A Lack of Color || Closed
The pain is unbearable, unimaginable even. You suspect itâll be painful, but you can never truly understand until you feel it, and when you do, thatâs all you feel; the pain. Clenching his side, Josh felt the warmth of his own blood seeping out from beneath his skin. He tried to ignore it. To tell himself that he was stronger, that he wouldnât let the pain and the helplessness overtake him. With each passing second, every struggled step he took, he could feel more and more blood emptying unto the ground. He applied pressure, like heâd seen in movies a dozen times, wincing and attempting to silence his screams as he staggered. Suddenly his surroundings became blurry, his balance almost non-existant, and reaching out his hand for whatever he could grab to guide him just wasnât enough. Everything was heavy, making it impossible for him to keep himself up. Moments later, the boy lay powerless on the ground, struggling to even keep his eyes open. âHelp,â he attempted to call out, but the words came out in a barely audible whisper.
They say your life flashes before your eyes as your body closes in on death, that the last thing that fills your mind is the memories of all those years lived. Theyâre wrong. The only things the boy saw were the ones worth remembering. The important people, the important moments, those are the things that filled his mind. Images of the simple moments when he knew for sure he was happy, moments heâd give anything to be back in at that time.
He refused to give in, though he felt himself growing weaker and weaker, he refused to let his eyes close. He refused to let himself succumb to the fate so brutally sprung onto him. Colors disappeared, anything he was able to hear before simply vanished, and he felt himself grow almost completely numb. A single tear rolled down his face, as the severity and the reality of his current state fully sank in. Only one, he only had enough life in him to release but one. Though he couldnât ask himself many questions, his loss of blood making it harder and harder for him to even think, he tried desperately to come up with a reason as to why this was happening, why him. Why anyone. Some sort of explanation, anything at all to put himself at peace while he denied the inevitable.
The memories were vivid. He felt himself drift out of his own body, all physical feeling completely gone. And he lived and thrived in the final images he was able to remember. Alanna being present for the majority of his recollections. He saw himself baking cupcakes, always sprinkles, never forget the sprinkles, her voice clearly in his head. Endless amounts of innuendos and laughter with Carson. Chalk drawings and awesome cover songs with Luci. Memories of Alison, Stella, Dennis, and Isaac, as his life rushed out of him, all the memories rushed back. Touchdown passes, double plays. If he had it in him to smile, he would have. Alannaâs smile showed back in his mind again, he always loved when she smiled. The feel of her hugs, the warmth of her kiss, the way his heart raced just being around her. Their constant âI love youâs.â And then, nothing.Â