#quin rambles

April 2022 I decide to give One Piece a shot - Specifically because I’m quite certain I will NOT like it - but I want to watch the first season at least so I can write it off properly.

September 2022 I have folders of art and whilst scrolling Pinterest in the vague hope I can find something to scratch my itch, I come across a “Reader” fic linked back to a site called Wattpad.

I have, previously, heard of neither of these things.

October 2022 I have read a dozen reader fics and am deeply delighted by their framework. The mix of old school CYOA novels mashes up with a more Visual Novel Insert Your Name vibe that is just amazing. There’s less choice, but the limitations are irrelevant, the premise delights me.

I cannot, however, find the Exact Story I desire. So I decide to try my hand at writing something.

November 2022 I re-write what I have already written of Family Ties to shift from first person to second. The way it lights up my brain is perfect.

December 2022 I write Some Direction from start to finish within the month. I break 9k words in a single day of writing.

Between comments and chatter I end up on godsdamned TUMBLR of all places January 2023. I find a discord for x readers by pure dumb luck and decide to try. I am nervous as fuck because I don’t like consolidated crowds, even digital ones, and I had just started really transitioning.

I find a supportive queer-friendly international space, become besties with @lyndsyh24 via Wattpad, meet @swampstew in the discord and connect her to a feral commenter I enjoy on Wattpad xD through Swamp I meet a ton of people on tumblr, like the divine miss @icy-spicy

July 2023 I host an event for my birthday and spend the entire month writing x readers for various characters, expanding my knowledge and inadvertently educating people on kink in the process.

It’s been three years, and one month.

The amount of things that have happened are uncountable. The number of people I’ve met, the friends I’ve made, the things I’ve learned for weal or woe - the friends I have lost as time and interests and views drifted us apart - I can barely quantify it.

More than one person has thanked me for making a safe space. For making a welcoming space where they could learn about things and ask about things without judgement.

More than one person has asserted I’ve changed their life for the better.

…

If I do nothing else of value, I will still have done so much. And while it often feels like it’s never enough, like it will never matter, it still does.

Even if it only gets someone through one more day. Even if it only gives someone a moment of peace. Even if things ultimately don’t work out for whatever reason.

I’ve done well.

Sixteen year old me would pray to God to take me in my sleep, because I had no value or worth, and I was convinced I never would.

I want Nightmare to slowly pilfer things from Dream, just bit by bit. Dream won't notice.. if he asks, he definitely just misplaced it. I also think Nightmare would buy lots of things for Dream and he excitedly writes in aforementioned journal when he sees Dream using the item in any way. Nightmare is so so obsessed with Dream and everyone but him knows.

People try to bring it up to Dream and he just brushes it off because his brother has always been like that! Dream doesn't find it stifling like some suggest, he thinks Nightmare is just his perfectly adorable and shy brother. Nightmare can hardly keep eye contact, how is he creepy? He's cute!!

I will finish the driver x grid series photos over the weekend and get them to you all on Tuesday-Wednesday, I have a way that I do them that takes longer to make them than is ideal for quick uploads.

It's also gotten to the point that it has gotten to an overwhelming amount of photos that I have had to do, I think that unless I plan to upload the photo the same day, I will not be posting more collections or series until the photo is ready.

On a side note, there is a series also coming on Wednesday, a x grid one, that I am doing the photo on Monday and not over the weekend, so....

Let's hope things go how I want them to this weekend (they didn't).

I would just like to also say that I haven't had the time to work on any one-shots for this coming weekend again, so again no one-shots as of now, but that's not saying it's completely off the table because I still have time tomorrow and also at night over the weekend.

Friday I won't have time though, so if I can't work on them tomorrow it will only be one or two, possibly, otherwise none, but being able to work on them tomorrow would guarantee at least one.

Those polls I had you do about the series and P2s should start in the week I have blue in December, it's here if you need to look.

I am also starting to do January to April, but there are some last minute things that are still unknown on my end where I can't not fully make that schedule, which is fine, it wouldn't have come out until January 1st or December 31st.

I would also like to note that I do have more series I'm planning of posting from like December 28th to December 31st.

Also just to let you know, Request are OPEN and they will be even if the Navigation says their closed.

And there are some collections and series that TS or TC, it means "The Series" or "The Collection."

Some collections don't have that and it's because it is not getting a series. Same goes for series because I did go through them before I posted any collection just to make sure none of them were getting a collection, but there are 4 series that will be getting a collection on Wednesday, only because I like the pairings and don't necessarily want to follow the timeline that I have set, but I want to write for that couple.

Also, on Wednesday, I will be linking the collection and series together. Actually, I might do that tomorrow if I get the time.

"You don't deserve to call off work."

And thought, wow, if that isn't a valid reason to take a fucking break, I don't know what is.

Honestly I'm just glad I have a job where I can take a day when I need to. I'm lucky to have it and a team with a boss who is very much heavy on the LIFE in work/life balance mentality.

But now I'm laying on the floor feeling like I should be doing a bajillion chores because if I'm not working I should be working. And I'm really only sharing all this because I appreciate that some folks think I'm chill and cool or whatever, but the struggle is still there.

Idk

I guess if you think I'm pretty awesome, then I want you to realize you're also pretty awesome, cause we are both out here doing our best amidst it all.

And it sucks sometimes. In ways that make you wonder why you try. Cause I wonder that too at times, but I've asked myself that question since I was eight. God didn't answer it for me, and I can't say I have an answer that works for anyone else but me.

But for me it's other people.

People I can make happy, people I can make feel safe, that I can help protect or support. People I can learn from, that I can feel warm and safe in their glow even when they can't see it.

People I can make groan with a bad pun, or a good orgasm.

Even people I don't get on with, are reasons I want to stay, because I have learned a lot from connections that fell apart for various reasons. Sometimes I learned how to be more compassionate, sometimes I learned how to stand by my convictions better.

Sometimes I learned how to be okay with being the villain.