#ptts

Some theoretical Scramble AU versions of characters from @pizza-games-and-more's Pizza Tower The Series (PTTS)! All of these ideas were made alongside them, so be sure to check out their blog!

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: June 02, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 30 Chapter 04 [1.] Dirge For the Immigrants A. Achieving the San Diego Family Life B. Effective Transition To Education Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 31 Chapter 04 Continue [Important Note 12 (Yearbook)] B. Effective Transition To Education (Continue) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 32 [Important Note 13 (Want A Chance To Explain)] Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 33 Chapter 04 Continue Important Note 14 A. Movies & TV Series B. I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process C. Trapping Myself Argument [2.] Relieving the Peer Pressures

Important Note 14

I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process

In the later on chapters, I will write about this period of time, 1998-2006. Right now, I'm going to briefly go over the movies and TV Series I watch during this period of time.

I'm going to list the movies that are in my movie DVD collection during my middle school, high school, and college years. Like I wrote above, it is around 1998-2006. Because it is in my collection, so I get to watch them whenever I want to. This mean like the critic's acclaim, "Emotional Satisfaction". I would watch them depending on my mood. Also, I'm going to break those movies into different categories.

I think the following movies have family theme and humble human touch. Also, one of the movies have the critic's acclaim, "Emotional Satisfaction."

"Together" (2002) (Chinese Cinema), Directed By: Chen Kaige "Beijing Bicycle" (Chinese Cinema) "Harry Potter" movie series "The Road Home" (Chinese Cinema)

I think the following movies have heavier theme than those movie listed above. Also, the following movies could categorized as Action movies.

"Battle Royale" (Japanese Cinema) "Night Warriors: Darkstalkeers' Revenge" (Animated Movie) "Street Fighter 2: The Animated Movie" "Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children" (Animated Movie) "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (Chinese Cinema) "House of the Flying Daggers" (Chinese Cinema) "Underworld" "Princess Mononoke" (Animated Movie) "Resident Evil" Movie Series

I think the following movies are philosophical. Also, there are depth to those movies.

"The Place Promised In Our Early Days" (Animated Movie) "The Promise" (Chinese Cinema), Directed By Chen Kaige "Lord of the Rings" Trilogy "A Love Song For Bobby Long"

At that point of time, because the following movies are foreign films, so I think those movies are fan pick, fan of animation, and/or critic acclaim's animation. Exception is "Spirited Away" have a huge success imported to the USA.

"Spirited Away" "Only Yesterday" (1991) "Ocean Waves" "Whisper of the Heart"

I watched the following TV Series on TV program:

"Pokemon" Animated TV Series Yu-Gi-Oh" Animated TV Series "Hercules: The Legendary Journey" TV Series "Gundam WIng" Animated TV Series "Dragon Ball Z" Animated TV Series "Cowboy Bebop" Animated TV Series "Rurouni Kenshin" Animated TV Series

I'm not going to write about the Cable TV channels in this Important Note. Including AZN channel (use to called International Channel).

As for the video rental stores, my family occasionally would rent movies at the local video rental stores. (Local also known as USA video rental store.). Because my family most of the time would rent movies and TV Series at the Chinese Video Rental store(s). I will write more on the video rental stores on the later on chapters.

The following are the Chinese TV Series that I watch and I could recall those TV Series without looking it up. Most of the time, me and my family try to watched those Chinese TV Series around the release date (AKA the date it is being aired in TV program). My family would rent those Chinese TV Series in the Chinese Video Rental store. Usually those Chinese TV Series are long TV Series. Long Chinese TV Series are around 60-100 episodes.

"My Fair Princess" Season 01 (1998) (Chinese TV Series) "My Fair Princess" Season 02 (1999) (Chinese TV Series) "Romance In the Rain" (2000) (Chinese TV Series) "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" (Chinese TV Series) (I watched around 2004.)

Beside renting, me and my family also tune in on the long Chinese TV Series that are aired in the TV program from the International channel. (You could get International channel from regular Cable plan.)

In addition, me and my family also tune in on the long Chinese TV Series that are aired in TVB channel from the Chinese Satellite Cable. I didn't have time in my schedule to research about Chinese Satellite Cable. Aunt Sophie would recorded the long Chinese TV Series each weeks in the VHS tapes. Then, she would lend those VHS tapes to my older sister, Bun Hong San. After my family watched those VHS tapes, Bun would return those VHS tapes to Aunt Sophie. Because the borrowing VHS tapes and returning the VHS tapes happen every week, so it is like a regular routine.

Movies that are in my movie DVD collection after 2006. But, close to this period of time.

"Silent Hill" (2006) (I watched "Silent Hill" around the release date. Because I heard it is based on the Konami's video game, "Silent Hill"). In the later on chapters, I will explain why I watched this movie many times. "Better Tomorrow" (Chinese Cinema): The same with "Silent Hill", in the later on chapters, I will explain why I watched this movie many times.

