smile and wave her off, telling her you’ll feel better by dinnertime.

You put your headphones in and listen to an audio book, something you always turn to when you need to get out of your own head. If you concentrate on anything other than the words being read aloud you lose the thread of the story, so you have no choice but to shove any other thoughts out of your brain. The afternoon passes peacefully and for a brief few hours you finally manage to forget about your mom, and the truth of how she’d treated you when you were young.

Your peace is interrupted by your phone ringing, cutting off the calming voice of the narrator you’d been listening to. You pull your headphones out, already knowing who it is. She calls at random times of the day, almost as if she knows that you dread her daily calls, and she wants to keep you on edge as much as possible.

You sit up, answering the call and placing your mother on speaker, putting the phone down on the bed in front of you. “Hey Mom.”

“What? For God’s sake Y/N, speak up, you’re forever mumbling. How they ever let you into the army with that voice, I’ll never know.”

You immediately wilt, as you always do when she calls. You rack your brains trying to remember something positive your mother has ever said to you. Your mind comes up blank. All your memories of her in your childhood and adulthood are nothing but negativity and insults.

“How have you been?” You ask in the same tiny voice that only seems to come out when you’re talking with her.

“I saw you on the news. How many times have I told you about your hair? I’m surprised the team haven’t said anything to you to be honest, it must be unprofessional to have it that style-”

Thus begins the tirade of most recent complaints your mother has about you. No mention of the fact that you’d been on the TV in the first place because you’d rescued twenty-four children from a burning hospital in Manhattan. There’s no ‘congratulations’, no ‘well done’ and certainly no ‘I’m so proud of you’. Every day your mother has a brand-new complaint. You could cut your hair exactly as she wanted and the next day she’d complain about your weight, your make-up, your lack of make-up, your taste in clothes, the way you’d talked too much in that interview you’d seen, the way you hadn’t talked enough in another one she’d seen. There was literally nothing you could do to please her and with every word you feel yourself curling in on yourself more and more.

“- I’m not even sure why you left SHIELD to be honest, that was a perfectly respectable position, especially compared to some of the things I hear about those Avengers-”

She’d hated when you’d joined SHIELD. You should've stayed with the army, even though she'd hated that too. Now you had a new job, SHIELD was apparently the place to work.

“- Not like you even have powers like that one girl, oh the one with the funny name, Wanda?”

Your cheeks burn as you think about Wanda, hoping she doesn’t have anything more to say about her or Natasha. You’d never told your mom about your sexuality or that you were dating not just one but two women. Your mom had enough ammunition as it was without you feeding her anything further.

As the onslaught of thinly veiled insults and critiques of you keep coming, you eventually manage to mumble, “Hey Mom… I had training this morning.”

“Yes, I imagine you need as much as you can get. You looked a little-”

“No, not that kind of training, we have that every day. It was child protection training.”

“Child protection? What on earth do you need that for? You couldn’t protect a goldfish, let alone a child.”

“Well we work with children so we decided it would be a good idea. They told us what to look out for in physical abuse and neglect, and…” You swallow hard before mumbling, “Emotional abuse.”

“What was that? Honestly Y/N, the mumbling is a real issue, I thought that when they interviewed you last week-”

“They taught us about emotional abuse, Mom. What to look out for. And I realised…” You take a deep breath, your heart pounding loudly in your chest, feeling light-headed as you dare yourself to say, “You emotionally abused me. In fact, you still do.”

For a moment there’s nothing but stunned silence on the other end of the phone – that’s a first. Over the years you’ve found there’s nothing you can say to your mom to shut her up. Anything positive that you say is turned against you, and any time you try to get her advice or support on something, she uses it as another reason to attack you.

“Y/N, honestly,” Your mom eventually says in a strained voice. “After everything I’ve done for you. Raising you alone, giving you everything that you needed. I mean, you haven’t come to see me in years, and I still make the time to call you every single day-”

“I don’t want you to call me,” You say in the loudest voice you dare. “And I don’t want to come and visit you. You didn’t give me everything I needed. I needed love and praise and support, and you-”

“Well you were so silly at times. There was always something with you, some drama with a girl at school or hysteria over some swim meet, and the cadets thing, especially after what happened to your Dad, it was all a bit morbid. You’ve always been a strange child, and you never really grew out of it.”

“The ‘drama’ with the girl at school was that I was being bullied and you didn’t do anything. My ‘hysteria’ over the swim meet was because I had a tournament in Massachusetts, something that meant a lot to me and you wouldn’t even-”

“Here we go again! It happened over ten years ago and yet you’re acting as if it happened yesterday!”

“You never care about anything important to me. Not even my work-”

“Oh for God’s sake Y/N, you think you’re so much better than the rest of the world just because you’re an Avenger? Well you’re not. The team would manage perfectly fine without you, it’s not like you have powers or even an excellent mind like that Tony Stark and as for Captain America, he could run laps around you, you know he could. There’s nothing special about you Y/N, nothing at all, so stop kidding yourself that-”

The line suddenly goes dead and you open your eyes, realising for the first time that you’d squeezed them shut. Natasha is standing in front of you with Wanda just behind her, both of them looking horrified. “Y/N…” Wanda eventually mumbles.

On the bed your phone vibrates as your mom tries to call you back. Natasha snatches up the phone, quickly rejecting the call, “You’re blocking her number.”

“She’ll come here-”

“And then what?” Natasha asks, looking at you, her eyes blazing. “It’s a secure building, they won’t let her in. Her picture isn’t on the approved list of visitors. She can kick up a fuss as much as she wants, they won’t even let her past the gates.”

Wanda says nothing, just sits down on the bed next to you, placing her hand on your shoulder. You watch as Natasha furiously stabs at your phone, waiting for the tears to come, but they don’t. Instead you just lean your head on Wanda’s shoulder, relaxing a little when she kisses your forehead, her arm moving to wrap around your shoulders.

“You did really well,” Wanda says softly. “Standing up for yourself like that.”

“I wish you’d told us,” Natasha says, “That it was that bad.”

“I didn’t realise until the training,” You mumble. “I never thought it was…”

Even though you’d said the word ‘abuse’ to your mom, you find you can’t bring yourself to say it now. Natasha sits down in front of you, reaching out to take your hand in hers, intertwining your fingers. “Wanda’s right though. You did the right thing.”

“I always assumed you two got on okay. That whatever had happened when you were younger had passed, especially since you talk every day.” Wanda says, “You’ve had to listen to that every single day for years?”

You nod and Natasha sighs, “Look, I know that a few kind words from us aren’t going to fix everything that your mom’s managed to convince you, but you are special, Y/N. You’re hard-working and kind and this team would fall apart without you.”

“No it wouldn’t,” You mumble. “She was right about that. I’m not anything special-”

“Yes, you are,” Wanda insists. “You’re the one that all the kids trust when we’re on missions.”

That was true – more than once a child had been in danger and you’d been sent through. You had a way with children, able to coax them out of dangerous hiding places, able to give them the courage to follow you no matter how scared they were. If the Avengers ever thought a child had intel that they needed, you were sent. You had a natural rapport with children, a way with them that none of the other Avengers did.

“You’re here because of years of hard work,” Natasha says firmly. “Nobody has earned their spot in this team more than you have.”

“We love you,” Wanda says. “Avenger or not, we love you so much. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love. You’re our girl.”

“You need to keep her out of your life,” Natasha says. “If you decide you do want anything to do with her then it should be on your terms. She might be your Mom but that… That’s just a word. Just because she gave birth to you all those years ago doesn’t mean you owe her anything. She chose to have you, you didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and you certainly didn’t ask to have her for a mother.”

“I just… I need a break. Some time to think. She never gave me any of that and after everything I learnt this morning…” You let out a sigh as Wanda kisses your forehead again. “I don’t know what I want right now.”

“Her numbers blocked. You get to choose if and when you unblock it. You have the power to hang up the phone Y/N, she doesn’t get to make you feel this way anymore.” Natasha squeezes your hand again. “Are you okay? We can stay in if you want.”

You shake your head, “No… No, I’ve been cooped up in this room all day. I want to go out with my favourite girls.”

Wanda smiles and kisses your cheek, “Perfect then that’s what we’ll do. Dinner and a walk with our favourite girl.”

You get changed into something nice, feeling your stomach churn when Natasha and Wanda shower you with praise, telling you how beautiful you look. It’s still a struggle to believe them but you know they’re right about your mom. You don’t owe her anything. You’re not a child anymore, and you can choose what your relationship with her looks like. There’s no rush though – right now you want to focus on enjoying yourself with the two women who have done nothing but try to boost your confidence ever since you met them.

When you open the door you find that you’re not surprised to see Kate. Even the fact she’s bloody and bruised doesn’t really shock you. It almost shocks you that you’re not shocked, but you’d come to expect this from Kate. Although you’d known she was the (better) Hawkeye, she was still insisting on keeping you separate from her superhero work. She didn’t want you to get dragged into her mess. Yet here she was.

“Sorry,” She mumbles, sounding exhausted. “Pretty sure someone’s watching my apartment. Didn’t know where else to go.”

Kate stumbles into your apartment, followed by Lucky. When Kate flops down onto your couch, Lucky jumps up next to her. Kate tries to push him off but you shake your head, “It’s fine, let him.”

“I know your lease doesn’t allow pets-”

“Lucky’s not a pet, he’s family. He can sit on the couch.” You sit down next to Kate, watching the way she leans back against your couch, tilting her head back and letting out an exhausted groan. “Do I have to worry that anyone followed you here?”

