#rant pig

I'll say it again here. Even as someone who doesn't live here, I'm a bit dreadful about what could possibly happen because the failures of the system have been massively shown right now and I really have to do my best to not say something hurtful.

But I want to remind all of you that Trump and his cronies are a bunch of creepy-ass old weirdos led by a convicted felon who never had to work one day in their lives and probably have a God complex despite them being humans. Us, on the other hand, we can be way stronger and powerful than them. Trans people, Latinos, Black people... you see what I mean. We can be way, way more than them.

You will survive. Even if you have to get out of where you live, even if you have to change something in your life, you will survive. They will not because they're old and not as powerful/unopposed as they think they are. They are just megalomaniacs and, one day, they will fall. Even if we have to hear them babble and babble endlessly about things they know nothing about.

So, uh... it's the last day of 2023 for me. The year is ending... and frankly? It wasn't the best, but honestly, in certain ways, it keeps being a part of my upward trajectory.

I'll start with the negatives: there's some Internet areas in which I haven't made as much things as I wanted. There's translations for SCP-FR that I should have finished months and months ago and I still haven't done that. I'm always frustrated with the fact that new chapters for fics don't release as much as I want because I don't work on them as much as I want. I haven't listened to as much new music as last year... and frankly, I think that all those frustrating things can be linked to one thing I became aware of, more than ever.

Being a part of this world is exhausting and, in a way, contradictory. Because honestly, there's a part of me who just wants to go outside more. There's friends I want to see more because I used to do just that but the lockdown just... made me go back to square one, when I don't really have the strength to get up and go outside (and there's not a lot of things to do for me, unfortunately). Oh, and don't even get me started on people I feel attracted to!

Because my curse (a curse that I share with a lot of people) is that the people I want to kiss just live so far away from me (or, in a lot of cases, I ALSO don't really take a shot for... reasons, I dunno, I guess that I'm just like a highschool girl who doesn't know how to act around her crush, except said crush is multiple people of various genders, which is worse). You take that and you combine it with my crippling desire to receive affection from people my age and, uh... yeah, that makes for a very great cocktail.

Also, the fact that there's always this little voice in my head who is like "C'mon, you look way too masculine for them to actually return your affections. Also, you're hairy and it doesn't make you look good" even though I know that, well, gender binary, it sucks. And like, the fact that I don't even have the nerves to even try to launch a convo, it's terrible, because deep down, those crushes, those people I'm attracted to, a part of me wants to know them a bit better than just what I see on Tumblr posts or on Discord convos. Like, if I was just going for the appearance and them being good-looking and nothing else, it would be just so shallow and that's not what I want, at this time of my life!

Also, the world under late-stage capitalism is a cold and heartless place who trains you to be individualist and jerkish and insensible towards the very real pain that people can feel (and, at times, to be a dick to people just because they didn't gave you your order fast enough at McDonalds). Like, honestly, if it's just to be a slave and seen as dispensable by customers, shareholders and all the rich assholes in charge (and who never deserved to be in charge to begin with), what's the point in trying to fit in this world or to get a fucking job? Fuck that shit, seriously.

So, yeah. Tho, there's also positive things.

I didn't fuck up something again! I still have my old friends with me! That's very great!

In fact, I even gained new friends and in the best way possible! I was in the MetaF server (a SCP one), we were talking about shit, Boobert did an entire expose about Simon Glass, it was super-cool, I told Boob so and Boob told me "Hey, I have a server with some friends, you want to join?" and I was like "Yeah!" and... woaw.

Like, in my first days here, it wasn't planned but I actually let out a bunch of old issues and pent-up, internalized anger against a lot of people and events from the last 3-4 years that I never talked about a lot before. This shit was eating at me since years and years and I couldn't stop thinking about it, but I was so scared to just talk about it and being called "attention whore" or being ignored because everyone else would find me annoying or something like that. But... didn't happen here.

I just got on a vocal chat and ended up talking about this shit, then I found myself in a non-vocal, vent, channel during a convo about some people who were pissing me and others off and Boob (I'm pretty sure it was Boob) told me at one point that it was actually healthy to bitch or else, the internalized anger just makes you kinda insane and those words just did something to me and I... ended up talking about a lot of things that pissed me off those last years, how some people used me and never apologized or felt regret afterwards, how some others are people I will never truly get along with, how some others have just an unlikeable personality... and after that, I felt a bit lighter.

It's still here, but it pisses me off less now because I finally spoke my piece and it's out and I don't have to keep it inside myself anymore. Also, they openly tell me that I'm their friend and it's cool when I'm with them and they like me? Like, it's so unusual for me because I haven't heard it a lot before but it's just everything I've ever wanted for a long time, to actually feel like people appreciate me and want me around.

When it comes to how I perceive myself, it's clear that I must try to be less in this mindset of judging my worth on the opinions of others because I actually do it a lot subconsciously but still. People want me around! It feels great!