I didn't list the comedy movies that I watched with my family. My reasons is because I'm currently already facing enough problems. Comedy movie might misinterpreted I'm not being serious about the problems in my life.

Right now, it seem like whatever movie I watch have some kind effect on my life. So, I was thinking what if I watch the family theme's movies again. It is not too heavy. "Harry Potter" movie series could be argued as heavy theme. But, at the end of each years, Hogwarts school principal would give out awards to the students who have shown qualities and accomplished tasks. These awards lighten the movies.

I would tells myself because the protagonist, Harry Potter is a wizard that is why he is having a hard time fitting in the world. But, he is famous in the wizard's world.

Since I have watched those family theme movies many times in the past. And, it look like I'm appreciating those movies. In addition, I felt like it is beyond I'm enjoying watching those movies. Because I felt that the magic from those movies have provided me with guidance through the difficulty in my life.

What if I watch those family theme movies again would it give me that same feeling like in the past or would it create problems in my life?

What I want to says is there are days I felt very stress out. And, I want to give myself a break by watching a movie. I don't want it to turn out to be making myself even more stressful.

That is why I wrote this "Important Note". Example: I want to watch a movie and don't have to felt like I'm creating more stress to myself.

I'm Still At the Beginning of My Healing Process

It is a trap to talk about the following:

[Trapping Myself Argument 01 Begin]

I have inferior background led to a situation of I have to beat overwheming odds. And, I have to face a lot of pressures. Dealing with my situation led to destructive self- criticisms. The destructive self-criticisms led to the following:

"Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Beast." From the song, "Beauty and the Beast". Nothing ever change Scenarios. I Told You So Scenarios. And, so on.

Beauty and the Beast, Disney Fairy Tales, Nothing Ever Change, I Told You So, refined education through high education study, get rich or die trying, struggle for power, fame, and global domination, battle for survival, battle for the title as the strongest person in the world, and so on. Mean people already know about those things. There is nothing new about those things. There are no originality about those things.

[Trapping Myself Argument 01 End]

That is why I keep saying it is a trap to talk about I have to kill myself.

Because I'm hurting myself and degenerating myself explaining about the problems in my life and the arguments against me. So, instead of trapping myself (or killing myself). I called tormenting thoughts.

In Book 1 Introduction Part 01-09, Chapter 1, and "Emergency" section in Chapter 2. And, Book 2 Introduction. I wrote about the problems in my life and the arguments against me. Including my situation. In each "Important Note", I would continue explaining about my situation. There are 14 "Important Note" so far including this one.

What if those 20 pages and 14 "Important Note" is not enough to explain about my situation? I miss out on something. That one thing I miss out create a chain effect in my life and it destroy me.

This mean being forced to have to kill myself led to, "What did I do that is so wrong for this to happen to me?" In other words, it is upsetting. Because the anwer is my inferior background is what started all the conflicts. Example: If I didn't have inferior background, then I don't have to be forced to kill myself.

The way I see it. It would be better if people give me supports. Instead forcing me to kill myself.

This mean at this rate. I'm not going to last long.

Yet, before writing about this, I did told myself. I'm going to try very hard to give myself a little bit of hope.

Is it about did I got that little bit of hope or not, or is it about did people give me supports or not?

So, the question is, "What am I trying very hard for?"

From this question, I would argues that I want to take my first step by trying to get some supports first. Then, complain about I'm being haunted by demons.

Yet, being forced to kill myself. Being haunted by demons. And, I have no supports. Would led to, "How long could I last?"

Looking at what I have wrote so far in this section would led to. Going back to the question, "Is it okay to have a little bit of bit hope?" From that question, my goal on writing this section is to have a little bit of hope.

Does this mean having a little bit of hope is equivalent to I'm dealing with the tormenting thoughts?

The argument is if I have a little bit of hope is equivalent to I have overcame the tormenting thoughts.

Going back to what I wrote at the beginning of this section, I'm trapping myself (or killing myself), So, I'm going to narrow down to the following 2 choices. In addition, in the future, if I'm being pressured by the tormenting thoughts, then I would write another "Important Note".

Choice 1: I believe that one day, I might able to get some supports. Example: There are people who would acknowledge that I have accumulated 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments. Those people would show their appreciation to those First Places by giving me some supports.

Choice 2: I would tells myself if I have to keep stopping my writing of the healing process to write about my tormenting thoughts. Also, I'm still at the beginning of the healing processs. Then, I'm not going to last long.

I would argues because I want find a solution to my current situation. So, I'm pushing myself to hurry on finish writing this healing process. The reason I have to hurry is because I'm still at the beginning of it. Also, while I'm writing this healing process, I have to write the Important Notes, so I could deal with my tormenting thoughts. In addition, because it is a very long healing process, so when I'm done writing it, it might be too late. Is it about finish it or not or is it about could too late?

Who would have guessed reading my PTTS posts or leave me a feedback could save me from tormenting myself to death?

Trapping Myself Argument

Trapping Myself Argument also known as Get Rich Or Die Trying Argument.

