#rapmon imagines

Tears were falling unstop at this point as you press backspace again. All the feelings were mixed right now. Sadness, depression, anger, frustration, confusion, hate, pain. You didn’t know what to do anymore. Your hand tightens around your phone but it slowly let goes of it when you throw your phone across the room and aim it on the wall next to the door. Screaming out, you grab your hair and slide down the bed while crying out as much as you could. Overthinking was one of your biggest problem and at a time like this, it was getting over the limit. You couldn’t stop it. You couldn’t do anything. Blaming yourself for everything that’s happened. You never thought of yourself as the most perfect or beautiful person. You knew about your flaws and always tried to accept them and be happy but people always fall. People always have bad times where they doubt or hate or bring themselves down. This was more than just a bad time. This was you losing your everything, you losing the one person you never wanted to lose. This was you wanting Namjoon back but not knowing how to. This was you wanting it stop but you couldn’t. This was-

“Ya!! (Y/N), if you don’t open this door, I swear I’ll-” Bomi stops yelling and runs down the hall as she remembers something.

After a few seconds, you hear her run back to your door and hear the door unlock. Bomi walks in and sees the state you were in and walks to you to hug you but you push her back. This was normal for you. You always pushed people away at times like this because you didn’t want people to see you like this, especially Bomi. She deals with your nagging and stubbornness silently and finally pulls you into a tight hug. It may seem too dramatic for anyone else to see you cry like this over a boy but Bomi knew what Namjoon meant to you. He was a friend then he gradually upgraded his way up till here and he meant everything he said to you. She saw the glow your eyes held when you were with him. He was the best thing that could ever happen to you, after Bomi of course. She understood why you’re acting the way you’re acting. This is the first time you had fell in love. First love always leave huge marks and wounds if they don’t work out. Bomi went through it and you were there for her back then. This was time for Bomi to do the same to you although she hoped it never had to turn out this way. Plus she always knew that you were weaker than you look. You could act fine or good or not too broken but deep down you were always too weak at times like this. At times when you fell or had bad times. She knew it all and she was doing all she could to keep you going. If Bomi had a chance to attack Namjoon, she would but she also knew that even now, you will still protect him and it was killing her to see you this way.

The tears wouldn’t stop, the pain you were feeling, the betrayal, everything. It was all too much to take in all of a sudden, and with the wedding, you couldn’t do anything. How could he marry someone after leaving you like this? All these things were starting to make you wonder when he started feeling different because you knew he loved you, he obviously did. So why did it turn out like this? Bomi’s voice was a fade in your head since the thoughts were screaming out. Your chest feels like it’s crushing into pieces, it was hurting you even while breathing. Your head was throbbing with pain and your throat was begging for some water. Your body was starting to shake because of all the crying. All the crying caused by Namjoon. This had happened before but not this serious. Before, he even promised it won’t happen again but now you were in this situation because of him.

Once you do stop crying, you freeze in one position. You didn’t have the energy to move or to feel anything right now. You force yourself to stop crying and sit up to stare in front of you. Letting the thoughts fill your head, you stay still like a statue as Bomi watches you, waiting for you to do something at least. The door bell rings multiple times and Bomi runs to open the door, leaving you still. The fast footsteps you hear from down the hall were familiar enough to turn your gaze towards the open door. You look up at his sweaty body and hair, his heavy pants were obvious that he got here as fast as he could. Your crying starts again as he walks towards you and pulls you into an embrace once he gets on his knees.

“I got here as fast as I could.” He says to both, you and Bomi. His hands were rubbing your back and his other hand was patting your head as he was shushing you. “Hobi-ah, can you please tell me this isn’t true?” You sob out into Hoseok’s shirt as he pulls you tighter into his embrace. Bomi was starting to cry a little by seeing your state so she leaves to get some water for both of you. Hoseok keeps telling you to stay calm and that it’ll be alright but it was only causing you to break down even more. “Hey.” Hoseok breaks the embrace by pushing you a little back so you face him. He cups your face and wipes away your tears. “Stop crying, okay? I know him since we were kids, he wouldn’t do something like that without a reason. I’ll talk to him and ask him what the fuck is going on. Okay?” He wipes away your tears and takes a glass from Bomi when she arrives. He puts the glass on your lips and makes you drink the water even when you refuse. “That’s enough. (Y/N). Please don’t do this to yourself. I’m here for you and so is Bomi. I’ll beat him up for you. I’ll hang him upside down. I’ll kick his ass.” Your lips curve into a small smile at Hobi’s words and he clicks his tongue after seeing how forced and sad it looks. “Come here.” He pulls you back into a tighter embrace while you cry a little more.

Hoseok has been your friend ever since the beginning of high school, he had summer dance classes with you; that’s how you two met and coincidentally you two went to the same school. He is as close and important as Bomi is. Namjoon and Hoseok knew each other even before you and Bomi knew them. They grew up together ever since they were babies, there were five more other guys you heard of but you had never seen them. Neither Namjoon nor Hoseok spoke about them. They just mentioned that it was them seven boys since they were kids but without any details. Not even names. According to Hoseok, it was better you and Bomi stayed out of it because Namjoon and the others had a huge fight which caused the group to split. Hoseok was neutral in the situation since he had moved to America during that time. When he came back, he found out that you, Bomi and Namjoon were friends and the other boys stayed away from Namjoon, leaving Hoseok aside. He didn’t have anything against any of them nor did they have anything against him so they let him be as he was with you, Namjoon, and the others. Hoseok had always been so cheerful with you, he always helped you when you couldn’t ask for help. He was like another you. You had seen him have hard times and it always broke you to see him that way. You, Namjoon, and Bomi have always been there for him and he has always been there for you and the others. He cared for you all the time and made sure nothing bad happens to you. Namjoon trusted him with you too. Though Hoseok and Namjoon were the same age, Hoseok had graduated with you and Bomi since he missed 2 years when he went abroad. He is like your best friend and your own older brother that you could never have. You trust him with everything just like how you trust Namjoon and Bomi.

Hoseok didn’t let go of you until you stop crying. Even when you did stop, he was still holding you because you were too weak at this moment. He probably knows how it feels to watch the person you love with someone else. He always had feelings for you but he never said anything because he noticed how Namjoon always looked at you, with that glow in his eyes. Like you were his everything. He couldn’t confess his feelings so he stayed quiet all the time and eventually got happy when he saw you happy all the time with Namjoon. Of course he still had feelings for you but he controlled them in his own ways. Through singing or dancing, through teaching and helping other people in his dance academy. You shift a little and that’s when he moves back to look at your face. He lets out a sigh and gets up while gently picking you up and placing you on the bed. You watch him with tired and hurting eyes as he picks up your phone and puts it on the side table. Then he picks up the glass and takes it out to the kitchen and walks back after a while in with a box of tissue and a plate of food. He orders you to sit up and you silently just do it, not wanting to nag or give him and Bomi a hard time. Breaking the food into little bites, he shifts them unto the chopsticks and brings it up to your lips to feed you. You try to take it from him so you can eat on your own but he hisses, making you stare at him.

“I’ll feed you so you eat all of it and not just 2 bites.” He says as low as a whisper and moves his hand forward, asking you to open your mouth. Bomi was leaning on the door frame, staring at you and thinking how you’ll get through this. You weren’t as strong as you made it seem to everyone. You cover it up so others didn’t worry about you and everyone close to you knew it. Hoseok keeps giving you bite after bite, even when you stop him. “You can’t ruin yourself over this, (Y/N). Don’t ruin your routine or yourself in any way. Please.” He sounds stern yet calm. He was ordering you but also comforting you in a way. “I’m here for you, Bomi is here for you, your parents are here for you, your friends are here for you. And we all care about you too much and we can’t see you like this. Okay?” You nod your head slowly and fix your pillow behind you so you can lay down. Hoseok gets up and hands the now empty plate to Bomi and turns to give you water again. Once you finish drinking, he tucks you in bed and plays with your hair for a while until you fall asleep. He stares at you for a while then leans in to kiss your forehead. “We all love you. And we can’t see you crumble, especially me.” He whispers to your sleeping state. Then strokes your hair last time and leaves the room, leaving you to rest.

~Namjoon’s point of view~

Everyone had eaten lunch and watched the article and news spread like wild fire. Namjoon’s father and his uncle congratulate each other and him and Soo Jung then go into the office to talk alone, leaving Namjoon alone with Soo Jung. She looks at him and smiles. Namjoon stares at her with an emotionless face then turns to go upstairs to his bedroom. Soo Jung follows him around even when he didn’t want her to. When he opens his door, she lets herself in and sits on the bed.

