#pulled away

So the meetings with Neo were stable for 7 weeks and then we cut if off. Compared to Gambler, who showed me to his friends after the first week, with Neo everything was really slow, even to the point of me wondering if it leads anywhere. So at the end of week six I expressed my curiosity about how his home full of flatmates looks like (which was also me plotting how to meet them and if he even lets me) and I was introduced. I also asked if we date exclusively, which he confirmed.

But not long after that, he pulled away and explained that we’ve been seeing each other long enough for him to developed some feelings… which just weren’t there. This was a surprise. I thought he was so into me the first weeks. He frequently texted me how much he was looking forward to meeting me again, how much he enjoyed our meetings, complimented my looks, kissed my forehead, massaged my back or just sat there and cuddled for half an hour without saying anything.

I was confused because I didn’t do anything wrong! Or did I? So in the middle of the night when I just couldn’t sleep, I thought about it and found a dozen of things that went wrong.

1. he was really busy with his new work stuff, and during our once a week meetings, we almost stopped doing the fun, adrenaline stuff and just were happy for a dinner or drink, Netflix and chill

2. I felt the need to tell him that even though we could have our cuddle nights, it will not be just casual sex; this may have changed the light-hearted fun dynamics we had until then

3. everytime he was free, he rushed to see me, sometimes he sacrificed his free evening or rescheduled friendly meetings, and I saw that and I (over)complimented him about everything, even though I also told him that I don’t want him to stop seeing friends because of me (he said “Oh it’s no big deal”), but apparently it freaked him out and his internal reaction was “omg, she thinks I’m really trying because I care so much, I should slow down”

4. the last time I saw him, he said he’s really bad in making more time for me, so I suggested we could hang out with friends and not scheduling our time for them separately, and when he planned to leave to see his family for the whole three days, I told him he can spare one of these days for us. I didn’t realize I’m treating us like a couple already and this was the last thing he needed to start thinking about his connection.

5. Maybe due to worrying, I wasn’t my true self. Maybe I was too 2-dimensional. Maybe my communication was forced, affected sometimes.