#puso ko

i tried going to bed at around 9pm, setting my alarm to 5-ish am. i was feeling tired, as my eyes begun to feel heavy. hindi nga lang kasing bigat ng buhay na ‘to....i still can’t sleep. i’ve already watched 2 episodes of my annual_kinahihilingan_na_sitcom.mp4, i’ve already drank a glass of water, i’ve already said goodnight to ate kyla....hindi pa rin ako makatulog. 

an idea popped into my head and heart as if this wasn’t my go-to thing whenever i can’t fall asleep. turned on my flashlight, ugh. dagdag nanaman sa screen time ko. as i unfold and find my way in a blank page in my journal, i can’t help but feel like i’m in a jeepney ride going to tungko, or as if i’m walking along by the arch coming home after a long hours from uni. this never fail me to make me feel like coming home. sniffing through the pages, it still fascinates me whenever i think about the fact that this was once, on the other part of manila. this was once on the other people’s hands. and it remained untouched. unwritten. as if it wasn’t loved the way it should be. but at the same time, i feel honored. because it feels like for once—i came across to something bare and blank. begging pages for me lend and write on. for once.

as i let myself untangle my thoughts into words, being guided with a little light. oh dear Lord, i wasn’t even trying to be “MICAH THE POET” as ivan said earlier tonight. i just....let myself, breathe. as the pages drowned with nothing but, words bleed that through me. 

it is one of those nights, when i couldn’t sleep and all i could think about is making love out of myself, through writing.

inaantok na ‘ko,

The moment I existed

I changed lives

And no, not in a good wanted way

But in a surprise, a wild wild surprise

Unwanted but with no way out

Helpless wide eyes, buckle up

Your lives will change forever.

The moment I fell in love

I changed lives

And no, not in a good wanted way

But again a surprise, a bittersweet surprise

Unwanted but hopelessly needed

My arms and my voice soothed her worries

Hold on, are you sure

Because sad wide eyes

Our lives will change forever.

The moment I shared my life

I changed lives

And no, not in an inspiring way

But with yet another surprise

Oh the strong smart girl is just pretentious, she is quite mad and sad

Run away, confused disappointed eyes

Crush: i like you not messi.