“You can’t just walk into my room like that.” Namjoon stares at her while she makes herself comfortable on the bed. “Why not? This will be our room after a few weeks.” Soo Jung purrs, causing Namjoon to get even more furious than he already was with everything and everyone. “Sure. It will be, but right now, this is my room.” “Oh stop being so boring. Always so serious with me.” Soo Jung rolls her eyes and looks around the room. “You should be happy since you’re engaged and-” “Why? Am I supposed to be happy?” Soo Jung looks at him and gives out her cheeky smile. “Are you that happy?” “Obviously. I’m finally able to call you mine.” “Just by words and contracts.” “What?” Namjoon scoffs and shakes his head slowly while putting his hands in his pockets. “I’m only yours because of the contract. Don’t expect me to touch you in any way.” “Are you seriously going to dwell and drown yourself into a sad pit because of a girl?” “Are you seriously going to be happy, knowing that you ruined that girl’s life?” Soo Jung’s smile disappears after hearing those words. Namjoon knew that Soo Jung always liked him. He knew a lot about her even though she was good at keeping her secrets. She is his cousin and they did grow up together so obviously he knew things about her even if he didn’t want to. And he knew that she was soft deep down, even if she acted tough or mean. Namjoon smirks after knowing that it did affect her right now. She obviously wouldn’t like that either. “Then why did you accept this?” “You think I had a choice?” “I’m sure you did. There is no way you couldn’t have think of a way. If you love her the way you say, why didn’t you come up with something?” Soo Jung was building up her wall again. She was being tough again and Namjoon couldn’t do anything, not in the state he was already in. She figured out his weakness and used it against him right away. Soo Jung scoffs this time and folds her arm as she walks towards Namjoon. “I know you’ll tell me to cancel this wedding and engagement but I won’t do it. I didn’t come all the way here to cancel it. You agreed to it so now deal with it too.” “Alright. If that’s what you wish.” Soo Jung bites her lip and starts smiling but it fades when he starts speaking again. “But, don’t expect me to touch you in any way. In front of people, we’re happy. In this room, we’re no more than this. So don’t expect anything from me.” “That’s not fair.” “You agreed to it so now deal with it too.” Namjoon turns around and opens the door to walk away but stops and looks back at her. “Look forward to the ceremonies, it may be the only time I’ll touch you.” “What about her?” “What about her?” He repeats while staring in front of him. “What are you going to do?” Soo Jung asks and the concern in her tone was too obvious. “That’s not your business.”

Namjoon walks out the room, leaving Soo Jung by herself. He walks down the stairs, towards his father’s office. The walk down the hall was reminding him of last night and yesterday. You must be too messed up at this moment. He knew that and he was feeling it too. Both men were laughing out loud inside the room but it stops once Namjoon knocks on the door.

“Yeah, Joon-ah. What’s wrong?” The Chairman smiles and the fake tone in his words was making Namjoon sick. “I have to head out for a while. I’ll be back after a while.” He bows down to both Chairmen and smiles as they say goodbye to him.

Namjoon wasn’t sure where he was going to go but he had to leave this place right now before he flips at everyone. Soo Jung was descending down the stairs with a sulky face and she rolls her eyes at Namjoon when he looks at her. He knew she was going to suffer, he didn’t want her to but that’s all he can do at this point. Namjoon ends up in Han River, staring at the still water in front of him. This place held so many memories of him and you. You were everywhere and you were everything for him. Everything was reminding him of you. Every shadow, every movement, every place, and every corner. He was already in the sad pit that Soo Jung said, it won’t be long for him to drown deeper into it. If he was feeling this way, then you were feeling ten times more than Namjoon and that was worrying him. He bites his lips and tries to stop his leg from jumping constantly by putting his hand over it. Namjoon looks at the ground, thinking about whether he should go with the idea that has just popped in his head or not, and he lets out a deep sigh then picks up his phone from the bench.

~(Y/N)’s point of view~

You were sleeping after Hoseok’s help. He constantly walks into the room to check up on you and smiles at your sleeping state. You look so small and quiet. You look completely different from when you’re awake. He keeps checking for a fever every now and then too because he knew you’ll get a fever at this state. Bomi and Hoseok keep sharing a sad smile when they see each other around the house. Your pain was causing them pain. They both knew how much it will affect you and it was worrying them out. How will you be able to cope with your routine now. How will you go back to the (Y/N) they knew 2 days ago.

“I’m worried for her, Hobi-ah.” Bomi says, leaning on the kitchen counter as Hoseok was cooking dinner. “She’ll act like she’s fine but she’s worse. She’s going through worse than what we actually went through. She doesn’t even show a complete percent of the pain she’s feeling.” “I know.” Hoseok nods, focusing on the steaming pan and the meat on it. “What we’re seeing right now isn’t even the beginning of what she feels.” Bomi wipes away a tear that was trickling down her face. “Hey, don’t cry. We’re here for her. We’ll help her get through it.” Hoseok turns and holds Bomi’s shoulder while looking into her eyes. He gives her a smile and pulls her into a hug. “We’ll make sure nothing happens to her. No matter how much she’ll push us away, we have to pull her two times more. Okay?” Bomi nods slowly, still worried. “I swear I’m going to attack Namjoon. No one saw this coming. Sly bastard.” Bomi says while breaking the hug as Hoseok goes back to the food. “I think there’s more to this. He can’t just break it up. You and I, we both saw how happy they were. We both saw the love and glow in his eyes every time they were together.” “People change. They fall in love so they can fall out of love too sometimes.” “That’s not true.” Bomi was about to protest but Hoseok interrupts by holding his finger up. “I’m not defending Namjoon. What I’m saying is, only people who choose to stop loving actually fall out of love. And in their case, I don’t think this is the case.” “You sound like you’re defending Namjoon here.” Bomi grits her teeth and clenches her jaw. “I’m not. You know how I feel about (Y/N), Bomi. And I still feel that way. I’m not depressed nor am I suffering. And I didn’t choose to stop loving her. If I wanted to, I would’ve.” “How long are you going to do this? Why didn’t you tell her?” “How could I?” Hoseok looks at the floor and smiles as he leans on the counter opposite to where Bomi was. “I saw the love in her eyes for Namjoon. I couldn’t confuse her and I couldn’t ruin Namjoon’s life. He’s already suffered and she’s already suffered. I couldn’t ruin their happiness because they saw something in each other. So I silently love her, but I never think of it the wrong way.” He lets out a sigh and looks away to the side. Thinking of you and everything about you. “Seeing her happy made me happy and that’s all I wanted. To see her smile. Whether it was with me or someone else. I’ll just wait for that someone who makes me feel this way towards them. (Y/N) means a lot to me, her happiness, her health. She means a lot and if I have to be there for as a friend then I will. If I confessed my feelings, she would’ve felt awkward because she doesn’t see me like a man but at least I’m her best friend.” Bomi was staring at Hoseok with empathy and pity. Hoseok laughs and shakes his head. “I’m fine. Trust me. I’ll take her as any way I have to. As a friend or more. At least I’ll have her.” He was right. You did mean a lot to him and he didn’t want to ruin it. He loved you silently. It was joyous in its own way, even though at times it would get painful. If he had to love you on his own, he will do it. And if he had to confess, he would. But right now, your happiness and good health was his first priority. He loved you as a friend and more and it was for him to deal with. Bomi pouts her lips and walks over to pull Hoseok into a tight hug. He starts laughing out at her actions and then hugs her back. “I hope you find someone too.” She says in a low, sad voice. She was obviously sad at his situation. “Okay. Okay. Stop being so cheesy.” They both laugh and then go back to doing their own thing.

Hoseok sets the table with Bomi’s help then he goes to wake you up. It was already 8pm so he had to wake you up and make sure you eat. He walks into the room and hears a phone ring outside. Bomi runs towards the ringing phone and freezes at the caller ID. She clenches her jaw and inhales to keep herself together. She walks over towards your bedroom door and closes it before accepting the call.

“What?” She asks in a stern tone. “Where is she?” “Why do you care?” “Bomi, give the goddamn phone to (Y/N). Now.” “No, Namjoon. No. You’ve caused enough damage to her small, innocent heart. Do you even have any idea what she went through in only 2 days? And you don’t get to be angry or curse at me or her. You ruined her. You fucking destroyed her. She’ll want to talk to you obviously but what will you say to her?” “Bomi, listen to me. I need to talk-” “And say what to her?” Bomi interrupts Namjoon and scoffs. She was right. What will he even say to you. “That you’re sorry? That you had to do it? Why didn’t you give her a full explanation before? Why did you do this, Namjoon?” Bomi lets out a small cry and then sighs. She rubs her forehead and takes a deep breath. “Why did you hurt her this way?” Namjoon was silent on the other side. He didn’t want to answer any of this. Instead of explaining himself, his anger, guilt, and pain takes over and makes it worse. He sighs on the other side. “Sorry I called. I just wanted to know if she’s okay or not. I guess she’s not.”

As Namjoon hangs up, Bomi scoffs and throws her phone on the couch out of anger and frustration. Her hands run through her short, lilac hair and she lets out a loud sigh as she inhales and exhales to calm herself down. She turns around to see Hoseok staring at her. She shakes her head and he gestures her to stay calm and makes her sit at the table to eat. He whispers that you’re awake so Bomi starts to act normal. You walk out of your bedroom and have a dull and sleepy face. You look around and see the food on the table. Even though it was mostly your favorite dishes, you had no appetite. You look at Bomi and Hoseok sitting and waiting for you so you take a deep breath and try to control yourself. You give them a smile as you slowly sit down while looking at the food displayed.

“Who cooked it?” You ask in your dry, hoarse voice. “We did, half her, half me.” Hoseok says while taking your plate to put the food for you. “And you’re going to eat all the dishes.” “I can’t eat alone.” “We’ll help.” Bomi gives her cheeky smile while grabbing her food.

