Can We Talk About Self-Empowerment for a minute?
Can't believe I'm sharing the pic on right but felt it SHOWS what can happen physically when we align with our purpose.
After my divorce, ended a 13 year marriage....I fell prey to the magnetic pull between the narcissist and the empath! He charmed me like I was his everything, swept me off my feet and 6 months later, the fairy tale ended but the relationship did not.
2 things I clearly remember about LOSING MYSELF....
1. I WOULD SIT NEXT TO HIM FEELING LONELY!! LIKE I WAS IN LOCK DOWN... Usually had to turn phone to silent as the most minor notification would lead to accusation of me cheating with anyone and every one in town. He was projecting his junk on to me and I accepted it.
2. I remember I noticed my hair thinning and pulling out if I ran my fingers through it, add that to weight and well, I wasn't looking, feeling or anywhere near my best! I was broken! I was tired! I was humiliated. I was depressed!
Dis-ease in the mind can take root and later start to become disease if we don't stay mindful and practice self-care, self-love and even further, self-compassion!
The old pic where I am smiling; I hate that picture and smile! It's fake AF. It was taken the week I finally got out of and went no contact with the narcissist.
For 6 years, I walked on eggshells, carried his weight, was isolated, emotionally neglected and mind fucked to be very transparent with you ladies. Many might take offense to my language this morning but this is my Victory and I get to choose how to tell it! So after losing almost everything including my self-esteem, hair and many friends, along with gaining nearly 70 pounds; I dug deep to muster up the strength to end it. 😎💜 Yes, That's me, trying to look happy, complete and confident!
I am right on the cusp of my spiritual awakening here and looking very tired, fragile and sad. Would you agree? It's ok, speak up!
Between pic 1 and 2 here's a run down (off the top of my head) of what personal growth and healing steps I took first to get back to me! First thing I did was research what he said was wrong with me; I was crazy, bi-polar, depressed he said so I was looking up symptoms when I read about the narcissist and the empath connection. I discovered I wasn't alone and decided to commit to HEALING FROM THIS AND OTHER PAST HURTS LEFT UNTREATED...UNNOTICED, but remained there, boiling in my veins as toxicity. My empath unaware self would absorb all his hate, rage, pain, hurt and accusations. By the end of six years I was exhausted and not in control of anything! I was living in victim mentality; just doing what I could to survive! The idea of thriving was still a distant land of make believe; far away and impossible, I thought.
1. Went No contact with narcissist- block delete
2. Road trip 2 Colorado fir some nature with the girls
3. Committed to NO relationship with anyone but myself- 1 year...
4. Read one or more self-development or spiritually minded book a month.
5. Quit drinking
6. Quit my prescibed low- dose of xanex. Turns out I didn't have depression I was just held hostage by an narcissistic sociopath..
7. Started doing yoga, prayer and meditation and walking every day.
8. Started dressing up again. (He would accuse me of dressing up to cheat on him as I dressed up for work in a corporate management position; often would pop up on the job!
9. Started listening to more positive music with a message.
10. Made gratitude a habit (17 days of journaling it keeps you conscious of the commitment)
11. Began practicing the laws of attraction and positivity.
12. Studied what it means to be an empath, infj, highly sensitive....Discovered I had more gifts than intuition!
This pic in the shades is a year old and taken post-awakening! I feel like a bad ass in it. I feel like a sexy diva that just slayed all her demons, Xena, warrior princess style!! It's empowering for me because ONLY I KNOW what I was dealing with at the time but it was a lot; a real dark night of the soul epic life changing and pivotal point in my personal growth process!
I had to face myself, stand alone, assess my role in my life's past events and circumstances. I was on autopilot not being intentional enough about my gifts, talents or callings! I was just beginning to awaken fully to them and the dark night I'm in when this was taken was part of that.
I feel empowered seeing this now! I am stronger than I knew, resilient and with my shades on I call this pic
"Me, being Ray Charles to the bullshit.."
Now you may understand not understand why I say I'm thankful I loved a narcissist.
The emotional trauma from that relationship and my past hurts propelled me towards my purpose. Had I not met him I may never have embraced my gifts and talents or discovered I was an empath; one who FEELS energy deeply, therefore I most likely by now would have numbed my high sensitivity with a Dr. Recommended addictive prescription for anxiety.. I don't want to sleep walk, I fully prefer staying woke; no comparison!
If I hadn't discovered my gifts I never would have known I had a calling because I would still be in victim mentality, just surviving! My blessings could have turned to stone!
So Yes, there was purpose in my pain and I'm grateful I loved a narcissist!
The experience made me a strong, aware of my inner strength and beauty and shifted me from an empath unaware, riddled with stress, to a confident ,Awakened empath; aware of my gifts! Everything is connected lovelies! Our purpose is usually born out of our pain. We are the beauty in the struggle! We are women empowering women!
One love, Karyn Dee #theintuitivewildflower
One love, Karyn Dee #theintuitivewildflower
