#readasaur

1.

Pirate AU (Variant)

(Just to warn you, spoiled nobleman Specter does not have as much of an advantage as you would think; Captain Natalie isn't putting up with his nonsense. And as privateers, the protagonists are not as benevolent as usual)

The sounds of chaos were putting Spike in a chipper mood. The Twins were wreaking merry havoc, Jimmy was throwing cannon balls to marvelous effect, Captain Natalie was laughing like a mad woman, and even First Nate Jake was at serious risk of cracking a smile. And they were fighting apes! Apes in little sailor outfits! Spike had known that the best and worst things happened at sea, but this! He couldn't help but whistle a chipper tune as he knocked out a gibbon guarding a very interesting door. The lock was formidable, so he took his usual tactic of simply hacking his way through the wall, making good time as someone within screamed in mortal terror. When he'd created enough of an opening, he forced his way through the broken wall and saw a lovely room with the prettiest ape man he'd ever seen in his life cowering on the bed.

"Who... I mean, how dare you! I am Duke Specter, heir to the Empire of Hands! Throw down your weapon at once and you will merely be executed for this outrage!" The pretty ape man said, rallying himself admirably.

Spike gave a mocking bow with a flourish.

"Begging your pardon for the intrusion, your lordship! I've just come to relieve you of your valuables and then I'll be out of your silky white hair!" Spike caught the hand that was pointed at him and kissed it gallantly. The duke looked flustered, snatching his hand back as Spike strolled to the book shelf nearby and began taking anything that caught his eye and tossing it into his loot sack. He didn’t pause when he heard the telltale 'click' behind him, he immediately moved down and to his left in a spin as the pistol bullet hit directly where his head had been, scattering the pages of what had been a lovely manuscript. The Duke's eye widened as he saw Spike coming back at him, and his other hand was raising a letter opener when Spike tackled him to the bed. He was surprisingly strong for such a dandy, though still no match for Spike, who soon had him bound up in spare rope with his hands tied to his legs. He began shouting at Spike in a language he didn't recognize and Spike gave him a condescending pat on the head before resuming his looting. He'd finally switched back to English by the time Spike's plunder bag was about full and he'd turned back to the trussed up noble.

"-Your ancestors will feel your pain from whatever miserable afterlife they scuttled into! From the marrow of you bones to the tips of your hair, your body will be an epitaph of agony! You will rue the day you first beheld the sea! I will- wait, what are you doing??" His tone went from ferocious to fearful in moments as Spike's calloused hand closed in on his rump, pushed out as it was by the way he was tied.

2.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Spike's sea worn hand closed around that soft, goat like nub of a tail.

"Begging your pardon, your lordship, but I have never had the opportunity to hold the tail of royalty. No way to know when such a chance will pass my way again, can't risk missing out. My, this is a fiesty little thing! Feel it wiggle like a fish on a hook! A fitting tail for such a firey fellow such as yourself!" Spike teased him, intending to embarrass the little upstart. He wasn't expecting the gasp that escaped the ape's mouth, or the way he pushed back against Spike's grip. The human tilted his head curiously, and gave an experimental tug on the tail, earning another gasp. A third tug with more intent now, getting the duke's spoiled rump up to get smacked firmly by Spike's other hand. That was certainly not a cry of pain.

The privateer coughed, feeling as though his plan had backfired.

"Ah. Well. Begging your pardon again, your lordship, I'll be off now." Spike said quickly, heading to unlock the door.

"You're leaving? YOU'RE LEAVING?? YOU GET BACK HERE AND FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED, YOU CAD!!" The duke shouted at him from the bed. Spike didn't turn around, he tugged his hat down to hide his blushing face and hastily left through the now unlocked door, the duke's outrage following him down the hall.

He put it out of his mind as he emerged on deck, holding his bag aloft to the cheers of his shipmates. No one was headed back empty-handed, and Blood Haired Jimmy held an entire treasure chest by himself. They crossed the plank back to their own ship and left the apes to try and collect themselves after being so thoroughly thrashed by the Independent Privateers. There were more cheers and rum was being poured even before the last foot had hit the deck on the good ship Laborious Endeavors. It was a good day all around, and Spike could forget that strange noble in the finest company a sailor could ever want.

So he very nearly didn't recognize him when he found the ape lounging in his cabin after he'd finally stumbled to bed.

3.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Spike was a little drunk, so it took him a moment to catch up with the situation and comprehend that there actually was a nobleman ape in his bed wearing a fancy ruffled shirt, silk pants, and reading one of Spike's books.

"What?" Spike asked, in general response to what he was seeing. The duke closed the book and rolled over, splaying himself provocatively.