“I was careful. I wouldn’t lead anyone here, I swear. I just need somewhere to spend the night. Today’s been… A lot.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Kate says, opening her eyes to meet your gaze. She sees the look on your face and she sighs, “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t-”

“Want me to get dragged into your mess. You told me.”

“-Want to think about it right now,” Kate finishes. “I’d rather just focus on being with you.”

“I think all you need to focus on right now is sleeping,” You say. “You look exhausted.”

“I am but when was the last time we saw each other? I’ve been the world’s worst girlfriend recently. Fuck, it’s not fair to you.” Kate scrubs a hand over her face, smiling when Lucky reaches over to lick her cheek. “I will take you on vacation, I swear.”

“You’ve been saying that for weeks,” You tease lightly. “I’m sure ‘vacation’ is just a buzz word for you now. It’s lost all meaning.”

Kate can’t tell if you’re angry or not, and she reaches out to take your hand, “Where do you wanna go? Seriously, I’ll take you anywhere.”

“I’ve heard that before, baby. I said Paris last time. I said Cambodia the time before that.”

“God, yes you did,” Kate says, squeezing her eyes closed again as if she’s in pain. “And I promised we’d go to Cambodia then I promised we’d go to Paris and we didn’t even go as far as ‘Bad Pizza’.” Lucky barks at the mention of pizza and Kate quickly shushes him, worried your neighbours will rat you out.

“I get it Kate, don’t worry.”

“No, don’t say that, it makes me feel even worse.” Kate looks at you, feeling terrible when she sees the patient expression on your face. It’s late, you’re in your pyjamas – maybe she got you out of bed for her bullshit. “You deserve better.”

“Don’t start saying that shit. I’m dating an Avenger; I literally have the best girlfriend ever. You’re busy a lot of the time, it’s fine, I get it.”

“You’re being too nice, stop it.”

“Okay uh… You’re a bitch?”

Kate raises her eye-brows, “That’s where you jumped to?”

“You told me to be mean!”

“Well, no, I said stop being so nice. You could get annoyed about our lack of vacation or my lack of emotional availability but you just jumped straight to bitch.”

You nudge her shoulder, before reaching over to scratch behind Lucky’s ears as he pants happily, “I’m only dating you for this guy so it’s totally fine.”

“I knew it. I knew I had no rizz, it’s all the dog.”

You smile, gently cupping her cheek with your hand, frowning when she winces. Your fingers run gently over the bruises and cuts on her face – you’d almost forgotten what she looked like without a bruised face, as soon as they recover, new ones appear from whatever battle she’s most recently gotten caught up in. “Do you want some Tylenol?”

Kate hesitates for a moment before nodding, “Yeah please.”

You head into the bathroom, fetching the bottle from your cabinet. Kate leans back on the couch again, her hand running carefully along her ribs, trying to assess the damage without looking. They hurt but she doesn’t think they’re bruised or broken – she’s had a broken rib before and it was a pain having to rest until it had healed. It had taken forever to get back into her usual routine. When you return with the bottle, Kate dry swallows two pills and then nuzzles into your side when you sit back down next to her. “Will you hold me?”

“You’re feeling sentimental,” You comment, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, being careful not aggravate her injuries.

“I missed you,” Kate mumbles into your shoulder. “We’re going on that vacation.”

“No, we’re not,” You tease. “There will always be something that requires your attention.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s a good thing Katie, I love that about you. You went through so much shit and you managed to become this… Absolute badass who always runs towards danger if you think it’ll help someone. You could’ve so easily become bitter and angry but you didn’t. I don’t know how you do it.”

Kate thinks about it for a moment. There are only a handful of people who are allowed to call her Katie – Clint, America, and you. She’s only known you for a year but you’re quickly becoming the most important person in her life. Your reassurances don’t help though – she feels guilty for only turning up for the first time in three weeks because she needed somewhere to sleep that wasn’t her apartment. When had she even seen you before that? It had been your suggestion; you’d gone for a walk with her through central park with Lucky. You’d asked Kate if she minded going back to central park and she’d said she didn’t care, not mentioning that she still has nightmares about that day when she’d been fourteen years old.

Kate pulls her phone out of her pocket, “Paris or Cambodia?”

“What?”

“Which one? Seriously, I’m booking the flights right now.”

“Kate, you don’t have to-”

“Cambodia would be fun, didn’t they like film Tomb Raider there? Or the games were like inspired by Cambodia or something? Remember we played that?”

“Yeah-”

“We’re going to live out our Tomb Raider dreams in Cambodia and it’s going to be the best vacation we’ve ever had. Next month? Do you think you’ll be able to get the time off work?”

“I- Yeah, probably-”

“I’m booking them then. No expense spared, I’ll book us first class- Oh shit, no I won’t, that’s ridiculous. We’ll have to connect in Singapore- Fuck it, let’s spend a few days there too.”

“Katie, you don’t have to book this just to make me feel better-”

“Honestly, it’s more to make me feel better. And besides,” She turns to look up at you, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “I want to spend a few weeks with my favourite girl. There can’t be any kind of Avengers emergency in Cambodia. We can just spend all day exploring or sitting by a pool or… Whatever we want.”

“I’m not so sure about that. Trouble is your middle name.”

Kate presses checkout on the flights before tucking her phone back into her pocket, vowing to sort the rest out in the morning. Her arm wraps around your waist as she nuzzles into you again, Lucky curling up by her feet. “It's booked, no backing out now. Can we just… Cuddle here for a bit?”

You kiss the top of her head, “Of course we can.”

“How much does she remember?” Natasha asks. “She can’t have forgotten everything.”

“According to Dr Cho, they forgot their own name,” Maria says in that calm, soothing voice. “They panicked and had to be sedated. They’re awake now and calm but obviously quite confused and upset.”

“So they don’t remember us?” Wanda asks in a disbelieving voice.

Maria shakes her head, “They don’t even remember themselves.”

Natasha can’t pretend she isn’t angry but she knows her focus needs to be on your recovery right now. She tries to match Maria’s even tone, “And do we know if they’ll get their memory back?”

“It’s not clear. Anything could trigger a memory; a sound, a smell, but it’ll become clearer with time I guess.”

You’d been sent on your first solo mission and this was how it had ended. Natasha and Wanda had received word that you’d been rushed to an intensive care unit after hitting your head. Your mission had mostly been over; you’d just been helping the last few civilians out of the crumbling building when it had collapsed. As you’d runaway you’d been hit by some debris, knocking you unconscious. The rescued civilians had managed to remove the wreckage from on top of you until medics could arrive on the scene. There had been a few sleepless nights whilst Natasha and Wanda worried about your fate until they’d finally received the news they’d been waiting for – you were awake.

It had come at a cost though and Natasha feels stupid now for thinking otherwise. Everything comes with a cost. You were awake but were you still you if you couldn’t even remember who you were? This shouldn’t have been allowed to happen, someone should have been sent with you. Natasha silently seethes. Maria sees the look on her face and sighs, “They’re alive. That’s the main thing.”

After being prepped by Maria they’re finally allowed through to the medbay to see you – you’d been transferred from the intensive care unit back onto a regular ward, and you smile self-consciously as your girlfriends’ walk in. Natasha takes a seat at your bedside, reaching out to take your hand, “Hey… How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” You reply quietly.

Your hand feels awkward in Natasha’s but she doesn’t let go. Wanda stands behind her, smiling bravely at you. “Do you… Do you remember who we are?”

You hesitate and then shake your head with another self-conscious smile, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Natasha reassures you, stroking her thumb over your knuckles. “Maria told us you’re having trouble remembering things right now.”

You nod, not entirely sure who Maria is. You’ve met too many people in quick succession and you’re struggling to figure out who’s meant to mean something to you, and who you’re just meeting whilst you’re in hospital. Given the way Natasha is holding your hand, and Wanda’s soft expression as she gazes at you, you figure that these two are important. They’re the first people who haven’t come in to talk specifically about your condition, but rather just to see you. “Who are you?”

“I’m Natasha, and this is Wanda.” Natasha glances up at Wanda, not sure how much information to give you right now. She doesn’t want to overwhelm you or make you feel uncomfortable. “If you have any questions, you can ask us. We know you better than anyone.”

“It’ll be interesting to see if your opinions have changed without your memories,” Wanda says, trying to keep things light for your sake. “Like how you hate tomatoes but don’t mind tomato sauce.”

“Or how you hate wearing socks in bed but you have to wear your slippers everywhere because you don’t like your bare feet against the carpet.”

“Or how you can’t go anywhere without your headphones, even though we’ve warned you it’s dangerous to walk around listening to loud music.”

Both of them watch your expression carefully, hoping for a glimmer of recognition. When there’s none, Natasha just smiles, squeezing your hand, “It’s okay. We’ll help you, we promise.”

“I do have a few questions,” You say. “Where are my family?”

“We’re your family,” Wanda says, wondering how much to tell you. “We’re… Your girlfriends, we have been for about two years now.”

You’d been an Avenger for three years, getting together with them after one year into your work. As a child, your parents had been killed by Kingpin and his gang. Growing up in the system had made you angry and bitter, and you’d sworn revenge. After a failed attempt to take Kingpin down, you’d been taken in by the Avengers, based on Natasha’s personal recommendation. She’d recognised that anger and need for justice, it was something she’d felt her entire life.

“Everyone here in the Avengers is your family too,” Natasha says. “We’re like one big extended family.”