It is a trap to talk about the following:

[Trapping Myself Argument 02 Begin]

Daily Cooking: When you are poor, you decided to have 3 1/2 teaspoons of salts. Instead of 4 teaspoons. In your chicken soup. The voices in your head would criticize you. Your body started having rashes (pimples). When you are rich, you accidentally put 3 teaspoons of salts. Instead of 4 teaspoons. In your chicken soup. People would give you praises that your chicken soup tasted very delicious. Or, you created a very delicious soup mix.

Looking For A Girlfriend: When you are poor, if you have thoughts about maybe one day you could ask a girl to be your girlfriend. You can't even have thoughts about girls. When you are rich, girls are lining up to want to talk with you and want to be your girlfriend(s).

Little Things In Your Life: When you are poor, every little things you do is creating problems in your life. Everything you do is not right and/or not good enough. When you are rich, every little things you do is getting praises and/or being appreciate by people all over the world.

Getting Feedback: When you are poor, you are trying very hard for many years to get feedback at tumblr.com, but you can't get any feedback. Also, the voice in your head is telling you should be happy with no feedback.

Please Help Me: When you are poor, you posted up many posts at tumblr.com asking for help, but you have no feedback. When you are rich, you don't need to ask for help. People want to help you.

Trying To Connect With Your Community: When you are poor, it is very hard for you to talk with the people in your community. Also, you are getting bad vibe in your community. When you are rich, you don't have to worry about being connect with your community. Also, you have good vibe in your community.

[Trapping Myself Argument 02 End]

I would argues whenever I get a chance to talk about my situation. I would point out that I want to get connected with my community. Have friends and connections. Like I wrote above, when you are poor, bad lucks keep happening to you. So, I'm very confused.

The very confusing would led to the following argument: I'm not trying hard enough.

Old Age Agument: This argument is I'm an athlete, I exercise a lot, and play in 2 high school sport teams. So, the old age start happening to me at 60 years old. The old age happen to the average people at 50 years old. This mean I get 10 more years than the average people.

Daily Newspaper Argument: I would argues while I was growing up, I sees my father, Chung Wun Lam read the Chinese Newspapers daily. And, watch the News on TV daily. So, I been thinking that the society care about Newspapers and News on TV like my father. This mean the society would give me a chance to explain about the problems in my life.

I would argues it is hard for me to get feedback, appreciation, and support, but I don't want to kill myself. And, I think life should be appreciate even though, it is hard for me to get appreciation. In addition, according to the Old Age Argument, I'm not at my old age. According to the Daily Newspaper Argument, I get to have a chance to explain about the problems in my life.

This mean it is very hard for me to kill myself. So, if someone kill me as an act of mercy, because my life is a misery and it is hard for me to kill myself. Then, I won't die without a fight.

In the later on chapters, I would write about my Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. Right now, I'm going to briefly go over an event in my MBHS years.

On 1999, Coach Shehe is the teacher aid in my class. Later on, on 2003, he became my English teacher and my MBHS wrestling team head coach.

In addition, whenever he talk with me, I could tells:

He did some background check on me.

He think that I'm facing a lot of problems in my life. Also, I'm lacking confidence because of those problems. The lacking confidence make me felt discouraged about life and have low self-esteem.

In one of the talks, he told me in the book, "Half Nelson" the protagonist is facing a lot of problems in his high school classes and at his house. So, he is lacking confidence in life. The lacking confidence make him having a hard time focusing on life.

Nevertheless, he would train very hard during the wrestling practices in the wrestling gym. The hard training was able him to stop the problems in his life and lack of confidence from ruin his life. At the same time, the hard training made him became a champion in the wrestling competition. I think what he trying to tells me is the Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument could stop the problems in a person life.

But, I think this argument, Constantly Doing Physical Exercise could only apply to my life while I was in the MBHS sport teams. Because back then, I could relies on my family members and my friends.

I would argues that I want to Constantly Doing Physical Exercise and stop thinking about "Trapping Myself Argument 02" or just don't think too much in general. But, I might run out of food and don't have foods to eat.

In addition, Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument is hard. I have to deal with my situation while doing physical exercise make it harder.

So, it is discontent if I able following through with the Constantly Doing Physical Exercise Argument by pushing myself through the hardship. Then, after got through the hardship, my situation made me don't have foods to eat.

This mean I been telling myself to Contantly Do Physical Exercise and don't think too much. And, it is not about able to push myself through the hardship or not. So, I want to ask the following question: Would I able to have foods to eat while pushing myself through the hardship?

Yet, I could vibe the following argument: If I stop thinking too much and/or trapping myself, then I have a higher chance of pushing myself through the hardship.

Relieving the Peer Pressures

The argument is because I have inferior background including immigrant status. So, the peer pressures is I think that my goal is to be like a regular student in the CPES campus.

But, what is the standard as a regular student?

My apartment is on Grand Avenue, turn left on Jewell Street. Continue walking until you get the CPES campus.

