#raise?

So, most people that follow me wouldn’t know this unless they’ve been following my main blog ( @glo-up-goddess) for an absurd amount of time but I actually created my main page when I was in a really dark place. I was spiraling and struggling with depression as I fell deeper and deeper into an abusive relationship. The night I made my main page I was actually at my abuser’s bedside while they were in the hospital for a week and the moment I left just to run home and shower, grab a change of clothes, they had “the other woman” swing by and out the door in the forty minutes I was gone. I turned to Tumblr out of a mixture of insomnia, helplessness, and desperation. Never in my life would I have imagined starting a second blog, a Drarry blog for all my writing, and never would I have suspected that I would grow to meet such lovely people and make such wonderful friends. But I did! As I watch my following continue to grow and far surpass my wildest dreams, I’m filled with so much renewed love for the beautiful, tremendous souls I have encountered within the fandom over the years. So many of you have touched my life both knowingly and unknowingly and I am forever grateful for you all. This story is dedicated to @xx-thedarklord-xx someone whos work has been a great source of joy for me in some incredibly dark times. So, since I know you like Blairon? Raise? Bon? I have no idea what the hell their ship name would be, but I wrote you some Blaise/Ron, Sam, because your work has been really important to me, specifically this past year as I’ve been figuring some things out for myself. So, without further ado:

Figuring Things Out

Pairing: Blaise Zabini/ Ron Weasley, background Drarry, Pansmione, and Linny

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mildly dubious consent (Ron was drunk when something happened but he did know what he was doing even if he was totally embarrassed by it after the fact because of all the confusing implications. But I still feel like it warrants a warning).

“When Gin first told me her and Harry broke up, well, I hate to admit I was a bit sad, you know? Harry’s like a brother to me and just about the only bloke I thought I could trust my little sister with but sometimes things don’t work out the way you expect it to. Harry ran off with the Ferret and insists he’s people now just because he’s his husband. ‘Mione and I split and clearly Harry gave her way too many ideas ‘cause she goes and marries the scariest witch of her age, yeah, I’m looking at you, Parkinson! But today, I am proud, honored, and delighted to be standing by my sister’s side as she brings the loveliest, most pure-hearted witch into our family,” Ron raised his glass, grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Everyone, please raise your glasses for a toast to Mrs.Ginny and Luna Lovegood!”

The Great Hall burst into a roar of laughter, congratulations, and clinking glasses, and even with his heart with nothing but love for those around him, Ron couldn’t help feeling the nagging loneliness settling over him like a second skin with guilt following after it like a wet blanket. He should be able to stay happy for the entire day. He was happy. His little sister just got married, to the love of her life, and he was happy for her. Honest. But, it didn’t change the fact that as the years went on Ron just felt...left behind.

When Draco and Harry had eloped, that was one thing. They’d left for a Potions Masters conference in France that Draco had to attend and came back as Harry and Draco Malfoy-Potter. It was spur of the moment and easier to keep it out of the press was the excuse they’d given everyone but anyone that knew them knew they were just young, in love, and passionately reckless. They had a small, intimate ceremony among friends to celebrate (and apologize) and lived their life as the first newlyweds in the friend group. It had been fine, even when Ron and Hermione had broken up and Ron was a bachelor for the first time since he was a teenager.

Ron kept telling himself it was for the best which was true. Ron and Hermione had realized their relationship was going nowhere. They still loved each other, of course they did. The two of them had so much history together, that wasn’t going to go away overnight, but they didn’t love each other that way anymore. They noticed it slowly at first, the distance, the ‘going through the motions’ of it all, and then it hit them all at once watching Draco and Harry together, so in love, and building something great. Ron and Hermione had love for each other but they hadn’t been in love for a long time and after a long, difficult talk, they both agreed they needed more and deserved better.

Six months down the line Hermione had her first date with Pansy, on a stupid dare from Draco.

Four years later they were married and beginning the adoption process. Hermione’s version of ‘more’ was a happy wife, a Ministry job where she was making real change, and twin four year old boys that kept her and Pansy more than busy.

Now Ginny and Luna were sailing away into their ‘Happy Ever After.’

It seemed like the only one that couldn’t find their happy ending was Ron.