Having a found family had done wonders for you. As had having a permanent place to call home. One night you’d confided to Natasha and Wanda that you’d been moved twelve times as a kid, “Which doesn’t sound like a lot when I say it like that,” You’d said in the dark as you’d lain in between them, your voice catching. “But it felt like I got used to one place and then was whisked away to the next with no warning. Then I had to get used to the next set of parents and potentially siblings. Sometimes there was even a new school to get used to. It felt never ending.”

“No one’s gonna whisk you away ever again,” Wanda had said, her arm wrapping around your waist as she kissed your cheek. “We’re your family now, and this is your home. Forever.”

“You share a room with me and Wanda,” Natasha says now. “But if you’re not comfortable with that we could always set up the spare room or something.”

“We’ll figure it out as we go,” Wanda says. “There’s no pressure. Just go at your own pace. No rush.”

It’s a further two days before you’re finally discharged from the medbay. During that time all of the other Avengers come through to check how you’re doing, reintroducing themselves. Natasha and Wanda watch carefully, making sure that nobody lies to you or makes fun of you, but everyone seems to take your amnesia seriously, greeting you with sincerity. Kate and Yelena spend a couple of hours with you, reteaching you a board game that you always loved playing with them. Wanda joins in whilst Natasha watches, not the biggest fan of board games. Sam brings through his speakers so that Wanda and Natasha can play you some of your favourite songs, to see if those spark any recognition. Steve has the sense to bring through a photo album, letting you flip through the photos that had been taken of the team. Most of them were posed photos, from parties or ‘team building’ days. You’d had a lot of questions and Steve, Natasha and Wanda had been happy to answer them all.

You step into the bedroom you share with the two of them, looking around. You and Natasha had never really been sure how to decorate the space, whilst Wanda had been the absolute expert. There were photos, posters, art prints all hung up along the walls with warm, white fairy lights. You run your fingers over a photo of the three of you taken at the last Halloween party. Wanda wraps her arms around your waist, “Halloween is your favourite holiday.”

“You always insist that we have to dress up for training,” Natasha says with a smile. “And when we protested, you were like ‘well if you can kick ass dressed as a gingerbread man, you can kick ass any time.’”

“None of us ever did dress as a gingerbread man, so I’m not sure why you used that as an example but you got your point across.”

Wanda sees that you look a little uncomfortable so she takes a step back, running an awkward hand through her hair. You and Wanda have always been quite touchy, always wanting to hold hands or wrap your arms around each other. Natasha would too but not as often, whereas you and Wanda were always reaching out for each other. It wasn’t unusual to find you both cuddled up whenever you had to sit down – on the couch, in bed, even on the bus sometimes much to Natasha’s playful annoyance.

Natasha sees Wanda’s expression and smiles encouragingly, “I have an idea. Let’s go on a first date.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, turning to look at them both.

“Well, you don’t remember us. And maybe you’ve changed since the accident so let’s get to know each other again. We can fall in love with each other all over again.”

“That sounds like fun,” You say. “Okay. Let’s go on a first date.”

Two years ago your first date had been a picnic so Natasha and Wanda decide to recreate that. After all, it had worked the first time. It was actually you who’d asked them both out the first time, something Natasha had found hilarious. “You can’t ask us both out,” She’d said. “You’ll have to pick.”

“Says who?” You’d retorted. “I like you both. Maybe I’ll have chemistry with just one of you, or maybe both of you, or even none of you. Why don’t we find out?”

So they’d gone along with you and had been surprised to find that the three of you did have good chemistry. After six months of dating you’d all made it official, and moved all your things into the same room in the compound. You’d had to badger Tony for a week straight to give you all the biggest bedroom the compound had. It also had the best view, looking out over the grounds.

For the past week you’d slept in the guest room, a decision that Natasha and Wanda understood even if it did break their hearts. They were spending most of the day with you, slowly reintroducing you back into training and the hobbies that you’d previously enjoyed. You’re struggling to remember your way around the compound, something that keeps making you a bit tearful. You’d gotten lost heading from the gym to the kitchen to fetch yourself a glass of water. You’d let Wanda hug you as you cried into her shoulder, hating that you couldn’t remember somewhere that felt like home.

Wanda and Natasha felt familiar too but you were still self-conscious around them. It was difficult being surrounded by people who knew you so well, but who were effectively strangers to you. Everyone was kind but all that shared history was just… Gone for you.

They take you to central park, and Natasha lays out the picnic blanket whilst Wanda weighs down each corner, setting the picnic basket down in the middle. Wanda had prepared all of the food, not trusting Natasha with any of it. When you’d asked to get involved, she’d spent the morning making cookies with you, and now you were excited for both women to sample them. They both laugh when you try a tomato, ‘just to see’, and then immediately scrunch your nose up.

“You’re still you then,” Natasha says fondly. “I saw you wearing your slippers last night.”

“Yeah, you guys were right about the carpet, I don’t like it.”

They both laugh and the date continues easily. Natasha and Wanda are sure you must feel the chemistry too – they’re relieved to find it hasn’t gone even though you’ve lost your memory. You smile proudly when Natasha and Wanda declare your cookies ‘the best ones they’ve ever had’. Once the date is over and everything’s packed away, you don’t pull away when Wanda takes your hand to walk back to the compound. Instead your thumb strokes over her knuckles the way you always used to do and Wanda smiles to yourself. Yep, you’re definitely still you.

“Hey,” Steve says gently. “Are you lost again?”

You nod, frustrated tears in your eyes. It’s been a couple of months now and you still keep getting lost around the compound. You’ve just had an appointment with Dr Cho in the medbay who told you that your short time memory might also be affected. “You’ll learn the layout of the building eventually when it transfers to your long-term memory,” She’d said. “And then hopefully you’ll be able to start going out by yourself.”

It made you feel like a child who couldn’t be trusted to go out unsupervised. You may not have any memories of yourself from before the mission, but you know enough from what you’ve been told that you were pretty independent. You were an Avenger after all, and it wasn’t likely you were going out on the field anytime soon. Not when you couldn’t even head to the store by yourself.

Steve notices the tears in your eyes and gives you a small, sympathetic smile. “Do you want me to get Natasha and Wanda?”

You nod again, not trusting yourself to speak as you hug yourself. Steve nods too, advising you to stay there and the moment he’s out of sight the tears begin to fall down your cheeks. You sniffle, turning towards the wall, not wanting anyone to see you. It feels like only seconds when suddenly a hand is on your shoulder, “Hey Sweetheart, you okay?”

It’s Wanda and you turn, burying your head in her shoulder and wrapping your arms around her torso. It’s the first time you’ve initiated such intimate contact and her arms immediately wrap back around you, rubbing her hand up and down your back. “It’s okay… Everything’s okay…”

“I feel like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, it’s just… Your brain not remembering well at the minute. It’s understandable after everything that happened.”

“I can’t do anything.”

“Yes you can, you’re doing great in training. And it’s not like you’re forgetting absolutely everything, you remembered how to make those cookies.”

You’d decided to attempt baking again yesterday, finding a basic cake recipe online, and you’d also made the cookies from memory just to see if you could. Natasha and Wanda had insisted they tasted even better than last time and it felt like your first real achievement since the accident. Even that suddenly made you feel childish – you’d gone from fighting alongside the Avengers to your only major achievement being making decent cookies.

“Please don’t get upset,” Wanda says, kissing your forehead. As soon as she does she feels bad, worried you’ll be uncomfortable but her kiss seems to help so she decides to risk kissing your cheek. “Do you want to watch a movie with me and Natasha? We could pick out something that you used to love again, to see if you still like it?”

They’d been doing that a fair bit and so far, you still loved all your old, forgotten favourites. The thought of finding another lost gem does cheer you up somewhat so you nod, taking Wanda’s hand as she leads you through to the living room. Natasha is already in there reading but she looks up when she hears you both, holding her arms out when she sees you’ve been crying, “Aw baby, what’s wrong?”

“I got lost again,” You sniffle, going over to sit next to her.

Natasha pulls you into her arms, looking down to make sure you’re okay with it. You’ve been initiating more contact with them recently as you warm back up to them, but she still always double checks. You snuggle into her arms and she smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I was thinking ‘Aquamarine,” Wanda says. “You told us you watched that as a kid.”

Wanda presses play then snuggles into your other side, both women cuddling you. As the movie plays there’s something about it that seems familiar. “I think I do remember watching this,” You mumble into Natasha’s chest.

“Yeah?” Natasha asks.

“I have a vague memory of sitting on the carpet. There was someone sat next to me. I don’t really remember but I just have this feeling if that makes sense.”

“It does,” Wanda says, her fingers running up and down your arm. “Hopefully it’s the start of you beginning to remember more and more.”

When Claire and Hailey jump in the water to swim after Aquamarine, both women notice that you start to cry again. “Are you okay?” Natasha asks.

You nod, quickly wiping a tear on your cheek, “Yeah, it’s just… It’s like us.”

Wanda laughs, “Yeah, I guess it is like us. We’d both jump into the ocean to save you.”

“I’m like Aqua. You two remember each other, you have so much shared history, and I’m the new one in the group.”

“You’re not new to us,” Natasha says. “You’re still our baby.”

“And… We do love you,” Wanda says. “Like Nat said, you’re still you, still the person we fell in love with.”

Your head lolls sleepily against Natasha’s shoulder and she gives your forehead a gentle kiss, “Shall we take you back to your room?”

You shake your head, “No, I wanna… I wanna go in your room tonight.”

Natasha and Wanda exchange a pleased glance. “Our room,” Wanda says. “It’s your room too, you can come back whenever you want.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Natasha asks. “We don’t want to rush you-”

“I want to stay in your bed,” You confirm. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“You’re never alone,” Wanda says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “We’ll always be here if you need us.”