Hoseok puts your plate in front of you and demands you to finish it all even when you nag. He insists on feeding you again but you tell him you’ll do it. Hoseok and Bomi talk about random things while you slowly eat, being lost in your thoughts. Namjoon keeps coming back into your thoughts and the memories replay again and again in your head. It was killing you slowly. Your chest feels suffocated and heavy again. You feel that huge lump in your throat again. You look at your best friends and notice how hard they were trying to make it feel better, to make you feel better. It hurt you to see them worrying this much too. To see them worry for you. You silently vow to yourself to make it less visible. Not let them know so much for their own sake.

“Ya, eat this.” Namjoon’s hand comes closer to your mouth and he stops inches before your lips. You smile at his action and open your mouth to let him put the food into your mouth. You two were home, eating together after a long time since you were both busy with your university. He had to deal with his dad’s business and then he had to deal with the university midterms. He was already in his fourth year of university while you were still in the second year so things were more hectic for him at this point. You two spent the day outside then took food and decided to chill at the apartment you two had decided to get so it was your own place to spend time at. It was your own place where you’d live till you could, until Namjoon would be busy with his life again. He had the idea to get a place where you two could escape everything and be with each other, despite all the other special places you two had. “Did you add tomatoes in this?” You look at him with a disgusted face and he starts laughing, like he intended on doing it on purpose. You swallow the chewed up mess forcefully then look at him with an unamused face. “Ya! You know I don’t like them so why’d you add it.” You nag, causing him to give you his cute dimple smile that squeeze his eyes shut. Dropping your chopsticks, you get up with a sulky face, knowing he’ll follow. “Baby, I was just messing around. Come back.” He grabs your wrist and pulls you into a hug. His chest leaning on your back while his chin was supporting his head on your shoulder. You smile at his cuteness and look back at him to flick his forehead. He lets out a hiss as his hand shoots up to the area that was turning red. You make a run for it before he grabs you...

“Ya. What’s wrong?” Bomi asks you, making the memories playing retreat into the back of your head. You shake your head and say nothing then go back to eating. You feel Bomi’s and Hoseok’s eyes burn into your skin, they both knew what was happening. Obviously you would have the memories come back to you. They both look at each other with pity filled in their eyes, pity and worry for you. Hoseok mouths “it’s okay” to Bomi and they go back to eating again. “Should I go to my parents house this week?” You ask them, clearing your throat to push the lump back into your stomach. You couldn’t make them worry too much like this. They both look at you, eyes widen like they weren’t expecting you to speak. You stare at them, waiting for an answer and Hoseok breaks the awkward silence. “Do you want to?” He starts picking on his food, without looking at you. You curse yourself in your head for being so awkward all of a sudden. “I don’t know. I think I should.” “Don’t.” Bomi says, making you and Hoseok stare at her with a confused look. “Why not?” You ask her, putting your utensils on the plate. You already knew what she was going to say but you had to hear it from her. “Do you not know your parents? The first thing they’ll ask is about Namjoon and I’m sure you won’t be coming back here for a long time once they find out what happened. Plus, do you really think you can face them at this time?” “Bomi, I think you-” “What? I’m not wrong here.” Bomi interrupts Hoseok’s attempt to make her stop. She looks at him then back at your frozen expression. She is right. Your parents wouldn’t let you out of their sight if they see you like this and you couldn’t make them worry about you over this. Even if they saw it on the news, you had to stay normal for them. “Am I wrong?”

You shake your head and let out a sigh as you start picking on your food. Everything that has happened, happened so quickly that you were now lost even though it’s been 2 days only. It was more painful since you had seen Namjoon change into someone you didn’t know anymore. It all tear you apart after seeing the news right on the next day. Bomi was right. You didn’t have the strength to face your parents. You didn’t have the strength to be okay with his mention. Hoseok asks you about what you were going to do tonight and you just shrug silently. You weren’t in the mood to do anything. How could you. Every second was killing you. Every second was making you realize that this is real, it’s all actually happening. You keep looking up at Bomi and Hoseok, sensing that something was wrong. They would change the subject every time they notice you sensing it. Hoseok suggests that you three spend the night together but you tell them you have some assignments for next class that you have to finish. You didn’t lie about the assignment but you lied about staying home so you could finish them up.

After you three finish up the dinner and clean up, you go into your room and drop on your bed. Everything was tiring you. Even breathing was getting hard. Staring at the ceiling, you hear whispers from the kitchen. At first you didn’t want to eavesdrop but your ears perk up at the mention of his name. You get up from the bed silently and walk on your toes to reach the wall next to the door. You lean against the wall and rest your head on the wall too.

“So? What did he say?” Hoseok whispers in a stern voice. “He said he wanted to talk to her.” Bomi whispers but then you hear a sniff. She must be crying. Your heart starts to ache all of a sudden as your chest feels cramped again. “I didn’t know what to tell him so I told him no. What else could I have done, Hoseok? If she hears his voice now, it’ll just ruin her more. I can’t let her go through what I’ve went through before. It sucks. It really sucks and she’s weaker than me, she’s still little in this.” You hear the sound of friction against a surface, it must be Bomi running her palm up and down her upper arm, she always does that when she’s worried. You close your eyes to stop the tears from coming. “He sounded so different. He didn’t sound like the Namjoon I knew and he obviously didn’t sound like the Namjoon (Y/N) tells me about. The words came out so sharply and hurtful.” She sniffs again and the sound of a tissue flying out of the box. Even listening to Bomi cry hurt you a lot. You weren’t mad at her for not giving you the phone, you knew she was trying to protect you. “I got mad at him and told him he doesn’t get to hurt her that way. He may know her completely but he still doesn’t know some stuff.” “Hey. Stop crying please. Try to be strong. If she sees you this way, it’ll hurt her even more. And what you did, it was good so please don’t blame it on yourself.” You hear two steps and then you hear deep sighs after Hoseok tells Bomi to come here. You wipe your tears, failing to make them stop. “It’s going to be alright. And I will ask him what the fuck is going on. I have to. So you and (Y/N) please don’t worry too much. I’m here for you guys, okay?”

You give up on the eavesdropping and walk into the bathroom. Staring at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you see how emotionless you looked. Emotionless yet full of emotions. You notice your eyes turning red and your nose building up the redness on the tip too. You put down hands around the edge of the sink and take deep breaths in attempt to calm the thoughts forming in your head. How could he do this? Did he do it for a reason just how Hoseok says or did he do it just because he didn’t feel the same? How is it so easy for him? Was it me? You look back at your reflection and feel the insecurities rise up inside you. Running your hands through your hair, you close your eyes and take a deep breath as the grip on your hair tightens. You feel a panic attack creeping it’s way up to your skin too but it all stops when you hear a knock.

“(Y/N)?” It was Hoseok. “Yeah?” You answer back, not wanting him to worry. “I’ll be leaving now okay? But I’m coming back first thing in the morning okay.” “Wait. Just a second.” You say and quickly wipe your face with shaky hands. You were desperate for something at this moment and you wanted him to be there. You open the door, not caring how obvious it seemed that you cried just seconds ago. Hoseok looks at you with his eyebrows risen and his bottom lip hidden behind his upper teeth. You open your arms and go for an embrace. Hoseok holds you right the next second as your bodies are in contact. His arms wrap around your waist as you pull him closer from the shoulders, hiding your face at his neck. You hear him take a few deep breaths as he feels your tears trickle down his skin. “It’s okay.” He whispers into your ear and rests his cheeks against your soft hair. The grip on your waist tightens as your body starts to shake a little. He was familiar with this feeling. He knew what you were going through. “Hey.” he says and waits for a response but you don’t respond so he speaks again. “Hey, do you want me to stay?” You nod slowly against his skin and sniff to allow yourself to breathe. Hoseok rubs his hand up and down your back in attempt of calming you down. “I’m here. Don’t worry.” He walks back, taking a step and waiting for you to take a step forward. Continuing the action, he stops when his calves touch your bed and turns around, picking you up to put you on the bed. You let go of his body and wipe your remaining tears away. Hoseok stares at you silently, his heart was hurting him to see you like this. He couldn’t deal with seeing you like this. A part of him was starting to hate Namjoon and he wanted to beat him up for doing this. You keep wiping away the tears while your eyes were fixed on his shirt that was in front of you. Even though you were feeling his stare dig into you, you couldn’t look at him. Hoseok traps your legs between his legs as he gets closer to pull you into another hug. As your head touches his chest, the first thing you hear is his heartbeat. You wouldn’t describe it as a normal rate, it sounded like it was faster. Your hair moves slightly as he speaks, his breath brushing against your hair since he was resting his head on top of yours. “Are you going to your classes tomorrow?” “Yeah, I have to.” You say in a husky voice while breaking the hug. “Will you be okay?” You look up at him and nod slowly. You won’t be okay for sure. You knew it and he knew it too. But you both also knew that staying at home wasn’t going to get you anywhere so you had to get away from the house every now and then. “I’ll come with you tomorrow.” “No, it’s fi-” “I’ll come, (Y/N). You can’t say no.” “What about your academy?” “I’ll delay the time. It’s fine.” You stare at him and notice the concern he had for you. But you still couldn’t block his path because yours was blocked. “Hobi. It’s really fine.” “You said you had assignments to finish? Let’s do them together.” He diverts the subject, not wanting to argue about it and turns around to walk towards the desk in the other corner of your room. You watch him going through your notes that were spread on your desk messily. You get up and walk towards him to start working. You weren’t in the right mood but you had to do it to keep him and Bomi from worrying.