One time, while walking on the sidewalk of Jewell Street to our apartment. Me, Du, and Sandy decided to play tag. So, the tag game made us went to the alley way of Jewell Street.

In the alley way, we stop playing tag. And, started admiring a beautiful house. We started talking about the people who live in that beautiful house must be wealthy doctors.

Then, from the other side of fence of the beautiful house, a classmate, Anthony Munoz called out to me, "Hi Neng, what are you doing here?"

I told Du and Sandy I'm going to have a talk with Anthony. I'll catch up with them. They told me they will wait for me at Jewell Street.

I told Anthony I live on Grand Avenue. This mean my apartment is only 1 street away from his house.

I continue telling him that he already apologize to me back on 1993 when he held me back, so Ryan McClurg could punch me. I already accepted his apology.

Then, I asked him if he want to play tag with us?

"There is probably not enough space to play tag in my backyard." He told me.

"How about the alley way?" I asked him.

"I want to, but my parents don't want me to get out of the fence." He replied.

Even though, he held me back, so Ryan could punch me. And, he already apologized to me later on. But, I think if he have to stay inside the fence and can't play with other children, then it is kind of sad.

I think the reason I have this thought is because me and him been in the same class for multiple years. Also, my apartment is only a street away from his house.

So, I told him. I walk to school daily on Jewell Street. His house is on Jewell Street. That is why this is the first time I sees him, because he have to stay inside the fence.

He asked me if I want to come in his house. I told him me my brother and my cousin are waiting for me.

Then, I left the alley way and meet up with Du and Sandy.

The next day, I suggest to Anthony, that we could get to know each other if he come to my birthday party. This mean you have to get out of your fence.

Then, I told him that I will stop by his house and ask his parents if he could come to my birthday party. So, me and him set an appointment for me to stop by.

While I stop by his house. After I asked his parents. His parents told me that he wanted to have a talk with Anthony first.

As I'm waiting for his parents to finish the talk with him, I could tell that his parents and him are having talk about my birthday party.

Then, he told me that his parents doesn't want him to go to my birthday party.

In a way, I was expecting him to say no. Because his parents doesn't want him to leave the fence of his house.

Also, this is probably the best way. So, I could continue with my life and don't have to feel like I have to stop by his house, because I walk by his house daily. After all, he helped Ryan. That is how how Ryan able to make that punch on my stomach.

In addition, meeting him in his house is a more official way to accepted his apology for what happen on 1993 when he held me back, so Ryan could punch me.

Even though, he didn't come to my birthday party, but he gave me a birthday present on my birthday.

The birthday present is a very high-tech water-gun. The birthday present Adam Maze gave barely beat his. Because I been wanting a chance to starting collecting the NBA basketball league cards. So, the basketball trading cards Adam gave me was like what I was hoping to get as a present.

Afterward, me and Anthony continue with our life like before I met him at his house.

As for Adam, I told Adam I forgive him for not coming to my birthday party even though, we are supposed to be best friend. But, he don't have to give me a birthday present. Yet, I really like the present he gave me.

Then, I added if you wanted your present back. Or, if you wanted half of it. Then, I don't blame you. Because your present made me really happy on my birthday.

"Lets play Pogs." I suggested to him. To try to change the subject about my birthday party.

"I need to tell you something. I'll tell you during our game of tetherball." He told me.

While me and him are playing the tetherball game, he told me the following: "When my parents pick up today. I want you to have something. Keep it between me and you to avoid creating suspicion. Do whatever with it as you want. It is your."

Because me and him are best friend. So, I could accept another present from him.

"You will see." I could hear him mumbled to himself.

After about 15-20 minutes, his parents waved toward him from a distance.

"I have to go. Take this." He said and he handed me a bag. Then, he ran toward his parents.

When him and his parents are out of sight. I climbed up to the top of the Monkey Bar. After I made sure there are no one around, I took a peek inside the bag.

"Oh my god." I thought out loud.

Then, I quickly hide that bag inside my backpack. I try to wipe away any sweat on my forehead and face. And, act normal.

While I'm walking back to my apartment with Du and Sandy. I didn't talk with them to avoid creating any suspicion.

"He gave me his entire Pog collection. Do you know how much it worth? I have not sees any children have as many Pogs as him. Am I old enough to handle something this valuable?" I thought to myself during the walk.

"The average regular Pog cost 25-50 Cents each Pog. The lower quality Pog cost 5-10 for a $1.00. The holographic Pog $1.00 or more each Pog. Super Rare Pog cost more than holographic Pog. Promo Pog cost more than Super Rare Pog.

The average regular Slammer cost $1.00 each Slammer. Usually, 1 Slammer is worth about 5 Pogs.

This entire Pog collection make me a very rich student at CPES campus.

I remember Marc Hua told me one day, he would bring his most valuable trading card, "Jerry Rice" to school to show me.

I thought that was my only way to come near a trading card.