"Oh no, I've been captured. Woe is me." He said, fighting down a smile.

Comprehension was dawning horrifically on Spike, who smacked himself in the face.

"You can't be serious. We left your ship behind! We're privateers! This is not a pleasure cruise and you are not safe here!" Spike tried to inject some severity in his tone. From the way the duke's eye gleamed with interest, he was fairly sure that the problem wasn't himself.

"Oh? And what are you going to do with me?" The duke asked, his chest rising and falling with each excited breath.

Spike narrowed his eyes at him.

"UNHAND ME! THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!" The ape shouted as Spike held him by the scruff of his shirt like a yowling cat. He made his way back on deck. It seemed that only Blood Haired Jimmy had gone to bed and the rest of the crew were still about. Good. This beast-in-heat could be someone else's problem.

Captain Natalie was also slightly drunk.

"What?" She asked, tilting her head quizzically at Spike's squirming complication.

"Captain Natalie, this is Duke Specter, heir of the Empire of Hands,and I'll let him explain why he snuck on board." Spike declared wearily.

To his credit, the duke rallied and lied more easily than Spike expected. He stopped struggling and tried to compose himself as best he could under the circumstances.

"Good evening, Captain. I came here in the hopes of appealing to your good sense and reclaiming our treasure from you without the tedious need to hunt down your crew and execute you all. Surely you must realize that you cannot rob the Empire of Hands and escape? The bounties on your heads will be enormous! Return our property and surrender, and I will attempt to negotiate for some mercy." The duke lied smoothly.

Captain Natalie was unimpressed.

"And save yer own arse from the fire after losing it all to a crew of buccaneers, Aye suppose? Graciously refused, yer grace. Toss him overboard." She said, waving her hand dismissively.

The duke's expression told them that he had not even considered this possibility.

"Wait!! I am the heir of the Empire! Surely you can see I'm worth more alive than dead?!" He shouted, starting to struggle again.

"Yer Emperor has no more honor than Queen Victoria herself! He'd honor no deal, and pay no ransom. Simplest to disappear ye and be done with it." Captain Natalie said firmly. "Run him through with a knife first to ring the sharks' dinner bell before ye throw him."

The duke was at last taking the situation seriously as he struggled in Spike's grip, looking at him pleadingly.

Spike knew Natalie likely wasn't serious. She was negotiating and trying to get the duke to barter for his life with anything he might have left. But Spike knew that the duke had come here with nothing but his own body, and his claim of negotiating had been a lie. So he honestly didn't have anything to offer, which meant that Natalie would be bound to her own order to kill him if there was no good reason to belay it. Spike sighed.

"Wait, Captain."

4.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Captain Natalie raised an eyebrow at Spike. He knew how this worked. Contradicting her was not how it went.

"He's a twit, but that's not a capital offense. Let me mind him till we get to port. I'll truss him up and drop him off, and we'll be rid of him just as surely. He can even share my rations." Now Natalie was raising both eyebrows at him. He wished he could explain why he was protecting the little imp, but it wasn't the duke's dignity he was protecting. He did not want to admit he'd been playing with the spoiled creature and that had lead to this.

"...Bit late to save our souls with merciful kindness, Spike. But very well, he's yours." Captain Natalie said, trusting him enough to leave it at that. First Mate Jake didn't look so easily satisfied, but he kept quiet for now.

Spike returned to his bunk with the duke looking at him with a worryingly fascinated gleam in his eye. Spike tossed him on the bed and he lay on his stomach looking at Spike over his left shoulder.

"Don't get any ideas. I just didn't want to make the sharks sick with spoiled meat." Spike said, the duke looking not at all fooled. He considered making the duke sleep on the floor, but there was no point to that. With a frustrated growl, he lay down directly on the ape, earning an amorous wheeze him from him. "Stop. That."

"<3" Said the duke in response. Spike was already regretting this.

5.

NSFW

Pirate AU (Variant)

Spike knew what he had to do. He had to kick this fool out of his bed and make his stay on board miserable. He would reach port a disappointed but wiser ape.

He hugged the duke harder as he arched his back.

Okay, not kicking out the pretty ape with soft hair who is extremely willing to be taken. Fine. Just have to be extremely selfish in bed to give him a terrible time and show him what a bad idea this was.

The duke cried out as Spike coaxed him to climax for the third time, his hands on the ape's chest, nibbling the ape's ear, and their hips colliding.

Okay, his personal standards wouldn't let him be bad at wenching. Fine. Just had to be selfish AFTER the fact. Hog the blanket, make him sleep in his own mess, no cuddling.