You tell him about the assignment and start working together since he knew about the subject. Hoseok was taking the same major as you, Business Management, but he had taken some classes before you during summers. He wanted to finish early since he graduated from highschool late too. He was in his third year while you and Bomi were in the your second year even though you three graduated together. You two decide to sit on the floor and do it together. You keep noticing Hoseok’s eyes turn to you as he watches you work. You didn’t know what he was thinking, you did see concern for you and sadness but there was something else that you couldn’t tell. Every time you two shared eye contact, he breaks it off by smiling at you then would tell you more things related to the assignment. After an hour or so, you were done with the assignment, thanks to Hoseok, and you lean onto to the bed behind you, letting out a sigh while running your hand through your hair. All of these things going on was making your head want to explode. You watch Hoseok pick up the coffee mugs that you two drank from earlier while working. He leaves the room and comes back to start picking up the mess of the papers on the floor but you stop him, telling him that you’ll do it. You organize the papers and put them on top of your closed laptop but as you’re about to get up, Hoseok snatches the things from your hand and puts them on the desk for you. You whisper a thank you and he grabs your hand, taking you to bed.

“It’s 11pm. You have to rest.” He says while climbing your bed and pulling you in with him. It was normal for Hoseok to be cuddly with you or Bomi, you two would hug him or share cuddles or kisses on cheeks or foreheads. It was normal for you but little did you know that Hoseok’s heart would jump more and more each time it happened with you. It takes guts for him to able to do it without being awkward. He leans his back against the wall while you climb in too, pulling the blanket to cover both of your bodies. Hoseok watches you silently and smiles as your head touches the pillow. He lifts up his arm to support his head on the palm while he plays with your hair with the other hand. Whispering a goodnight to you, he tells you to close your eyes.

Hoseok watches you sleep, still in the same position. A little higher than where your head was, his hand that was holding his head was turning numb but he didn’t care. He couldn’t take his eyes off of your sleeping state. You looked so innocent and well while sleeping, not knowing anything nor feeling any pain. His heart was aching him after seeing you in the state earlier, the way you sobbed into his shirt. It was hard, especially for you. Tears trickle down his face as he thinks about how you’ll deal with this. You weren’t as strong as you acted like. And seeing you suffer, it made his heart rip into pieces.

“How will you deal with this, (Y/N)?” Whispering the question to you, he knew you weren’t going to answer back but he wasn’t looking for an answer from you. He just wanted to look for ways on how he could make it better for you. He moves forward, hovering over you a little to reach the phone on the table. Picking it up, he looks at time; 12.30am. As he tries to go back into the comfortable position, he hisses silently as he feels you move a little, afraid that he woke you up. Instead his heart skips several beats as he feels your soft, tiny hands grab a fistful of his shirt, pulling him closer to your warm body. He awkwardly scoots closer too while wrapping his hand around your waist to hold you in place. Once he makes sure you’re still asleep, he leans in closer and whispers something he can never say to your conscious self.

“I love you.” He says before closing his eyes and praying for good times to come as quickly as possible.

________________________________________________________________

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The hotel room was cold, the air crisp and biting at the skin on Namjoon’s arms. He shivered involuntarily at the chilly breeze he felt the minute he stepped past the threshold. The sweat that coated his body turned freezing rather quickly and the tall man wanted nothing more than to step into the shower and turn it to the hottest setting until steam fogged the mirrors and clogged his lungs, opening his pores.

Jimin trailed behind the taller male, in a similar disarray of wrinkled clothes and sweaty skin. He too shivered at the cool room but seemed to mind the cold less. He knew Namjoon would probably want to shower first, and as much as he wanted to scrub all the grime from the concert tonight off his body, he was polite enough to wait his turn.

“Ah hyung, if I doze off, please wake me when you’re out of the shower.” Jimin lilted, body already heading to the sweet comfort of the cushioned bed close to the window. He sat down on the plush comforter and toed off his shoes, stretching a leg to the air conditioner unit by his bed to push the button to turn down its intensity.

Namjoon hummed and slowly peeled his clothes off his body. His shirt clung to his lean frame, sweat making it stick disgustingly against his torso.

“Jiminnie.”

Now it was Jimin’s turn to hum but he didn’t lift his head from where it now lay on the soft pillows at the head of the bed. His hair fanned over the pillow, billowing like soft feathers against the creamy neutrals of the bed.

“Don’t you want to clean up too? After the wrestling match I just had with my shirt, I can’t imagine leaving you here to fester in your own filth.” Namjoon was always so considerate of his fellow members, especially the younger ones. He really did fill the father role in their little group so well.

“Namjoon-hyung, don’t worry about it. Go ahead and shower. I’m just resting my eyes for a little bit.” Jimin barely moved and kept his eyes closed, allowing his breathing to slow down to a resting rate. He felt relaxed after the high strung stress from the concert. Jimin loved to perform for crowds, taking in the smiles of the oceans of fans and hearing them scream and chant and sing along with the words he sang. It was a high unlike any other, but it always left his body aching and tired. It was a good kind of sore, like a bruise you couldn’t stop touching. But he was still sore nonetheless.

“C’mon Chim, we can share. Think of it this way, the sooner you scrub all the makeup off and get all squeaky clean, the sooner you can get back on that bed and knock out.” Namjoon offered, already unzipping and unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down to reveal black Calvin Klein briefs.

Jimin took in Namjoon’s offer, taking it into consideration. On the plus side, he could get rid of the drying sweat and crusting eyeliner off him but he just felt so at ease right then. He wasn’t even sure if he could will his limbs to move an inch at the moment.

“Mmmnn… I don’t wanna move.” He mumbled, sleep already starting to slur his words and blend them into each other. He heard some rustling and assumed Namjoon had finally finished stripping and was going into the bathroom any moment. He suddenly felt the mattress dip, a sweaty and manly musk permeated his senses but he didn’t feel alarm; instead the smooth scent made him feel warm and content, lulling deeper into the exhaustion he was feeling.

Jimin heard the telltale low breathing of his leader and strong arms suddenly scooped him up into a cradle hold. He squeaked embarrassingly at the other’s sudden act towards him and his eyes shot open to find a dimpled smile and dark eyes looking back at him.

“You’re gonna get sick if you sit in such a cold room covered in sweat. Let’s get cleaned up and then you can sleep.” Namjoon’s low voice murmured, almost like a lullaby that nearly made Jimin sleep right there in his arms. He could only nod dumbly as the other carried him to the bathroom and shut the door behind them.

He set him down on the sink counter top and reached for the hem of his sleeveless shirt, hands hovering over it as his eyes asked the silent question to the vocalist. Jimin hummed and Namjoon took it as a green light. He threw his shirt to the far corner of the tiled room and let his hands trail down Jimin’s sides while Jimin let his head loll back.

Namjoon’s eyes raked over the toned torso of his bandmate. Despite how much more the other was eating now that he didn’t stress over dieting and image as much as he used to, the boy still maintained a delicately toned tummy that made Namjoon want to nip and bite across the span of the taut skin.

“Joon-ah, turn on the water so it can get hot.” Jimin brought Namjoon back to reality. He smiled softly at the shorter boy and nodded, padding away to the shower door and pulling it back to turn the knob and turn the hot water on. A loud spray erupted from the silver shower head as it came to life and cascaded onto the porcelain white tub.

Jimin hummed to some tune that was from the concert as he swung his feet like a child. Namjoon chuckled at the innocence that seemed to ooze from the younger at the moment. He returned to Jimin, hands resting lightly on the sharp hipbones that seemed to pop out of his dark jeans. Jimin looked up innocently at the taller male, eyes dark and doe like. He bit his lip and Namjoon audibly groaned at the sight.

“We were supposed to just shower Jiminie.” His deep voice rumbled but his eyes never left Jimin’s lips as he nibbled and licked at them. They turned even more red and plump than usual as he continued to lavish them with his tongue. “You know what you’re doing to me, baby boy.”

Jimin whimpered at the name, feeling heat coil and shoot straight to his groin. Namjoon eyed him fiercely, lust a deep dark presence in his eyes. The tension could be felt, thick, hot and heavy like condensed milk and suddenly they realized that it wasn’t steam from the shower that was making everything feel so balmy.

Namjoon made the first move, diving down to capture Jimin’s lips in a searing kiss. Jimin moaned loudly, feeling something snap in him as he pawed at the bare chest of his leader. Namjoon spared no mercy as he quite literally devoured Jimin’s mouth, sucking and biting hungrily at his swollen lips. He pulled back to breathe, resting his forehead against Jimin’s. Their lips were still so close that they shared labored breaths.

“Joonie…” Jimin cooed, eyes still unbelievably innocent while the rest of him looks like literal sin. “I need your help now…”

Jimin’s eyes shot down and Namjoon followed, trailing his eyes over his body to stop where the other had. They both looked down at the hard tent in Jimin’s dark wash jeans. The younger of the two began to squirm in his seat, pushing his body forward just enough to be able to lock his legs around Namjoon. He used his strong thighs to pull him in close and make him feel the problem for himself.

“Holy fuck—Jimin, baby boy. You’re so damn eager. You want me to help you out with that?” Namjoon teased, though he felt his own self-restraint quickly waning the more he felt Jimin’s hard body and cock slowly grinding against him.