Then, Adam gave a brand new collection of 50 collectable trading cards for my birthday. "Michael Jordan" is the most valuable card in that collection. Is it arguable "Michael Jordan" is worth more than "Jerry Rice". "Michael Jordan" is the MIP in the Chicago Bulls basketball team. "Jerry Rice" is the quarterback in the San Francisco 49ers football team.

I don't know how much the 50 trading cards is worth.

But, I think that large Pog collection could worth. The lowest is $30. The highest is $60 or more.

What about the amount of time it take to search for all the Super Rare Pogs and Promo Pogs? What about the Pogs no longer selling in the store and out of print, you can't find those Pogs anywhere?

I flash a few of the Super Rare Pogs or Promo Pogs to the students, I would be the most popular student in the campus." I continue to thought to myself during the walk.

"If I tells him to take it back the next day. Then, I broke the agreement. What if I told him I would keep it as though it is mine. But, I'm okay with it if he wanted back." I continue to thought to myself during the walk.

After that though, I stop being nervous and sweating over his Pog collection. There are around 100 Pogs. And, 20 Slammers.

Most Pogs are made out of durable thick cardboard. There are Pogs made out plastic. The Pog and Slammer size is about 2 centimeter radius circle. The Slammer made out of hard thick plastic. The thickness of the Pog is as thick as a Credit Card. The thickness of the average Slammer is as thick as 3-5 Pogs stacked together. Pog only have 1 thickness. As for Slammer, there are an arrange of thickness for Slammers.

Some Pog players think that the Super Thick Slammer is better. Other Pog players think that thin Slammer have more control and technique.

Pogs and Slammers have 2 sides like a coin. The front side is like the Head side of the coin. The back side is like the Tail side of the coin.

There is a picture on the Pog front side. The pictures are characters from popular cartoons. Beside cartoon characters, the pictures could be creative, imaginative, or abstract designs or patterns. Example: Logos, symbols, and so on.

Most of the time, the Pog back side is plain/blank. Sometime, the back side have description and/or advertisement.

Most of the time, you could feel the engraved image on the front side of the Slammer. Slammer back side is like Pog back side, plain/blank. But, you could feel engravement on the back side of it.

The Ante could be any number of Pogs you want. But, you probably want to go with 1 Pog Ante. The number of player is the same as the Ante, you could have any number of players in 1 game. But, you probably want to go with 2-4 players.

The following are the rules for a 2-players game with 1 Pog Ante: You select a Pog you like from your opponent's Pog collection. Vice-versa, your opponent select a Pog from your Pog collection. Then, placed those 2 selected Pogs face down stack on top of each other on the ground (or a Pog matt if you have a Pog matt.). Flip a coin to decide who go first. Player1 goes first. Player2 goes second. When it is your turn, you would use your Slammer to slam on the 2 face-down Pogs. If any Pogs are face-up, then you win those Pogs. Win mean you get to keep them.

Most of the time, the Pog games I played are play for keep. I rarely play Pogs for fun. Play for fun mean after the game is over, you return the Pogs you win back to the player(s).

The next day, while me and him is at the campus playground, I would go with his agreement and try not to get too much attention about his Pog collection.

"Man. I thought I was getting good at Pogs. Your Pog collection made me felt like I'm a beginner in Pogs. I mean that is a lot of Pogs you gave me." I told him.

"You still remember that day you beat me in the "Four Square" game and "Monkey Bar". The students are cheering out your name. Forget about Pogs for now. Watch this. I'm going to says "Bloodsport", the crowd going to cheer out, "Knock Su Cout"." He told me.

Then, he turn his attention toward the students. "Listen up! Bloodsport." He raised his voice toward the students. Then, the students started cheering out, "Knock Su Cout… Knock Su Cout… Knock Su Cout…"

"That is what I'm talking about." He told me.

But, the crowd cheering is like my life. Because each fight I fought. There is a crowd of students cheering out my name. I don't sees anything new about it. Yet, the Pog collection could bring me things I want in life. Example: I could show people that Pog collection and get accepted as a collectable merchandise importer.

"I'm the Empty Handed Combat league regulator. I sees the crowd cheering all the time." I told him.

"I'm not done yet. Watch this." He replied.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!!!" He shouted toward the students.

All of a sudden, all the students in the playground started cheering out, "Mortal Kombat… Mortal Kombat… Mortal Kombat…"

Back to the mega water-gun. During the water-gun battles, my siblings, my cousins, my friends, and neighbors would fight over a chance to use that mega water-gun Anthony gave me.

Because it is much more powerful than the 99 Cents Store water-guns. All the people in the water-gun battles, are using the 99 Cents water-guns, I'm the only person with a mega water-gun. The 99 Cents water-gun could only load about 10+ ounces of water. That mega water-gun tank could load up to half of a gallon. One pump from that mega water-gun is like getting hit by multiple water-balloons.

I would let my siblings, my cousins, my friends, and neighbors take turn using that mega water-gun. We all really like using that mega water-gun. Also, we all have a lot of fun using that mega water-gun. So happen water-gun battle is our most favorited activity during the hot Summer days. Example: You wanted to get soaking wet to cool down on a hot Summer day. But, if you got soaking wet, then you are eliminated in the water-gun battle.

