#queerarvo

DO NOT CRY, CHILD. It’s ok. once ur better we can have MANY KICK ASS RPS. just focus on getting better, u nerd.

the vday rp is always waiting 4 u when you get better, zim. don’t u worry. <3

i still think about my clementine comics that has 15k+ notes. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

THAT COMIC IS SO PRETTY 

carver called carlos spanish, so? it’s canon, actually?

there were days where she would move, coaxed by his voice and his imploring, and there were days where she would sit in her corner of the tent, unmoving and asking about her father. her father will come home soon, she tells him, and until then she must stay in her room or do her chores - quietly - and not to open the door or talk to anyone until he gets home.

nick learned about her home life in small spurts this way; she told him about their pretty wooden house and the chairs her father carved, and when the chill outside was too strong for the windows to keep out, her father would light their small fire place with a wave of his hand. her father was a mage as well, not just the little girl, and it explains why she's able to control herself so well.

sometimes, she would tell him they have to get back home, that her father is waiting, and once nick packed up their camp, she took his hand and led him further along the road until night fell. he still doesn't know if it was a convenience that she remembered her home was in the same direction as the warden keep, or if she simply remembered the direction they had moved the day before.

he gave her a room to herself when they arrived at the keep, and despite his comfortable bed, nick found himself unable to sleep, so worried about the girl. but when he went to check on her, she was fast asleep, curled in her blankets and quietly dreaming like all was well.

and here he is, the next morning, standing outside the girl's room with one of the worried housekeepers. she won't open the door, he's informed, and she will not answer for breakfast. nick rubs his palm against his eye and announces himself to the girl.

there is no answer, but when he makes to call her again, the door opens just enough for him to enter before she wanders back to a corner of the room.

where is my dad? she asks. he never came home last night. he's never late coming home. he promised.

he doesn't know what to say, but he knows telling the girl her father is dead, an unmarked and cooling body in the forest, will not help. she stares up at him, eyes red and tear-stained and full of a dying glimmer of hope. what's your name? he asks, instead. my name is nick, and i'm a grey warden.

oh, she says, small and hollow. dad talked about the grey wardens. he said they're heroes. nick smiles and prompts her for her name once more. she tells him her name is sarah, and the housekeeper, over his shoulder, tells her that sarah is a very pretty name.

sarah ducks her head, out of fear or self consciousness or embarrassment, but she finally stands when the housekeeper places a tray of food on her bedside table. pain simmers in his chest when she says that small plate of food is the most she's ever seen. she isn't underfed but it's possible, with both her and her father being mages, that they had to ration food until her father could come back home with more.

how many nights did her father go hungry? he begins to wonder, but stops and hopes her dad is at peace.

sarah, he says softly, if you eat just enough of this food, i'll take you somewhere special. can you do that for me?

she looks to the floor and her bottom lip trembles, and perhaps she's lost in a memory or nick said the wrong thing, but then, without a word, she takes the tray in her hands, sits on the bed, and begins eating, slowly. she smiles at him, mouth full of bread and soup. the housekeeper leaves, heading off to attend to her other duties, and nick begins to leave as well, to get ready for his and sarah's trip.

can you stay with me? comes a small voice. he drops his hand on the doorknob and makes his way back toward the bed. he lies across it, his feet on the floor and his head near sarah, and waits. she gives almost a special attention to her food and, when she catches him staring, she tells him that her father wouldn't want her to waste.

with a small noise in the back of his throat, he closes his eyes and drifts to sleep at the sound of sarah humming some song.

sarah wakes him when she finishes her food and, true to her word, the entire tray is clean. when she asks him where they're going as they walk downstairs, it's the most animated he's ever seen her. will i see my dad? she asks. will my dad be there?

nick sighs and calls it a surprise, and sarah pouts that it's something her dad always says. it catches him off guard; a comment made in reference and in part exasperation, but she doesn't know nick can never and will never be a father. he takes one look at the little girl bouncing near his heels, who loops her arms through his one as they exit the keep and make their way to the city. when he brought that cup to his lips he had never pictured himself as a father, but now he sees the sacrifice in it.

she might see her father, he tells her, and he chastises himself when her eyes light up. but, he tries again, you know your dad is always with you, even when he's not there.

small sparks jump between her outstretched fingers. she knows, she says. dad gave me his magic, so part of him is always with me. that's what he says. it isn't what nick meant, but he lets it go for the time.

a choral melody floats through the open door when they walk inside, and sarah's gasp echoes around the near empty hall. it's so pretty, she says in breathless awe. everything is so pretty. he follows her to an empty pew and sits with her as she listens to the verses of the chant.