Both of them walk you towards their bedroom, Wanda holding your hand and Natasha’s arm protectively around your shoulders. Rather than feeling like a lost child, you now feel… Loved. Wanted. Forgetting your memories has been painful but it’s comforting to know that everyone here in this building genuinely cares about you. Natasha and Wanda obviously but you’ve noticed it in everyone else too. Everyone’s patient with you in combat training, if they see you hesitating they immediately ask if they can help, and most importantly you’ve never noticed any inconsistencies in what they tell you. Everyone is truthful. You’d asked Tony if you liked pineapple and he’d hesitated before going to find Natasha and Wanda to check, rather than just making up an answer or guessing.

It’s the first time you’ve been into your real bedroom in weeks and the faint scent of Wanda’s perfume makes you feel a strange feeling of nostalgia. This room is definitely familiar to you even if you still don’t quite remember it. Seeing Natasha’s firearm sat on her bedside table also triggers a feeling of reminisce within you – Natasha sees you looking and misunderstands, tucking it into the drawer out of sight.

They both change into their sleep clothes, forgetting that you’re probably self-conscious about getting naked in front of them. You turn away, shyly changing into your own pyjamas, a spare pair that had been left in here when you’d moved some of your stuff into the spare room. “You used to like sleeping in the middle,” Natasha says. “If you want to sleep on the end though or… You know, whatever you feel comfortable with. It’s entirely up to you.”

“I want to sleep in the middle,” You say, thinking that that does sound familiar. Their warm bodies next to you, Natasha’s soft snores mixed with Wanda’s slow breaths. The memory is faded; more of a feeling than an actual memory but it’s there somewhere.

As you climb in between them, their arms automatically wrap around you, both of them having missed you in their bed. They know that they should take it slow, give you time to adjust, but they can’t help both pressing loving kisses to your face. They don’t know if you’ll want to share their bed again tomorrow night or if tonight you’re just feeling particularly vulnerable, so they intend to make the most of every second.

“You were right.”

Natasha meets your gaze as you mumble those words, giving you a small smile, “About what?”

“I fell in love with you both all over again.”

Their eyes immediately soften, Wanda’s eyes watering as she kisses your cheek whilst Natasha kisses your forehead. “We love you so much,” Natasha says. “In this lifetime and every other.”

“Quick! An officer’s been shot!”

You and Peggy exchange a glance, both of you breaking into a sprint out to the car that you’d both just abandoned in the chaos. On the floor lies the dead police officer that Peggy had just spoken to, and the boot to the car is open, the diamond collar tracker abandoned on the ground. Peggy presses a hand to her forehead, looking around, “Oh for- She could be anywhere by now.”

“I’ll go after her.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. She could be anywhere, and she’s dangerous-”

“I can handle Dottie Underwood,” You say confidently. “Stay here with Jarvis, he needs you. One of us needs to find her.”

Your sister still hesitates but she knows how stubborn you can be, and she’s also aware that you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. Peggy sighs, “Just… Don’t underestimate her. Okay?”

“You know me better than that, surely,” You say with a roll of your eyes. “Give Jarvis my best, I hope Ana’s okay.”

Peggy heads back into the hospital whilst you take off across the parking lot, not really sure which direction to start – there’s really no telling which way Dottie has gone and even as you set off, you know it will be nearly impossible to find her. The relevant intel of where Dottie had been raised hadn’t been gathered yet, but you and Peggy had seen enough to know Dottie and the rest of those women were clever, resourceful and above all, dangerous. If Dottie didn’t want to be found, it was highly unlikely that anyone would manage to do so.

As you head off down the streets of LA, you think again how you’re desperate for this to be over so you can get back to New York. LA had been fun at first, an adventure, but now you want to head back home to the house you and Peggy had been sharing with Angie. It was strange how quickly New York had become home after you and Peggy had moved there from the UK. America still often seemed strange to you but New York was exciting. The city that never slept – that was the perfect place for you.

Perhaps running after Dottie had been a bad idea. Without her tracker there was no way of knowing which way she’d gone or where she was hiding. You should probably be with Peggy right now. Jarvis will need all the support he can get, and then you’ll need to go and rescue Dr Wilkes. There’s still so much to do to stop Whitney Frost and you sigh, about to admit defeat when you’re suddenly tackled to the ground.

“Gotcha again,” A voice teases as you groan, the wind knocked out of you.

Surprisingly, it’s Dottie. Though you’re not sure you should be too surprised. Dottie had gotten into the habit of keeping score against you ever since you’d first ran into her in New York. Every time you tried to track her down she was one step ahead of you. The first time, in the dentist’s office, you’d been convinced you were a goner. Dottie had managed to get the upper hand, steal your weapon from its holster and aim it at your head. For a long moment she’d just stared at you before grinning, “Gotcha.” Before you’d had chance to even blink she’d disappeared.

“Did you really come chasing after me?” Dottie asks in that infuriating, teasing voice. “That’s so sweet. I knew I meant something to you after all-”

“You’re dangerous and you need to come with me,” You mumble, trying to push her off you.

Dottie pins your arms down with a smug smile, “Oh come on, this is the most fun I’ve had in weeks. Why end it now?”

“Because you’re a Russian spy and- I don’t know why I’m even conversing with you, get off me!”

“You’re only going to arrest me if I let you up and that’s no fun.”

“Dottie-”

“Ugh, fine.”

As Dottie lets you up, you realise that you’re at a bit of an impasse. Without even checking you know that Dottie will have managed to remove your gun from its holster, and you’ve been in enough tussles with the assassin to know that you won’t take her down with a few punches. You sigh heavily, “I really don’t have time for this, we need to get back to the hospital so I need you to-”

“Don’t you want to ask where I’m going?”

“You’re not going anywhere besides back to prison-”

“I was thinking we could go to Switzerland.”

That statement takes you by surprise and you have to do a double take, “I’m sorry, we?”

“They’ve decriminalized homosexual acts, back in 1942. We should be perfectly safe.”

Your stomach swirls and you wipe your hands against your pants, “I’m not sure what that has to do with-”

“Or Iceland, they legalised it even earlier.”

“Dottie-”

“Come on Y/N, I think we both know the truth here.”

So Dottie had realised you were gay. That shouldn’t be too surprising given how observant you’d realised she was, she’d been raised to be a spy after all. It was surprising she hadn’t tried to use it as leverage sooner but then you supposed she had no proof. The only person in the world that you’d trusted with your secret was your twin sister, Peggy, and you knew she would take it to the grave.

“Or we could stay in America,” Dottie says conversationally. “I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“And why are you so concerned about where I’d live all of a sudden?”

“If we got out our own cottage in the middle of nowhere, we could-”

“You keep saying ‘we’. But there is no ‘we’, Dottie.”

“Let me tell you something about me,” Dottie says with another smile. “In the Red Room, that’s what it was called by the way, I had a best friend. Her name was Anya. We always sat together in class. If one of us had food we would share it the other. Our beds were next to each other and sometimes we would make eye contact in the middle of the night, in the dark. Neither of us could say anything, not with all the other girls in the room, but those looks were enough to get me through until morning.”

“I’m not sure why-”

“I loved her. And yet, when it came down to it, I snapped her neck like it was nothing.” Dottie tilts her head as she looks at you. “I’ve had the upper hand on you multiple times but… I never pulled the trigger.”

That’s true enough. Dottie Underwood has had more than one opportunity to kill you, and she’s never taken it. You shift your weight between your feet before asking quietly, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Well… I guess it means I’m sweet on you.”

Perhaps it’s time to admit to yourself that the real reason you’d chased after Dottie was more personal than needing to apprehend her for the SSR. Your heart had soared the moment Peggy suggested using Dottie in the mission, and you’d been the one to help break her out of prison. By all accounts you shouldn’t fall for Dottie. She’s untrustworthy, deadly… But there’s just something about her. From that first moment she’d caught you off guard, had held the gun to your head, you’d felt the chemistry. Dottie must’ve felt it too. Whether she truly meant what she was saying now or whether she was just trying to avoid going back to prison, you weren’t sure.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Believe what you want. But if I were lying, don’t you think you’d be dead by now?”

“And that would be the basis of our relationship, would it? That you didn’t kill me when you had the chance?”

“Ah,” Dottie grins, “So you have thought about a relationship with me.”

Your feel your cheeks burn and you hiss, “Will you be quiet? We shouldn’t be here, anyone could overhear us-”

“Let’s go then. We got the whole world to explore; we can go anywhere that you want. I’ve already given you my suggestions.”

For a second you hesitate and your hesitation makes Dottie’s eyes light up. You shake your head, “No. No, my work isn’t done. Whitney Frost is still-”

Dottie suddenly reaches out and takes your arm, squeezing it tightly, her nails digging into your skin, “Stay away from her. She’s- Y/N, I know you’re a good fighter and a good agent, but Whitney is… She’s dangerous. More dangerous than you and your friends are prepared for. Let’s just… Get out of here.”

You’re surprised at the expression on Dottie’s face. In the car on the way to the hospital she’d observed that you, Peggy and Jarvis were scared for the first time since she’d known you all, and now it’s your turn to observe her own fear. Clearly whatever had happened to Dottie during her brief imprisonment had left a mark on her. “You’re scared of Whitney.”

“I’m scared of whatever she’s becoming. Whatever she’s part of; you don’t want to be involved. Trust me.”

“I can’t just leave Peggy to-”

“Peggy has the detective and the scientist, she’ll be fine. But who do you have, Y/N? Let’s face it; Peggy will be married in the next few years. And you’re amazing at your job but soon you won’t even have that anymore and then what?”

