#razimio

Requested by Anonymous

It's not as smutty as the prompt would make it seem. Sorry?

Furious heels clicked down the hall of the police headquarters, making Azimio’s head shoot up. He grinned. He could recognize that walk anywhere. “Rachie-Baby, that you?” he asked, walking towards the wall of his jail-cell. Glass separated him from his 5’2” (well, 5’4” with those angry-sounding shoes on) furious wife and the giant of a police officer standing next to her.

“Don’t you ‘Rachie-Baby’ me, Azimio. Indecent exposure? Indecent exposure?! What exactly were you doing to get yourself in here because of indecent exposure?”

“It was a bachelor party. You know how it is,” he whined, pressing up against the glass.

“No, I don’t. I don’t make it a habit to go to bachelor parties. But I have been to enough bachelorette parties to know that you DON’T get arrested for indecent exposure! Unless YOU were the one stripping, I see NO REASON why the public should be exposed indecently to something that is none of their business.”

“You just jealous you wasn’t there for the show,” he chuckled, raising an eyebrow. Catching Rachel’s furious look, he backed up. “Okay, okay! I get it! Chill, woman! Just pay the damn bail and we can go home and get our own indecent exposure on.”

“You really think I want to have sex with you right now?”

Azimio looked down at his bachelor party outfit, a torn shirt with lewd expressions written all over it and hot-pink pants.  “I don’t see why not. I am hot as hale. And don’t try an’ lie to me; I know prison sex is one of your kinks, baby.”

“Azimio Adams,” she said with a fiery glare. “We do not discuss personal matters such as kinks in a prison. Do you realize there could be rapists around the corner? How do you think they feel about knowing there is a woman walking around with…that information in the air? How would you feel if your wife were manhandled by some mugger because you put ideas into their head, hmm?”

“You ain’t gonna be manhandled by no one once you get me out of here and we can go home,” he promised.

“You’re damn right about that,” she snarled back. “And you’re included, Mr. Adams.” Rachel spun on her heels to follow the officer and pay bail, not noticing Azimio mocking her in a high falsetto after she left.

After all the paper work was threw and the situation was handled, Azimio settled into their car, thoroughly pleased with himself. “Can I just say you looked damn fine marchin’ around that slammer like you owned the damn place? You’re just Little Miss Warden, ain’tchu, baby?”

“We’re not talking about that,” Rachel said, steering them into the nearly deserted streets. “It’s late, I’m mad at you, and you just got arrested for indecent exposure, Azimio. How do you think that makes me feel? I’m your WIFE! No one, and I mean no one is supposed to see your equipment but me! How would you feel if the roles were switched, hmm?”

“I’d probably end up in the cell next to you after knocking the lights out of every damn fool who saw you, that’s what would happen,” he grunted.

“Azimio,” she pleaded.

“Rachel…can I at least tell you what happened? Then feel free to judge me as much as you want. Lord knows you’re practiced enough.” He took her sigh as an invitation to explain. “I’m the best man, right? And so I’m in charge of the whole damn party. I hired a gay stripper dude, but he sucked balls.” Azimio paused, snorting before correcting, “actually, he didn’t suck balls. He was bad. That’s what I meant. He showed up wasted as hell and went around draping himself over all the married dudes. And THEN he called Dave ‘Mr. Teddy Bear’. Ain’t no way my boy’s getting called ‘Mr. Teddy Bear’ at his own damn bachelor party. So we had a change of plans, kicked the thug out, and-”

“You chose to strip instead?”

“I chose to find a new stripper. But I had to find one while I was butt-naked, so that it was funny or some shit, not stressful and one of those ‘ah, fuck, Z’s a terrible straight best friend he can’t even find me a good male stripper’ nights.”

Amused, Rachel asked, “Do you have many of those nights or something?”

“Shut up,” he laughed. “So I eventually found one, shady as hell but I found one, but at the same time the cops found me. Sent the boy off to play with Big D and the other dudes, let Craig take over my duties, y’know.”

Rachel said nothing, feeling Azimio’s eyes on her. Finally, she sighed. “Alright, it’s a good excuse at least. Sort of. But I’m still mad at you!” They pulled into their covered parking lot, Rachel hooking her arm around Azimio’s as they walked to the apartment. “You’re not allowed to get arrested for that ever again. You’re not allowed to get arrested ever again!”

“Baby, what if we both get arrested for indecent exposure next time?”

“Obviously that would nullify the problem,” she replied curtly.

Azimio grinned, looking straight ahead and being quick to imagine how that would all play out. Damn, if Rachel was up for it, it was gonna happen. That was too sexy to pass up. “First though,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her. “You done said you was mad, right?”

“Yes, Azzy, I did.”

“I know you said that bullshit about no sex or whatever…but…you’s mad I got arrested, I’m mad you bedazzled my briefcase…gettin’ angry in bed…you feelin’ me, baby?”