#ranch fries

So, listen. The bad news I should break to you is that Guy hasn't gotten around to creating ranch-filled french fries yet (it's an idea with legs -- big, fat legs). He has, however, gotten around to creating onion rings with a mixture of ketchup and sriracha sauce deep fried INTO them, underneath their breading. What's gross is I still dipped them in ranch.

HERE COME THE INGREDIENTS ...

The man who made the panko is a notorious womanizer, but an excellent lover, and also Asian and penisey sounding.

  Oh, and if you ever are in an Asian market that sells these, I highly recommend them. The candy that sounds like sneezing, but tastes much better.

Here's a breading station. The onion rings are soaking in low-fat milk because I didn't have buttermilk. No. I had buttermilk, but it was several weeks old (how long ago did I make those Smash Mouth Potatoes?) and it had turned into something else altogether. 

I couldn't figure out how to dip them in the gloppy ketchup mixture, then breadcrumbs, and not wash my hands every single time. Wet hand-dry hand didn't work. So, shut up about it.

And, look. Rojo rings. Because they're red and "rojo" means red in Spanish I think. I ate, like, two of them. Not because they weren't fun, but because I kept picturing Guy's pork-flavored knuckles pressed against them.