“Excuse me, I have a fair few years in the SSR or wherever else ahead of me. And I live in hope that being- That it won’t be criminalized in America forever-”

“Just come with me,” Dottie urges, her hand sliding down your arm to clasp your fingers in hers. “It’ll still be an adventure, still be dangerous. Running from the law, from Leviathan, from everything.”

“I don’t trust you.”

Dottie intertwines your fingers and groans, “Well why not? On the whole I’ve mostly been very honest with you. And I didn’t kill you-”

“You can’t keep saying that like it actually means something.”

“It means everything,” Dottie says, meeting your gaze. “I really like you, Y/N. And I know that you like me too otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“Dottie-”

“I waited for you. I knew that you’d come after me, that it would be you and not Peggy. And you know that you came after me for a reason. Which didn’t involve arresting me because let’s face it, you’re woefully unprepared.”

You feel a stab of irritation mixed with a strange feeling of fondness. Dottie’s right, of course. She might drive you crazy and you might know that she’s dangerous, but you’ve fallen for her anyway.

“You really think I wasn’t prepared for arrest?” Dottie asks. “It’s inevitable in my line of work. I can hold up under torture Y/N, prison was a walk in the park. I could’ve gotten out anytime that I wanted but I kept thinking- Hoping. That you would drop by. I didn’t want to never see you again.”

“I didn’t want to never see you again either,” You say quietly. “Look, you… You’re not wrong. I like you Dottie, of course I do.”

“Then come with me,” Dottie says. “It’s the easiest decision in the world. We could make each other happy, you know we could.”

You hesitate again, squeezing her hand. “I can’t,” You whisper. “Not now, not with Whitney still out there and Peggy- Peggy needs me. We had a brother Dottie, he died in the war and she- She was broken up, she called off her marriage, she was… And besides, the SSR need me too. The job isn’t finished. I can’t go, even… Even if I want to.”

Dottie sighs, “Okay. I understand. But can we just… Kiss? Just one time?” Your cheeks heat up again and you look around. Dottie rolls her eyes. “No one’s going to see. There’s no one here. Just one quick kiss. To say goodbye.”

You’re still hesitant but part of you knows that letting Dottie go now will mean that you’ll never see her again. If you do, it will very much be on her terms. You need this kiss too, almost as much as Dottie does. So before you can change your mind you lean forward, pressing your lips to hers. Dottie wraps her arms around your waist and you move your hands to her shoulders as she deepens the kiss. It’s your first kiss with a girl and it feels so good that your head spins.

It’s only when Dottie pulls away that you realise your head isn’t just spinning because of how good the kiss was. “Peggy’s lipstick-”

Your knees buckle beneath you but Dottie holds on, not letting you fall as she gently lowers you to the ground. You look up at her, her vision blurring. You can just about make out her face – she’s smiling of course but her expression is soft, almost apologetic. “Just add it to your list of reasons not to trust me,” Dottie says quietly. “But one day you’ll thank me for this. I promise.”

Agatha knows that she’s not a good person. Good people don’t murder others to steal their powers. Her Nicky had been good though. How a child born to Agatha could be so good she had no idea. Whenever Agatha did something bad she couldn’t help thinking about how Nicky would be disappointed in her. It didn’t stop her completely but it did make her feel guilty, something she dragged around like the chains Jacob Marley wore in ‘A Christmas Carol’. Stupid book.

Agatha had made a point of never harming children. If any pregnant woman or one with a young child tried to join her ‘covens’ she would always turn them away. Even someone like Agatha had a moral code to an extent. That’s why she does pause when she finds out when she realises she can use you to get to Wanda Maximoff. Agatha wouldn’t have even known what you looked like if that paparazzi hadn’t snapped a photo of Wanda whilst she was pregnant, holding onto your hand as you walked alongside her. Tony was usually on it with keeping photos of Avengers kids out of the papers, but that was one that had slipped through the cracks apparently.

It surprises Agatha how much the sight of you crying in the rain, calling out pitifully for your Moms’ affects her. You’ve taken shelter in a bus stop but the rain has already plastered your hair and clothes to your skin, and you’re shivering, your thin cardigan not providing you any warmth. The teddy bear you’re clutching in your arms is also sodden but you’re still clinging to it like your life depends on it. Something about it makes Agatha pause and for a moment she just watches you. Time begins to slip by but no one comes, and your cries grow more distressed as the wind howls through the bus shelter.

Eventually she pulls her hood up and crosses the street, squatting down in front of you. You’re sat on the floor now, clutching your bear tightly in your arms, your heavy backpack on the ground next to you. “Are you lost?” Agatha asks softly.

You look at her with wide, fearful eyes and nod, holding your bear even tighter. Agatha clears her throat. It’s been a while since she’s interacted with a child, especially one as young as you. You look about Nicky’s age when he’d- She tries her best to smile, gesturing to the bear in your arms, “What’s his name?”

For a moment you just stare at her with wide eyes before finally replying in a tiny voice, “Her. Rosie.”

“Well, that’s a pretty name,” Agatha says. “Looks like she’s pretty cold and wet. Maybe she’d like to come home with me. We could have a hot chocolate.”

You hesitate, clearly tempted by her offer. Your stomach rumbles and you’re shivering, desperate to not be lost in the rain anymore. Eventually you pipe up in that same tiny voice, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”

“Well, I’m not a stranger. I know your Mom. In fact, she sent me to pick you up.”

You peer at her, your eyes wide and still hesitant. “Really?”

“Sure. Look, me and your Mom are practically sisters.” Your eyes are wide as Agatha shows you her powers, the purple energy shifting between her fingers, just the way Wanda’s does. “See, we’re one in the same. Come on, you don’t wanna stay out here, do you? You’ll catch a cold and your Mom will be furious with me.”

Seemingly satisfied that she must be who she says she is you stand up. Agatha picks you up, glancing at your bag before deciding to leave that behind. You don’t ask for it and you seem happy enough with just your teddy bear. As she carries you away you don’t protest though you do ask quietly, “What’s your name?”

“It’s Agatha,” She tells you. “Agatha Harkness. Let’s get you somewhere warm and dry, huh? You’re safe now. I promise.”

Agatha watches as you sit at her table, a blanket draped around your shoulders, your wet hair now wrapped in a towel, whilst you sip hot chocolate from her least favourite mug. Well, Agatha doesn’t know you well – what if you break it? You’re a strangely careful child though, holding the mug with both of your hands, taking small, slow sips. Rosie is perched in front of the fireplace, and Agatha’s reassured you she’s a safe enough distance away to dry off whilst not catching fire.

“When is Mommy coming to get me?”

“Not sure,” Agatha replies. “You might have to spend the night here.” You look a little nervous and she leans over to tickle under your chin, “Don’t look like that, it’ll be fun.”

“But I don’t have my pyjamas or my toothbrush-”

“I have spares. You’ll have everything you need.” Agatha gives you a small smile, “And Rosie too, don’t worry.”

You can’t help giggling at that, taking a bite out of the cookie Agatha had put out for you. Although Agatha hadn’t intended to hurt you at any point, she had intended to send a photo to Wanda, to let her know you were here, that she now had the upper hand. As she gazes at you, Agatha begins to wonder what she even wants from Wanda. It had been years since she’d had a run in with Wanda Maximoff. When was the last time Agatha was truly happy?

When she was with Nicky, Agatha supposes. Everyone says those early years go by quickly but Agatha feels like she blinked and Nicky was suddenly stolen from her. It wasn’t fair. Why did Maximoff get two children? One of which she apparently couldn’t even be bothered to keep an eye on. You’d gone home with Agatha easily enough; anyone else could’ve taken advantage of you. Her heart hurts as you take another small sip of your hot chocolate, apparently accepting quietly that your Moms’ aren’t coming for you tonight.

“What were you doing today?” Agatha asks. “You were running away?”

You look at her with big, worried eyes, “I wanted to go to the compound to see Uncle Tony.”

“Why didn’t you ask your Moms’ to take you?”

“They’re too busy with Scarlett,” You mumble grumpily. “They love her more than me because she grew in Mommy’s belly.”

Agatha raises her eye-brows. It had never been mentioned in the press that you were adopted, and she’d always assumed you’d been the creation of sperm donor as Scarlett had been. It hadn’t even crossed Agatha’s mind that Wanda hadn’t carried you herself. “I see. So what, you were going to go and live at the compound?”

“I don’t know,” You say, taking another bite of your cookie. “I just wanted to see Uncle Tony.”

“You know, I had a little boy once,” Agatha suddenly says. “He was about your age.”

“Do you have a photo of him?”

“Oh… No, he- He was a little boy in a time before photos.”

You nod thoughtfully – your Mama doesn’t have any photos of herself as a little girl either. She says Grandma Melina has some but you’ve never seen them. “What happened to him?”

“He- He’s not with me anymore.”

You finish your cookie and ponder her words for a moment, “I’m not with my birth Mommy anymore either. She couldn’t look after me so I got adopted.”

Agatha nods, watching as you take the final sip of your hot chocolate. “It’s getting late,” She says. “Are you hungry for anything else?” You shake your head and Agatha nods. “I guess I should set you up somewhere to sleep.”

There’s a room in Agatha’s house that she’d set aside as ‘Nicky’s room. Stupid really, given Nicky’s never set foot in the house but she hadn’t been able to help herself. For a moment she considers setting up the couch for you but then she sees the way you’re looking up at her with those big, sleepy eyes and she realises that you need a proper bed. Before she has chance to over think, she bends down and lifts you up, cradling you in her arms. You yawn and point wordlessly to your teddy bear so she bends down again, placing the still slightly damp bear into your arms. You lean your head against her shoulder, holding Rosie in one arm and putting your thumb in your mouth.

