#raembles

Undertale, from day one, was an interesting game to me. I wasn’t able to play it at first, at the ripe age of 16, because I’d just moved out of my mother’s house and into my dad’s. It was a really rough year for me, doing something for MYSELF and MY mental health, rather than anyone else’s. It took me away from two people I cared about more than anyone in the world, at the time: My two younger sisters.

At this time, I was going through a huge identity crisis. My parents had been trying to get a divorce for years, I had turned into someone I really, really didn’t like. The only time I felt like myself, someone I wanted to be, was around my dad. So I moved in with him.

Initially, I’d watched jack play the game while with my sisters, in 2015. Didn’t think much of it, because I was still really into homestuck.

Then, the end of 2016 happened. I found the dub for the christmas party AU, and I fell in love with the idea of AUs surrounding one game. And the fact that it could, very well, be an interactive community because of it. At the start of 2017, I fell into Undertale HARDCORE.

I dont think any other media has ever affected me, my personality, and my life quite as Undertale had. 2017 led to me meeting some amazing people, and making an entire friend group out of it: The Gang. 

@ghostofpokeninjager @offtheclock @crowfry @naturetale-official @sublimedraws

These five people, suddenly, were a part of my life. While it was thanks to someone I no longer talk to, I can’t help but be ever so grateful I ever met these close friends of mine. Never before had I actually had a group of friends where I could talk about characters, Ideas, and art with like this. We supported and loved each other, and still do. 

I’d never change that for the world.

2018 and 2019 were really bad years for me. 2018, I met a group of people who I thought were my friends, and they weren’t. Tossed me out in 2019 like yesterday’s garbage, for not being mentally healthy enough. While I was hanging out with these people, I almost forgot about the Gang. My actual friends.

And you know what? Even after everything. After the tears, the breakdowns, my experience with self-harm, these people have stuck by me and helped me through thick and thin. 

And that’s the thing: Undertale is about loving people, unconditionally. We all make mistakes, we all get hurt, we all do things we regret. But people can change, and I’m a firm believer in that.

I’m not perfect. I’m impulsive, hot-headed, and hyper-emotional. I make mistakes and don’t always say the right thing. But that’s okay.

Because my friends, my REAL friends, will always stick by me.

Thank you, Gang, for sticking with me. I also need to reach out and say thank you to @mnstainkblr, @faunigraphic, and Choriya - they helped me a lot over the last year, and have been helping me learn how to get through my trauma. 

I wouldn’t be here without the friends who have stuck with me, despite my faults and my mistakes. And it’s because of them, that I was able to Stay Determined. Even in the face of people trying to defame me, even in the face of people trying to hurt me and knock me down and keep me there.

So thank you everyone who’s stuck with me this long. Thank you to the followers who have kept with me and watched me and my art grow... and thank you all for helping me along on my journey.

Stay Determined