Spike tenderly kissed the giggling ape as he cleaned him off with a warm wet rag, shifting him over to change the sheet and letting the duke nuzzle his chest when he was done as he held him securely.

Damn it. The duke was going to learn exactly the wrong lesson from all this. Spike resolved to be hard on him later. Ruthless. Make him regret ever stepping foot on board a ship.

He pet the duke's head as he fell asleep, very content.

Later. He'd clear the duke's obvious delusions later.

6.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Nobleman Specter fantasizing about dragging Spike to one of his homes as his personal bed warmer.

"Summer castle or winter castle? He'd make the winter months so much more pleasant, and he could carry me over those cold floors, but the summer castle has the better gardens and François is there and he could make Spike a decent wardrobe to match mine..."

Continues to daydream even as he's being yelled at for not hoisting Blood Haired Jimmy back up out of the water, as is his current job. Briefly takes a break to fantasize about putting Captain Natalie in an iron maiden because she keeps shouting at him for no good reason.

"Now, father would be less of a problem at the winter castle and I could spend all the time I want with Spike without him getting mad about-"

Abruptly realizes that taking a filthy human buccaneer as a serious consort would make his dad the angriest he's ever been in his entire life.

"...I wonder if I should marry Spike in the summer, or the winter? Winter suits me better and we could narrow the guest list, I suppose I'll have to let that horrible Captain Natalie out of the dungeon to attend, but a summer wedding would be so beautiful and it would really capture the proper mood and I would be able to see every detail of father's face in the bright summer light when I pledge my heart, soul and inheritance to Spike..."

7.

Pirate AU (Variant)

"Ah, the suffering I must endure." Duke Specter proclaimed as he swabbed the deck (badly, though he was actually improving) while wearing only a rag around his hips that barely concealed anything. The Twins watched him with great amusement, especially because he was trying to be provocative while he was mopping, which usually meant he either dropped the mop or hit himself in the head.

"...I'm sure he asked, but did you have to give him that to wear?" Spike asked as he approached the two siblings.

"We didn't give him that." Yumi told him.

"We had a pair of pants we'd tailored to his size." Kei said, holding up the pants as proof.

"He showed up wearing that." Yumi continued, as Specter slipped on a wet spot and crashed to the ground.

Spike hastily helped him up and he pretended to swoon.

"Bed time yet?" Specter asked hopefully.

"No, you insatiable satyr." Spike replied firmly, though he did stand directly behind the duke to show him how to swab properly, much to the ape's delight.

8.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Duke Specter approached Captain Natalie while she was carefully repairing a waterproof latern.

"No." She said immediately, not looking up.

"You don’t even know what I was going to say!"

"Ye were trying to smile, ye didn't start complaining before ye got within earshot, and yer palpable aura of aristocratic arrogance has been greatly diminished. Ye want something. Furthermore, ye want to barter because ye came here with only yer clothes and a couple o' books, so ye can't actually pay for anything despite bein' filthy rich. Aye don't accept credit or any "favors" ye could do me, ye depraved little imp, so the answer is 'no'. Now go away."

"...it's buried treasure."

"No such thing."

"Oh come on! You don't know that for sure!"

"No one buries money. They spend it. Anyone who thinks they have money hidden away is in fer a nasty shock when they go to retrieve it, because it's been stolen and spent by someone else."

"I will pay you more than your weight in gold! I have caskets of treasure I could give you for one small detour!"

"Aye respect ye too much to think that ye would pay me one copper coin when ye could have me locked up, me crew in jail, and Spike chained t' the foot of yer bed."

"Thank you. I might keep Jimmy too."

"He do be adorable."

"Look, I just want to go to Similacrum Island. Just for one day. I'll make it worth your while because that's honestly more convenient than getting you executed. You are all more convenient to me alive."

"No."

"...Please."

For the first time, Captain Natalie looked up and saw honest pleading in his eye.

"No. But!" She said, forestalling his outburst. "We are going near Similacrum. Aye suppose if ye want t' stretch yer legs an' Spike is willin' to walk ye around... Aye won't ditch ye first chance Aye get. Ye heathen demon."

"Thank you." It was also the first time he sounded genuinely grateful despite how many times she'd decided against keelhauling him.

It was something, at least.

9.

Pirate AU (Variant)

The duke made full use of his status as a polyglot to complain in multiple languages. First Mate Jake was unimpressed despite the duke's eloquent rant about the lack of proper hygienic standards on board the ship. Spike had hoped that the abundance of fresh water thanks to Captain Natalie's evaporation collectors would help mitigate this concern, but no such luck. Now Spike was reduced to sleepily approaching his errant bedmate as he began to pick up steam and Jake began to glance longingly at the ship's anchor. Before Jake could tie himself or the ape to the weight, Spike reached down and picked up the duke by his waist and lifted him all the way up to his face before firmly biting him on the ass.

