#rabid-catboy

i absolutely wish we lived in a perfect world where that sort of thing was completely unnecessary. and ofc there are terrible people who are abusive and controlling and a danger to their own children who would use privacy invasion as a tool for those ends. i would never dispute that.

but "there is no non-abuse reason" is an incredibly dangerous blanket statement that is not only reductive and unhelpful to the people that op thinks they are protecting, but flat out incorrect as well. i will not make assumptions about that person's life and whether or not they have been a parent, but it seems a safe bet they have never been in my situation, which is sadly not rare in the least. they would sing a different tune if they had been, otherwise they would be a shitty and negligent parent, which is as bad as an abusive one.

and no, i am not going to elaborate on what that circumstance or experience is/was. that is not mine alone to share. that is the place where my now adult child gets to have their absolute privacy. they get to decide who gets to know their story. people like that op and those who reblog their opinions are gonna have to trust me. if they don't, i can't help that, but i am unburdened by regret because i succeeded in my job despite the cost.

tumblr very much is the "parents are the enemy" website. i get it. many of us grew up with parents who made terrible mistakes, didn't know what they were doing was actually bad, or yeah, were outright abusive and controlling. but also many of us were just kids who had needs that were met by parents making decisions for our well being that we didn't like. that very much happens. that's part of the responsibility of being a parent/caregiver. we were unreliable narrators in many ways, through the ignorance that sometimes accompanies youth and inexperience. context matters, and it is an unfortunate truth that it is sometimes difficult fully have all of it.

i don't say any of this to excuse abuse or to diminish experiences. it's a fact that abuse happens. neglect happens. we should be vigilant in following up when things seem off. we should listen to children in order to ask the right questions to find the truth of a matter. there should, frankly, be more checks in place to ensure parents/caregivers are not abusing their power and that they do not get to treat children like property. we as a society, especially in the u.s. where "parents rights" is often code for "forcing a child to adhere to a strict set of religious rules that strips them of their human rights," fail children every day because we dismiss them outright and deny them their free will in situations where their will is absolutely harmless and even vital to growing and becoming full and independent individuals.

but also sometimes a minor child's free will stupid and is absolutely going to lead them to a deadly place, and it is absolutely our job as caregiving adults to step in and say "no" so they can learn and live.

there is a difference because we live in a world full of nuance, and "this thing is always an act of abuse" is unhelpful to the point of ignorance, absurdity, and yeah, danger. i would have been negligent as a parent had i acted any other way. i am beyond tired of seeing otherwise intelligent and reasonable people propagate such an unnuanced opinion uncritically, especially people who have never had to face those circumstances that i and many other parents have endured in the name of preserving our children's lives. i know they are well-meaning, but their experiences are not universal. it serves no one to pretend they are.

Art fight attacks Round One: For my excellent and wonderful mutuals!! In order:

Ty! Enjoy

turns out cats, tumblr anons and catboys really like eating cheetos/takis