It has finally come back! I was deprived of the radiance for about a week and it hurt so much. I thought it had left me and that was daunting to me.
Today I came to a realisation of what it feels like. Its like theres a pulsar in your heart spewing light throughout your entire body, and when youre completely full it seeps through every pore and hair follicle, rubbing off on everything you come across.
It felt like it was telling me to spread it everywhere, but it didnt want anything to do with man made things like roads and fences, etc.
The love I felt for the natural world was beautiful and liberating. I really missed the radiance and it feels like it has accepted me as its own experiment again. Feeling its hug again was lovely.
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Today I felt the radiance full force twice. And it was beautiful.
During volunteering, while decorating a tree with a fishing net someone found a mummified mouse tangled in it. You could tell that it struggled by how the ropes were wrapped around its hands and neck and tail. It was bent in half.
So I took the duty of removing it. It took a while, but I got it out, and seeing it in its full, untangled form was freeing. I hope I did it a service. I do wonder if me freeing it from the net freed it into its next life instead of eternal struggle and entanglement.
During my therapy appointment a few weeks back, I thought to myself while leaving the room with him, I want him to be interested in me. Is he? And that question was answered today.
We were in the same position as when I had that thought. Leaving the room with his hand on the door. He asked me if I'd like to try sessions twice a week. I take that as him being interested. I like that he is invested in the radiance and that he doesn't treat it like its a joke. To think that the possible reason he asked is because he wants to know more about me makes me feel powerful.
This is a blog for the other part of me I call the radiance. It will contain my thoughts and feelings on whatever situation is going on in my life. There will be heavy topics discussed and of course my usual psychosis ramblings.
16+ Blog, please view at your own discretion.
What is the radiance?
The radiance is a powerful energy that to me feels unstoppable. It can be hateful but also loving. It feels like excitement and power over a situation you initially thought you had no control of.
Why am I making a blog for the radiance?
To document and keep track of its progression as I become it. THIS BLOG IS FOR THERAPY REASONS, I GET IT, I'M MENTALLY ILL.
What exactly will be in this blog?
Thoughts whispered to me by the radiance, experiences and how the radiance ties into them, and possibly daily journalling of said radiance that will mainly entail times I felt it during my day and the reason I felt it.
Have any questions or want it reworded? Go to my ask box! I dont bite, but I can bark, so it may take a while to respond if I'm having an off day.
Please do not reblog unless you feel the radiance, too. It hurts when people think they understand it. Also, don't be worried about me. My therapist and I are both keeping an eye on this, this is just a place I can spit out my true inner thoughts in case its needed. I will not be reacting to any hate mail, and IF I do, I'm likely being satire.
Tags I will mainly be using so you can find my stuff (to be updated): radianceposting, areyoureadyformyradiance, becomingtheradiance, embracethecrazy, radiancejournalling