For a long moment Agatha just holds you in her arms and you let her. It’s been weeks since your Moms’ held you like this and it’s nice to feel cared for. There’s something familiar and comforting about her and Agatha brushes her lips gently against your forehead as you yawn. Agatha rocks you gently in her arms, feeling comforted herself. She hasn’t held a child like this since Nicky. She hasn’t held a child at all in fact since Nicky. It feels… Nice. Familiar.

As the weeks go by Agatha notices that with each day you ask less and less about your Moms’. On the first morning Agatha had made you pancakes, and you’d asked her over breakfast when you were going home. You’d asked her whilst you were both doing a jigsaw puzzle, whilst you had lunch, whilst you were drawing, whilst you were playing hide and seek, during dinner and as she was tucking you into bed. By the end of the first week you only asked her a couple of times, then once a day. For the past week, you hadn’t asked at all. Not once had you asked if you could speak to your Moms’ on the phone or question why they weren’t there.

Perhaps it was because the two of you were too busy having fun. Agatha had cut your hair in the hopes less people would recognise you and she’d thrown herself into being a Mom. This wasn’t supposed to happen but it just… Had. Agatha lost interest in Wanda and focused all her attention on you. For the first time in hundreds of years, life felt worth living again.

When you’d been there for three months Agatha finally suggested that you redecorate your room, a subtle way of letting you know that you were here to stay. It was a decision she’d struggled with, not wanting to feel like she was replacing Nicky but… Well, you were here. It had never been Nicky’s room, not really. You’d met her suggestion with complete enthusiasm, and you and Agatha laughed together as you repainted your room in your favourite colour. She’d taken you to Bed, Bath & Beyond, letting you pick out new curtains and bed sheets. Agatha had even offered to get you a new teddy bear but you’d shaken your head, clearly loyal to Rosie.

With every day that passed, Agatha realised she was starting to love you. Being a Mom was her purpose, she was realising. And you… Well, you were wonderful. The sweetest, most interesting little girl that Agatha had ever met. It wasn’t just being a Mom that Agatha loved; it was being your Mom. If you were crying and begging to go home, Agatha is fairly sure she would take you back but you weren’t. You seemed settled, you seemed… Like you loved her too.

Agatha had gotten into the habit of teaching you at home, and was helping you to learn how to write the alphabet. You would’ve started school in the Fall but it’s not like Agatha can register you anywhere. “Show me how you write an ‘A’,” Agatha prompts.

You carefully write the letter, looking up for her approval, “A for Agatha!”

“That’s right, A for Agatha, well done. You’re so clever.” Agatha ruffles your hair. “My clever girl.”

You giggle, “Can I have a cookie please?”

“If you can write down as much of the alphabet as you can remember for me then maybe I’ll consider it.” Agatha looks up at the sound of a knock on the door and she leans over to press a kiss to your forehead. “Wait here.”

Agatha has barely opened the door when she’s suddenly thrown across the room in a whirl of red, crashing to the floor with a groan. You scream, jumping up from the table, “Agatha-”

“Y/N!”

A familiar voice calls your name and in storm Natasha and Wanda, along with Nick Fury and Steve Rogers. Natasha lifts you up into her arms, pressing kiss after kiss to your face, “Oh Y/N, you’re okay, you’re okay, thank God, my baby-”

You squirm in her hold, trying to get down. Agatha is still crumpled on the floor and you sob loudly, reaching your arms out for her. Wanda crosses the room, blocking your view of Agatha as she cups your cheek with her hand, “Oh Sweetie, thank God you’re okay-”

“Put me down!”

“Hey, hey,” Natasha says, holding you tighter. “Baby, it’s us; it’s your Mom’s-”

“Agatha’s my Mommy!” You sob loudly, trying to reach around Wanda for Agatha. “I want Mommy!”

“Hey, I’m your Mommy,” Wanda says desperately. “Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been? You’ve been missing for months, we thought- God, baby, we thought-”

Agatha stands up slowly from the floor, feeling her heart plummet to her stomach. They’d thought you were dead. Regardless of Agatha’s anger towards the two women for how they’d treated you, how they’d neglected you, it hits her that she’d let two Mother’s think their daughter was dead. Both of them look… Awful. They’ve lost weight and there are dark circles beneath their eyes from lack of sleep. Their faces are drawn and pale, both of them almost weak with relief to have you back.

But all you can do is sob and scream for Agatha.

“We’re going to get you home,” Natasha says, holding you firmly in her arms. “Everything’s going to be okay, we promise, we promise…”

“Please, let me at least say goodbye,” Agatha says desperately, taking a step forward.

Wanda turns around, her eyes absolutely blazing, her powers flaring angrily between her fingers, “You stay away from our daughter. What did you do to her?”

Agatha opens and closes her mouth as Nick Fury comes forward, handcuffing her. It would be easy to resist. To use the remaining power she has to try and escape but what would be the point? Where would she go and what would she even do? You’d been her entire world for the past few months and without you, well…

What had she done to you? She’d loved you. Loved you almost as much as she’d loved her Nicky all those years ago. Loved you like you were her own. And now she was losing you. It wasn’t fair – she couldn’t even argue. Natasha and Wanda were your Mom’s, the one’s with the paperwork, the one’s with the legal rights. Agatha had been a temporary fill-in.

“Mommy!” You sob loudly as Natasha tries her best to rock you in her arms, to reassure you, to comfort you. Tears are streaming down Natasha’s cheeks, joy and relief to be reunited with her beloved little girl. But four months is a long time in a child’s life and you’d accepted Agatha as your Mom. Natasha’s arms felt foreign and strange now, and you reach out for Agatha again, whining desperately.

“I’m your Mommy,” Wanda says tearfully as she turns back to you, running her fingers gently over your cheek. “I’m your Mommy, and I’m here now. We never stopped searching for you our precious baby-”

You scream as Agatha is lead out of the house and shoved into the back of a car. Agatha just stares forward, trying her best not to listen to your cries, her heart shattering. She closes her eyes, trying her best to keep her own tears at bay.

“Agatha’s my Mommy!” You cry as Wanda takes you into her own arms. “Want Agatha!”

“Baby, please-”

“She was a better Mommy than you!” You shout at the top of your voice. “I want my Mommy!”

“Listen, listen, please baby,” Wanda says. “I know things got crazy with Scarlett, we know we messed up, we know we did. We don’t blame you for running away but we thought- We’ve missed you like crazy, you’re so precious to us. You’re our little girl. Ours. It’s time to take you home.”

You sob harder and Wanda and Natasha exchange a helpless glance, Wanda pressing a reassuring kiss to your forehead as you continue to cry. “Let’s just get her home,” Natasha says quietly. “The sooner we get her settled again, the better.”

Natasha unlocks the front door to the apartment she’d moved into with you five years ago. Your relationship had been going well at the time and you’d hinted more than once that you’d like to take things a step further. Eventually Natasha had relented, agreeing to move out of the Avengers compound into an apartment with you. It was small, none of the windows closed properly so there was always a draught, and every so often the shower randomly leaked with no rhythm or reason, but it had quickly become home. Natasha loved looking around and seeing pieces of you everywhere. Books strewn across the floor, the necklace you always wore left absentmindedly by the kitchen sink, your cardigan thrown over the back of a chair.

You’d gotten married two years ago, and Natasha couldn’t be happier. Marriage had always been something Natasha thought she wouldn’t experience. Even when she escaped the Red Room she’d figured, who could love someone as broken as her? You could, apparently. You were Natasha’s everything, and she was so glad she’d found you.

Maybe it’s because she’s been feeling so safe lately but Natasha doesn’t immediately notice anything out of place. It’s only when she’s kicked off her shoes that she notices the overturned coffee table, your plant pot broken with the soil spilt across the floor. You weren’t always the tidiest person around but Natasha knows if you’d bumped into it, you wouldn’t have just left it like that. This looked almost like-

“Baby?” Natasha calls out. “Are you home?”

There’s music playing in the living room and Natasha recognises it as Tchaikovsky, the ‘Swan Lake’ soundtrack. Why would you be listening to that? It’s playing loudly and it gets quieter as she creeps slowly down the corridor, and as the music quietens she begins to hear the sound of panicked sobs, and a voice calling her name. Your voice.

The moment Natasha steps into the living room someone kicks her in the leg, knocking her off her feet. Before she can react a series of punches get thrown on her, several to her face, and several to her stomach, disorienting her completely. Natasha tries to scramble to her feet, to reach for her weapon but two women grab her arms, pulling them behind her back. She squirms weakly in their grip, her alarmed gaze searching the room, finally landing on you.

You’re tied to one of the dining chairs, tears streaming down your cheeks, blood everywhere, your face battered and bruised as you let out pained pants through your tears. On either side of you stand two people Natasha remembers well, no matter how hard she wants to forget them. Madame B, her supervisor from the Red Room, and Dreykov, the man who’d put her there. Holding her back are presumably two Widow’s, and on either side of Madame B and Dreykov are four more Widow’s, each of them expressionless.

“What are you doing?” Natasha asks, thrashing in the grip of the women holding her. “What are you doing to her?”

