An unopened box set of Seasons 1-3 of Nickelodeon’s Danny Phantom from Ḥ̗̐̊͌̒ͮ͗̈ͫę͚͔͚̔ͩ͌͆͠l̒̓́ͣ҉̲̫͈̮͉͙̗̻͚l̓ͨͯ̃ͯ͐̓҉͖͉̥͎͙̻̰͇̤͡ is secretly dots

“Hey you ignorant sluts,” Bug said. “Tali does, actually, have a life. Or like, afterlife. So I’m here to help out or something. Because, unlike Tali, I don’t have a life. Points for me.” They threw up a peace sign.

“Huh,” Tucker said. “Kind of a sad brag.”

“Yeah,” Bug said, holding back tears. “Anyway, this is match ten, a showdown between asandygraves from the mean streets of the carnivorous outskirts and punkhalfghosts from the observant’s keep—which, hey, is also where I’m from!”

Asandygraves strode up to the ring, wielding a metal baseball bat about the size of their forearm. “Let’s get this bread!”

“Alright, so the match will start in five, four, three—”

“Wait,” said Danny, “where’s punkhalfghosts?”

As he said this, punkhalfghosts rolled in on their heelys wearing a shirt that said “i’ll procrastinate anything, bitch.”

“All right,” Danny said, nonplussed.

“Anyway,” Bug said, “round two, match ten, begin!”

Danny expected asandygraves to start swinging their bat around, but, to his shock, they threw it at punkhalfghosts. Punkhalfghosts zipped out of the way on their heelys and asandygraves was left weaponless.

“Well, that backfired,” said Tucker.

Half a second later, the bat was spinning back toward the ring, into asandygraves’s hand.

“Or not,” said Tucker.

“How the hell did that work,” said Danny.

Bug shrugged.

“You think you’ve won because you broke the laws of physics?” punkhalfghosts asked. “Bitch, I’m on heelys.”

They zoomed up to asandygraves and raced around them faster than the eye could see. After a minute of ineffectually swinging their bat, asandygraves fell over, exhausted. “I give,” they said.