Jimin nodded fervently, throwing his arms around Namjoon’s broad shoulders and pulling him in for a lazy and sloppy kiss. It was wet and noisy and everything that turned Namjoon on. Jimin continued to slowly grind his body in waves, letting his erection be trapped between their two bare abdomens in search of sweet friction.

Whiny moans and whimpers left Jimin’s lips at a breakneck pace, the boy needing release more than anything else in the world.

“Nam—fuck—Joonie, I need these off. Please please please, let me take them off.” Jimin begged, referring to the tight jeans that were in the way of his orgasm.

Namjoon chuckled at the other’s eagerness, wanting to drag this one just a little longer. It was always music to his ears whenever Jimin begged.

“Mmm baby boy, you want me to take these off?” Namjoon gestured to his pants. “Want me to get my hand on that pretty cock of yours and make you come all over yourself?”

Jimin keened and bucked his hips, desperately looking for relief. He breathed heavy pants but the air was so thick and heavy from the steam that now surrounded the bathroom.

Namjoon just licked his lips and continued.

“I bet you’re flushed deep red down there, head soaked in slick. I bet you’d love me to run my fingers through all that precome and make you taste it. You love the taste of yourself, don’t you?” Namjoon teased further, rubbing up and down Jimin’s thighs. He obviously ignored the aching hard on that pushed against the seam of Jimin’s jeans.

“Pl-please hyung, I need to come so bad.”

Namjoon rested a beat, considering his options. He decided he’d played enough with the younger and obliged him. He tugged open his jeans and roughly pulled them down past his ankles and off his legs. He palmed at Jimin’s briefs and Jimin moaned wantonly, finally feeling something other than harsh denim and a tough zipper against his member.

He bit down hard on his lip when Namjoon pulled down his underwear to reveal his erection. It bobbed against his taut stomach, leaving a sheen of sticky precome on his abs. Namjoon drank in everything before him, the gorgeous wet cock twitching in excitement, the flushed skin around his hips and Jimin’s bottom lip firmly held between his teeth as his eyes shut tight.

Namjoon wrapped his fingers delicately around the shaft, tugging a few time experimentally. Jimin whined and Namjoon leaned forward to rest his lips against Jimin’s earlobe.

He whispered, deep and dark, into his ear.

“Jiminie, does this feel good?”

He got a loud moan in response. He vaguely wondered if anyone could hear past these tiled walls.

“Does my baby boy love getting off? Do you think the others can hear you, how desperate and needy you are right now? God, you sound like such a good bitch like this. Think you can come just—like—this?”

Namjoon accentuated the last few words with sharp tugs on Jimin’s cock, feeling his forehead resting on his shoulder and his hot breath puffing across his collarbones.

A whimpering mess of yes and god and please tumbles out of Jimin’s mouth, his tongue tripping over sounds and syllables the closer he got to coming. His breath began to catch, high and whiny in his throat, and Namjoon knew this was the home stretch.

“That’s it baby, just let yourself get there. Come for me, come all over yourself and my hand for me, gorgeous.”

Those were the last words Jimin was able to comprehend before his vision went white and mind went to mush. He let out an ungodly amount of moans, each just as loud as the next. He continued to thrust in the tight ring of pressure Namjoon applied on his member, shoving his head far into the crook of his neck.

Jimin mouthed at the spot at the base of Namjoon’s neck, knowing that when he pulls away eventually, it’ll be splotchy and red. The makeup noonas are sure to hate him when they film again in the following day or two.

Once it became too much, Namjoon pulled his hand away, cleaning the come covered skin as he passed. He raised his hand, taking once full digit into his own mouth and sucked obscenely at it. Once he swirled his tongue around it enough to clean it completely, he pulled it out slowly, making a show for the younger boy trapped on the sink.

His mouth gaped open, eyes still dark and slightly wet. He felt his cock twitch at the sight, a valiant effort but Jimin knew he wouldn’t be able to go another round for a little bit.

Namjoon took the rest of his come covered fingers and pushed at Jimin’s plump lips. He pushed past the two bitten-red pillows and let Jimin suckle eagerly at his hand, leaving searing trails behind hot licks up and down his fingers and palm.

“Why would you do that?” He asked, eyes brimming with tears. “Why would you steal Namjoons music? He worked so hard on it, too hard for you to take it away.” 

“Jungkook, I can explain...” You started, though you really couldn’t. You had no idea how he had even found out about it at first, but now that you were thinking about it, you supposed it was inevitable. He was in the music industry, of course he would hear every new artist’s music and name, including “Rap Monster,” whose music had gotten quite popular despite the fact that there was no face to the name. 

“Sure. I’d love to hear you explain why you’d lie to me about high school. Oh, and don’t leave out the part where you never even knew Namjoon.”

You reached a hand out to him, but dropped it before it got to his shoulder. “Jungkook...” You sighed. “I’m so sorry. For everything. But don’t you think that Namjoon would have wanted his music to be heard? Or do you think he would have preferred it if the songs he worked so tirelessly on sat on his old laptop forever?” 

There was a pause before Jungkook said anything in response. “I think I’m gonna puke.” He announced. 

You ended up taking Jungkook inside, mostly so you could find him a clean shirt (you were fairly sure that you still had an old tshirt you stole from Seokjin somewhere). He curled up on your couch with your bag of popcorn, still intoxicated, but it was wearing off slowly. 

“Here.” You held out Seokjins shirt to him, and he took it after a moment. He still looked at you as though hoping that his eyes would set you on fire, but he also seemed significantly calmer. 

“Thanks.” He said as he pulled it on. “And sorry about your mat outside.” 

You shook your head. “It was ugly anyway.” You sat next to him, careful to give him plenty of room. “Do you have someone you can call?” You asked again. 

“No one I want to talk to.” He grumbled. You weren’t sure why he wasn’t more eager to leave, it wasn’t like he wanted to be there with you either.

“What about Yoongi?” You asked. 

“He blames me for trusting you.” Jungkook shrugged. “Not to mention, I’m pissed he let me believe your stupid lie about knowing us in high school. I never would have fallen for it if he hadn’t said he remembered too.” 

You winced. “I really--” You started, but he cut you off. 

“I believe you. That you think you were doing what was best for Namjoon. But you didn’t know him. We did. You’re just some crazy stalker who now lives in his apartment.” 

You frowned. “So why are you still here, then? Eating my food, I might add.” 

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he ate another piece of popcorn. “I miss being here. And like I said, there isn’t anyone I want to talk to right now, so why not be here?”

You took a deep breath. “Give me your phone.” You held out your hand expectantly. 

“No.” Jungkook made a face at you. 

“Now.” You moved your hand closer. “I mean it.” 

Jungkook groaned. “Fiiine.” He dug it out of his pocket and handed it over. He had thirty seven missed calls, most of them from Yoongi and Taehyung. Figuring that Jungkook sounded like he might go with Taehyung easier than Yoongi at the moment, you tried calling him first. When he didn’t answer, you were left with no other choice. 

Yoongi recognized your voice almost instantly, and you tried to stay calm as you explained the situation and told him your address. 

“What is wrong with you.” Yoongi said when you were done. “His old apartment? Are you kidding me?” There was a click on the other side of the line, but you knew he’d come anyway. Yoongi might hate you, and he might be mad at Jungkook, but you knew he wouldn’t leave him there. 

Your brought Jungkook some coffee as you waited for Yoongi to show up. 

“You know, you really don’t seem so bad. Which just makes this whole thing that much more confusing.” Jungkook said, watching the steam. He seemed much more coherent now, which was a relief.

“I know. I wish I could explain, I would if I thought it would help. But I just hope you know that I really have done all of it for Namjoon.” 

Yoongi showed up not long after that, looking ready to murder someone--namely, you. 

“I warned you. I told you to stay away from him, and you used him to steal Namjoon’s music.” Yoongi jabbed a finger at you when you opened the door. “You’re a sociopath. And I swear, you’re going to regret--” 

To your surprise, Jungkook stepped in between the two of you. “Let it go, Yoongi.” He sighed.

“What?” Yoongi blinked at him. 

“I don’t know what her problem is, but she’s...” He looked over his shoulder at you, his face unreadable. “She thinks she did what was right. And maybe... Maybe she is. In a way.” 

“What did you do, drug him?” Yoongi leaned around Jungkook to glare at you. 

“Namjoon wanted his music to be heard. It was never about the fame, or even his name being attached to the music. You know that.” Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Jungkook, and you couldn’t believe this was happening. Jungkook really was too sweet to be going through all of this. “It shouldn’t have been done like this. But maybe it’s good that it’s out there, for people to enjoy. That’s what he always dreamed of, right?” You took a step into the hall with them, to see Jungkook give Yoongi a slight smile. 

“Jungkook.” Yoongi started. 

“There’s no undoing it.” Jungkook shrugged. “Might as well accept it.” 

Namjoon returned the next morning after a night of wandering the streets looking for an answer that wasn’t there. He wasn’t thinking when he asked you to break into his old work place, or when he posted his music online. The only thing in his mind was getting out of this incorporeal state, moving on and away from all the sadness that he couldn’t quite leave behind just yet. What he hadn’t thought to bring into the equation was how this would or could affect you. 

