#qoheleth

[This is just a copy of my ramblings on Discord so apologies if there's some missing context or whatever, I didn't feel like reformatting this for the five people following my Tumblr.]

Okay. So. I'm going to be completely honest, it is hard to know where to begin with this.

So, for a few months I've known about this four-book series called the Post-Self Cycle. I don't remember where I first heard about it, it was probably on Cohost back when I still used to use that site. And after a cursory scan of the series' overall themes, I decided that despite fascinating me, I didn't feel like it was the right time to actually dive into it. And in retrospect that was absolutely the right call.

It's very philosophically heavy, tackling topics regarding identity and the future which I already struggle with a lot in my personal life. But the knowledge of this series continued to live in my head rent-free between then and a few days ago when I felt I was ready to explore what Post-Self had to offer. I literally remember talking to Sable [my girlfriend] one day having a breakdown(?) regarding identity and my fear of ego death, and the thing I remember most about that moment was how I actually brought this series up to Sable at one point. Without ever even reading it. Like it revealed to me fears I've been harboring my whole life.

I don't really know if there was anything specific that caused me to feel I was mentally ready to start reading it, because I knew that once I did it would change me in some significant way. And it's really fucking funny on the surface to be feeling this way about some furry book series. I think there's something particularly uncanny about combining furry with deep philosophical themes. I felt similarly with Slime Time. It's been so far ingrained in me that furry is just some nerdy hobby that doesn't really matter at the end of the day, that when it's used as a vessel to expose very serious things that I'm trying to ignore, it almost feels like an invasion of a safe space.

I guess that's why Post-Self latched on to me so intensely after just simply learning about it. Because it's the starkest I've ever experienced that sort of uncanniness. It seemed almost scary. And it is rare for me to feel that way about fiction anymore. But, I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about transhumanism lately, especially after having personally adopted the label "alterhuman". And I guess that's why the time felt right to finally check out Post-Self and hear what it has to say. For the past few days, I've been reading the first book in the series, Qoheleth. This is where I'm running into difficulty figuring out how to even talk about this. Because this isn't like any piece of media I've consumed before.

SO TRUE ANON - look at these opening lines of Ecclesiastes!

"The words of David’s son, Qoheleth, king in Jerusalem:

Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth

vanity of vanities! All things are vanity!"

ain't that a mood, am I right?!

Though change can hit like a battering ram, perhaps it is a comfort to know that the darkness of the world will not remain forever.

(I actually hate sand. It’s honestly the worst.)