@fiveeeee, @handsome-john, @drawingsfromthefrogwar, @rustyboltzz and all the others from this server, I love you. I mean it. We've only known each other for a couple of weeks and more but you're already top-tier friends, I love seeing your little blurbs in the writing channels and answering with my own blurbs, I love seeing your art, I love that I feel more comfortable with some things in general and you're the best friends a girl could have ever asked for. Giving y'all bites of friendship if you want

(also, if we decide in 2024 to have multiple people hosting the book-club, I'll be here to read SCP shit with y'all)

I actually managed to release shit on the SCP Wiki! Translations weren't my forte this year, but I managed to pump out original writings and people seem to like it. Especially the thing I just did for this year's Art Exchange. I'm already a little bit afraid that giftees don't like my gifts since the time I fucked up the one I gave to Nicolini, years ago. But this year, my giftee liked it so much they wanted me to post it in the site. Wasn't expecting it, but that was the best way for me to finish the year.

Even if I didn't listened to as much music as last year, I still managed to discover a lot of great shit. Feeble Little Horse made my favourite alt-rock album of the year with "Girl with Fish", the "Pizza Tower" OST was full of absolute gems, Quadeca released a bunch of good shit with the "SCRAPYARD" series... and that's just the things I have in mind, there was a lot of great music to discover this year!

I'm dabbling back into non-"Infinity Crisis" fanfiction. Like, I love this series and still has a lot of things to tell with it, but I'm starting to feel that if I only write things for this series, it'll stop being fun and that's not what I want. Plus, there's a lot of prompts on some Tumblr accounts that I still haven't used and, goddamn, I want to use them more!

Also, there's a lot of IC things I forgot to share and one of my first actions in 2024 will be to fix that (and shout-out to the other authors. Right now, @sentinelofstories is the only one on Tumblr so I can't ping the others but still. We had a great 2023 when the series is concerned).

To summarize: when it comes to me and the world, it's still full of uncertainty and my frustrations are still here. But when it comes to me and the Internet, it still keeps on being better than ever before and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

So, you have a band who lost one of their key members some years ago, released the most wild and the darkest album of their career and then, this video is released and, in the first part, you have Ritchie With A T who is sleeping on a bed while the last song of any IR album is playing...

...and then, the first song under the By Storm name starts playing and you see Ritchie waking up, getting out of bed and we see him doing his thing on the mic and playing with a keyboard (or a sampler) and the song sounds like the chaos of "By The Time I Get to Phoenix" but it's much prettier, much more beautiful. And, at the end, Ritchie sits down on one of the theater seats like Parker Corey is doing (also, shout-out to Parker' giant beard) and the last shot of the double video is the empty bed.

And when you know about what the band actually had to face between 2020 and now, how its vibe was, with Steppa J. Groggs' untimely death, with how wild and dark and "I'm gonna have a mental breakdown right now and my entire body is about to melt while I'm screeching in pain"-type the sound of BTTIGP was... hearing this song with a more "Yeah, let's go wild, let the music swirl a bit, we can do anything!" type of energy and seeing Ritchie waking up and doing the thing he does best before sitting down on a seat as he observes the future, probably... like, this double video is simple & easy to understand but very great in what it conveys.

The "Bye Storm" part is about doing a final send-off to Groggs and the memories Ritchie & Parker had with their friend and the "Double Trio" part of the video is both of them deciding to keep on doing music because it's surely what Groggs would have wanted: to continue and carry on. It's very heartwarming.

OK, so I think all the important things are put here. And because it's possible that my first post ends up drowned, I'm doing this one so if you find this account, you'll know what is it that I'm doing here.

Before we start, I have to put a disclaimer: it's very possible that I can reblog NSFW stuff so if you're a minor or if it's not the sort of thing you like, please, proceed with caution or use the settings of your account to hide it! That being said...

I'm Pighead, a 22 y/o French native on the autism spectrum with a gender identity I'm unsure about (except the "not being cis" part, that, I'm sure of it) and a deep love for writing, art (especially looking at the art others do, you included) and pop culture. That's exactly what I'll reblog. To be more precise, my current special interests are:

Writing fanfictions and reading those others do.

Looking at very good drawings.

Sonic the Hedgehog.

Indie games (even if, these days, I have a little "Henry Stickmin" phase because it's so good and Henry/Charles/Ellie is an OT3).

Homestuck. Yes, I know, I'm very late. But still. Also, Jack Noir, best villain, no question. He and his alternate selves (Spades Slick, my darling <3) are just so cool, pals, I can't help it-

Animation. Even if I don't look at shorts or animated series as much as I wish, it's still something I enjoy immensely.

Webcomics. There's ones outside "Homestuck" that I like.

MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've spent (and will spend) 2022 listening to new albums and artists I haven't listened to before (or artists I already like) and I'm calling myself a hipster who likes to read Pitchfork, so maybe I'll talk about what I'm listening to quite a bit.

I try to listen to many genres as I can. Hip-hop, rock, electronic music, pop, metal, vaporwave, boom-bap, punk, experimental rap... I'm quite open.