"<3!!!!!!!!!!" Said the duke, flailing wildly before going limp. "...what was I saying?"

"Bed time." Spike said firmly, leaning towards Jak to kiss him on the cheek, which Jake accepted despite Spike just biting the duke on his spoiled behind.

The duke likewise accepted his fate and happily snuggled against Spike as he carried him to bed.

10.

Pirate AU (Variant)

It was disappointing that they were going to die so close to a port. The cargo bay was stocked with goods they were going to sell, the guns were dry of ammo, the hull was in need of repairs, they were all tired... all they needed was to resupply and rest somewhere safe, and yet that wouldn't be possible. It was a bit of a downer, and such was life.

The Constant Companion had their scent.

By unspoken agreement, Blood Haired Jimmy would row the duke to safety. The duke wasn't a part of the crew, he had no obligation to stay to the bitter end, and Jimmy was the youngest; he should have his chance to go on. It almost worked, they had convinced Jimmy he could take the duke to port in order to "go get help" and by the time he realized that they had tricked him, he would be safe and they would be beyond help.

The Constant Companion was heading towards them.

The duke was impatiently waiting in the rowboat, and Jimmy was climbing in when Yumi's resolve crumbled and she suddenly suggested that Kei go with them. That broke the dam, and suddenly everyone was volunteering to stay while everyone else got in the boat. Kei said Yumi should go. Spike said Jake should go. Jake said the duke and Jimmy would die within hours if Spike didn't go. Helga said Captain Natalie should go, and Captain Natalie loudly declared that she would never abandon her crew, ship be damned. No one noticed the way that duke flinched when he heard that from her. By this point, even the naive Blood Haired Jimmy knew something was wrong, and got out of rowboat to demand answers.

The duke looked at the crew, all trying to save each other at the expense of themselves, and then looked at the Constant Companion, within sight and getting closer.

The argument was interrupted when the rowboat was lowered from the boat into the water and the duke took off by himself.

"...well, that solves that." Helga said, diplomatically. Spike felt a bit sad to see the duke take off without even saying goodbye, though he was glad that at least one of them would get away.

"Wait, why is he headed towards it?" Blood Haired Jimmy asked the question that they were all wondering as the duke rowed not towards the port, but towards the towering zee beast that was hunting them. Spike was already at the helm frantically turning the ship to try and save him.

"Damned duke!! He would inconvenience us to the last!" Captain Natalie swore as she searched her pockets for anything to load in the cannon.

11.

Pirate AU (Variant)

"Oh, you're so stupid! That's not how life works! Things aren't like how you read them in your silly books! You're going to get yourself killed, thinking like that!" The duke said to himself in a mocking tone as he rowed the small boat, then scoffed. "And then those wizened scholars of pragmatic realism stand around arguing about who gets to be the noble martyr and go down with the bloody ship. Honestly."

The zee beast loomed above him, even at this range. The ship was headed towards him as well, the water carrying the urgent voices of the crew. They treated him like an annoyance and a burden.

And there had never been any question that he would be safely evacuated while they grimly faced certain doom.

Spike had even gotten his books to take with him.

He'd even added his own two favorites from his own meager collection.

Honestly...

Was this how flings at sea were supposed to go?

He glared up at the Constant Companion, its hungry, chittering brood on its back. It was unfair to take out his frustration on a dumb zee beast. He'd never been very fair. The duke moved his bangs away from where they covered his right eye.

He said a Word that had felt like molten lead pouring into his ear when he heard it. It felt like an explosion of gunpowder as he spoke it. The Constant Companion paused, now aware of the danger and too close to escape it. The duke's uncovered eye responded to the Word.

There was light.

Then ten pairs of spidery legs fell into the water, the body of the Constant Companion and its young now no longer there to keep said legs upright.

The duke collapsed into the rowboat, his last conscious thought being that of relief. That Word was gone from his mind. Only a pleasant coldness filled the space where its memory had been.

12.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Duke Specter drifted awake while nuzzling Spike's chest, a ritual he was quickly growing accustomed to. His smile faded when he saw he was in the middle of a gathering and everyone was looking at him with serious expressions.

'Confess to nothing. They can't prove that you stole and ate the raisins.' He thought to himself.

"Yes?" He asked innocently.

Captain Natalie pointed out at the water. He looked where she was pointing and did not see anything worthy of comment.

"There’s nothing there."

"Correct. There WAS a Constant Companion hunting us. Then you vaporized it. Explain."

