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Just a little bit
I’m just reeling.
Was hit with someones judgemental words again. They hurt, didn’t hit as hard this time but still hurt. No way any human in their right mind would not be hurt by what was said.
I don’t even know what I want to say.
I cant even talk about what I want to say because they read this blog. I’m just hurt.
I wanna write but all I can think of this. How screwed up is that? They are even…
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Thank you lovely peoples who have liked and/or reblogged my Kodaline post! It's massively appreciated and has shown that I'm not the only one who listens to them, so woo! Woo indeed.
my first tattoo is in here somewhere
“If you want to write, if you want to create, you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent rambling. You must write every single day of your life. You must read dreadful dumb books and glorious books, and let them wrestle in beautiful fights inside your head, vulgar one moment, brilliant the next. You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads. I wish you a wrestling match with your Creative Muse that will last a lifetime. I wish craziness and foolishness and madness upon you. May you live with hysteria, and out of it make fine stories — science fiction or otherwise. Which finally means, may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” -Ray Bradbury
Inspiration Rut
You guys don't know how obsessed I am with trying to figure out how to decorate my dorm, despite the fact I haven't actually seen the interior of my dorm and there are (wow...EXACTLY!) 20 days until I go to college. But, apparently, 20 days, to me, means "YOU HAVE TO PLAN EVERYTHING NOW OR YOU'RE SCREWED!"
The whole concept that I have in mind is inspired by A Tale of Two Sisters, especially this song (god I'm obsessed with this song!). It's sort of macabre fairy tale, I guess even Grimm fairy tale, kind of vibe but, basically, I want it to be girly and very flowery, but with a darker side. It might even get a little folksy (I'd like to call it gypsy grandma), especially since there are a lot of knickknacks I've acquired during my travels waiting to be used. There also should be a type of melancholic nostalgia, an emotion I believe the song/theme invokes.
BUT, I'm stuck. All I have are tiny trinkets that I know I'm going to bring, 1830483284 ideas/objects for jewelry storage, all my bedding bought, and so many things that I'll hang on my walls. However, I don't have any of the bigger, more important issues/elements finalized, except a most likely set-in-stone book storage idea. How "creepy" should it be? How can I add "macabre" elements without looking kitschy? Should I even try to buy bigger items? Can I hang stuff from the ceiling? How should I decorate my aesthetically inconsistent lamps (aka they are very modern, even dull, looking)? Does one of my duvet covers even match the theme? Do I have too many knickknacks? Am I bringing my music stand (which can be incorporated)? Should I get a rug?
(That last question isn't even important ha ha)
Ugh. I know I'm so hung up on something so trivial but this is the first time I actually get to decorate my room creatively (since I never had the initiative with my "childhood room") and I can get somewhat perfectionist. I should probably stop brooding about it and do something else. BUT I AM OBSESSED!
Going to see Mcqueen tomorrow
But I feel so bad because I'm not as big of a fashion nerd. Gosh I feel so unworthy. I tried looking through the archives but of course I procrastinated so I only got through four collections (not even years collections) because I was taking down notes and doodling the stuff I liked but since I need to wake up early I can't go through anything. /ramble over
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i'm only a "regular" at two places
and there's not even cool places, like a coffee or CD shop. which aren't that cool. they're all convenient stores.
there's the one next to my house, gulfmart, that i'm known for buying monsters at, well, when i was still in high school at least. it'd stop there every morning and get one. the owner is this cool young-ish asian guy who always asks me how work is going and what-not. one time he went to monkey joe's (his nephew had a party there, he's not a creeper.) and tried to ask me out. it was weird, he's like 28. then once i finally turn 18 i go there to purchase my cigarettes, and he's all "ooh, well if i would had known you smoked i would have just sold them to you anyway. if you ever wanna buy alcohol go for it, hurdurrdurr". thanks for telling me now, and no. i don't want your nasty beer. ickk. but it's alright, whenever i'm a dollar short i just go there, and he's all "oh, it's fine! uhhahaha". i try not abuse that too much though, i don't wanna be rude.
and then murphy's express. i. fucking. love. that. place. that drive thru is the most amazing thing in the world. i don't even have to get out of my car to get energy drinks and shit. just pull around, and PRESTO! it's beautiful. but anyway, i guess i'm "known" there for getting gas (cheapest place to), and buying tobacco shit (also the cheapest). i mean, the other day i was getting gas, and totally blanked out on what pump i was at. the register man just looked at the lot real quick and typed in without asking. that has potential to be creepy, you know, if i wasn't there every time i needed gas. then tonight emily and i went to go get some monsters, from their holy drive thru, and the guy was all "oh hoho, no cigarettes tonight?", (which also reminded me that i was out, what a good sales-man.) so i added a pack of course. before i told him what i wanted he already was in the middle of ringing up the right pack. i guess this is all normal. i don't know.