The SCP Foundation. I'm in this site (both its French Branch and Main Branch) since 2017, I have a lot of good and bad memories related to it but if there's something that I can't deny, it's that deep down, this site deeply influenced me in many levels. And I'm grateful for it. (2024 EDIT: Do not interact with me while assuming I'm still Staff, do not even ask me about this period of my life. I did nothing of note while at Staff, I was depressed as shit while doing so and it was the catalyst for a lot of feelings of sadness and bitterness that I have still yet to overcome. I bear no ill will towards any person on Staff, unless for some exceptions, but joining it as a group was an enormous mistake on my part and I do not wish to be reminded of it. If you try to use it to pull a "Gotcha" on me, I'm blocking you, I don't care)

A bunch of other shit. It's always like that with me. I love discovering other things.

Learning from others about current society and its problems. It makes me often anxious and makes me feel down, but I prefer that to blissful ignorance.

So, if you like one or more of those things, you can always follow me or ask me some questions, it's open! I also have other accounts on the Internet and you might consider following them.

My primary account for fanfictions, who is primarily in French but have some English-written ones, especially my current projects (check the ones with the "Infinity Crisis" title on it, they're good):

My other account, only for English-written fanfics:

My Refsheet account, in which I'm busy doing character sheets for my multiple OCs. There's not many, rn, but it will grow once I find the time to do it:

Those my age who are currently still fighting to keep at least some optimism left? I actually respect the hell out of them for keeping it.

I don't know why the news of those last two weeks specifically shook me more than all the others because it's nothing new at this point, it's just Episode 6 293 of "Capitalism being its same rotten, broken self" and yet, it still did.

And I have difficulties again to go outside and I'm feeling a bit directionless and I'm growing up in a time where you have to learn about everything dumb CEOs do and be expected to praise them for being dumb, when the only desires you can express are the ones that the cis white men tolerate, when Nazis who are obsessed with controlling children and turning them into the same hate-filled white supremacists they are call us groomers because they like to project their own crimes on us...

There's a queer-friendly place I go to, sometimes, who had a broken window and Celtic crosses drawn on it by some fash, weeks ago, and I got genuinely worried and it didn't help me finding reasons to go outside more.

Even trying to find work is annoying because most of the job offers I see ask you to have at least 25 different competences or only search for people who could be on top jobs. There's very few place for beginners. I don't even want to tell my parents that I'm not searching a job as regularly as I say I do because working is tied to such a crappy ideology that I'm just not looking forward to that.

I swear, for as much as I dislike younger me for all the mistakes they made (and they made a lot of it), at least, they were happy and motivated to do things. Maybe more naïve, maybe couldn't shut their mouth when they needed to do so, but they were happier.

Now, I'm just tired because I'm growing up in a shit timeline, with a shit system, that already drained me of my energy and all I can muster is reblog and share posts by people who still have the will to fight.

I don't know how they do that, sometimes, but hey, it's a proof that cynicism is wrong about something and I like it when nihilism is wrong.

So, we are December 31st. Another year is gone, another one is about to start...

And, ngl, I'm kinda mixed on that one.

I think I can split this year on two parts: the part from January to August where things went seemingly without a hitch and the part from September from now where life kicked my ass harder than ever.

Like, if there's things I did, it's mostly in the first half of that year because I really think I managed to be a bit more social and productive than the second half.

I guess that I've managed to write and publish a couple of fanfics. Even managed to write one or two things in French, something I haven't did since I started to write "Infinity Crisis", 3 years ago! I went out a little bit, started a temporary job in June... and it was just nice!

But the second half of the year was way more marked by a bunch of things that disappeared or changed. And even if some of those changes were positive (my bedroom got a full relooking and it's a very nice one that I love a lot!), a lot of them either stopped me in my momentum or mentally sent me back to the fact that my greatest regret in life was to not having done more when it came to the things I love.

I was supposed to change computer or change its exploitation system (or some shit like that, I'm not very good at computer-y things) and because I was focused on that, things like my writing or my consumption of music came to a halt.

Some websites that I used to use and wanted to get back to using this year closed down or announced that they would close soon (Plume d'Argent, Refsheet, IcebergCharts), which also didn't contribute to me having a good mood.

And there's also the fucking seasonal depression. I hate Winter, low-key, because not only I don't see its most beautiful parts (the snow) that often, these days, but also, the Sun goes down before 6:00 PM, the weather is shittier... and it doesn't make me want to go out or to do something.

And considering that the main thing I've managed to do during this half of the year was making YouTube playlists... yeah, no, it wasn't that much of a good time. Not an horrible time per se, but just... not really a good time.

So, like... it wasn't my worst year, but it wasn't my best year neither? I don't know?

Man, at that point, I just really hope that 2026 will be a step upwards.

Here's my Top 10, in no particular order, of things I would like to do for this new year:

Making translations on SCP-FR again.

Finishing the Arc 2 of my "Infinity Crisis" work in general.

Watching more indie animation stuff.

Not being late on currently-published music.

Continuing to make videos.

Writing more fanfics about the Pig Crew.

Making detailed backstories for each member of the Pig Crew.

Reading more SCP-related things.

Looking less masculine.

Being happier.

The worst being that the reasons of the site's owner for doing so are actually perfectly reasonable. Like, on one hand, I'm very sad about it but, on the other hand, if it's what needs to be done... at least, I hope that after that, they'll be able to breathe.