The Chief and Cheiftess had wed a month before Snoggletog and a few months after Grimmel. That first winter was brutal, but they made it work. The following spring, summer, and fall had been nothing but planning and building a new village, and trying desperately to prepare for the next winter.

By the time Snoggletog had come again, no one was feeling festive. Hiccup and Astrid had tried to lift everyone’s spirits, but the truth was that they were not prepared for the bitter winter ahead, let alone a big feast in the middle of it. As it was, they barely got a ship out before ice covered the sea to gather what food they could. The holiday came and went almost unnoticed by most of the tribe. There were no week-long festivities, no grand feast, no village-wide gathering. Families celebrated as they could within the safety of their own homes. Which meant for once, the Chief and Chieftess had a quiet night to themselves, and they enjoyed every moment of it. It was the happiest they had been since their wedding.

The mood in the tribe only got worse from there. For now, it seemed they would make it through the rest of winter, but things would be tight, and everyone was feeling the strain of it.

Astrid’s patience was already dangerously thin as she made her way home after dealing with another full day of unhappy Vikings. She was exhausted, she was stressed, she was cold, and she knew her husband was too. She had tried to be patient with him, but since their first anniversary two months ago he had been holed up in his study in the back of the forge or his study in the back of their home, constantly fussing over pages and pages and pages of schematics and sketches, desperately trying to find a way to make this island work as a home for the now grounded tribe.

Remembering her old scaly friend in that moment did not help Astrid’s mood.

She opened the door to their home and then swung it shut behind her with a little more force than intended, but she knew Hiccup wouldn’t have heard it. She took a deep breath to try to steady herself. At least she didn’t have to hear complaints within these walls.

Or so she thought.

Out of habit, she wandered back to the study to find comfort in her husband. He was hunched over his desk, hands gripping his disheveled hair, graphite still clutched in his left hand against his head, crumpled pieces of parchment thrown widely all around the room. He slowly lifted his head when he heard her knock on the doorframe, but didn’t turn.

“Hey, Ast.” His voice was thick; he must’ve been crying again. “How did it go?”

Astrid shrugged. “Same as usual.”

Hiccup hummed, arms dropping to the desk.

Astrid leaned against the doorframe. “Hungry?”

Hiccup huffed, a sound that normally would’ve been closer to a chuckle had he been in a lighter mood. “Not in the slightest.”

“Yeah, me either.”

Hiccup glanced back at her for a moment. He turned his chair and patted his right knee before opening his arm to her. Astrid pushed off the wood and joined him, sitting on his lap as he wrapped his arm around her back. She absentmindedly glanced over the scattered parchment covering his desk. Her eyes caught one in particular, buried under various schematics on the back corner, a simple list of dates with notes scribbled next to them. Astrid swallowed.

As if the transition here with the tribe hadn’t been hard enough, Astrid and Hiccup had been met with disappointment after brutal disappointment of their own. They had been trying for a baby since their wedding night. Hiccup had started tracking her cycles after the first few months of no luck, talking to Gothi and Tuffnut about optimal timing and conditions. It was fun at first, until it just became frustrating, and it fell entirely to the wayside once the threat of the second winter drew closer. The last date written on the parchment was sometime back in early fall, despite the multiple bleeds she had had since.

Astrid choked back tears as she tried to distract herself. “What were you working on?”

Hiccup sighed. “The Skydocks. Again. Stupid thing still isn’t working right. No matter how much we brace it we still don’t think it can handle the weight of a fully stocked boat. And even if we did, we still need to figure out what to do with the boats when we’re not using them. They’ll crash against the side of the island or the sea stacks if we keep them in the water beneath it.”

That boat lift had worked fine at first, but the more they used it, the more problems arose. Hiccup had been agonizing over it for most of the year now.

Hiccup rubbed his free hand down his face. “But we have to find a way to make it work, there’s no other way to get up to the village on this fucking island.”

Astrid winced. She didn’t like this new Hiccup. It wasn’t until then that she noticed the empty mug on the far side of the desk. “Drinking again, I see.”

Hiccup closed his eyes and suppressed a groan. “Ast, please don’t…”

Astrid suppressed a groan herself. “Fine, I won’t.” She stood up and swiftly left the room.

“Astrid.” She didn’t turn back at the sound of her husband’s voice. “Astrid!”

She could feel the last thread of her patience snapping. Unfortunately, Hiccup followed her out of the room, stumbling a bit over his own feet.

“Astrid, come on-”

“How many drinks have you had?”

“What?”

Astrid spun on her heels. “How many?”

