#question 02

I always struggle to find ways to be kind to myself. I’ve been told many times by my psychiatrist to try different things to practice self-compassion, but I haven’t really fully heeded her advice. I just find myself too busy or too unmotivated, that it felt like a sin to even feel happy about myself.

This week, although it may be busy, I want to try the method of “finding positive meaning”. I’m not sure if it would count, but lately I have been using a phone application that I think would help me sort my thoughts and practice feeling better about feeling bad. It has daily exercises that involve tracking my mood and writing down what I’m feeling.

But aside from this, I plan to do sort of a bullet journal that involves noting down what made me happy or what I was proud of that day.

I’m not sure if I would be able to keep it neat or make it very artistic, but I would like to put it in my planner (in the March spread that I actually... have yet to do...). Here’s what the my February spread looked like, and it was mostly just tasks and school schedules. 

I’ve tried to keep a journal, but it really didn’t work out for me because I just couldn’t write down my thoughts. I think it would be easier for me to list down things that only have a word or a short phrase to improve myself. Although even if it will not turn out as neat or as nice-looking as I would’ve wanted, I hope it still improves how I extend compassion towards myself.

Dear self, 

My personal characteristics

*****Personal Characteristics are not limited to what is seen above

Perception and Expectations

I would personally think that my optimism and pessimism varies per scenario, however with regards to how personal characteristics place certain expectations to people - I view it as something negative. While these can serve as a compass to guide you in your life, more often than not these expectations end up being restricting and pressuring.

For example, being a young adult, there is societal pressure to be able to keep up with globalization and gain personal achievements that not only help your personal growth, but societal growth as well. These expectations often result to disappointment from persons of authority whenever they have average (or below than average) outputs. Furthermore, with the age of technology, there is a generated air of competitiveness. There is pressure for us to be able to have significant achievements at a young age, often resulting to lack of motivation, identity confusion, and several other issues (Hermans, 2015).

“Given the rapid advances in all kinds of technologies, communication technology in particular, globalization is a challenge to health and wellbeing worldwide. It impacts social and other determinants of health in ways that are detrimental to physical and mental health.” [1]

Aside from this, gender expectations hinder most of us. Gender-equality is not a new issue, and despite our progressive times, there are still toxic stereotypes placed upon cis and non-cis people. A generation of people that view masculinity as superior and femininity as inferior hinders people’s self-expression and limiting their opportunities and actions, resulting to societal drawbacks such as gender wage gaps, rampant rape culture, toxic masculinity, queerphobia, and many more. 

“the Philippines has yet to close the gender gap on political empowerment and economic participation and opportunities, with a much poorer performance in these latter two outcomes” [2]

  “rape culture, which breeds the harmful notion that male-incited sexual violence is inevitable because that is what we’ve come to expect of them, and that the woman’s job is to stay alert, vigilant, and avoid tempting the proverbial beast resting inside every man. The narrative is unfair for both parties” [3]

“when men adhere rigidly to the kinds of norms that encourage them to not share their emotions, to be sort of relentlessly self-reliant without seeking the help or support of others. They can have poorer mental health outcomes” [4]  

Such expectations affect each and everyone of us, whether it be positively or negatively. My personal characteristics (although not limited to what is listed above) have had a hand in my development throughout the years, generating expectations for my persona and such as what I have mentioned. 

College & Characteristics

For me I think the characteristics that would prove to be a hindrance to my 4 years in college would be the force and resource characteristics. For example, I put “???” in force because I have yet to really pinpoint what my driving force is. It proves difficult for me to accomplish tasks when I am unsure of my course of actions and second-guess and overthink a lot. My passions and motivations clash with the demands of my course which makes me feel distraught.

As for the resource, I think the most significant factor would be my economic standing. We are not rich enough to comfortably comply with university fees, but we are not poor enough for me to be granted financial aid scholarships. Furthermore, despite the expectation that science high school students are apt in science subjects and have sufficient laboratory skills, I fall short with regards to my requirements, proving difficult for me to be able to get an academic scholarship.

Despite feeling confused and lost, I hope to get through these hardships through the support I have from my family and friends (characteristics that were not noted in the visual aid). Furthermore, I hope I can use our struggle in finance as a motivation to do better (ika nga ay, “Sayang matrikula!”).

I am certain there are several other characteristics that will contribute to my journey throughout college. Some may be obvious, some not, but I hope that pinpointing said characteristics in the future will help me do better and grow as a person.

I have watched the movie before and to be frank, I did not get much from the movie this time around (as it is my fourth time watching it). However I do recognize that understanding different emotions and the way it influences a person broadens my understanding on why my friends, family, and peers react the way they do. Not only does the movie teach me to become more emphatic, but it also teaches me to be kinder towards myself.

I’ve noticed that Riley’s main emotion is Joy while her mother’s is Sadness and her father’s is Anger. I would like to think that this could mean that her mother has depression and her father has anger issues. My interpretation gives me hope that someday, I may learn to control my emotions as I mature and that despite the reigning emotions governing my actions, I would be able to act appropriately towards certain emotions.