"Surely you aren't objecting? It was going to eat us. Well, chew us up and feed us to its brood, if you want to get technical."

Helga and First Mate Jake restrained Captain Natalie as she reached for Specter's throat.

"She's asking how you did that, and wants to know why you didn't try that when she threatened to feed you to the sharks." Spike clarified.

"Oh. I used magic, obviously and that wouldn't really help me if I obliterate the ship I'm on. I'm a duke. I negotiate when I get can negotiate and obliterate when I have to obliterate." The nobleman ape said airily. He didn’t mention that he couldn't do that again until he relearned the Word he had used. Or that using so much power rendered him insensible for a short period of time, though they had probably figured that part out. If they thought that he had an ultimate weapon he was simply choosing not to use, so much the better. His attempt at bluffing was interrupted when Blood Haired Jimmy approached him and embraced him and Spike both.

"Thank you, duke. You saved us." Blood Haired Jimmy said warmly.

The duke did not know how to react to this.

Or when the others approached and either joined the hug or reached for him to stroke his silken fur, murmuring their own thanks.

The duke was tightly surrounded by humans who were expressing real gratitude to him and all he could do was freeze in place as his eye flicked around frantically, soaking in their attention without knowing the proper protocol to respond. Group hugs were not covered in his education. Gradually, they released him and stepped away, and Spike set him down. He kept one hand on Spike's hip to steady himself, overwhelmed by what he had just felt.

Captain Natalie did not approach him, she instead met his eyes and nodded once, and he understood. He'd risen from the status of "pest to be protected" to "guest to be respected".

When he had learned that Word, he had never expected to use it protecting a group of humans. As he looked up at Spike smiling down at him, he couldn’t imagine a better outcome than this.

13.

Pirate AU (Variant)

The crew tolerated the duke with wry amusement. He was treating them and their lives like props to live out some bodice-ripper fantasy, and it was a bit annoying at times. For the most part, he stuck by Spike and tried to lure him off for another romp, so he wasn't underfoot all the time even if he was distracting one of the most dependable hands on board the ship. Then again, that was part of the reason they put up with him as much as they did: Spike was always so dutiful in his responsibilities, it was nice to see him just indulging himself and sneaking off to giggle and fumble with the silly aristocratic ape. So the crew got used to duke Specter and his sporadic attempts at doing chores when he was sufficiently bored, and his habit of complaining to fill the silence, and his habit of joining in a group song with a skilled tenor voice, and his mysterious, seemingly random knowledge that he would volunteer out of nowhere.

"If you call the Blue Prophets by the names they're saying, it frightens them for a moment. Don't ask them questions, they're used to that. Don't try to deny the truth of their words, you'll never convince the they're wrong. But if you make them think they misunderstood, you can get just a second of them being worried." The duke said, seemingly unconcerned about the bright blue parrots that were determined to devour the ship with beak and talon while crying out the names of the doomed. Kei shrugged and called out "Hey, Florence!" before he shot it, and it did indeed pause long enough for him to get a bead on it. Soon, the ship's crew echoed back the names as the tide turned against the Blue Prophets and eventually they were tidying up the unnaturally heavy bodies of the birds while the duke grudgingly helped sweep up the brilliant blue feathers that littered the deck. He never explained how he knew that. They just assumed that it was part of his education; after all, the Empire of Hands had zeppelins, didn't they? Of course he would know how to handle an aerial threat.

The abandoned island of Similacrum was getting nearer by the day.

14.

Pirate AU (Variant)

Spike offered the duke some wine, and was waved off. They assumed that it simply didn't meet his high standards. When a lucky find caught them some vintage Hallow wine, he still refused.

"Oh come on, that's as good as it gets!" Yumi said, her face flushed from just a glass.

"I know. I drank too much at one time, and now the smell makes me ill." The duke explained, which also told Spike why he shied away when Spike drank too much.

"Why'd you drink so much?" Blood Haired Jimmy asked, perceptive enough to notice the oddness and foolish enough not to notice the brittle tone.

"...We went on a journey. I didn't want to go." The duke said, his eyes looking far away.

Captain Natalie scoffed, and poured herself a glass.

"What, not enough boys for ye to ogle? Not enough mirrors t' admire yer self? Library no' as big as th' bleeding sky?" She jeered.

"Something like that." The duke replied, glancing at his hands. The bruises had faded, but he still remembered the pain of pounding on the window, screaming himself hoarse for his father to see sense, struggling against the guards as he desperately tried to get off the ship, to do something, anything to help them. If nothing else, he owed it to them to stay.