Hiccup opened his mouth but didn’t answer.

She felt the heat of rage crawling up her neck. “If you can’t give me a damn answer then it’s been too fucking many.”

Hiccup scowled. “It’s been a hard day. It’s been a hard couple months.”

“It’s been hard for everyone, Hiccup. You don’t see me drowning myself in ale over it!”

“I’m the Chief, Astrid, I’m the one who has to shoulder the burden for everyone!”

“As you should! This is all your fault in the first place!”

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“This is your fucking fault! You’re the one that decided to leave Berk, you’re the one that landed us on this island, and you’re the one that sent the dragons away!”

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying. The angered heaving of her chest slowed as she watched pure agony washing over her husband's face and his body recoiled from her. Her eyes darkened as her own words sunk into her brain, lingered in the air like a thick poison. She covered her mouth as if she could pull the words out of the air and hide them away. But she couldn’t take them back now. The truth was out.

She expected him to be angry. She expected yelling, screaming, crying, the flailing arms and wildly animated face that left nothing to the imagination like she was used to. But what she got was so much worse.

His arms fell limp to his sides. His face fell as well, completely devoid of emotion, eyes unfocused. His knees buckled, and he slid down into a nearby chair.

A quiet gasp shuddered past Astrid’s lips, muffled by her hand. “H… Hiccup… I…”

Hiccup didn’t react.

“I’m… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean it, Hiccup, I…”

Nothing.

Tears raced down Astrid’s cheeks. “Hiccup… Babe…”

Still… Nothing.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” She took a careful step forward, reaching a hand out to him.

He leaned away.

“Hiccup…” Her voice was barely a whisper as she froze in place. “I’m so sorry, I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t… I don’t know what came over me, I..”

He didn’t look at her. He stood as if his body was moving on its own accord. He walked past her without so much as a glance in her direction.

He grabbed his furs without a word.

