#punkfinity

im admiring the moon. the way he controls the tides. i ebb and flow at his will more than i think he realizes. the coolness of night that he provides is my safety. the chaos beneath it is all so enticing. i love his guidance, his darkness, his security, his mystery. some nights, he shines all so brightly. others he's barely there. i love the moon. in its entirety, even if i don't know everything about it.

i love the sun. the way he lights up the world. my world revolves around him. it always has, it always will. i yearn for his gentle touch, the haze he provides. its so easy to focus. he's bright and strong. i love his warmth. i love his gaze. i love his reminder to wake up another day.

what i'm learning, is i cannot keep staring at death while loving the sun and moon. they cannot exist in the same universe. so while i grapple with that fact, you all get to watch the breakdown.

i keep getting asks about punk and kobra or sheila once honestly, so im curious. I honestly think it's kinda hilarious to wake up to a bunch of inboxes im currently too lazy to answer.

how do you know patrick???? i miss him.

it's been a year since you turned it all around. i wonder what you're doing today. i hope you're taking care of my sun. he shines so brightly. please tell me his light never dims? the world needs good people. good people like he is, and good people like you truly are. i'm sorry to say that i've gotten rid of one you both thought was good. he is anything but the spectacle you both saw him as. i'm sure he's better off wherever he's at.

it's rude to talk that way of a dead man. funerals are usually so rosy and watered down. everyone mourning someone they only love when the curtains close. thank you for loving him with the windows open. thank you for lighting up his days and nights. thank you for stalking his assailants and thank you for making him a better person. i want to say that i can say something kind about the corpse in the sand, but i've got nothing good to say. he wasn't good. he wasn't pure. he was broken and damaged, and now he's damned.

i wanted to send this through the mailbox. it would've been easier that way right? but i'm not really sure that i made it there. i went in with a mask on. i went in with my head held high. truth be told, i knew i wasn't going to make it out of there alive. i knew i couldn't take them all. maybe i wanted to die in a blaze of glory. baby please read my eulogy. maybe i was too much of a coward to do it myself. i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me.

i got it twice in the heart. one in the head. the party's ended. do you still love who i am?

maybe i'll see you both out here one day. don't come visit too quick now.