But no. Father had broken a promise he'd never planned to keep, and humans had once agan effortlessly surpassed the Emperor of Hands in their loyalty. "I would never abandon my crew!" Captain Natalie had declared, expecting to prove it with her life.

He hated the smell of wine now.

It hadn't even helped him to forget.

15.

Pirate AU (Variant)

The duke was wearing a full outfit again, because ports were not as indulgent as the crew about him wearing only an artful scrap of cloth and pretending to be a captive. They were far enough from the Empire of Hands that he didn't need to disguise himself from people who might know his true identity; and the obvious fact that he was a Pentacost Ape meant that no one trifled with him. He drifted behind Spike as they made their way to pick up supplies, the duke not optimistic about the prospects of finding anything truly appetizing in this gloomy place. He was just hoping that they would find anything that wasn't either covered in fungus or actually a mushroom. He was entirely unprepared for a familiar voice to greet him.

"Duke Specter? Goodness and darkness, it is you! How lovely to see you again!"

He turned to face a woman dressed in blue and pink, her head wrapped in linen strips with a bat mask pushed to one side of her face, and a blue gem and a pink gem held by strips to cover her eyes. The pink gem glowed as she beamed down at him.

"Lady Adore? I wasn't expecting to see you here." So much for no one recognizing him. A former ally who had been cheated by his father. This could go badly. Then again, Lady Adore was a strange creature even by human(?) standards.

"Oh, I do get around! How have you been, you dear thing? You're looking much better than the last time I saw you! Dear me, that was a bit of an incident, wasn't it?" Her smile turned to a frown as the pink gem dimmed and the blue gem brightened. An "incident" she called it. What an understatement. As ever, she gave no sign of aggression, though she could be at least as formidable as Spike and his crew. Spike was standing nearby, trying to give them space while also being on hand if Specter needed him. He was very thoughtful that way.

"You were left without the reward my father promised you." The duke said bluntly, almost matching her in terms of understatement. She'd been promised vast riches for her considerable assistance, and been shot at.

"Ah, well, he still has time to make things right. I am hardly his most pressing creditor." She said flippantly.

"I heard. Have they caught up with him?"

"Not yet, but the reckoning can not be delayed forever. They're all frightfully angry, you know."

"And you? Are you going after him? Or me?"

"Goodness and darkness, no! I bear you no ill will, good duke! And revenge is a waste of time. I shall move forward, as ever."

"I inherit everything from father. His assets and his debts. I will pay you back for your services, Lady Adore. You're the main reason that airship was able to take flight."

"Dear, please don't burden yourself. I saw you in the window that day. The last thing you wanted to do was take flight."

So she had seen him. She had been there for the launch, when the Pentecost Apes were to escape the embargo on their grand airship. The day the Emperor took his court, and then betrayed his citizens by leaving them behind, having the guards ward them off with bullets. He'd seen her from the window he'd been trying to break, bewildered confusion on her face before she stepped forward and spread her bullet-proof skirts to protect the apes from the guns. She'd done more for them than he had.

"And who is that handsome young man I saw you with? Have you gotten yourself a beau?"

"Lady Adore, no."

"I'm just saying, he looked quite infatuated with you, and you were smiling so brightly at him."

"Lady Adore, NO."

"Do I hear wedding bells...?"

"Please just demand the money I don't have!"

"You're both welcome to drop by my home! I have a guest room with plenty of privacy..."

"Where are the assassination attempts on my life when I need them?!"

16.

NSFW

Pirate AU (Variant)

The duke didn't know how to coil a rope. He knew it was just a matter of deduction, it was just a damn coiled line. However, the thought of doing it wrong had him hesitating before he'd even begun. One of the Twins approached him, and he was so focused on his task that he didn't notice the change in the human's demeanor. Not until his finger gently circled the duke's ear. The Pentacost Ape froze. Was this really happening?

"Want me to stop?"

The duke shook his head.

"Good. Hands on the wall. Push your hips back."

The duke obeyed. He shivered as he felt the human's hand gripping his hips, and slowly slid back to cup his rump, then up to play with his tail. The duke did not attempt to stay quiet, and the Twin appreciated that, adjusting his touches to coax the duke to make different noises. He was playing him like an instrument, teasing him in the hallway for anyone to notice them. The duke loved it.

Though he did freeze up when someone actually noticed them.

"Hey. I want him too." The other Twin said, approaching them.

"No! I got him first. Wait your turn."

She didn't wait, she put her hands on the duke as well, as though to lay claim.

The male Twin growled, and the duke found his loincloth untied and tossed aside.

"Fine. We'll share. AGAIN."

. . .

