#query rambles

Like I dont need you to say “Poke” while your prodding at my neck! I KNOW! I can feel it!

Like youre minding your own business getting those little squeezy tickles and then your ears are assaulted by “squishsquishsquishsquishsquish-“

Like HOW DARE YOU!?

UN HAND ME!

Im already ded >:(

I know that fanfiction/fandom has a very intense romance focus (and obviously I write it as well), but I do find that the way that this manifests as the tagged couple NEEDING to be together by the end, no matter what is happening plot-wise, very frustrating personally.

I know that this is likely influenced by the fact that I'm aroace.

This was more inspired by reading one more of those fics where there's serially one-sided pining + dramatic rejection followed by the pair getting together without properly addressing the hurt caused earlier in the story.

Let me elaborate. Apologies as this is somewhat trope-specific? Although I've seen versions of it play out in stories across multiple fandoms.

Character A and B are friends. B is pining for A. B confesses to A. A rejects B.

Now, it's not usually just "Oh, I'm sorry but I don't like you that way."

No, this is usually after A has been taking advantage of B's feelings in some way (sometimes unintentionally, but even in that case being willfully blind to B's feelings), or the rejection veers into deliberately hurting B (ex: "I can't believe you thought I could EVER love you!").

Relationship is utterly changed; B usually starts avoiding A and/or treating them much differently as a result. A suddenly starts remembering how much they like B, thinking about how pretty/handsome B is, how awful it is that B isn't treating them like before. Could this mean...that they actually liked B all along?!?

But oh, woe is them, they rejected B! They couldn't possibly love A now! They must suffer for their actions, oh! They are the lowest of creatures.

So. Sad.

Cue some kind of opportunity for them to confess to B that "Surprise! I do like you actually! But 😔 I understand if you don't like me anymore."

Then B falls into their arms without even a second thought. Maybe with a little bit of lipservice to the idea that A hurt them, but! it's okay! A said they liked them now (after B had stopped doing stuff for them), so we don't need to talk about the hurt or the breach of trust or the exploitation or any possible implications of any insults A might've used towards them.

🤮

Now, I'm not against A and B getting together in theory! But I want things addressed. I want B to have doubts; I want A to prove themselves. I want them to take it slow; I want their relationship to have changed (for better or worse) because of the blow it took and, if it heals, to still hold that scar. Love the subtle angst of a good what-could-have-been, even if that what-we-have is still good on its own.

...

But I also would love it if A confesses, and B is like, "Well, when you ripped my heart out and stomped on it, I instantly fell out of love with you, so go kick rocks."

Or, "Actually I was really hurt, but after some time alone, I realized that you didn't appreciate me and I shouldn't have been doing all that stuff for you in the hope you'd one day notice me, so actually, I don't want you anymore."

Or even "I do still have feelings for you, but I don't trust you and it would be better for me to work past these feelings, so I'm going to turn you down."

Just...I dunno, any indication that B is another realized character in the story rather than just a prop for the REAL main character, A. A little backbone, some self-respect, a bit of healthy introspection and moving on.

I don't ship anything hard enough that I want to see them together no matter the circumstances I think is the thing. So, when the author is throwing all this stuff in that they want me to take in the drama angst "will they fix things??" way, I just am like "Why should I want them to? Give me a reason."

You know?

So, I want a reason. Or I want the catharsis of B telling A to pound sand.

One of the stories in my backlog does kinda fall into what I want in this arena, but I don't know if I could write any additional ones. Not just because I prefer writing my weird little stories where any problems are external to the relationship, but also because it would probably get too specific outside of the fandom I have that story in.

If anyone has any questions, suggestions, thoughts, etc, feel free to shoot me a message.

In Progress Fics:

final entry for Show Me Your Teeth series

final entry for Eternal Flame series

Mer AU - Destiel, mer!Cas + mer!Dean

Mer AU - Destiel, mer!Dean

sequel to Crawl

Arcane "Perfect AU" AU - established romantic MelJay/queerplatonic JayVik, but not relationship-focused

Arcane Mer AU - MelJay, Jayce is a mer

Arcane Modern AU - CaitVi breakup with background MelJay->JayVik, hopeful/ambiguous ending, but slightly critical

CotL Series - two entries, Narinder/Lamb

Mer AU - Stony, Fishman!Tony

Star Trek AOS - Canon divergence, Spock/Uhura, serially one-sided Spirk, double divorce

Theoretical fics that are just vague ideas and may never be started, but I'm writing them down so I don't forget:

Stardew Valley AU - Elliot/Farmer, Elliot swaps universes

Arcane Apocalypse AU - Jayce focused

Sequel to In Captivity

I hope this isn't weird and I censored the names, but I ran across this on reddit talking about how Viktor is typically characterized in fandom, particularly in reference to jayvik, and I thought it was well written out.

I've mentioned here a little bit and also in the notes on my works that I really dislike this "phenomenon", and it does affect how I try to write characters. I know I'm not the best writer but I don't want to contribute to the odd sort of...heteronormativity/sexism or kind of gender essentialism that get slapped onto two male characters when they're shipped. Especially since there's such a strong tendency to...denigrate traits that are traditionally associated with femininity.

Hope this didn't come across as preachy or anything! This is just about how this affects how I try to write! And I also like pulling things apart, looking at them as best I can from a feminist lens at least amongst other things. I think it's fun personally, but I don't know how good I am at it.

I mostly write creature AUs right now because I really like creature AUs. This is also why my stuff has just been in supernatural and marvel fandoms because those characters have been so detached from canon at this point to me that I just slap them in any old AU. Could the things I write just be done with OCs? Probably yeah, but all the stuff I put on ao3 is very...casual. If I like an idea enough that I'd want to do it with OCs, it won't be on ao3, you know? The AU stuff I throw up on ao3 is supposed to be for my entertainment that I am sharing.

I also, uh, like pulling apart things, whether that's canon-based or fandom-based. I already did some of this with the omegaverse things I wrote, playing with tropes, going out of my way to avoid certain things. Some of that probably leaks into even the silly creature things I write, but I like thinking about things, criticizing them, poking at them, even in an unserious work. Some of the stuff I have planned is more in this vein instead of creature stuff.