#random yap

"Hyperthymesia, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM), is when you can remember large amounts of personal life details without trying. You may be able to recall events starting from childhood. Your memory is so active that you can vividly remember daily events, conversations and emotions. It’s almost like replaying a timeline in your mind. This skill may be helpful when remembering what you did on a specific day of the week. But it can make it hard to forget painful or upsetting memories. A healthcare provider can help you manage its effects if you need it." - Cleveland Clinic

I didn’t even know what hyperthymesia was until I read The Survivor Wants to Die at the End. I actually read the first book of the series a while ago and only read this one recently. It was a pretty long read, but I loved it nonetheless! I’d definitely recommend reading it, but it does have a lot of mature topics... I don’t wanna give you spoilers if you haven’t read it yet, so you can just stop reading this if you don’t want spoilers!

Anywho, how is this book relevant to Xiulan’s story? As you probably know by now, Xiulan has hyperthymesia. I’ve said that she has a terrible memory, but that was before I figured all of this out, SO YOU CAN JUST FORGET ANYTHING I SAID ABOUT HER HAVING A TERRIBLE MEMORY!!!! I’m assuming that this condition isn’t very well-known within the real world and within the world of HSR, so I’ll explain a bit about it. Hyperthymesia is an extremely rare condition that allows people to recall almost every day of their lives in vivid detail. This condition gives people the ability to effortlessly remember personal events and dates.

In TSWTDATE, one of the main characters—Alano Rosa—has hyperthymesia. He remembers things that happen in meticulous detail and even remembers things to the exact time and date. Hyperthymesia can be different for everyone. Alano is excellent at memorizing facts, but Xiulan isn’t that great at memorizing. She excels in recalling memories. There are emotions associated with every memory, and she goes through those feelings while rewatching those memories.

"It’s important to note that if you have this condition, you don’t necessarily remember everything. Instead, you have difficulty forgetting your personal life experiences." - Cleveland Clinic

But for her, she doesn’t just rewatch those memories, she relives them. It’s like they’re happening in the present. Alano also experiences this as well, so traumatic memories are hard to move past. While most people might be able to move past their painful moments, it is difficult—if not impossible—for Xiulan to forget those memories. Her memories are played with such accuracy and vividness that she struggles to move past grief and trauma.

Alano’s memory forces him to be unable to escape his traumatic past and leads him to try and commit suicide multiple times. Xiulan hasn’t tried ending her life, but she does experience her traumatic memories all the time. She tends to daydream a lot, and that leads her to take a stroll down memory lane. Nightmares are a regular occurrence for her, but she’s always managed to move past because of the people around her. Alano doesn’t have that kind of support, so he can’t move past as easily as Xiulan.

Now we’re getting to the point of this post. Although Xiulan has hyperthymesia and has an excellent memory, she does have a significant gap in her memory. I thought that it would be impossible for someone with hyperthymesia to experience memory loss, but it’s actually possible. I’m still figuring things out with her lore and how exactly she lost her memory, so it would be helpful if y’all had any ideas :3

So she doesn’t remember anything about her life before arriving on the outskirts of the Xianzhou. This is a big part of Xiulan’s character arc and her development. Since she has hyperthymesia but also doesn’t remember things about her childhood, she feels out of place. It’s rather ironic for someone with a great memory to have a huge memory gap. At the beginning of the game, her development revolves entirely around trying to get her memories back. Over time, Xiulan realizes that she doesn’t need her old memories. She realizes that she wants to be in the present and focus on making new memories.

Okioki that’s enough ranting from me! TSWTDATE will also have more significance to her character and story, but I’ll come back to that later... I hope you enjoyed reading through this compulsive rant of mine LOL