When the duke finally stumbled back to Spike's bunk, looking like he'd been dragged to heaven and back, Spike wasn't sure how he felt. The Twins had asked his permission, and he said that they needed to ask the duke instead. He'd obviously said yes. Spike wasn't sure if he felt jealous or possesive. He wasn't angry, but he wasn't indifferent either. As he held the duke close, the ape still shuddering and squirming from the euphoria he'd endured, Spike acknowledged one thing: he was happy that the duke had chosen to stay in his bed with him.

17.

I do enjoy the contrast between Admiral Specter being very body shy and flustered and Duke Specter tearing his clothes off and laying down with his tail wagging.

18.

Pirate AU (Variant)

The duke had not really been listening when Captain Natalie had told them what to look for on this small island, so he picked a location at random and pretended he was searching for whatever it was. (A lamb? Did she say a lamb?) When the Luminous Beggars started to swarm, it was a nice break from the boredom. He casually climbed the nearest stalagmite to survey them out of reach of their claws as they swarmed, noting the scratches on their shells and how aggressively they moved; they were clearly starving and would definitely risk attacking him on the off chance they could eat him. The duke contemplated whether to freeze them or burn them, with freezing being neater but having consequences later, while burning would create the most appalling smell. Then he spotted Spike dashing towards him looking worried, and realized that there was a far better option.

"Help! Spike, help! I'm surrounded!" He shouted, pretending that he was in any real danger.

Spike somersaulted through the air to crush two Luminous Beggars beneath his boots when he landed, which immediately got the others to go after the dead ones rather than more lively prey. Spike smashed three more for good measure when they went after him instead of the corpses, and soon the Luminous Beggars had forgotten them entirely. Spike spread out his arms and Specter felt his heart flutter. Was he really...? Yes, he was! The duke let himself fall backwards, his pulse racing before Spike caught him, the duke's mind reeling that Spike had actually offered to catch him in his arms after rescuing him. Spike carried him back to the rowboat while the duke thanked him theatrically and then suddenly stopped.

"Wait... you could have vaporized them." Spike noted, starting to look annoyed.

"I can't just do that any time I want!" Which was true. "You did save me!" Which wasn't.

This seemed to placate Spik, who continued to carry him as the others came back with a lamp. Oh, they'd been looking for a lamp.

19.

Pirate AU (Variant)

The duke had actually expected Blood Haired Jimmy to be more shy. He certainly blushed easily and it was not difficult to fluster him. But as the human pressed him against the wall and forced his mouth open with his own mouth, the duke had to admit that the boy had surprised him. He was so damn warm! It was like being embraced by a cooling furnace tong, and just as yielding. The duke had a general idea of how strong humans were (less than apes, as it should be) and Blood Haired Jimmy was clearly far beyond that as he effortlessly manhandled the duke however he wanted. He was also a sloppy, clumsy kisser, making a mess of it.

Specter was in heaven. He was being ravished by a gentle brute who could do anything he wanted, and what he wanted was to use the duke, while also ensuring that the ape enjoyed himself. He never moved too roughly, he let the duke adjust to his considerable size, and as Specter spent an uncountable amount of time with his legs wrapped around the human's bare waist, he never wanted it to end.

Later, trembling in Spike's bed as Spike applied a washcloth to him, he was thankful that Jimmy stopped when he did. The duke was dehydrated for multiple reasons, and carefully sipped his water with a trembling hand while Spike washed him. The crew kept insisting that the novels he'd read about romantic buccaneers were nonsense, yet if anything they'd understated the reality he'd experienced on this ship. Even Spike, one of the most staunch advocates for the grim truths of life at sea, was letting him stay in his bed and ministered to him with only sarcasm and eye-rolling as the tribulations that the duke had to endure. The duke let out an especially throaty sigh as he spread his legs wider, causing Spike to pause and gulp before he resumed.

One usually had to pay a sultan's ransom for this kind of thing, and the duke was getting it more or less for free. Of course, the oblivious humans would be repaid, one way or another. They might see him as a pretty freeloader, but the duke always repaid his debts. Spike's washcloth soothed his overheated body and earned another loud sigh, the duke unaware of how highly Spike prized those sounds he made. Spike considered any debt to be in the duke's favor, not his.

20.