But when he returned and found you humming to yourself as you brushed your teeth (he might have accidentally nearly given you a heart attack showing up in the mirror) panicking because what if you went to jail because of this you assured him that he didn’t have to worry about it. Apparently while he was getting walked through by strangers, you had talked to Jungkook and Yoongi and “sorted everything out.” You didn’t offer any other details, and Namjoon wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. 

“You should tell Hoseok that the exorcism is back on.” He told you over breakfast. You had somehow gotten in the habit of cooking for two, fixing a place for him at the table as though he could eat it. It made him feel warmer than he had in a year. 

You looked up at him and blinked. “Okay. First of all, I can hardly see you right now, so it feels like I’m just talking to the air.” 

“As far as other people know, you talk to the air all the time.” Namjoon shrugged, though he knew there was a possibility that you couldn’t see it. He forgot sometimes that you couldn’t always see him anymore, he didn’t feel invisible. And as long as you could still hear him, he was fine.

“Yeah, but I know that I’m not.” You pointed out. “Also, why the sudden change? I thought we just decided that you were going to stay?” Did you look sad, or was that Namjoon’s wishful thinking? 

“I... The longer I stay, the more damage I do. And it’s too hard to be around the living.” ‘But you’ve made it a lot easier,’ He added in his head.

“What are you talking about? I told you I got the whole thing with your music taken care of, you haven’t done any ‘damage.’ And I thought.” You stopped abruptly, then shook your head, and Namjoon was sure your cheeks turned pink as you turned back to your oatmeal. “I thought you liked being here.” 

Namjoon smiled. “I do like being here. I just think that maybe I’m supposed to be somewhere else.” Every day that Namjoon spent with you made him want to stay a little more, and he was sure that if it continued, he’d never want to leave at all. He would stay until you grew old, died, and moved on to the other side without him. He needed to leave, and he needed to do it soon. 

“I’m going to miss you’re stupid dimples.” You muttered. Now Namjoon was sure that you looked sad.

“And I’m going to miss your failed attempts at compliments.” Namjoon teased back, trying to lighten the mood. 

You stayed quiet for the rest of the morning, getting ready for work without speaking to him, or even looking at him. Namjoon wished he hadn’t upset you--or anyone else, for that matter. But the longer he put this off, the worse it would be for you as well. 

You knocked on Hoseoks door before you left, telling him that if he had time, to drop by later that evening like you had originally planned. Namjoon took a deep breath (although he knew that he couldn’t technically breath anymore). It was time to say goodbye.

“Anything?” Hoseok asked you, opening one eye and looking over to where you sat not far away. He brought several people with him, all claiming to have connected with spirits in the past. They pushed all of your living room furniture out of the way so the five of them could sit in a circle, then they started chanting. Some of it you could understand, and some of it was in some language that you had never heard before. It probably would have given you the creeps if Namjoon hadn’t been sitting in the middle of their circle making ridiculous faces at them.

“He’s still there.” You said.

“I can feeeel the spirit leaving this place...” One of the women murmured. 

“That, or you have indigestion.” Namjoon snorted.

“Oh hush, Marry.” Hoseok said to the women who had spoken. “Is he still making fun of us?” 

Namjoon sat cross legged directly in front of Hoseok, mimicking the way his hands rested on his knees. “Oh hush, Marry. You don’t know what you’re talking about, I only brought you along to make this look more official, and now you’re making us all look bad.” Namjoon said in a high-pitched voice, which didn’t make much sense because Hoseok had a somewhat deep voice himself. 

“Yeah.” You nodded.

“Does he feel any different, at least?” Hoseok asked, and you looked at Namjoon. 

“Well do you?” You asked.

“Is it possible for ghosts to get a headache?” Namjoon asked in return. 

“I don’t know, does your head hurt?” You sighed. When Namjoon nodded, you rolled your eyes. “Well there’s your answer, then.” 

“I can’t hear him, remember?” Hoseok raised an eyebrow at you irritably. You had actually been talking to Namjoon, but you could see how Hoseok got confused. 

“He has a headache.” You clarified. 

“That could be because I can’t stand him.” Namjoon pointed out. 

“Oh, shut up.” You said without thinking. You quickly had to explain that you didn’t mean for the group to stop chanting, only for Namjoon to stop complaining. 

It was long after midnight when Hoseok and his group of chanters gave up. He let them leave first, staying behind to help you move your sofa back into place. 

“Is he in the room right now?” Hoseok asked, and you shook your head. Namjoon had followed Marry out, sticking his tongue out at her as she went on about how she had once single-handedly rid a house of a poltergeist.

“No, why?” 

Hoseok shook his head. “I can’t tell. It’s just... Strange that you’re the only one who can. I mean, anyone can tell that he’s here when he breaks things, but other than that...” 

“Are you saying he’s not real?” You asked, only slightly accusatory. 

“Not at all. I’m just saying that the two of you have some kind of connection, and considering that the most this did was irritate him, I think his being here has something to do with that.” 

“There’s no reason for us to have a ‘connection’ though.” You ran a hand through your hair as you sat down on the sofa that was now in the right place on top of the rug.

“Then let me ask you something,” Hoseok said as he sat next to you. “Do you believe in soulmates?” 

Namjoon looked around and was overwhelmed by the sight. His eyes were greeted by a plethora of colorful hearts and flowers around the room. All of the colors of the rainbow popped out at him in a sea of red hearts. Male students were giving chocolates to female students and vice versa. He could practically see the honey dripping from their eyes. It was as if the whole student body was tinted a rosy color of red.

Taehyung inhaled, closing his eyes.

“You could smell the chocolate from here,” he said blissfully. “I wonder if I’ll get some this year,” he mumbled to himself, quietly but audible enough for Namjoon to hear.

Chocolate.

Namjoon’s eyes widened in realization. Today was the day. Today was the day, and he completely forgot about it. He forgot about his mission; his mission that he self-assigned to fulfill for you.

It happened while you and Namjoon were working on a math assignment together before class started. Somehow it turned out that whatever concepts one didn’t understand could be explained by the other, so it became a habit for you guys to work together during your free time.

During that time, you both didn’t have any particular troubles with the assignment, so you were just working alone silently. Though, you were still sitting next to each other.

Namjoon looked up once to take a breather, but he noticed something different about you. You were leaning closer to him unconsciously as you concentrated on your work. He caught a whiff of the sweet scent of your new shampoo: a mix of lavendar and honey. He had never smelled such a combination before, and he was entranced. He found himself leaning into you all the more.

The slap of a pair of hands on your desk jolted him from his trance. He quickly sat himself properly in his seat, looking down and picking up his pencil in an attempt to look like he was working all along . . . and not thinking about you.

The sound caused you to jump in your seat as well, snapping you away from your mode of concentration. Your eyes travelled up from the hands on your desk to the bright, smiling face of its owner, your classmate, Agnes.

“So, Y/N,” she started. “Have you thought about giving anyone chocolates for Valentines’ Day next week?,” she asked, noticeably glancing at Namjoon.

You, unclear with what she meant by that look, felt yourself blush.

“No?”

Namjoon couldn’t help but feel his ears perk up at your answer. Why were you unsure?

“Why not?,” she asked, chuckling.

“I— I—,” you stuttered, looking away, specifically from Namjoon. “I just never received any before, you know . . . ,” you trailed off. “And what if I’m just not the kind of girl that guys see as a woman?,” you questioned, fearing that you would be rejected.

Namjoon glanced up at you in contemplation. He couldn’t help but direct that question to himself. Did he see you as a woman?

Agnes sighed and put a hand on your shoulder in comfort.

“You never know if you don’t try,” she stated, squeezing your shoulder in encouragement before finally walking away.

You attempted to smile at her as she walked away, but you couldn’t hide the discontentment in your face as you turned yourself back to your desk.

Namjoon caught that and unconsciously mirrored your dejected look. He realized how much he grew to care about you as the days went on. At first, he was fond of you as a friend. He felt that he could count on your for help in school and he grew to be quite comfortable with you and even put his trust in you. But now, the more he looked at the frown that contorted your beautiful features, the more he wanted to wipe it away to replace it with a smile. He subconsciously discovered the answer to his own question.

So as soon as Taehyung had reminded him that it was Valentine’s Day, he immediately turned around and dashed out of the school to the nearest candy store that he could find.

The bell signaled for the end of the school day, and your hands tightened their grip around your bag of chocolates as you looked around for Namjoon in apprehension. You were getting anxious because you could have sworn that you saw him walk into school that morning, but he was not present at any of your classes that day. You were already nervous about this, and now you absolutely had no idea how you were going to be able to give the chocolates to him in the first place. You sighed, and you were about to collect your things to leave when you found a familiar flop of chestnut colored hair going down the hallway.

“Taehyung!,” you called, breathlessly running after him.

At the sound of his name, he turned around, surprised that you were the one calling it. You two weren’t particularly close; your mutual friend was only Namjoon.

“Have you seen Namjoon around?,” you asked, panting slightly as you rested your hands on your knees to catch your breath.

Taehyung was observing you questioningly, wondering why you were so desperate to find him. But when he saw the chocolates in your hand, he understood. He thought about how much time you and Namjoon had been spending together lately. It lead him to remember the image of Namjoon suddenly running out of the school earlier that day. He put two and two together and smiled knowingly.

“Oh, you’ll see him. Don’t worry,” he said, smiling widely at you. “Just go back to your seat, and hyung will be back in no time,” he stated.