some of them he knows, even from his short time spent in the chantry, and he helps her along when she begins mouthing the words under her breath.

the one who repents, who has faith, he whispers low, his head bowed and his hands clasped together before him, unshaken by the darkness of the world, she shall know true peace.

o maker, he begins and, when his voice begins to waver, sarah's gaze shifts to him. he follows the rest of the verse as he rests his forehead against his hands, all the world around him dim except the light presence of sarah next to him. he hasn't prayed in such a long time; not since luke came to him with his concerns about the chantry - luke's faith had been unwavering, when they were kids. luke was the devout andrastian and nick was the one who only took faith in the weapon in his hands.

after nick became a grey warden, he found solace in the maker, in the golden city, in the hope his soul wouldn't be lost among the masses of darkspawn when his calling should come. that the maker would take him by his side and he would be safe and he would know peace. even if he would somehow be the one to slay an archdemon - he had faith. but when luke's faith was shaken, so was nick's and until now he hadn't prayed and he had never recovered.

for you are the fire at the heart of the world, and comfort is only yours to give.

he gasps, startled out of his own little world, when sarah places her small hand on his. my dad is here, she says, and nick looks around, surprised. he had seen the blood on the templars' swords himself, but if her father had somehow survived -

not here, she clarifies for him, drawing his attention back to her. but he's here, with me, like you said. nick shifts awkwardly in his armor. my dad left me with you. he wanted me to be safe. so i'll stay with you until my dad comes home, until i can see him again. if that's okay.

nick nods, speechless. and when he finds his voice again, he asks her how old she is to which she responds a proud, ten. her birthday was just a few days ago, and dad let her use her magic to cook her birthday dinner. that's when the men came, when her dad took her on a trip through the woods.

and then she found nick! and, she says, rather happily, that this was a good birthday present, too.

they leave the chantry hand in hand, and sarah skips by his side as they make their way back to the keep. can we go there again? she asks, the music was very pretty. and who is the maker?

kenny doesn't allow them to take his child and slays the templars right there. only then does duck begin to think his powers are something to fear, and kenny hates templars both for coming after his kid and making him fear himself.

of course, the chantry doesn't take such a crime sitting down, and eventually they arrest kenny (katjaa managed to hide away with duck so he wasn't taken) and begin to bring him to the city for trial. they make camp just outside of the grey warden keep where nick commands, hoping to use the grey warden presence as a way to keep darkspawn away (there have been more and more sightings lately). so long as they don't cause trouble, nick has no reason to kick them out.

but that doesn't stop nick from being curious about their prisoner, and out of respect for nick keeping them safe, the templars allow him to meet with kenny, though they eye sarah walking just behind him. nick asks kenny why he's in chains, and instead of explaining, kenny takes one look at the staff on sarah's back and warns nick not to trust templars.

nick pieces the story together or, at least, some of it.

he walks up to the templar captain and, without so much as a hello, invokes the rite of conscription on kenny. of course the captain argues, but nick simply says the darkspawn threat is rising and he needs more wardens to fight with him. the dwarf seems like a competent fighter, and nick isn't at a place where he can turn down help.

reluctantly, the templars unchain kenny, who punches one of them so hard his helm rings. they move to arrest him again, but nick tells them he will bear all consequence for kenny's outburst. the templars drop it.

after they leave, kenny thanks nick, and explains everything. all nick has to say is that he's glad his hunch was right. nick allows him to rest at the keep for the night, before giving him leave to retrieve his family so that they may live with him at the keep.

your son will be safe, nick says. he'll come to no harm, here. he and sarah might even be able to train together. and sarah's excited nod sells kenny on the idea.

katjaa and duck find him as he travels the road back home, and he tells them everything. though katjaa's understandably worried, duck carries with him an enthusiasm that quickly wins her over. he's going to have a mage friend! he says. an actual mage friend!

but they know kenny will have to fight darkspawn and, despite nick's - warden commander nick's - word, they still fear for duck's safety from templars.

they hire a kind mercenary to stay at the keep with katjaa and duck, and the warden commander allows it. the mercenary gets along with duck instantly, as well as sarah and katjaa and all the others.

the entire song, just sarah after nick’s death. sarah trying so, so hard to carry on. she’s lost her father and her other close support system, and with magic played so close to a person’s emotions, sarah’s probably going to have a tough time making her magic even work (or control it, whichever way you want to play it)

but don’t let me hold you back from it all

sarah shutting down is the last thing nick ever wanted for her after his death. he wanted her to live and to be happy, to find friends and embrace the things she’s passionate about, to become the scholar she was headed to be.

don’t pretend you’re in this alone / she sees me inside you / and she’s afraid that you won’t come home