Long before the girls became stories, they were seeds in someone elseâs hands. Told through the quiet, yearning eyes of the parents who raised them, this intimate novella is a soft unraveling of love, mistakes, and the way we shape our children without always knowing what weâre growing. Itâs a story about rituals and regrets, about what we meant to give and what was actually receivedâand the garden that remembers it all, even when we try to forget.
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That cold hard and somewhat lost expression that now settles on his face wasn't always there. You knew him before the war, before that last shred of innocent left him. You remember when he used to laugh at the silliest thing, when you guys first got together and would sneak out to go smoke and occasionally drink. Granted, you were young and didn't take much for the drink to affect you both. But still, you both thought you were being proper badasses.
You remember your first kiss and the first night you spent with him. You cherish those memories as they got you through hard times, especially when it seemed everyone you knew had gone off to war. Not knowing if the people you loved were even alive, ripped you apart daily. Every time a new letter arrived your hands shook and your mother had to calm you down and read it to you. When her eyes finished scanning for bad news but never actually found them, a relieved laugh would slip from her lips and with caring eyes she would say: âThat boy will come back to you, Y/N. I know it.â
When he first came back, it felt like time had stopped and both of you were fifteen once more. You couldn't recall ever being so happy to see someone before as clichĂŠ as it sounds. Your heart kept trying to get away from its place as soon as your hands made contact with his skin. His arms tightened around your form, squeezing you tight against him. Hearing his laughter again so closely filled you with the purest joy.
A few seconds went by until you felt his head seeking shelter in the crook of your neck. Alfie couldn't believe you were right there, in his arms, he had pictured that exact moment in his head so many times but nothing compared to the real thing.Â
"I missed ya" he said, while trying to kiss your neck and talk at the same time. "so fuckin' much."Â
All you could do was cry in response.
The first sign that hinted the shift in his behavior and ultimately personality occurred when you first slept over at his house. The nightmares were common, along with the overall drinking mixed with aggressiveness; you knew it came with the fallout of the war. Of course you knew that, but it was still a lot to handle. You werenât going to lie, it frightened you sometimes. The raised voices, the slamming doors, bleeding knuckles as a result of too many fights in the local pubsâŚAll of it put togetherâŚYou didnât know what to do or what to say. The worse part was that you could see, he didnât mean it. He didnât mean any of it.
Alfie tried to hide it; he tried to be the person he was before when he was around you. He knew it wasn't fully working because you kept insisting that he could vent to you, if he wanted to that is. A part of him hated that you were so understanding, it made him hate himself even more for putting you through it all.
He attempted to hide the anger, the nightmares were the thing he found the most frustrating since he couldn't control them. There was one week in which he didn't sleep at all. It worked for the most part but in the end he just passed out exhausted with his head on your lap.Â
You didn't continue your relationship right away, you decided to give him time to readjust to his new routine. It didn't mean you weren't still present in his life. In fact, he had mentioned a handful of times how good you were for and to him. You decided a casual thing was the best route to take since it wasnât too demanding but still private.Â
After a while you too had parted ways, neither of you said goodbye. It just...happened. Like it had slowly been building up to it. Alfie had changed, he became secretive and mysterious which was new to you. You guys didn't lie to each other and there wasn't a part of your life that couldn't be shared. You could understand the memories of the war but this was something different. When days began to pass without you guys exchanged a full sentence between you that's when you had enough.Â
A full year went by when you and Alfie had found each other again. One morning a man named Ollie showed up at your work, you weren't surprised that Alfie knew where your new job was. You were, however, surprised (and disappointed) that he didn't showed up himself.Â
"Mr. Solomons wants to know if you would see him tonight." You almost rolled your eyes at him.Â
"If Mr.Solomons wants to see me then he can come by himself. I'm sure he still knows where I live, right?" You said before you excuse yourself. The nerve on that man.Â
You woke up in the middle of the night with someone pounding on your front door. You quickly put something on before you went to see what that fuss was about.Â
You were about to open your mouth when a voice cut you off. Well, mumblings more like it.Â
"Open the door Y/N." You closed your eyes momentarily, before taking a deep breath. God! Well, I guess I asked for this, right?
 Taking a step back you unlocked the door. You could feel your pulse on your wrist, you weren't quite sure what to expect. Will he be Mad? Happy? Excited, even? Were you supposed to be the one who's mad? You never quite knew what to feel when it counted to him.Â
"You always had impeccable timing."Â
He scoffed entering your home. Alfie closed the door behind him, your eyes followed him closely as he sat on your sofa. "Don't act like you didn't miss me love."Â
You did always admire how he made himself at home, no matter how uneasy he might be feeling on the inside. You also did admire his confidence and how he was a bit mad as well. Which seemed to help in certain situations ever since he was a young lad.
"I'm not actin' like anything." A tired sigh escaped your lips and you weren't sure if you were still dreaming or not. Next thing you knew, you were sitting next to him. "You woke me up."Â
 Alfie watched you quietly with a small smile playing on his lips. He saw you trying to keep your eyes open, the current state of your hair that confirmed you indeed had just woken up. He let himself feel just how much he had missed you.Â
"I can tell." he replied.Â
You threw him a glare in response. "Why are you here? Why now?"Â
"You told me to come, didn't ya? He easily replied.Â
"It's the middle of the night maybe you should go, yeah? We can talk tomorrow." You intended to get up when you felt a hand upon yours. Bastard.
His gaze didn't dare to leave yours. "Do you really want me to leave, Y/N?"
these days have been so busy and I've been feeling really tired but I'm gonna be working on part 2 of Quiet Regrets today! I also posted on ao3 if you prefer to read it there
