#radiojane

"Lemme ask you something," he said, rounding on her. "That time we met, when I was a kid. You couldn't have taken me with you?"

"I considered it," she answered evenly.

He had not been expecting that, and her words stilled him, briefly. "You-- you did?"

Shard nodded. "I had become very attached to you in that very brief time. But I could not follow through with it, in the end. It was no life for you."

"Why not?" His teenage voice cracked with the force of his words. "I coulda spent the last ten years learning all that ninja stuff with the guys, and then I wouldn't be stuck here cleaning while they're out stomping Kraang."

"Casey--"

"I can take care of myself. I made sure of that after the alley!"

"Casey--"

"An' if you think I'm gonna stay here when they're out there actually doin' something--!"

"Casey!"

"No!" His hands curled into fists. "Whatever it is, I don't hafta listen to the wise sensei crap. You're not my mom!"

The words struck her like a wave of ice. Instantly, he knew he'd gone too far, his face paling as a look of horror stole across it. "No, I mean--"

He was cut off as April burst through the door. "What is wrong with you?" She marched over to him, seizing him by the knot of his bandanna and ignoring his yelps of protest as she dragged him toward the door. "What part of 'don't upset her' wasn't clear?"

"April," Shard said softly. Reaching deep within herself, Shard forced her shock and hurt away, and as her calm returned, she watched the lines of worry on April's face smooth out in response. Shard winced inwardly. Living with an empath brought a whole new level of difficulty to the game of raising teenagers. "I appreciate your concern, sweetheart, but I would like a few more minutes alone with Casey, please."

April looked like she wanted to protest, but she had to know it was a losing battle. She released her hold on Casey and jabbed a warning finger at him, holding it on him as she backed out of the room with her eyes narrowed. 

As the door closed, Casey looked back at Shard, sufficiently cowed for now. "Master Shard, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I--"

Shard held up a hand. "Calm yourself, Casey. I am not so fragile as that. And you are correct. I am not your mother, and we are not in my home. I have no authority over you, and you may leave whenever you wish." Her ear twitched as she regarded him. "But I hope you will stay."

In answer, he knelt before her, his head bowed as his fists clenched against his knees. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He raised his head, a storm of emotion in his eyes as he looked up at her. 'Leo listens to you. Why couldn't you tell him to let me go?"

"Ai yah," she sighed softly. "I know you only wish to help, Casey. And that you are a fierce warrior. But you are not a ninja. My sons are possessed of enough skill to compensate so they risk no injury when they fight alongside you, and if the only ones to suffer the effects of your wrath are the Kraang, more the better." She folded her hands in her lap, her claws tracing over the new wraps Donatello had found for her. "But my sons are not the only ones at risk in this fight."

She heard his sharp indrawn breath, and glanced up in time to see comprehension dawn in his expression. "Oh, man. Sensei, I--" His shoulders sagged. "I'm such a jerk."

"No," Shard said. "But you are full of anger. And something else, I think." She placed a hand on his shoulder, tightening her hold a little when he looked up, a question in his eyes. "I am curious. April has mentioned her father often. Why have you not spoken of your own family?"

Ah. There it was. She watched his walls slam into place, but not before she felt the tremor beneath her hand. "You need not answer if you do not wish to," she said. "But I can promise that nothing you say will leave this room. I am listening, if there is something you wish to say."

"I--" His voice was raw, and he swallowed, hard."Why do you even care?"

"Because I may not be your mother, but you are my family, and I do not like to see you in pain."

He shuddered hard enough that she let go, and he wrapped his arms around himself, refusing to meet her gaze. "Then why did you keep trying to bite my face?"

Shard looked at the candle that burned on the shelf next to the pictures of her family she had arranged there. "I was not in my right mind," she said slowly. "I remember little. The part of me that is Shard was lost in pain and fear, but from what little I do remember, I did not see you. I saw only the mask."

He was wise enough, this wayward child, to know what that meant, and his quiet groan confirmed it. Before he could use that as further ammunition to turn upon himself, she reached out, gently cupping his face with her hand until he met her gaze again. "I see you now, Casey Jones."

Slowly, she watched his walls begin to crack and crumble. Letting her hand fall away from his face, she waited, patiently, until he began to speak.

"It was... when April mentioned her dad and I remembered what happened to him. And the thing with her not-mom at the farmhouse. And I kept thinking of my dad and my sister and... and after actually seeing what's happened to New York... I'm not sure I want to find 'em."

His lip was quivering now as he struggled with the maelstrom inside of him, and her heart ached. Of course it could not be easy for him. Casey Jones, so full of bravado and self-assurance. "You are afraid of what you will find," she said quietly. "And that fear fills you with guilt. Which in turn fills you with anger."

"You must think I'm horrible," he said. "You're worried about your own mutant kid but you keep trying to find her. And I'm... I'm...."

"You are human," she said, as her hand covered his. "Such feelings are understandable, and a terrible burden to bear. But you are not alone, my child. Let us bear these worries together."

His face crumpled, and as the first tears spilled down his red cheeks, he doubled over, hiding his face from her. "Why--" he choked. "Why'd you gotta be so nice?"

In the beginning, she would not have dared what she did next. But she had seen him when the boys had brought him back, injured in a fight, and Donatello had removed Casey's shirt in order to properly bandage his ribs. She had seen the worn, scratched old key that he wore around his neck, normally hidden to the world. And so she reached out and gathered her to him, the movement as instinctive and natural as drawing breath.

He turned his face into her shoulder, muffling his sobs in fabric and fur, for they were for this room alone, and for no one else. Shard stroked his back as her purr rumbled through the torrent he unleashed upon her. "My fierce baby," she whispered. "It is all right. We will weather this storm together."

For a long time, she just held him, letting him spend the emotion that had been building up for too long. At last, as the tears ebbed, he murmured something into her shoulder, so faint she nearly missed it. "I wouldn't mind, y'know."

"Mind what, sweetheart?"

"If... you were my mom."

As he raised his tear-streaked face, she laughed gently and cupped his face in her hands. "Well then. I'm afraid you are stuck with me." And she thrilled in his laughing protest as her tongue rasped across his face.

Oh, but he did need a shower.

He rose to his feet, scrubbing his face with his hand, slowly pulling the tough teenage mantle back around his shoulders. "Can I get you some tea or somethin'?" 

Shard smiled. "Tea would be lovely, Casey."

"And..." he cleared his throat, his toe scuffing against the floor. "I gotta do some work on some of my gear. You think maybe I could do it in here? You know, if you needed the company."

Oh, my fierce baby. I see you very well, indeed. But her smile only broadened as she inclined her head. "That will do very well, dear. Thank you."

As he excused himself and dashed off to find more of those wretched stale tea bags, Shard drew a deep breath and gathered her calm about her, listening to April's questions of soft concern, and Casey's blustering deferrals. They were brave, and bold, and strong, her children. All of her children. But they were still children, and if her body and mind were still too weak to join them in pursuit of her firstborn, then she could be the strength that held them when they returned home and needed a moment of the childhood that circumstance had stolen from them. As she would be for any others they should happen to find.