And he walked out the door.

~~~

He hadn’t come back that night. Astrid couldn’t bring herself to follow him, the empty look in his eyes chilling her to the bone knowing she had been the one to cause it. The quiet clunk of the door slowly closing behind him rang clearly through her mind in the disturbing quiet of the house. Her knees still ached the next morning from when she had fallen on them, sobs tearing through her chest as she had screamed at herself for what she had said. After wrecking the house in her self-directed anger she had finally cried herself to exhaustion. Waking up the next morning to an empty pillow next to her for the first time in over a year had her so beside herself that she ended up sick, emptying what little she had in her stomach and then some until she was left dry heaving.

Once she had gained enough composure, she tried to figure out where he went. But no one had seen him save Gobber, and Gobber refused to tell her where he was.

“What in the name of Odin himself did ye say to ‘im?! It must’ve been bad, he wouldna even tell me!”

Astrid froze where she stood. “I…”

Gobber had raised his eyebrows. “Lass… What did ye do?”

She felt bile crawling up her throat again. “I…”

“Lass.”

Tears pricked at her eyes. “I didn’t mean it,” she whispered.

“Didnae mean what?”

“That it was-!” She stopped herself and swallowed. “That… It was… All his fault… The… The dragons…”

Gobber sighed and closed his eyes. “Oh, Astrid… For the love of Thor… Tell me ye didnae…”

Astrid vomited again. Gobber didn’t need an answer after that.

A week went by and still no one had seen Hiccup. Astrid was sick with worry - both figuratively and literally. Every morning waking up to an empty bed had her instantly reaching for a bucket. Tuffnut had urged her to eat, but the smell of food just made it worse. He and Snotlout had taken to rotating shifts watching over their friend, worried she would do something stupid in her grief and anger. Astrid had seen them muttering to each other across the room, and something Tuffnut said had caused a flicker of emotion too quick for Astrid to place in Snotlout’s eyes.

That was when the suspicion first whispered in the back of Astrid’s mind. And the suspicion only made her anger flare more.

Snotlout stood quietly against the wall as Astrid tore through her home for the third time that week, anger bubbling over until she had to throw something to release it. She threw everything she could find within reach. The den was completely wrecked at this point, but Snotlout let her go until she was standing in the middle of the destroyed room, chest heaving, furniture overturned, arms balled into tight fists at her side.

“Better?” He sarcastically asked.

Astrid cried out and threw a cup at him. He dodged it unfazed. “No! No, I’m not better! What the fuck was I thinking?! Why the fuck would I say something like that?! I didn’t mean it! I don’t believe for a second it was his fault! I know he had to do it, I know he thought it was the right thing! So why” - she chucked another cup at the wall - “in the name of Thor” - a plate followed and shattered under the impact - “would I EVER” - she kicked an already overturned chair and sent it screeching across the floor - “say something- Say- Just- AHHH!” As words evaded her, she screamed instead and reached for her axe.

“Okay, nope, that’s where I draw the line.” Snotlout pushed off the wall and slipped the axe out of her hands effortlessly on her backswing. She swung her arms forward anyway, the momentum bringing her to her knees. The rage seemed to fizzle out then, and she was reduced to heavy sobbing, burying her face in her hands.

Snotlout sighed and kneeled beside her, rubbing her back and sort of afraid to get too close in case her mood drastically shifted again. “Astrid... He’s going to come back, he knows you didn’t mean it.”

She sobbed, voice muffled by her hands. “You didn’t see his face!”

“He still loves you.”

“Then where is he?!”

“He just needs some time to cool down. You both do. You’ve both been under so much stress, something was bound to slip out in anger sooner or later.”

Astrid slumped against Snotlout, who wrapped her in his arms. She was so tired. She hadn’t been sleeping, she’d been throwing up more often than not when she was awake, she couldn’t bring herself to eat, and she longed for her husband. She sniffed. “But why did it have to be that? Why did I have to say the absolute worst combination of words he could possibly hear from anyone, let alone his wife?”

Snotlout sighed. “I don’t know. But I know you didn’t mean it. And I know deep down he knows that too.”

As if on cue, the front door slowly creaked open. Astrid whipped her head around, nearly knocking Snotlout over, but then she froze.

Hiccup looked like shit. She didn’t know what she expected. He looked like a ghost with his black, sunken eyes and pale skin, hunched shoulders and limp arms. He raised an eyebrow at Snotlout holding Astrid on the floor, then raised them both at the carnage around the home. Little did he know the carnage was spread through every other room as well, but that would be a conversation for later.

Astrid struggled to her feet, and Snotlout helped her up just to pass her off to Hiccup’s arms before slipping out the door. To Astrid’s surprise, Hiccup wrapped his arms around her without hesitation, and she fell into him in response. Apology after apology poured from her lips, she didn’t give Hiccup the chance to say a word.

“I-I didn’t, I d-d-didn’t mean it, I-I’m so sorry, Hiccup I’m s-s-sorry, I-”

“Astrid... Astrid, stop!”

“No, I should n-never have-”

“I know, I know, it’s alright.” He crushed her to his chest, cradling the back of her head. “Breathe... It’s alright...”

She shook her head into his chest. “No-”

“Ast, I get it, I hear you. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“You did what you thought was best-”

“Ast! Just stop, please.” He pushed her away from his chest and held her face firmly in his hands, staring into her eyes. “Please... It’s okay... Breathe...” He wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes flickered to the destroyed house around him for a fraction of a second before returning to her eyes, but his resolve dissipated quickly. He took in the state of their home, still holding Astrid’s face. “Thor Almighty, milady. If I wasn’t already so sure you were beating yourself up over this, our home would’ve convinced me in a heartbeat.” He looked back to her and smiled weakly. “You’re cleaning all that up, you know.”

Astrid laughed through a sob. “I suppose that’s fair.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear. “There’s my girl... I’m right here. There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid, remember?”

She smiled at the memory and nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I meant it. I still do. Just because you say something out of anger that you didn’t mean, doesn’t mean I’m leaving you.”

She nodded. “That’s good to know. Still, I’ll try not to make a habit out of it,” she teased through her tears.

Hiccup chuckled. “I would appreciate that. Come here.” He pulled her back into a protective embrace, rubbing her back as she settled against his chest.

They stood like that for a few minutes as Astrid’s breathing returned to normal, and even after that simply relishing in the feel of each other’s arms.

That was, until Astrid felt the bile racing up her throat again.

She pushed off of Hiccup and burst out the door, spilling her stomach into the grass over the side of the porch. She heard Hiccup rushing after her, and when he saw her predicament he hurried over to pull her hair out of her face.

“Shit, Ast, are you alright?!”

Stomach empty again, as if it hadn’t been already, she leaned her head on her arms against the railing. “Yeah... Sorry... Been happening a lot lately...”

“Gods, you stressed yourself out that much over this? I should’ve come back sooner, I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head against her arms. “I hurt you,” she weakly argued.

“I don’t care, you never get sick like this. Let’s get you to bed, I’ll grab a bucket just in case and then I’ll go get Gothi.”

Astrid stood quite slowly, and Hiccup gripped her arms to keep her steady. She shook her head but stopped that motion immediately when it made her stomach turn. “No, no Gothi. It’ll be better in the morning.”

“Are you sure?”

Astrid opted to hum her assurance rather than nod her head. Hiccup didn’t seem convinced, but he slowly guided her inside and up the stairs, tucking her in bed before running out of the room and returning with the promised bucket. He laid it on the floor on her side of the bed before climbing in next to her. She happily snuggled against his chest, and he wasted no time wrapping his arms around her. Exhausted from the emotions of the last week, they both fell asleep in minutes.