Looking at the water-gun battles, is it arguable Anthony's birthday present is better Adam's birthday present.

I would argues that because there are a lot of pressures on the most beautiful and beloved baby in Sand Be image. Being haunted by ghosts and nightmares. Living in the USA is a dream. And, the tough struggles I went through to adjust to living in the USA. So, I would try to cherish as much memories as I can.

But, the peer pressures are I'm an immigrant with inferior background. Anthony have wealthy doctor background. Adam have wealthy sport management background. The argument is nobody would believe what I wrote because compare my background to Anthony's background and Adam's background, I'm not important.

I argues that things finally work out for me. The students are celebrating me as the champion. Me and Adam became best friend. Anthony wanted to be my friend. Ashley wanted to be my girlfriend. And, my parents finally give me some of their time by spending some time with me. The peer pressures would argue it was a trap. I got trapped the whole time. I should have stay away from my family, because I'm living in a dysfunctional family.

Even though, I wanted a chance to explain what happen. But, I would argues the peer pressures could lead to making my situation very confusing.

Because I'm stress out about my situation. Also, it is a healing process. So, I'm going to put the peer pressures to the side in the following section (next section).

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 30, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 30 Chapter 04 [1.] Dirge For the Immigrants A. Achieving the San Diego Family Life B. Effective Transition To Education Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 31 Chapter 04 Continue [Important Note 12 (Yearbook)] B. Effective Transition To Education (Continue) Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 32 Chapter 04 Continue [Important Note 13 (Want A Chance To Explain)]

Important Note 13 (Want A Chance To Explain)

I felt like I'm about to have a major breakdown right now. So, I'm trying not to be too tense to avoid having the major breakdown.

The following is how it started:

[Why I felt like having a major breakdown? Begin]

I got fed up and too tired to point out that talking about my situation is a trap.

So, I decided Yesterday (05/29/2025) at 5:45 PM, I would leave the North Clairemont Branch Library. Then, eat my dinner. Then, get back to my exercise schedule. Like I wrote in "Important Note 07", I have stopped my exercise schedule for around 2 weeks of time, because of the 6 power sockets in my house kitchen don't have electricity.

What I wanted to do is giving myself a break to feel sorry for myself.

Because I been wanting to not hold back and just cry feel sorry for myself. But, I couldn't cry. Because not crying already can't stop the problems keep happening to me. Crying might create more problems in my life.

The plan is while I'm doing my jogging exercise. I would make myself fall down. Then, start crying. The people on the sidewalk, and/or the cars that drive by. Would stop and ask me why am I crying?

I would reply. "I'm okay now. I just got a bad fall."

I get to cry and felt sorry for myself. Also, I get to know that there are people that care.

It was just a wishful thought. Because my situation. I just didn't want to think too much and jog until I can't jog anymore.

For some reason, the voice in my head happen at the highest is while I'm taking a bath or shower. The theory is bath or shower is when I'm relaxing. This mean the voice in my head don't want me to relax.

I would argues it is not the voice in my head. Because I have started serving in the Student Service starting on 1993. This mean the voice in my head is serving more services than me. As long I continue with the services, then one day I could keep up with the voice in my head.

In the past, I take a shower every 2 weeks. Even though, the whole time I would keep telling myself to hurry with my shower. But, the voice in my head would slow me down during the shower.

For some reason, my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi would scold at me whenever she see me taking a shower.

Even though, I already have voices in my head during shower. Yet, I keep telling myself to hurry so I don't get scold at. But, she still scold me.

One time, she banging on the restroom door and telling me to open the door. I quickly wrap a towel over my waist and open the door for her.

It is during the Christmas time, so I told her that I'm taking a shower to get ready to greet the guests for the Christmas holiday.

She push me out of the way without saying anything.

I interpret the quiet as you are a bad child. Shut up and don't talk. You are only making fun of yourself.

Then, I stopped her from continue walking. I told her that the restroom floor is wet and she might slip on the wet floor. Because I step out of the shower, so the water on my body dripped on the floor.

All of a sudden, Andy San show up. He telling why am I speaking back to my mother.

"I'm sorry. I just want to dry the wet floor, so no one would slip. So, I don't get blamed for the wet floor." I would explained.

It was a very painful Christmas morning. I'm standing in the porch with a towel wrapped around my waist and very confused about what just happen.

So happen, each time I took a shower most of the time something would happen.

Either the water would stop when I'm about to finish my shower. Or, the water inside the bath tub would not go down the drain.

There are multiple times, Nghim would scold at me about why the water inside the bath tub doesn't go down the drain.

On March 2025, when I begin my exercise schedule. I would make taking a bath like a punishment.

I would get on my knee and make sounds that I'm in pain. At the same time, I would wash my hair with shampoo and scrub my body with soap.