Pirate AU (Variant)

There were many things to enjoy about his current situation, the duke reflected as he nuzzled Spike's bare chest. The humans here accepted his title without question, yet the full meaning of it seemed irrelevant to them. He was the heir of the Empire of Hands, and they simply didn't care. No one was cozying up to him for favors, no one was applying pressure to him, no one was asking questions he couldn't answer, and the pressure of his father's attention had never felt so distant. Instead, he was just judged for who he was in the moment, and while he thought it was unfair that he was considered an annoying lout, he was also treated like a pretty and desirable concubine. And he could live quite happily with that. It was so uncomplicated, the relationship he had with these riff-raff ruffians. Even Spike, his definite favorite, was just happy to share his bed and lavish occasionally sarcastic affection on the duke. When the ship had been attacked, it had seemed like yet another problem to join the countless others Duke Specter was trying to handle. Instead, a human had effortlessly dodged his attempt to kill him, subdued him without so much as slapping him, and then manhandled his tail so brazenly that the duke was sure he was having an erotic dream.

Later, he would rationalize his impulsive decision to follow the human as an escape from his father, or a way to ransom himself back to the Empire. At the moment, it had been like being trapped in a room with closing walls, then seeing someone burst in, say "oops, wrong way!" and then leave a hole in the wall after they left. He'd gone through out of desperation, and it had exceeded his wildest hopes.

But most of all, thought the duke who was genuinely a brilliant ape, it was uncomplicated and free of silly love and romance like his novels. Despite being a genius, it truly didn't occur to him that spending a great deal of time around someone who made you feel safe and happy after enduring a terrible ordeal would almost certainly lead to complications. No, he sighed and nuzzled Spike's chest like a lovesick oaf and thought himself a clever ape to have avoided all that.

21.

Pirate AU (Variant)

NSFW

When Helga had asked the duke if he knew the Iron Chant, he had thought she was just testing him. He had no idea why she'd care if he had memorized a very intricate and complicated performance, but he had and proudly told her so. When she had asked to meet her in her cabin, he was very pleased to find that was interested in his services and he eagerly lay on his back on her bed as she knelt on his waist. The only concern he had was that he was not especially practiced when it came to using the equipment up front as he was for the back, and he wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to satisfy her. She had already anticipated this, and asked him to recite the Iron Chant once they hit a rhythm. With Jimmy and Spike, it was like a blissful blur of losing track of time as they coaxed him to climax again and again. With the Twins, he was overwhelmed by the demanding presence of just one of them, and two were an incredibly vivid experience. With Helga, as he endured the edging and kept his mind desperately focused on the Chant, he was very aware of every second in minute detail as time seemed to slow to a crawl as he was ridden at a steady, excruciating pace. It was the longest he'd ever lasted, but his efforts paid off and he saw the normally reserved Helga genuinely lose herself to his ministrations. It was a while before he could again stagger back to Spike's cabin. Spike chose to clean him off with his tongue this time, which lead to more welcome relief. Spike recognized the taste of Helga, and praised Specter for having the stamina she demanded. And as the duke dozed in his arms, Spike wondered why this troubled him. Was he jealous? Did he want to keep the ape all to himself? He didn't think so, but he was feeling uneasy. Was he just being protective? The duke seemed ravaged by his shipmates and came back a deliriously happy wreck if they had him for too long. But he very obviously loved doing it, and Spike didn't want to deprive him of something that made everyone so happy.

...Maybe if he went with him next time. Was there a way to ask that wouldn't sound possesive or distrustful? What would he even do? Supervise? Make the duke take breaks? Join in and hope everyone's combined efforts could finally slake the duke's lust? He pet the ape's head and thought in circles.

uhhhh i think my only other Relevant thought rn is that I think Ralsei will end up being a secret boss. Maybeeee the last one. The set up is Vaguely there already!

all secret bosses so far seem to have this Meta Awareness that drove them mad (Ralsei seems to know a bit too much, he might be headed that way in the future...)

the secret bosses have this connecting thread of "wanting freedom". To be fair, this is heavy speculation but i think Ralsei's freedom is just "not being abandoned anymore". He is the lonely prince for a reason, and it's said that all he has done until now has been wait for the heroes of legend. Just... alone? Was he trapped in that loneliness? Is therefore his freedom just being being placed in circumstances that give him friends (kris, susie, the other kids in the future probably) and actual subjects (on a good route, castletown seems bound to keep on growing AND growing...)?

all secret bosses represent objects that aren't desired, things which have been discarded: Jevil being the joker card, Spamton being spam email, Ralsei being... That damned abandoned headband!!!!!!!!! (yes this all circles back to me being LOYAL af to that theory). He is a discarded dream. Unwanted. It fits too well with the characteristics so far.

Sure it might be a big stretch, but oooohhh i assure you, it doesn't stop me from rotating that theory in my mind a lot. (also ok i have to come clean I AM VERY BIASED BECAUSE I WANT RALSEI TO BE MORE IMPORTANT AND i do want him to know gaster goddamnit!!!!)