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I feel like so many people who don't fully have certain disorders still fall into disordered thinking patterns to a degree. Like, even if you don't have an eating disorder, you might still do irrational things or have worries that don't make logical sense centered around your weight. This culture is so sick and horrible the way it constantly scrutinizes people's bodies, especially women/femmes.
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When you purge for the first time in forever after having a great day and a very average super healthy meal.....why...wtf triggered that..? Just like so random. I walked into the bathroom was doing normal bathroom things and then just. Couldn't keep it down...what the hell...
Yesterday.Today.
I feel like I need to be genuine with these posts of else there's no use writing them. So here's the truth about today and yesterday. Wednesday.
Breakfast; 2x multigrain toast, ran out of vegemite and had to have peanut butter which I despite eating because of its fat content (I love the taste). 1 skinny mocha (my caffeine of choice to get me through uni!)
Lunch; 2 multigrain sandwiches with a variety of salads and ham in them. Small pieces of fruit (a few grapes, some strawberries and a slice of orange)
Snack; 1 scone with jam and cream.
Purging; I vomited both after the sandwiches (1 was ok, 2 I felt was too many), and the scone (I felt bad having 'sweet' food).
Dinner; nothing.
Exercise; Uni was so long (I had to be up at 6am, it didn't finish until 6pm) I was too exhausted for anything, hence no dinner for compensation. Thursday.
Brunch; 2x multigrain toast, avocado/feta/mint and lemon topping. 1 skinny mocha!
Exercise; 45 minutes of jogging/walking.
No other meals, lots of water.
I didn't eat enough today to feel I have to purge. I'm a bit scared of only having 1 meal; I know full well eating small frequent meals speeds up your metabolism, so maybe tomorrow I'll try and snack on fruit and nuts and have small meals.
Thanks for reading if you did, it means a lot to me:)
i tried to purge
i just can't do it
why can't i.
i would be so happy if i could
I feel so much better now that I got all the fat out of my stomach.
I'm taking back control.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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