#quixyboy

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. We are serious and plan to marry. The history is fairly long between my family and my girlfriend and I, and my girlfriend is not the most fond of them, and understandably so. I also am not fond of my family, my parents specifically, after the actions they'd done in the past. Think typical South Asian household suffocation and controlling behaviors.

My family had plans to go on a road trip to a joint family vacation/networking program that my father had been begging for me to come along with. It is worth mentioning that I have not been able to join my family in any plans as of recent because I usually prioritized my girlfriend because of overlapping plans.

At first my girlfriend and I were extremely skeptical, and from the beginning she expressed that she did not support me going, but stated that it's my choice and she's not gonna make the decision for me. At first I did not plan on going either because this "program" seemed like a scam and I was not considering the family vacation part at the time.

By the time my father finally gave me more information on the program (he wanted to keep it a surprise for some reason, despite me clearly telling him I would not go unless I had more information), and sort of convinced me to consider going seeing that it seemed legit, it was too late to call off work since I needed to give a 3 week notice. So I made the choice to lie to my boss, asking to call out because of a family emergency. It's worth mentioning I've only been working here for about a month, and my boss is supposedly hated by most if not everyone who works there because of his tendency to throw under the bus and backstab, as well as how nitpicky and power hungry he can be, but he'd taken a huge liking to me and had been very good to me. I got the call out, and my boss gave me benefit paid time, which per our policy every employee gets twice a year.

I told my girlfriend about the situation, about how after learning more information about the program I'd like to see what it's about as well as enjoy a small family vacation, and how I told my boss I had a family emergency to call out. This led to her being against me going because I had lied to my boss. She hates lying and is extremely against me lying because we've had issues in the past with me lying. Up until now I have been truthful to her and have been rebuilding her trust in me, and things have been going well between us. But after learning that I had lied to my boss she was not happy with my actions, and said if I go on the trip then that will speak to my character and moral compass. She said if I can lie to my boss then how does she know I won't lie to her. On one hand I understand that if I go on this trip it would kind of say that I haven't learned my lesson and I'm ok with the lying. But on the other hand I'm not ok with it, I regret it and I wish I had chosen a better route, and I repented (on a religious level, we are very religious). Whether I go or not it doesn't change the fact the I had lied so I don't understand how going on the trip would reinforce the fact that I am still capable of lying. But regardless, I don't blame her was of thinking, at the time of talking to my boss I wasn't even considering the fact that I was lying. After the fact I had felt bad because he'd been good to me and I exploited that (my girlfriend also felt I was exploiting him), but I figured that if this program was actually worth it and get me resources to boost myself forwards in the future, then it's worth losing a weekend's worth of hours.

My girlfriend had kept it clear that she did not want any part in the decision making in whether I go or not and did not want the pressure from that. She stated her opinion on how she is against it and against me going, and it was up to me to make a choice based on that. Which is fair, but I feel that's an impossible choice to make, to know that if I go I will actively be ruining our relationship to some degree. I asked her if this would damage our relationship badly, and she said "maybe, after all you've lied plenty already".

To top it off, my F25 sister stayed behind to come with me because she didn't want me to drive alone, so now if I choose not to go I will be leaving her to drive herself. I feel awful thinking about doing that but I'm just so scared on what might happen to my relationship if I choose to go.

At this point the feelings of my family and the vacation or program itself isn't as relevant, and the only two factors I'm really considering in my decision is either go and upset my girlfriend, or don't go and leave my sister hanging to drive alone.

The only solutions I've come up with is A. come clean to my boss and hope it doesn't end in disaster, and explain that I came clean to my girlfriend so I can go on a clean conscious for the both of us, or B. I drop off my sister (it's a 3 hour drive) and come back. But both of those solutions frankly sound stupid as hell, so I'm unsure of what to do. My girlfriend seems set on her choice of not supporting me, but I don't want to leave my sister hanging.