#questioningidentity

March 14, 2020.

Today was... lazy. And it feels sort of liberating to use the word “lazy” without needing it to be a particularly negative term. 

The last two weeks I had spent a ridiculous amount of time in/on my parasitology lab trying to solve a lot of problems and hitting so many walls throughout the process. Being in a wet lab like this one has definitely expanded my experience with science and research and has contributed to my identity crisis as much as it has aided in answering questions about where my interests lie. Overall, the lab has been quite gratifying and empowering. But, I got maybe seven hours of sleep over the entirety of last week, so here I am today, having slept in and sort of just laid in bed all day without giving into the nagging feeling that says I should be up and about and doing something. 

I spent the day reading (admittedly, not as much as I’d normally like), rewatching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, catching up on almost a month’s stock of podcasts! (there’s a lot of COVID-19 related podcasting there at the moment, but I appreciate the sensible distribution of information courtesy of BBC Radio 4′s Beyond Today, Alie Ward’s Ologies, and Bill Nye’s Science Rules!) 

March 13, 2020. 

It’s the Friday before spring break, it’s my second year (fourth semester!) of college, and COVID-19 news is everywhere. The panic is palpable, the shops are empty, people are... somewhat hysterical... and I’m technically not even allowed to visit the library. In this moment of social distancing I am also left with a lot of questions about identity, my future, my academics, my personality... Lingering questions about myself that I’ve been grappling with for quite a while, but certainly haven’t really come bubbling up nearly as intensely before as they are now.