our phones as the tiny gods we are trying not to worship

- Quirine

May 26, 2025

all my friends and I talk about is

getting rid of our phones—

a dystopian dream

dominating dinner conversation,

our phones on the middle

of the table

  like candles

  like altars

like tiny gods

we are trying not to worship

we talk about quitting

like smokers do—

“next week”

“after this trip”

“when I found the love of my life on a dating app”

we make promises to each other

the way people talk

about leaving a bad relationship

while still keeping their toothbrush

ready by the sink

we dream of flip phones—

clamshells of another life

decorated with glitter and stones and

dangly   little charms

the pixels soft enough to

forgive our youthful acne

and ringtones we bought

by texting MTV

the only calls we received

were from our mother,

telling us to

  come home,

  dinner was on the table

there was no algorithm

to drill us into compliance

no one to tell us:

  you are behind

    you are cutting your onions wrong

      you need to buy this thing (and this one and this one)

        you are a rat girl joan didion girl soft girl clean girl iphone face never enough girl

we say: let’s go camping

  just us

  and a map

  and maybe a knife

just in case

(but what if we lose our way

what if someone dies

what if I see something

beautiful?)

we delete tiktok but

never at the same time

so someone is always

missing out on

the joke

we say

we cannot meet the modern world

without a screen

plastered to our hands—

this second self we cradle like a

  self-inflicted wound

and maybe we’re right

maybe we’re too far gone

maybe this thing

knows how to be us

better than we do

somewhere,

there is a version of me

who dared to take the leap

she knows the constellations

  by name

her eyes are soft

from looking

  outwards

i wonder what she wears

i wonder what her hobbies are,

and how she finds her way

i wonder

if she’s ever bored

  or late

    or lonely

      without the glow

to hold her

and i hate it—

     i hate it

this tether

this glass ghost

this thing too big to

understand

i’m tired and

my window to the world

has no curtains

    i want to close my eyes

    i want to become very

        very

           very

#Quirine Engel gifs. 

Please don't claim as yours.

name - quirine, but you can call me q

age - 14

location - the netherlands

likes - indie bands, christmas, ben howard, susie bubble, art, photography, travelling, reading, writing.

dislikes - idiots, loud noises, cats (sorry, traumatic experience, lol), musquitos, rude loud people.