#quihi

Eh only slightly depressing, but oh well.
Once again a dead meme….

After our brief conversation Huedhaut left to go into the kitchen. I wondered in confusion what he could be doing. I broke out into cold sweat, my heart beating faster. “what if he’s making me food” “ what if he already knows” “I can’t eat now that I’m so close to my ideal weight goals”. All thoughts stopped when Huedhaut stepped out carrying a bowl of soup and some bread. I wiped the sweat from my upper lip, trying to put on a facade of composure as he placed the tray in front of me. “Here, you need to get something into your system” he smiled lovingly as he spoke with worry in his eyes. “No I’m feeling better already and I’m really not hungry I had a huge lunch at work” the excuses kept flying out my mouth, I pushed the worry of how easy it had become to lie to the back of my mind. “No _____ , you need to eat. I can tell you’re hiding something from me, I can see the panic in your eyes” He sounded more forceful and stern while taking now. ”No Hue I’m fine! I don’t need any food! If you’re going to argue with me you might as well leave” I sounded more angry than intended, it hurt to do this to him but I knew it was necessary if I wanted him to believe me. “_____, I know there is something on your mind, please just tell me. I’ll be here for you. You don’t have to suffer in silence.” He spoke softly his eyes glazed over, brimming with tears. The lump in my throat from holding back tears was beginning to be be to much. I blinked looking away from Huedhaut, the hot tears flowed down my face, at last free from my eyes. Huedhaut grabbed my hands and stroked my hair comfortingly. “H-hue I’m s-s-sorry this is all..... my fault it’s just that I feel...” I couldn’t get the words out and ended up choking up more tears and muffled cries as I buried my head in his shoulder. Huedhaut rubbed my back to support me. “Shhh it’s okay you can tell me.” I slowly turned to him and wiped my tears “I-I’ve been dieting and I think....I think I pushed myself too hard.....” I pushed myself to tell him how his comments really effected me and my low self esteem issues. Hue looked momentarily shocked by my sudden confession, but then he looked away from me as if he couldn’t bear to stare at me.” I knew it you think I’m ugly and fat as well even after this diet..... how could I have ever been so stupid to think this would change. I’ll never be beau-“ I was interrupted when Huedhaut grabbed my arms.” Don’t you dare ever think like that ever again. You’re beautiful, amazing and honestly the most breath taking person I know” his voice was raised. “ You don’t need to lie to me I already know I’m disgusting. That’s why you couldn’t even look at me....” “______ I couldn’t look at you because I’m the one who hurt you, made you to go through all this pain and suffering and It’s all my fault. I was too blind to notice you silently crying for help....I don’t even deserve you, but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me I’ll make sure to help you recover from this. We can make it.....together” I started crying again as he spoke. Making me feel joy once more time. “ Of course I forgive you Hue and I know we’ll make this together too.” I hope I can finally be happy once more with Hue....

Lately I’ve been feeling really insecure about my weight due to the relentless thoughts telling me I’m overweight. Although it is apparent that I am severely underweight. I feel the need to loose weight because of my boyfriend, Huedhaut’s constant snide remarks about my appetite and how “greedy” I am. It’s been about four months since I drastically cut down my serving sizes and began an extreme fitness regime. Rendering me in a constant state of fatigue. On the odd occasion that I eat, I feel sick to the stomach with dread and guilt. I need to loose weight not for myself but to finally earn Huedhaut’s approval. After my work shift has finished I begin the once short walk home, now so tiring it leaves me feeling mentally and physically drained. When Huedhaut appeared in front of me offering me his arm to walk with. I happy obliged, Huedhaut never normally does this kind of thing. We were walking arms linked when I abruptly felt lightheaded and the whole world span until finally slowing when it turned to black. The last thing I heard before falling unconscious was Huedhaut shouting my name with a hint of worry and a crack in his voice. When I finally awoke Huedhaut was sat in a chair, eyes red and puffy, next to my bed. “_____ your finally awake I was so worried. Did you overwork yourself again?” Huedhaut asked with slight concern. “Yeah I must have” I lied while playing with my hands nervously. He eyed me suspiciously ”Sorry I worried you,” I added, hoping to convince him “Oh ...okay, just make sure next time you tell me if you’re feeling sick.” Huedhaut finally answered. My stomach dropped upon realising how negligent he had been yet the small sad smile on his lips seemed to keep me content. I was off the hook once again.