~~~

It was not better in the morning.

The minute Astrid opened her eyes, she ripped herself from her husband’s embrace and leaned over the side of the bed, barely managing to grab the bucket he had left there before spilling her stomach yet again. Hiccup startled at her sudden movements but came to his senses quickly, leaning over to rub her back until she set the bucket down and collapsed onto the bed.

The hand on her back lifted and she felt the bed shift. “That’s it, I’m getting Gothi.”

Astrid groaned into the mattress. “Hiccup, don’t-”

“Nope, you never get sick like this, so it must be bad. Better we know what we’re dealing with.” She heard the soft clicks of buckles and knew he was fastening his prosthetic.

The suspicion she had earlier in the week pulled at the back of her mind again. She hadn’t let herself dwell on it too much before, too distraught about the pain she had caused her husband. But now with him home, apologies and forgivenesses spoken... She lifted her head off the mattress just enough that her words weren’t muffled and wiped her mouth off. “Hiccup... I don’t think I’m sick.”

Hiccup laughed incredulously. “Bullshit. How many times have you thrown up like that before I got back?”

Astrid stared at the wall across from her and refused to answer, face twisted in a grimace.

The mattress shifted again as Hiccup stood up. “If you can’t give me an answer then it’s too much!” His voice wasn’t angered, only dripping with concern. “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

“Hiccup, no.” Astrid pushed herself up and ignored the flip her stomach did in response. She sat up on the bed and turned to see Hiccup halfway to the door. “I’m not sick! I’m- I mean, I might be-”

Hiccup froze with his hand on the door. He slowly turned around to look at her with wide eyes. “Might be...?”

Astrid pursed her lips and took a steadying breath. “I might...”

Astrid could see the wheels turning in Hiccup’s mind, his eyes no longer focused on her as he no doubt was trying to sort his racing thoughts. She could barely hear the whisper that he finally uttered. “Oh, gods... You haven’t bled...”

Astrid ignored the sudden shaking in her body. “Hiccup... Babe... I might just be pregnant...”

His eyes snapped up to hers, still wide in a blank expression. He let out a huff. “Just be pr...” He laughed, the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips. “Just?! You might just be pregnant?!”

She yelped in surprise as he bound over to the bed, jumping up like a child leaping with joy. She fell back against the pillows as he straddled her hips, leaning over and placing an earnest kiss to her lips with hands holding onto her face for dear life. When he broke away he laughed again, and Astrid was blinded by the most wonderful, elated smile, his eyes practically sparkling in the morning light. “Gods, I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!” He peppered her face with kisses, pulling a light laugh from Astrid’s lips before smothering it with his own lips.

He sat up suddenly, being very careful not to put his full weight on Astrid’s hips. His eyes were wide again. “We gotta get Gothi!” He jumped off the bed again and Astrid already knew he was aiming to sprint out the door as he reached for his furs. “We gotta be sure! You’re finally pregnant!”

“No, Hiccup, wait!”

“It’s fine, I’ll bring her to you! You need to rest!” He leaned over and kissed her forehead before turning away, but Astrid grabbed his wrist.

“Hiccup, please, just wait.” He turned to look at her with confusion and she bit her lip. “Please, I... We tried for so long, and it’s still so early, I’m not even sure... I just...”

Hiccup seemed to sober from his enthusiastic high, and his smile softened to one of understanding. He set down his furs and kneeled down on the bed next to her.

She reached up and cradled his face in her hand. “Can we just... Can we keep this between us? Just for now, until we’re more sure?”

Hiccup couldn’t help running his eyes down her body, stopping at her stomach. His smile softened more into one full of love and adoration. Astrid couldn’t help smiling as well as she watched him reach over and rest a hand over her flat stomach. After a moment she sighed and moved her hand to lightly grip his chin, pulling his gaze from her stomach. The eyes that met hers were so drunk with love, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

“Please? Just for a little while.”

He sighed. “I’m going to try my damnedest, but I can’t make any promises,” he giggled.