cis aros and aces that experience same gender attraction can use 'queer', but if they don't, then they honestly probably shouldn't? like, it's not that they don't experience marginalization bc of their orientations, but it's a matter of whether or not this is a slur they can reclaim for themselves, and cis people who don't experience same gender attraction were never the target of this particular slur. that's my view on it anyway.
Okay, but what about aros and aces who don’t experience any attraction? I understand the benefits of defining queer sexuality as presence rather than absence, but that leaves anyone aro/ace completely community-less, which I’m not okay with.
Particularly during childhood/adolescence, lack of hetero desire is seen as proof of queerness, and bullying is often predicated on that. As a result, identity is often built off that; sometimes queerness offers the best hope of community the individual has. We as society often just define attraction as ‘you’ll know it when you experience it’ or tell people who aren’t experiencing traditionally acceptable heterosexual attraction that they’re just late bloomers and thus not mature. All of which are contributing factors in motivating people, especially younger people, to find a label and a community that encapsulates who they are.
I’m really uncomfortable with the idea that a label that kept someone safe should be taken away without explicit presence of attraction, particularly when the the kind of attraction that would mark them as default is absent as well.