Nobody answers her. Madame B turns back to you and you whimper, trying to squirm away from her touch as she presses a knife to your throat. Natasha thrashes harder, reaching desperately for you, “Don’t do this! Leave her alone, please, please, leave her alone-”

Natasha tries to scream but her words are coming out croaked, like her voice is slowly disappearing. She’s panicking now, so desperate to get to you. What are they doing here? How did they find her? Why are they targeting you? Questions fly through Natasha’s head but she tries to push them away, focusing on you, pulling desperately in the grip of the Widow’s but they hang on, and she’s still disoriented from the punches. For a moment she’s certain the Widow standing behind Dreykov is Yelena, when she blinks she turns into Melina, another blink and it’s Natasha herself. She shakes her head, mumbling desperately, “No, no, no, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…”

Dreykov smiles, gesturing with his head, and Madame B drags the knife across your throat, blood beginning to pour out like a fountain. Your eyes are wide as you look towards Natasha, unable to speak as you cough and splutter, blood spilling out of your mouth. Natasha’s crying now, trying her best to scream over and over again, “No! No, please! Please! Not her! I’ll do anything, please! Please-”

But it’s too late and Natasha knows it. Your horrified gaze remains on her until your eyes glaze over, your expression stuck in permanent terror as your body slumps awkwardly in the chair, held up now only by the ropes. Dreykov turns to Natasha and she shakes her head, stammering over her words and her tears. You’re gone. Why did they do this to you? Natasha doesn’t care what happens to her now, you were her only reason for waking up in the morning, and now you’re gone, you’re gone-

Natasha bolts awake, sitting upright in bed and panting heavily. The bedroom is dark and for a moment she’s completely disoriented. Natasha reaches over to switch on the bedside lamp, her breathing coming out in erratic pants as she looks around the room. Finally her gaze lands on you and she chokes back a sob. You’re lying next to her, fast asleep, and before Natasha can think about what she’s doing she shakes your shoulder roughly, “Y/N! Y/N!”

You wake up with a start, looking up at her with wide eyes, “Wha- What?”

“Oh- Y/N…”

Natasha pulls you upright and into her arms, crying into your shoulder. For a moment you’re irritated by the sudden wakeup call but when you realise Natasha’s crying you instantly soften, wrapping your own arms around her.  You know Natasha better than anyone but you’ve only seen her cry twice, and both times she’d left the room immediately so you wouldn’t see. This is the very first time she’s allowed herself to cry so openly. “I thought there was a house fire for a minute,” You tease softly, your own heart pounding in your chest. “But I guess there must’ve been another reason that you woke me up.”

Natasha doesn’t reply and that’s when you feel her shaking, her hands digging into the fabric of the baggy t-shirt you wear to sleep in. You try to pull back to look at her but she hangs on, desperate to hold onto you, so you relent, letting her just hold you if that’s what she wants. Her breathing is still coming out in erratic pants, so you rub your hand up and down her back, mumbling, “Hey... Nat, baby, it’s okay… Everything’s okay…”

Natasha can’t speak, letting out a gulping sob as she presses a shaky kiss to your forehead, letting herself feel that you’re safe and that more importantly, you’re alive. Eventually she pulls back to look at you, cupping your cheek in her hand, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I was just asleep. Are you okay?”

Natasha suddenly pulls away, grabbing her sidearm that she keeps in the bedside drawer and creeping into the hallway. You start to say her name but Natasha holds up a finger to silence you, so you quieten, letting her do whatever she feels she needs to do. Natasha checks every room of the small apartment, every possible hiding spot until she’s satisfied that there’s no one else there. She checks the front door is definitely locked before heading back to bed and pulling you into her arms again.

You reach up to gently wipe a tear on her cheek, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You were dead.” Just saying the words out loud makes Natasha sob again, and your expression softens, kissing her tearstained cheek. “I couldn’t do anything, I was- I couldn’t save you, God, I couldn’t save you-”

“I’m fine. Okay? Nothing happened, it was just a bad dream.”

“It was worse than a bad dream, it was… Fuck, it was so real. You were-” Natasha lets out a shaky breath, leaning her forehead against yours. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d fucking lost you.”

You tilt your head to press a slow, loving kiss to her lips, and mumble, “I’m right here. Nothing’s gonna happen to me-”

“You don’t know that,” Natasha says urgently. “I wasn’t there to protect you and they got the upper hand and then I couldn’t- I couldn’t-”

“Nat, baby, it wasn’t real. I don’t know what happened but it was just a bad dream.”

“What if it wasn’t though?” Natasha sobs. “This apartment isn’t the most secure and I worry about you here all by yourself while I’m away on missions. Anything could happen and if I- If I lost you, I don’t know if I could- I wouldn’t be able to-”

You consider her words for a moment, your fingers gently running over her cheek, wiping away a tear that slips down, “What would make you feel better?”

Natasha hesitates, swallowing down another sob as she tries to get a hold of her emotions. What would make her feel better? “I- I want to teach you basic self defence.”

“Okay.”

“What, you’re going to agree just like that?”

“I’d agree to anything if it made you feel better. Besides, I’ve wanted to learn for a while, I’d rather get taught by you.”

“And I want to install a security system,” Natasha says. “I’m not even asking the landlord, I’m just gonna do it.”

“We’re not getting our deposit back, are we?”

“You’re more important to me.”

You meet her gaze, seeing the way she’s looking at you. Her eyes are red, her eyelashes glistening as another tear trickles down her flushed cheek. It’s the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen her and you know it’s rare. A sign that she trusts you. It’s only taken her six years of being together, two of them in which you’ve been married. You kiss her teary cheek again, “You’re important to me too. Okay? And if I have to take all the self defence courses in New York, start carrying pepper spray, have the fanciest, most expensive security system that money can buy, then I will. Anything to make you feel better.”

Natasha sniffles, looking down at the bed, “I know I’m being a lot right now-”

“No, you’re being real, and I appreciate it. I love you.”

“I love you more,” Natasha replies without hesitation. “I still shouldn’t have cried.”

“It’s okay to cry, you know?” You say gently, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear. “It’s not a weakness, it’s just… Having a good cry makes me feel better. Do you know how many times a day I sneak to the bathroom at work to have a little cry?”

“That often? Do you like… Need help?”

“Okay, it’s not that often but sometimes things get on top of you and crying does help.” You cup her cheek with your hand again, your voice dropping quieter, “I know you didn’t cry as a kid. I know what they said to you, what they did to you if you cried… But you’re not there anymore, you’re here with me. And if you need to cry then you can just cry.”

“You’re my soulmate, you know that?” Natasha says with a small, tearful smile. “You’re the only person I fully trust.”

“What about Clint?”

“I trust Clint with my life but I trust you with my emotions.”

You smile, unable to resist kissing her cheek again. Her breathing has calmed somewhat and you run your fingers through her hair, before pressing a kiss to her forehead this time, “Do you wanna stay up a bit longer? We could put a movie on, just for some background noise and cuddle for a bit.”

Natasha hadn’t even realised that was what she needed until you suggested it. You know her even better than she knows herself sometimes. She nods mutely, cuddling into your side as you scroll through Netflix looking for something comforting to watch. Her arm snakes around your waist and she presses a kiss to your neck, “I’m sorry, I know you have work in the morning-”

“It’s one night of slightly broken sleep, I’m sure I’ll survive. Besides, I’d choose cuddles with you over sleep anytime.”

Natasha kisses you again as you finally settle on ‘Mean Girls’, an old comfort film you both enjoy. Natasha relaxes as the familiar opening begins to play and you wrap your arms around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She’s still on edge from her nightmare but the movie combined with your comforting presence helps to soothe her. You run your fingers through her hair and she sighs, loving when you do that. If anyone else tried to touch her hair she’d slap them, but you’re different. Your touch relaxes her and she feels a rush of love and gratitude for you.

Peter flicks his hair out of his eyes, scanning the room. Archery had never really been his forte but hey, given the entire world had forgotten about him, this was a chance to reinvent himself. Although there had been a karate society, Peter had decided to go for something new. He hadn’t specifically been trained in karate but the radioactive spider bite had given him enhanced abilities so he knew he’d pick it up easily. Too easily. Archery would hopefully be more of a challenge.

He’d also joined the film society and the Star Wars society, having been to both of the first meetings earlier in the week. They’d both been really interesting, the film society had watched ‘What We Do in the Shadows’ and they were going to talk about it next week, whilst the Star Wars society had watched the first episode of ‘The Mandalorian’, something Peter had already watched but was more than happy to sit through again. He’d spoken to a couple of people who looked like they could turn into friends, and he was feeling a lot brighter than he had a few months ago.

Empire State University had become Peter’s top choice of college. He’d spent a long time considering going further afield but in the end had decided to stay in New York. This city was the only familiarity Peter had in his life anymore. Aunt May was gone. His friends had forgotten who he was. The world had forgotten who he was. New York was the only thing Peter had.

Admittedly, things hadn’t initially gotten off to the best start. He’d gone to his assigned dorm and found he was sharing a room with someone who reminded him greatly of Flash Thompson from High School. His roommates name was Gunner, and he’d clapped Peter’s shoulder in a way that definitely would’ve hurt a few years ago. Gunner’s side of the room was… Intense. There was a poster of a half naked girl that Peter didn’t recognise above his bed, and the floor was littered with his various weights and other exercise equipment.

Peter had stuck up a Star Wars poster above his bed; something Gunner had thought was absolutely hilarious. He’d decided not to unpack the lego Millennium Falcon that he and Ned had built together years ago, that had been a permanent fixture on his desk in Aunt May’s apartment. Even when he’d had to throw away a lot of his things because he had no where to put them, he’d kept that particular lego set. Instead, he’d kept it in its box, placing it in the wardrobe. He had lined his paperbacks along the back of his desk, ignoring Gunner loudly reading out the titles, and mocking them. It had crossed his mind to request a room transfer but he lived in hope that Gunner would mellow out. Besides, Gunner hadn’t really spent all that much time in their shared room during orientation week. Perhaps they would find a way to muddle along until the end of the year, when Peter hopes he’ll have friends he can rent some place with.

