#quietsilverfox

I find myself pacing these busy New York streets most nights. A regular occurrence lately. Even in the middle of the night, there's the bustle of a younger crowd of people, and it's more peaceful than the flat. I can't think in there. I can't cope with the typhoon of human emotion that stampedes around the moment either of us wakes up in the morning. Especially Tony. He hasn't been taking this well, and as much as it pains me to see him so troubled, I can't seem to stand more than a few hours of the passive aggressive disaster he's become in the past weeks.

It's been the two of us for about two months now. Well, six and a half weeks if you're looking for a more accurately detailed account. The lady of the tower is gone doing what she can to protect her home land, and Allie has gone to fulfill responsibilities most people wouldn't understand.

I've done well enough to keep the mouth of a bottle away from the lips of a clever maniac, but even I have had my own moments of fragility, succumbing to the bitter burn of a few drinks too many. In doing so I've found a particular poison, as Tony likes to say, to numb feelings that I would rather didn't exist.

I can't say that there's any sort of pride in drinking one's self into a state of catatonia, nor is the comfort at all real or long lasting. But I will admit that I am fully understanding of where he's coming from. I'm sure Kairo and Allie would have my head if they knew that I let him drink at all, though I have kept my promise to Allie. I've not let him lose control.

Sadly, however, I have begun to lose control of myself. My thoughts are not my own anymore, it seems. But in the time that I've noticed them begin to change, I've done nothing to stop it. I don't know why. Perhaps because I'm growing tired of the emotional struggle I deal with on my own. Or perhaps he's just that much more important to me than myself at this point. But he says now that I've stopped taking care of myself. And he's right, though it took a yelling match for me to see it.