Yesterday (05/29/2025), just a day ago, I watched the "Tekken: Blood Vengeance" until Ling Xiaoyu able to have a break. That break scene is she finally able to take a shower after she went through hell. The shower was able to relax her and give her a break from went through hell. I could feel how important that shower is to her.

Because of Ling Xiaoyu's scene, I let down my guard while I was taking a bath. The following thoughts slipped into my head: What the hell am I doing? Taking a bath supposed to be a relaxation. Not a punishment.

That thought almost made me have a major breakdown. So, I used the CX12 Sony HandyCam (Camcorder), and started recording myself. I start complaining about my situation is very harsh.

While recording myself, I realize that I been recording myself complaining about my situation for many years. I started recording myself at 11:00 PM and end at around 3:00 AM. That is about 4 hours.

The following is my stressful day: I'm very distressful about my situation. I'm very stress out on finishing up adding tags to all of my recent PTTS posts including "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness". I'm exhausted from the jogging exercise. And, the 4 hours of painstakingly complaining about my situation in the camcorder.

I keep it at: I just wanted a chance to explain myself. Also, I'm doing my reporter responsibilities and duties.

I want to have wishful thoughts that the very harsh would stop being so harsh. But, what if nothing ever change?

[Why I felt like having a major breakdown? End]

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 28, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 30 Chapter 04 [1.] Dirge For the Immigrants A. Achieving the San Diego Family Life B. Effective Transition To Education Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 31 Chapter 04 Continue [Important Note 12 (Yearbook)] B. Effective Transition To Education (Continue)

Important Note 12 (Yearbook)

In Book 1 and Book 2 (to this point), I didn't point out the description of the people in those books. I only point out their age and how they are related to me. And, some time I would point out their occupation.

Since it is written like an autobiography. This mean because I was living with my family during those years took place in those books. So, the huge amount of information about my family is equivalent to description about my family.

What I wanted to says is there are people who I wrote about. Look at those information is equivalent to description about them. There are people I just mention and didn't write a lot about them. So, starting now I will add more description to those people who I just mention and didn't write a lot about them. Example: I would add description of the way they dress. Their overall appearances. And, their nationalities.

In the later on chapters, I would write about the Yearbook Department in Pacific Beach Middle School (PBMS) and Mission Bay High School (MSHS). For now, I would keep it at, it would be useful to me to have the yearbooks with me while I'm writing this healing process.

I only have the 1996 CPES Yearbook. Many years ago, I asked my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi have she sees my 2003 MBHS Yearbook. Her answer is no. I think while she did some house keeping in the house she misplace it some where.

Lucky: The Yearbook Department. Staffs and students who still have their yearbooks. And/or, accessible and retrievable archive (database and library). Would help me out by providing me with the 1999 PBMS Yearbook and 2003 MBHS Yearbook. So, I could have pictures of the staffs and students. Also, knowing how to spell their names correctly.

Bad Luck: People who are creating arguments against me to stop me from continue to write this healing process.

I'm not going to dwell about being "Lucky" or being "Bad Luck".

I'm going with what I have. The following is what I have:

Championship: I have accumulated 199 First Places in the weekly and annually TM Game Tournaments (1999-2006. 2004, 2010, 2012, & 2014). All the TM Game Tournament locations I participated is in San Diego, California USA. Exception is on 2004, I got 8 First Places in Indiana TM Game Tournaments. After book 1, this healing process take place in San Diego.

Journalism: I have the reporter position of the Mission Bay High School (MBHS) Journalism for 2 years (2002-2003). MBHS Journalism Newspaper is called the "Beachcomber".

College Multimedia Student: I have took many college multimedia classes in San Diego Mesa College starting on 2005 (my college years start on 2003). Also, I served as club president of Mesa Multimedia Club for 4 years from 2008-2011.

Effective Transition To Education (Continue)

When I look at my life and my situation it is very mess up. But, if I cry about it only make it more mess up.

Just deny it. If you are into Empty Handed Combat like me. Then, you could bruise yourself.

The argument is when a person keep denying it so much. He or she might forget that he or she been denying it.

"Is that you? Taking care of your family? You don't even know how to read, how did you translate those English language documents to your parents?" God making judgement on me.

The argument is you are a nobody. Not important country-side boy. A troublemaker to your school. A drag to your family and your parents. In addition, it is not you when you are being responsible. When you are managing your life. When you are taking care of your family.

DENY IT!!!

I would argues I know my parents care about me. If I was lost in the Sand Be forest, then my parents would get a search team to search for me in the forest.

"Says it to your parents who adopted other children. Yet, how much you wished if only your parents was there for you just one time." God making judgement on me.

I rather deny the fact about how much times my parents have for me. Now my parents adopted other children. This mean my parents would have lesser time for me.

At this point of time, I just hope my parents have more time for me. I rather not question about my parents' parenting.

So, I didn't think about why my parents is watching over Marco and her 2 sisters. But, it is hard to deny that Marco is a reflection of my family. Example: Marco is only 7 years old. She is watching over her baby sister who is only a few years old. And, her younger sister who is 1 year younger than her. (I forgot the younger sister name. I'm going to give her a nickname, BT.)