Needing just a quick reprieve from the festivities, Ron slipped away while his mum and Hermione were both smothering Ginny and Luna with hugs and words of ‘married woman wisdom’ or whatever it was they were doing. He inhaled deeply, stepping out onto the front lawn of Hogwarts and just basking in the familiarity of it all. With Luna being the new Divination professor it just seemed natural to have the wedding at a place that meant so much to everyone in attendance but Ron hadn’t been back at Hogwarts in years. While Hermione had been adamant about attending their ‘8th year,’ Ron decided his time was better spent at the joke shop with George. It started out as a way to keep an eye on his older brother after they’d lost Fred but, over time, Ron learned he had a knack for business. It was working with George that gave him the courage and confidence to open the Fred Weasley Institute, a small wizarding primary school specifically catered to kids like Fred and George who didn’t get on so well with traditional learning but were still bloody fucking brilliant. It was small, but, Ron thought Fred would have been pretty damn proud.

“Ah, lucky, me. I stumble out for a smoke and a breath of fresh air and who do I find but the handsomest Weasley? Course Potter thinks Charlie’s the heartthrob of the family but he married Draco, it’s quite clear he has poor taste in men,” a voice drawled from behind him. Ron didn’t have to look back to know it was Blaise Zabini and he quietly cursed at every deity he could think of in the thirty seconds it took Zabini to stride over to him.

“Zabini,” Ron was pleased his voice cooperated with him just enough to not crack, waver, or squeak. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from doing anything monumentally stupid like he had the last time he’d been alone with the git.

“Back to a last name basis, are we?” Zabini purred, stalking around him slowly like an animal on the prowl until they were face to face, his deep brown eyes shining with an intensity that always seemed to root Ron to wherever he stood.

Ron cleared his throat, trying desperately and failing miserably to pretend that Blaise Zabini hadn’t been making him question his sexuality for the past year. “S’not like we’re friends,” he muttered for lack of anything better to say.

Zabini tsked, smirking down at him “Well true, but still, if a man has had your cock in his mouth at one point or another, you’d think you could do him the decency of calling him by his given name. I sullied a perfectly good pair of trousers getting down on my knees for you at the Leaky that night, Ronald,” Zabini tsked again and all Ron could do was groan, immediately feeling his ears and face go hot.

It had been one time!

So what if Ron still thought about the look in Zabini’s eyes when he’d slid down to his knees and asked him if he was sure. And so what if Ron still sometimes thought about that incredible thing Zabini knew how to do with his tongue. It didn’t matter. It had all been a drunken mistake fueled by a single man’s jealousy after Harry had to leave the Leaky early to take his very drunk husband home. He had been completely sloshed and ranting to Zabini about how everyone was moving on, getting married, and he was single, hadn’t had a date in ages, and hadn’t had sex in Merlin only knew how long...next thing he knew...he was in a bathroom stall having a very serious, very slurred conversation with his subconscious as Zabini made him come so hard he saw stars.

He then proceeded to ignore Zabini’s existence for an entire year.

The only person he ever told was Hermione because Harry did silly things like tell his husband everything and that didn’t work out in Ron’s favor when his husband just happened to be the best friend of the man Ron was trying to avoid! He had no idea why he hadn’t anticipated Zabini being at the wedding. He and Ginny were actually quite good friends nowadays and of course he’d get invited because of Draco and Harry if nothing else. Ron just hadn’t expected him to stroll out to the front lawn in an all black suit that looked perfectly tailored to his body, with his locs swept up into the most perfect bun Ron had ever seen, smelling like sandalwood and tangerines and...Ron groaned again, wishing the ground would swallow him up or the Giant Squid would just reach up and chuck him into the Great Lake.

“I like that other noise you make,” Zabini murmured against Ron’s ear.

Ron hadn’t even realized how close he’d gotten, too caught up in the cataclysmic meltdown going on in his head.

“Well, I should be heading back before the Grand Divas known as Pansy and Draco wonder where I’ve gone off to, but, here,” Zabini slipped something into his breast pocket before placing an oddly chaste kiss to his cheek and sauntering back into the castle as if none of it had happened.

Gobsmacked, Ron reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. Zabini’s number was written on the front and, turning it over, there was a small message on the back:

When you’ve got it all figured out, give me a ring. -Z