#queenmelancholy

Illustration by Jimmy Liao. In graphic novel The Moon Forgets. 

INTRO POST

Hi! Nice to meet you and thanks for stopping by :)

My blog:

Original posts on Downton Abbey, particularly Thomas Barrow (he got me here)

Reblogs of the things I like (see lists after the break line)

Personal rambles

My film side blog @crispy-tofu-cube

Me: I’m in my 20s, from Hong Kong. INTP 5w4. I studied architecture to torture myself, but part of me only ever wanted to live a simple life in a lakeside cottage surrounded by trees and spirits, enjoying good music and books. So here I am unleashing my inner demons every now and then. Hope you can find something here that resonates with you~

My interests: Cinema, music, art, history, psychology, science, and philosophy

My languages: Written - English, traditional and simplified Chinese, and a bit of Japanese; spoken - Cantonese, English, Mandarin, gibberish

Other notes: My ask box is always open! I have an AO3 account under the same name: QueenMelancholy It’s ok to tag me in tag games or picrew chains XD

You can use whatever pronouns you want to call me. No DNIs. Just be kind and respectful~

Picrew.me

I’m thinking what if Thomas went back to his parents’ house to tell his dad and mom he was leaving Britain forever to live with his partner in America. Because he knew he would never see them alive again. Although he very much knew his father would deny him once more, he just hoped maybe in his father’s twilight years, he would finally accept who his son was.

In my mind, Thomas really craved his father’s approval more than anything. That was projected to Carson since Downton became his home. But all was rooted in his father. So he wanted to have this one last chance to turn things around. Because Thomas knew that this was the only way he could truly accept himself, no matter what others think of him now.

I think when you watch Thomas’ expressions, even when he was invited back to be the butler, or when he smiled at Guy after he resigned, you can still see there was a glimpse of sadness behind his eyes. Maybe that was why.

So, do you think Thomas and his father could be reconciled with each other? And how about his mother? I think she would be more accepting (or perhaps she didn’t really care much idk)? Somehow I got the idea that Thomas was the only boy in the Barrow family so it mattered more to his father. Anyway, please tell me what you think <3

Oh man YES!!!!! (For some reason, as soon as you said it, I pictured the scene from les mis where Marius asks his dad for permission to marry Cosette??)

That part about Carson? Yes, PREACH. I love love love it when people pick up on this. It's one of the most fascinating bits of his character, imo.

Ok so in my personal headcanon, the reason he started work a bit later than was typical (he did this right??) is because his mother died, meaning there was no longer any sense of security at home. (Also because from what I remember, he talks about her in the past tense.) But if she were still alive, that adds even more layers to the whole thing. I'll have to set aside half an hour of my usual pacing to think about this lol

I'd imagine he shows up to their house kind of stiff, with a sort of "f*ck it" attitude. Guy's not there. He understands that this is something Thomas has to do by himself, and Thomas wasn't exactly eager to let him meet his parents, either.

There's no small talk -- he barely even comes inside. He just finds his parents and deadpans, "I'm leaving."

"What?" his mother asks, a little bit breathless.

"I'm leaving," he repeats. "I've got a beau and I'm going to America with him."

There's a familiar flash of anger across his father's face, but he looks so tired that it swallows it right up. He stands up and leaves. For a second, Thomas wonders if he's found ways to keep his thunderstorm inside, to stop it from raging and having the lightning strike others. He wonders if it makes a difference. It doesn't, he decides, but all the same, it's good to know.

(He wonders if he knows just how much the storm can hurt you when it is stuck inside.)

His mother asks him questions until she is satisfied. She doesn't approve, he knows that. But she knows her son is happy, and maybe enough of her cares that her disapproval isn't the most important thing to her anymore.

He finds his father leaning over the table, staring into space. He starts into his pre-prepared spiel - I'm sorry if I've disappointed you, this is who I am, blah blah etc - but his father cuts him off.

"I'm not happy for you." He still won't look up. "But truth be told, I don't think I'd have been happy for you if you'd settled down like the rest of us. I don't think I'd have been happy with anyone." Finally, finally, he looks up. They have the same eyes. How has Thomas never noticed this before? "You survived me. I guess that's as close to close as we're going to get."

Is he high? Maybe he's drunk. He looks sober enough, but Thomas can't connect this person with the image of his father he has in his mind.

Thomas leaves without feeling as though anything's been accomplished, but nothing got worse. Pick your battles and all that. Just as he's leaving, he thinks that maybe, maybe, his father's storm has blown itself out.

Ough, sorry, I wasn't actually trying to write anything. Anyways, all in all, I'd absolutely love to see this kinda thing, whether it goes horribly or not. (Tbh, I think his dad being so articulate in this iteration points to how he's been thinking about this for a while. Which is probably optimistic. So this is one of the better situations...)

OH MY GOSH DHSHFJFJGJGGK