You nodded, choosing to believe in his words. You thanked him and went back inside the classroom to sit at your desk. Your eyes glanced up at the clock, your heartbeat getting faster by the second.

Namjoon frantically ran down the hallway with a plastic bag in his hand. Upon receiving a text from Taehyung that you were waiting for him, he didn’t hesitate to run back to you. He didn’t want to risk losing his chance with you.

Namjoon was going so fast that he almost tripped as soon as he entered the classroom, causing you to stand up abruptly in worry. Namjoon quickly raised his palm up to let you know that he’s okay. He was panting heavily, and he just needed a breather.

He carefully made his way to his seat, setting the bag down gently.

“I’m so glad that you’re still here,” he said breathlessly. He was sweating profusely.

You nodded, mumbling a “me too.” Without thinking, you took your handkerchief out to tenderly wipe the sweat away from his face.

Namjoon closed his eyes and relaxed into your gentle touch. But when you were done, he shook his head, trying to concentrate on the matter at hand.

He opened the grocery store back to take the contents out of it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you some chocolates,” he said softly. “I looked everywhere and I couldn’t find any . . . ,” he trailed off.

“So I got you this instead,” he said, revealing the ripe, purple grapes he had bought at the grocery store near by.

Your eyes lit up, unable to hide smile that was forming on your face. At that moment, you didn’t care; what mattered was that he gave you something. He thought of you and gave you something . . . on Valentine’s Day.

“I’m really sorry,” he said again, earning a confused look from you. “I really wanted to get you chocolates, but—”

You put you hand on his to stop him. You shook your head at him, smiling.

“Grapes are just fine.”

“Really?!,” he asked surprised.

“They’re perfect,” you answered, unable to contain the joy in your smile.

You turned around to grab your gift for him.

“I actually had some chocolates to give to you,” you said as you placed the bag into his hands.

“But if you really wanted to give me chocolates then you can share them with me,” you teased, causing Namjoon to chuckle.

And that’s how you two spent the rest of this special day. You shared the gifts that you gave each other as you cherished the overarching gift of a love that is returned.

"How long have you two been going on?" You finally ask, putting all the energy to not break now. At least not now.

"A few months. Look, (Y/N). I can't be with you, okay? I guess what we had all these years was special but limited."

"Is it because of me?"

"No. It's not your fault. It's all my fault. I was careless, and I took you for granted so many times."

"How could you do this to me Namjoon?!" He flinches a little bit by the sudden change in your tone. You were already breaking and he saw it. You come up to him and stand a few inches away from his body. "Namjoon."

"(Y/N). Please. Just go. You're just going to waste your time here. There's someone else that's why I can't be-" You land a slap on his face and regret it right away. You start to feel so many things at the same time and you wished and hoped this wasn't true. But it was. He didn't feel the same way anymore. You wanted to say so much to him. You wanted to yell at him, hit him, scream but you also wanted to compete with that other someone. You wanted to do all you can to not lose him, but how could you. How could you when you felt that he was pushing you away on his own. You open your mouth to say something but it's only followed by silence. Your eyes start to water up and you stare at him, trying not to lose your temper now. "Please (Y/N). Just go. I can't be with you anymore." He says but his eyes were focusing on behind you, not your eyes.

"Namjoon."

"Get out. You're just going to waste your time here. Leave. We're done." He looks at you and clenches his jaw. The demanding tone in his voice would've been cute before but now it felt like knives. You grab your coat and your backpack and storm out the apartment.

Anger takes over for a little while but as you descend down the stairs, it gets replaced with disappointment and depression. A part of you wished that he'd come running back to you but a part of you knew it wasn't going to happen. You walk home despite the distance and time it takes you because it was the only thing you could do now. You were just one breath away from breaking down and you wanted to buy yourself as much time as you could. Thoughts start to fill your head and it starts to suffocate you already. You keep thinking if you're dreaming but everything seems so real. The pain, the tears that were slowly falling, the thoughts, everything just seems so real to be a dream. A perfect three year relationship just ending like this. There were still so many things left unsaid, so many things left undone, so many things you wanted to do for him, to him, towards him. But it all went down the drain with just a few simple words.

You find yourself sitting at the bench with the view of Han river right in front of you. You didn't know how you ended up here, you just walked and found yourself here. Staring at the water in front of you, you take a trip down memory lane and let the tears fall. Namjoon and you had your first kiss here; he fulfilled your dream of having the perfect first kiss. The two of you started as friends first in highschool, you didn't know how he had always listened so carefully to everything you ever talked about. Slowly when you started to feel something, you realized how he was always looking at you when you would be busy or when you turned to look at him. He had known you too much by that time and it was hard for you to confess since you didn't want to ruin the friendship you two had. In his senior year, he took you out to hang out with him and confessed his feelings for you. Right here, in Han river, was where you two had your first kiss 3 years ago. It was so perfect how his steady and warm lips touched your cold and shaky lips. It was so perfect how his hands were cupping your face and bringing you closer. It was so perfect how his tall, warm body towered your tiny body. He was always so gentle with you. He was always so careful and protective with you. He made you feel like you had everything, like you were the happiest person ever. Tears that were trickling down one by one before turned into a mess over your face like a tiny waterfall. It was getting harder for you to breathe at this point so you decide to go home. As you get up, you see a guy staring at you. He was so perfect in every way but not perfect enough. His brown hair falling straight down till his eyes, his straight nose and the perfect lips. He would've been a perfect model, he had the looks and the body. But it still wasn't perfect enough, nothing was perfect when it was compared to Namjoon. To you, Namjoon was perfect and there wasn't anything better than that. You start walking and notice the stranger's eyes follow you, making you feel uneasy.

"Uh, excuse me." You stop at the deep voice. How did a face like that hold a voice like that. You look up and see him coming towards you, your body tenses on its own. "Are-are you okay?" He asks with concern written all over his face, it made you want to cry even more now. You nod and start walking but stop when you see some tissues and a hand blocking your way. "I have no right to get into your business but here." He hands you the tissues and smiles as you take them. "It'll be alright, I hope." Patting your shoulder, he gives you a sweet smile, his lips turning into a box like shape. It would've made you smile in another situation but this just wasn't the right time.

"Thank you." You whisper and walk away as you feel a huge lump in your throat.

~Namjoon's point of view~

He stops himself from running after you as he hears the front door slam. Running his hand through his hair, he walks over to the window and waits for you to appear. One last look, it was all he wanted. One last look. He knew you would stop and stare behind you, hoping for him to come after him. You stood there, waiting but he just couldn't do it. For your sake, he had to let you go like this. For your sake. Anger quickly took over as he called his driver and told him to come over. While waiting, he just sat on the bed and let tears fall. He just sat on the bed and let memories flood in. He won't be there anymore to keep you up. He won't be there to stop the tears from falling. He won't be able to see that perfect smile you held. He won't be able to hear that perfect, melodic voice and your beautiful laugh. He decides to get up and leave the house too. Before closing the front door, Namjoon turns to take a look at this place. He couldn't believe that this actually happened. So much left unsaid, undone. He planned so many things for you, he wanted to do so many things for you, with you, to you. But how could he. Once he's outside the apartment building, he walks over to the cafe opposite to the building. A black car stops in front of his apartment building, making Namjoon leave his seat and rush into the car.

"Where is he?" He asks as he sits in the back seat. It was hard to keep his anger at bay right now.

"He's at home, Sir." The old familiar driver says, looking right in front of him.

"Take me there. Quickly please."

"Yes, Sir."

Namjoon was quiet throughout the 3 hour drive to the richer area of the city. He was just one step away from bursting at the moment. Everything was already dull with your absence, everything was already starting to hurt. And it was because of that one person. All this that happened, it was all that one person who was just a few steps away now as the car stops in front of the mansion's main door. Namjoon takes off his coat and hands it to the butler who had opened the front door.

"He's in a meeting." The butler says, following after Namjoon.

"Do I look like I give a fuck right now?" He says, clenching his hands into fists as he gets closer to the study room.

Unfamiliar voice escaped from behind the closed door. Namjoon already knew what was behind that door so he didn't even knock or hesitate before jolting the door open. The butler stayed out as Namjoon walked it without any second thoughts. As he walked in, he was greeted by a half-naked woman laying on the long, stretched table. She quickly sits up, embarrassment written all over her face while the man who was standing had a smile on his face.

"So this is your meeting." Namjoon says as he looks at the woman. Around 30. Unmarried. Fit. Pretty. New. She was different than the one he saw last time.

"Ah Namjoon-ah. I was expecting you but not this soon." The man says, making his way to the main desk while wiping his hands with a handkerchief. The woman walks past Namjoon with her head down and her hands holding up her dress.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he looks at the older man and scoffs while rolling his eyes. "How long is this going to go on?"

"How can I help you?" The man says as he takes a seat on the leather chair.

"I hope you're happy. You already know, I reckon."

"Yeah, I know. Good job. You make me proud." A smile forms on the lips of the man.

"Ya, you're a bastard. You know that?"

"Is that a way to talk to your dad?" Namjoon clenches his fists even tighter than before.

"You knew what she meant to me, yet you make me do this."

"It's for your own good."

"Bullshit."

"We'll start the plan first thing tomorrow morning. I called your uncle too, they're coming tomorrow. Namjoon-ah-"

"Don't call me like that."