His thoughts turn to MJ and Ned over at MIT. Like he always does when they cross his mind, he tries to push them away. Instead, he scans the room again, looking for people he could potentially talk to. That’s when his eyes land on you.

You’re standing a few feet away from him, chatting to a girl with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. Immediately he feels his palms turn sweaty and his cheeks turning pink. It’s been a long time since he felt such a pull to anyone but there you are. You laugh with whoever you’re talking to but before he can decide whether he’s brave enough to approach you, the session begins.

There aren’t loads of people in the archery society, so when you all line up to begin Peter moves quickly so that he’s stood next to you. This turns out to be a mistake. You and the girl with the dark hair are clearly seasoned archers, both of you hitting the bullseye immediately. Neither of you had to be shown what to do, you’d clearly done this a thousand times already. Peter stands awkwardly – despite the flyer saying this society was ‘beginner friendly’, no one shows him what to do. Eventually you spot him and step closer, “Hey. First time?”

“I’m Peter.”

He cringes at his response but you just smile and hold your hand out, “Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

Peter quickly wipes his hand on his jeans before shaking yours, forcing a smile onto his face. He gestures to the targets on the other side of the room, “Yeah, I uh… No, I’ve never done archery.”

“Okay well first of all, welcome, archery is so fun, hopefully you’ll love it as much as Kate and I do. Do you want me to show you?”

Peter’s face burns as he nods mutely. He felt like he was back in High School talking to Liz. There was someone he hadn’t thought of for a while. Wonder how she was doing-

He finds that it’s impossible to focus on anything else, including archery, when you’re stood so close to him. His hands fumble with the bow, and even though you’re patient he’s an absolute mess. Eventually the dark-haired girl gets involved too, introducing herself as Kate Bishop. It transpires that the two of you are roommates and had bonded over your shared love of archery. By the time the society is over Peter hasn’t managed to hit the target even once, and it makes him want to crawl into a hole and die.

“You’ll get better over time, I’m sure,” You say positively as you help pack everything away. “Have you joined any other societies?”

“Oh yeah, film and St-”

Star Wars. He can’t tell the coolest girl he’s ever met in his life that he’s part of the Star Wars society. Peter’s learnt not to take first impressions for granted so he schools a neutral expression on his face, “I uh, I was thinking of joining karate as well.”

“Karate and movies, huh? Sounds fun.”

“What about you?”

“Well-”

“Y/N!” Kate’s voice calls out, “We’re gonna be late, come on.”

You smile apologetically, “Sorry, we’re meeting some girls for lunch. It was nice to meet you though. Please don’t lose hope; archery is so fun once you get the hang of it. See you here next week?”

“Hey uh, actually… Since you’re the expert maybe… Maybe you could show me again. Like… Tomorrow night or something?”

You hesitate for a moment and Peter’s heart plummets when you suddenly grin and nod, “Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you here around eight?”

“Awesome! Yeah, I mean- Cool, yeah. See you tomorrow.”

You give Peter one last smile before following quickly after Kate. Peter has to resist the urge to punch the air in victory.

It’s almost embarrassing how long Peter takes to get ready the next day. Why is it that the majority of t-shirts he owns contain something nerd related on them? He has way more Star Wars t-shirts than he ever realised, and a handful of various movie t-shirts. There’s a couple of checkered shirts but even those suddenly feel lame. It hadn’t been this complicated when he’d liked Liz or MJ, had it? He’d known them both a while though, he’d known they were both at least a little nerdy whereas you… You were cool. Peter wants to be cool too. Or at least, he wants you to think that he’s cool.

Eventually he settles on a plain blue t-shirt with a pair of black jeans. By the time he makes it back to the gym you’re already there and he sighs at how effortlessly good you look. He approaches you, holding up a hand and announcing in a slightly too loud voice, “Way!” His cheeks immediately burn and he stammers quickly, “I mean, ‘hey’. I went to say ‘what’s up’ then changed my mind and decided to say ‘hey’ and it- Yeah.”

You grin, “Way to you too. I was just getting in a few practice shots before you got here.”

“Like you need any practice, you’re like… Amazing.”

“I’m not quite as good as Kate though so I’m getting in as much practice as I can to catch up. She’s been doing it since she was little whereas I only started in my late teens. I’m pretty competitive and I want to get to competition level.”

“What made you go for archery?” Peter asks, relieved he was able to actually answer you a sane question.

You think for a moment, shooting another arrow – a perfect bullseye. “If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse,” You eventually say, “I’m going to need a weapon where I can keep my distance that also doesn’t make an awful lot of noise.”

Peter’s eye-brows rise at the mention of zombie apocalypses. For a moment he’s not sure whether you’re being serious when you turn to look at him and continue, “I did a few things. Got into throwing knives for a bit. There was just something about archery that I really enjoyed though. Coming to college and ending up with an archery nut as a roommate has definitely helped.”

“Throwing knives were also zombie apocalypse contenders?”

“Of course,” You grin. “It’s all about stealth in a zombie apocalypse. You’ve gotta be prepared for anything.”

Peter hesitates, wanting to ask if you’d watched ‘The Walking Dead’ or whether your thoughts of zombie apocalypses had come from some other media, but he drops it. Instead, he picks up his bow and tries to keep calmer as you talk him through what to do all over again. After a few attempts he finally manages to hit the very edge of the target but you cheer and clap as if he got a bullseye. “Hopefully I won’t make a complete fool of myself at the next society meet,” Peter says.

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself last time! You were just new. By the end of the semester, you’ll be an expert.”

He smiles, looking down at the ground at your words before meeting your gaze again, “Hey so um… What are you doing now?”

“I’m meeting Kate,” You say vaguely. “You?”

Peter simply shrugs his shoulders and mumbles something about meeting up with some friends, not wanting to admit that a group of people from the Star Wars society had invited him along to watch ‘The Mandalorian and Grogu’ at the movie theatre. He’d already seen the movie of course, he’d been there on release day, but he was still looking to make new friends so he’d readily accepted the invite. Besides, he wouldn’t mind seeing the movie again. He watches you sling your arrows over your shoulder and leave, wishing he could ask what you’re doing with Kate, and tell you the truth about where he’s going.

A few days go by and Peter is disappointed that he doesn’t see you around campus. He should’ve suggested another night for you to practice archery with him, should’ve asked for your number… Now he’s practically counting down the days until the next archery society meet just so he can see you.

He goes to the next film society and joins in an interesting discussion about the movie they’d watched the week beforehand. It’s a lot of fun and he ends up getting into a long discussion with a girl called Cassie who has a lot of opinions about feminism in movies. He takes her number afterwards but he still can’t help thinking about you. Cassie’s a friend. Whereas you… He’s not sure what you are but he knows what he’d like you to be.

Peter does perk up when the next Star Wars society meet-up comes around. This week they’re taking it in turns to play ‘Star Wars Jedi: Survivor’, someone’s set up their PlayStation on the big screen. He’d never owned his own console so he hadn’t been able to play it. Ned had a PlayStation; they’d planned to play it together… Until… Well.

He takes a seat next to someone he’d been to the movie theatre with the other night, starting up a friendly conversation when a voice rings out about the others, “Sorry, is this the Star Wars society? I would’ve come last week but I got lost.”

Peter’s head snaps up when he hears your voice. You stand in the doorway with a self-conscious smile, looking a little out of your depth which surprises Peter. You’ve always seemed so confident, so sure of yourself. One of the society chairs confirms that it is in act that Star Wars society, and your eyes light up when you spot Peter, a familiar face, and you move to sit on his other side.

For a moment he remembers where he is and he almost feels like he’s been caught somewhere that he shouldn’t be before it clicks. You like Star Wars too. In fact, you’re wearing a ‘The Mandalorian’ t-shirt.

“You didn’t say you were part of this society,” You say. “We could’ve walked here together. I felt like such an idiot last week, I actually had no idea where I was going. Kate had to help me scope it out yesterday just so I wouldn’t get lost again.”

“I uh… I didn’t realise you liked Star Wars.”

“Oh yeah, I love it, all the films including the sequels and the standalones. I’m a bit of a geek, I’m into all sorts. I couldn’t believe it when I went on about the zombie apocalypses the other night, I was like, he’s gonna think I’m such a nerd-”

“No, that’s awesome because I am too! Are you into ‘The Walking Dead’?”

“It’s like my favourite show, though it’s tied with ‘The Mandalorian’. Did you play the video game?”

“For ‘The Walking Dead’? No, I didn’t get chance-”

“Okay, it’s literally one of my favourites, you need to come over and play it sometime so I can see what decisions you make. Oh, and you know what else is great zombie media? ‘The Last of Us.’”

“Right! It’s so good, even though Season Two wasn’t-”

“- Wasn’t as good, right!? Don’t get me wrong, I loved the first season but-”

Everyone else begins the game but you and Peter are caught up in your own conversation as you go through all the ‘nerd’ things that you both enjoy, things that Peter had thought he’d have to hide from you. Realising that you were into the same things as him only made him like you even more. The chemistry is flying between the two of you and by the time the session is up, neither of you has seen even one minute of the game you were meant to be playing. When he asks for your number you agree immediately, “Kate goes to fencing on Thursday nights. Come round and start playing ‘The Walking Dead’. I frickin’ love that game.”