#qfe

I am an asshole: I hate weddings. I love that people get married and live fulfilled lives, but I hate all the expectations and stress around weddings. I'm pretty sure I'm also carrying around the pain of my own -- my mother behaved *terribly,* so I get a little jealous/sad at other weddings where the parents of the bride and groom are polite and civilised (which is all of them, so far). I'm grateful to my friends for shielding me from the worst of it, but I really think that day has caused a pretty solid rift in my life.

Also, so many weddings focus on things that matter so little -- the favours, the decor, the way everyone is dressed, etc; I thought I was well-equipped to handle that aspect. But I struggled SO hard with interpersonal things.

i am intensely frustrated and hurt by what’s going on in my family

to the point where my immediate reaction is ‘find a creative way to stop existing’

and my newish spiritual director is my pastor, actually, and I love how he works and thinks

it’s still freaking awesome

at the core of it we’re still our same old best friends: nerds and co-conspirators who love each other, our friends, and committing to ideas

but now we’re like. roommates? but for life? so anything that’s mildly frustrating or annoying or whatever we just gently bring up like “hey, dear, this thing, it kinda makes me feel this way, can we talk about it” and then it’s talked about and it’s no hard feelings because it’s really not personal, it’s growing together

just ... <sigh>

all my friends (especially the close ones!) are supportive and excited. TONS of my extended family is supportive. *his* family is supportive and excited.

we both have jobs now

my family is ... not terribly supportive of either us-getting-married-soon (”what’s the rush?”) so that is. fun. also not super supportive of the fact that my job isn’t in my field but it pays the bills

also this new job is kind of definitely the external Hand of God at work -- it’s a school job, and I only applied to two school jobs. All the other jobs I applied to were in my field, or very closely related to it. but it seems like God wants me in a school this year, for some reason. tD is in a school, too -- different school, but still. We’ll be going to New Teacher Training together.

but she also rec’d the dominican church downtown

WHICH POSTS ITS HOMILIES ONLINE