"I'm doing this for your own good. Because I care about you." Namjoon lets out a scoff and shakes his head.

"Is that why you did that? Is that why you did that to mum too? Because you care?" Namjoon stares at his father's emotionless expression. He was getting suffocated just by looking at him.

"I'm giving you 2 days to get yourself together. After that, you’ll have a lot questions to answer so get yourself together and don't mess up."

"I love her!" Namjoon screams out, finally letting out his anger.

"That's enough! You're acting like a kid!" His dad gets up and walks over to Namjoon, grabbing his shoulder tightly. "Remember what I told you before, you go to her. I ruin her."

"You're a monster. You're not even a human."

"It's for your own good." Namjoon pushes the hand away and tries to punch the man in front of him but fails when his dad stops it and punches him instead. Throwing Namjoon to the wooden floor of the home office, he puts a foot on his chest and stares at the younger. "Don't act like trash. Leave." Namjoon gets up after pushing away the foot, cleaning up the little blood from his lips' corner. He starts to walk toward the door and stops when his dad yells out from behind him. "I don't want to see you sulking and depressed tomorrow. I'm doing this for you so go take out this fury in the gym." Namjoon turns to a vase and throws it on another vase, breaking the two. He turns to look at his dad but his dad was just looking out the massive window behind his chair.

This wasn't the first time Namjoon felt this hurt because of his father. Him and his dad never got along with each other but deep down, he could never actually hate his father completely. Until now, until his dad forced him to lose his everything. You. Namjoon wanted to do everything he could to get you back but how could he when you would be in danger with him. How could he when his own father threatened to hurt you if he stayed with you. Some may say it's just a threat but when it was from his father, it wasn't to be taken lightly. The Chairman of Kim Enterprises never said anything he didn't mean. You were the only one Namjoon had but now he lost that too. He walks out the room and slams the door shut. Keeping his anger in at this point was not even a choice so he walks into the gym and starts punching the bag hanging from the ceiling. Not even bothering to put on the gloves, not even bothering to stop even after seeing traces of blood on his knuckles.

~(Y/N)'s point of view~

Everything seemed so different now. Everything seemed so painful now. Everything seemed so dull now. You were sitting on the floor of your bedroom, with your bent legs pressed against your chest and your chin resting on top of your knees. Tears kept falling and falling, and you were not even bothering to wipe them away. The more you thought about it, the more painful it got. Your best friend, Bomi, kept running back and forth to make things, bringing things to you, trying to make you stop crying.

"Ya, you're going to suffocate like this." She says as she puts a tray of food in front of you on the floor. "Here, eat this." You let out another sob and cry even more, not caring how much your chest hurt or how hard it was getting to breathe. "Hey, please stop." Bomi pulls you into a hug and you let go. Letting out every tear that was escaping, letting out as much as you could, letting out every scream. Bomi's hand was rubbing your back and her hushes sounded so hurtful too.

You hated doing this. You hated letting her see you like this, you hated dragging her or anyone into your problems. Your head falls onto her lap and the tears fall even when you wanted them to stop. You felt yourself fall into a mess already. Bomi knew it too. Thoughts had already flooded your brain. This was just the beginning for it all. Beginning for the mess that you, Bomi, and Namjoon knew. You've always liked to stay away from people at times like this but those two never left, even after you tried to push them. They both knew that when you told them to leave, it was when you desperately needed them then. You've always had the problem of overthinking and letting your own self down just through thoughts. Namjoon was always there to help you out of those moments but this time, it was all because of his words. How would he help when he was the one who turned you this way now. You knew what was coming your way, the mess, the silence, the numbness, the pain. Everything. You knew because this had happened before too. Your loud sobs now turned to silent sniffles as you lay your head on Bomi's lap. Her hand was brushing through your hair as her other hand had a tight grip on your shoulder. Bomi was clearly angry at Namjoon but the concern she had towards you covered the anger well.

"That bastard." She knew you hated people badmouthing Namjoon but at this point, Bomi didn't care about that. She couldn't see you like this and the way he ended things was enough for her to attack him. The way he left you, the mess he turned you into. The last time Bomi saw you was last night when you were so excited to go to Namjoon and spend the night with him but seeing how you returned, it boiled her blood. "I mean how could he just do this? Why the hell would he even look at someone else when he's with you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" You finally say in between your sniffles and hiccups. "He doesn't love me anymore. Why would anyone love me?"

"Ya! Don't you dare think that?!" You flinch at her sudden risen voice and sit up again, facing her. "Who wouldn't love you? Have you looked at yourself? You're perfect, (Y/N)." Bomi cups your face with her hands and smiles, she knew it wasn't working but she still tried and it made me feel even more bad by dragging her into this. Tears start to escape your eyes again, causing Bomi to click her tongue and pull your head down to her lap again. She keeps on saying things to keep you calm while her hand was stroking your hair. After a few more hours, your body gave in and you started to feel exhausted. As the minutes passed, your eyes start to feel heavy and you didn't know when you dozed off.

~Namjoon's point of view~

"Where is he?" The Chairman was walking down the hall with the butler behind him, walking as fast as the Chairman.

"He's still in the gym, Sir."

"What? Since last night?"

"Yes, Sir."

"That kid." The Chairman walks faster towards the gym. Once he opens the door, he sees Namjoon passed out on the floor, sweat dripping out from his son. Concern takes over him as soon as he sees that he seemed unconscious. Ordering the butler to get the family doctor, he sits in front Namjoon and touches his eldest son's forehead. It was cold; he did pass out. "Ya Mr.Choi!! Hurry up!!" He screams out to the butler and starts to lift up the cold, unconscious body.

Namjoon wakes up on his bed, his eyes slowly opening and his head throbbing. He puts his hand over his head and presses it lightly as he lets out a sigh. The door opens and he sits up straight, leaning on the bed. The Chairman walks in with an emotionless face while fixing his sleeves.

"Are you out of your mind? Why did you do that?" He speaks in a stern tone but he didn't yell. Namjoon looks away and stares out the window as memories of you play in his mind. "When I said take out your anger in the gym," he stops as he sees a tear fall down Namjoon's cheek. "Didn't know you had that much of anger inside you. You could've told me, I would've let you hit me a few times." His attempt to make Namjoon laugh failed as he notices the eye roll.

"I'm fine."

"You better be. Don't forget what day it is today." His father says while walking out the room. "Be ready before 12pm." He orders out from the hall and Namjoon turns over to grab his phone from the bedside table.

9am.

He lets out a sigh and stops the tears from escaping. He already misses you and the thought of what you might be going through was destroying him. He did what he had to. For your own safety. For your own sake.

12pm.

Namjoon and Chairman Kim were standing out on the driveway, waiting for the very important guests. His father was so excited over this while Namjoon just kept in every emotion and faked his content. Inside, he just wanted to leave everything and run to you but on the outside, he just smiled like it was all alright when it wasn't. This is one of the many other things the Chairman had taught Namjoon to do. Of course he had to learn it. After all, he is the first heir of his father, whether he liked it or not. He had to. Three black cars drive into the driveway and the middle one slows down in front of the entrance. Before the doors open, Namjoon hears a whisper from his father, telling him to behave. They both straighten up their posture as Namjoon's uncle and his cousin, Kim Soo Jung, exit the car. They greet each other and walk into the house where the actual meeting is supposed to take place.

"I bet Soo Jung is happy as ever." Chairman Kim says while smiling to his brother. They both seem so happy, so did Soo Jung.

"Of course, it's the kids own decision. They should be happy. Right?" Namjoon smiles and nods to his uncle's question. "You don't seem well today. Are you okay?"

"Ah, I just had a little fever." He laughs it off and takes a sip of his tea. The whole act was making him sick since his thoughts were at your broken figure.

"Well you have to recover fast. Before the wedding. You are the groom after all." His uncle says and Namjoon smiles again.

"Yes, Sir." "It's so funny how they grow up so fast. Both grew up together and now here they are, getting engaged." Soo Jung lets out a shy laugh and Namjoon clenches his fist, stopping himself from doing something stupid.

"So we'll stick with the plan? Announce their wedding date only?" His father speaks.

"Yes, I think it's better that way."

"All you guys have to do is exchange rings and then we'll take some pictures and by afternoon, the articles will go out."

Everyone start talking about the engagement and wedding while Namjoon just had his mind on one thing. What about you? What's going to happen to you when you see it? He starts to feel sick from himself. How can he be exchanging rings with someone else while you break apart. How can he do this to you.

~(Y/N)'s point of view~

You jolt up awake and reality runs back in again, making you hurt even more. It will be hard for you. You wonder what's going to happen to you. You wonder if you'll even get over someone like Namjoon. Your first boyfriend, your first kiss, your first everything. You sit up and run a hand through your hair while taking in your surrounding. Bomi must've left in the middle of the night or some other time since you had a pillow instead of her lap. There was a water bottle, a box of tissue, some fruits and a bowl of soup which was cold by now. You look up at the clock to see the time.

3pm.

"How much did I sleep?" You whisper to yourself as you get up from the floor. Tears were already welling up as everything around in your room and in your life were reminding you of him. Walking out of your room, you notice Bomi staring at the television screen with a serious look. You walk over and read the headlines.

"Kim Namjoon, heir of Kim Enterprises, is to marry Kim Soo Jung, daughter of KS clothing."

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