#quill18

(Warning: long post)

I am someone who enjoys watching let's plays. And let's be honest, that's usually not the best way to experience a video game. When you're in the player's seat, you get to play games your way, experience them through your own eyes and through the prism of your personality, past experiences, and imagination.

Mind you, I'm talking about narrative games here, because let's be real, there's little to reflect about and imagine in "pew pew, you're dead" games.

My point is, when you are in the driver seat, you're active and in control. When you are watching a let's play, you're passive, it's like watching a series. You cannot influence it.

However, when you are playing, you are also alone. When you are watching a let's play, there's someone else here with you, experiencing the game at the same time as you. I'm talking about the let's player obviously. Sure, there isn't a lot of conversation happening with the let's player, it's a one-way street. But I think it's still worthwhile once in a while, especially if that let's player is someone who can bring another perspective, another lens to the table.

There are a few let's players that I love watching, either because they like the same type of games as I do, or because I think that what they add to the discourse cannot be found anywhere else.

I often go back to a specific let's play from Quill18, about The Beginner's Guide. I love Quill, and The Beginner's Guide is 100% my jam. What is truly unique in this let's play is that Quill is going in blind and he starts recording it very lightly, expecting to play something along the lines of the The Stanley Parable - that is to say, something silly and goofy.

The Beginner's Guide

However, The Beginner's Guide is anything but that. And as the let's play progresses, you can see that Quill is starting to get affected by the very personal feelings that its creator, Davey Wreden, put in the game.

I don't want to spoil you the watch if you're interested, it remains one of my favourite let's plays ever. You can check it out there: Let's Drunk: The Beginner's Guide - Part 1

But at the beginning of Part 3, before resuming play, Quill talks a bit about what the game means for him at that exact moment, and how it resonates with his fears and inner dreams. It's both tough and touching at the same time, and I remember feeling for him while watching the let's play the first time, and wondering whether he was okay.

I have transcribed the part about creativity here, and edited for brevity, as this post is getting really long already:

"I don't know why this game is hitting me so hard. I think it's because I've struggled with the desire to be a creative person, someone who makes things. (A/N, me too buddy)" […] "I fancied myself a writer at the time" […] "Of course, by the time that I was this age, of course I would have finished and published a computer game. Many times, my New Year's resolution was to have finished, created and published a computer game. And make one dollar […] Three years ago, that was my resolution: 'by the end of this year, I will publish a computer game and sell at least 1 copy for 1 dollar, and call myself a *professional* video game developer.' That was it, 1 dollar. How hard could that be? I mean I finish games now. I remember finishing my first Ludum Dare game and being so incredibly pleased." […] "And I'm always worried that I'm not gonna do another one, that I'm not gonna be able to finish another Ludum Dare, that I'm not gonna be able to ever do something good again in my entire life. And I think this is some of that feel that this game is expressing. It's a combination of depression, and isolation, and having to run away from people, and also worrying that you'll run out of all your creativity." (Quill18)

Let me tell you, being married to someone who is truly creative, some of these are things that come up regularly (I'm sure you didn't expect to get insider information on Porg in this post, that's your reward for reading this far ;) ). And I suppose it's a common feeling, something that will resonate with many people, especially on Tumblr.

Personally, had I played this game on my own before (or without) watching the let's play, I'm sure I would have gotten something different out of it. And that would probably have been fine too. But I'm very glad I watched that let's play, as it brought a different perspective for me. Quill is someone who struggled with a lot of the same things that I have been struggling with, but pushed further than I ever did and ended up overcoming a lot of them through effort and shear dedication. Something which I never did. And as such, I get to enjoy the perspective of someone with the same affinities as me, who has the benefit of experience (which I don't have), and I get to see things through the eyes of someone who has learned some lessons that I haven't because I never found myself in these situations.

To me, this was incredibly enriching, in a much more meaningful way than listening to a random motivational speaker talk about dealing with failure at TED. It's just an example, I don't hate TED (double negative, how's that for an endorsement?).

I was playing besiege the other day and thought “Damn is such an awesome idea, I wonder how they make it work.” I stumbled across a tutorial by quill18, where he creates something very similar, so I’ve begun learning how to create it. At the moment I’ve learnt to spawn prefabs on the face of another object (along with the correct normal location and rotation) I thought it made for an interesting gif!

Learnt some cool stuff about how to change parameters from one script using another (in a semi-efficient way) which I’m super excited about. Oh, and yeah, we can now fly.