#radiating light

"We applied our muzzy intellects to a theory of light. That all are born radiating light but that this light diminished slowly (if one was lucky) or abruptly (if one was not). The most charismatic people - the poets, the mystics, the explorers - were that way because they had somehow managed to keep a bit of this light that was meant to have dimmed. But the shocking thing, the unbearable thing it seemed, was that the natural order was for this light to vanish. It hung on sometimes through the twenties, a glint here or there in the thirties, and then almost always the eyes went dark."

- Jenny Offill Dept. of Speculation

SO… YES. On Monday my friend offered me her second ticket to go and see the X Factor auditions, so I merrily baked myself to death on an oven-like bakerloo line at rush hour (LOUIS THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU). At least I got to finish it off with a spot of air conditioning on the metropolitan line, which was a London miracle. 

Firstly, I spend a lot of my working life banging on about process management, and the fucking process to get inside and queue and get tickets and get scanned and whatever is RIDICULOUS AND STUPID OH MY GOD, so I spent some quality time in the queue whining over text about systems and processes and organisation, so BE GLAD YOU KNOW ME. 

I was hoping for some kind of ridiculous terrible awful expensive leisurewear from Louis, and we got some nonsense trainer bootees and frankly horrifying gucci tracksuit bottoms, so ALL MY WISHES CAME TRUE, thanks go to Louis for this feat of majesty.

So, the set up is weird - you only get about half of Wembley Arena, and we were kind of just straight on to the side of the screens and the stage, so our view wasn’t great. Also, the set up for this series of X Factor is a bit weird - they’ve got rid of bootcamp, so the contestants who get a Yes go straight on to six chair challenge, which does mean you don’t have to see anyone who’s truly terrible. 

You get a little tiny bit of Dermot (yay) and then the judges. Louis got the biggest cheers. Ayda is super hot. Simon looks like he’s been inflated, like an air bed. Robbie was wearing a floral suit that looked like beautifully expensive pyjamas. Do approve. 

It’s a little weird. Louis is taking it seriously, and is being thoughtful but honest in how he speaks to contestants, and I think he’s got a strong interest in being a genuine mentor for people, which is exactly what we all believe, and he showed that. He’s constructive but honest. 

Ayda and Robbie obviously already have that duo-thing going, and Simon and Louis obviously know each other pretty well, but I’m not convinced they’re entirely gelled as a panel yet. But that might just be because it’s the auditions, and I’m going to admit something: I literally never watch the auditions stage. The earliest stage i ever come in at is bootcamp. I hope they don’t get panned because I really like the way Louis is growing into his mentor role, and being constructive and thoughtful and kind of measured too. 

The structure is odd. You see a couple of people sing, then there’s a break, then another couple, then another break. I left at 10.45 because that was the latest I could leave and still get home at midnight, and we’d seen about six contestants. 

The first contestant was a zumba instructor, and Louis admitted he didn’t know what zumba was, so had to have it explained (cute)

The second contestant finished and Louis darted off stage. I like to imagine he was nipping for a wee, because that’s the way I like to think. 

Louis is fairly open to photos and hugs and autographs, within reason, and he was good at finding the kids who wanted his attention and giving them a hug or an autograph or a picture. He’s also good at not being intimidating and sizing down to their level, which was nice to watch. 

Louis continues to get the biggest cheers. 

I’ve always liked Robbie - he was my first arena gig ever, years and years and years ago - but I’m not sure he’s got into the right groove yet. He reminded people once or twice that Louis wasn’t the only member of a boyband on the panel, but in comparison with Louis, he’s less removed, and much more likely to play up being a performer. In one of the breaks they played Rock DJ and he got up on stage and strutted his stuff and fucking loved being in the limelight. Louis is a bit more distant, and seemed content to wave at his fans and to talk 1-1 with a few people, and disappear off stage a bit when not required. 

I WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU INTO A SECRET:

CROSS STITCH IT ON MY SOUL