I like it when I get to feel conclusiveness.
Recently I've been struggling horribly with making time for myself. [Although in reality it isn't a recent struggle... just one that I've felt more keen to prioritize repairing.]
On my venture on how to combat my subconscious urges to utterly submit myself to caring for others, or I am otherwise wasting unnecessary time and being a useless failure— I've picked up the concept of a "Zero hour" which is typically the time when you first wake up, intentionally dedicated to oneself.
My example of what this looks like is a simple routine with the intention of listening to my curiosities and soft want of pleasure. My alarm goes off, or I wake naturally, and I pull from my list of productive, personal things to do. Like practicing my guitar, drawing, writing, reading, intentional music listening, solo gaming, etc.
This doesn't have to actually last an hour. In fact, the goal is to follow up my 45 minutes of waking with my equally as strugglesome to upkeep morning routine. But the mentality of a zero hour has inspired change in what I want to learn and prioritize with making routines, which is being intentional with myself and my time.
This doesn't mean I don't challenge myself either... I owe it to myself to challenge and keep things interesting. That is a part of the pleasure, pacing my growth and studies on what exactly I'm doing, and changing things up as I do and desire. [I'd say teaching oneself to play the guitar is an example of that!]
I proceed to follow that time into my morning routine by going to the bathroom and pairing that with washing my face. Then the kitchen for a drink, and paired that with taking my medicine. Coming back to my room, i make the bed and pair that with a 3-5 minute exercise routine. Pairing tasks makes completing more feel less overwhelming. I have adhd, and anything can become an unwanted element in the list of things to be done towards completion, making it stressful and undesirable.
I owe it to myself to keep things pleasurable, while caring for my needs and being intentional about that... I get really ashamed and embarrassed about having needs and taking up space, and that toxic shame isn't fair to myself or the people who care about me. It's a small intentional change that I think could help me with combating those feelings.
I am also terrible at using me time for me instead of doom scrolling, which i hate really bad. Because i have things i want to do and executive dysfunction often falls victim to being sucked into scrolling instead. So i hope this will also combat this habit alongside my app timers, and using my tablet instead of my phone before bed.
Because a tablet is really big and uncomfortable to scroll on, for me personally. I like to call with my partner to sleep and this allows for that while also being just inconvenient enough to only really warrant me using the device intentionally... Yay.