Deny it. Or, I'm going to have to says I could barely take care of myself, how do I have time to watch Marco?

Deny it. Or, I'm going to have the following thought: My family been beating the odds. Why can Marco beat the odds too like my family and take care of her 2 younger sisters?

Beside #1 and #2, she got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

Somehow my parents could talk with Marco as though she is part of the family.

"So, BT, it is when your parents is not around, Marco would watch over you and your baby sister?" I would ask BT.

"I some time help Marco watch over our baby sister." BT would answered.

As for me, somehow I could talk with BT.

Anyway, each time I hear my family members saying, "Marco, your baby sister is crying?". I can't help it, but I want to says, "But, Marco is only 7 years old."

The way I sees it: If my family can't stop thinking about it. Then, my family would deny it.

Even though, I didn't asked my parents why Marco, BT, and their baby sister is in our apartment. But, I think my family are babysitting them. In addition, because my family been beating the odds, so to my family Marco watching over her 2 younger sisters seem normal.

As for me, I would watch Marco, BT, and their baby sister living with my family from a distance.

Whenever Marco and BT see me in the CPES campus, they recognize me and they would greet me. I would greets them back.

If I think about Marco, then I would come up with the following:

The Brain In Her Family: Since Marco got First Place in the spelling bee competition, I could picture her explaining about her situation. She is the brain in her family. As the brain, she would manage her family. She would explain that BT is the more beautiful sister. Also, a more quiet sister.

She Have Choice: Even though, I think my family doesn't think about why Marco, BT, and their baby sister is living with us. But, the argument is my family have no choice but to beat the odds against our family. As for Marco, she could be argued as she have choice such as she don't have to watch over her 2 younger sisters. And, she don't have to get first place in the spelling bee competition.

So, I go with my family and don't think about why Marco, BT, and their baby sister some time would stay in our apartment.

Some time ago, right afterschool, I was chasing Tony Quintero because he snatched my backpack. I placed my backpack in front of a classroom, so I could play some playground activities.

After about 2-3 streets, I caught him. But, he already ran inside a huge apartment complex.

At that point of time, I didn't know that apartment complex is where Marco's family live. Also, Todd, Jill, and their children live in that apartment complex.

After I punched Tony a few times and took back my backpack. I think I would ask him about why he ran into this place. I think he would replied that I was lucky I was able to get my backpack back.

Anyway, as I was walking out that apartment complex, I saw elevator. I have never seen an elevator up close before. My thought are if I know anyone living in this apartment complex, then I could get in the elevator.

Back to Marco. There are a few times, me and my siblings escorting Marco, BT, and their baby sister to their apartment complex.

My child thoughts are this huge apartment complex would be a perfect place to play hide and seek. Or, tag. The elevators and stairways would add more fun to it.

But, seeing Marco taking care of her 2 younger sisters, I try not to have those child thoughts around her.

This mean me and my siblings would wait until Marco is out of sight, then we talk about playing hide and seek or tag in Marco's apartment complex.

We decided if we were to play, then we would play in the parking long. Not to play in the apartment complex.

One time, in the parking log. Our 2 older sisters, Bun and Lieng is in a car. Bun is in the driver seat. Bun told me and our 2 brothers, Ho and Du to get in the car. It is time to go home.

Me, Ho, and Du would told her. "Come on. Stay a little bit longer."

She started her car engine. We were children playing around. So, me, Ho, and Du hope on top of the car to get her to stay longer. As the car started moving, Ho and Du decided to get off hanging on the car. I still hanging on on top of the car.

I recalled that Starr's older brother, Leon Barrowclough injured himself badly jumping off a moving truck. So, I decided to jump off the moving car before I get into severe injuries. While jumping off the moving car, I scraped my hand and knee.

The argument is no matter what I do. Nothing will ever change. I will always be that person who get eliminated right at the beginning of the spelling be competition. Marc and Marco will always be the ones who got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

Coincidentally, Marc became my friend. Marco occasionally would live in our apartment.

It is hard for me to argues that I'm not jealous of Marc and Marco. I sees them like my brother and sister. Vice-versa, I think they see me like their brother also.

Because no one care about the loser who got eliminated right away. People only care about the champions who got First Place.

The argument it is a hard learning lesson. On 1993, when my third grade teacher, Mrs. Gerrity sign me up in the spelling bee competition. I should of tells her I don't want to be in the competition. Because I'm still learning how to speak the English language, so I can't be in the competition. This mean it is a hard lesson on self-confident, self-esteem, and standing up for myself.

The reason Mrs. Gerrity did that to me, because I was lacking confidence. She want to teach me the lesson on lacking confidence consequence.

Dwelling about it. Would lead to ruin the relationship with Marc and Marco. Also, creating hatred and jealousy toward Marc and Marco.

To stop dwelling about it, I have to see it as the following outcomes:

Redemption: I will constantly redeem myself. One day, people will give me a chance on redemption.

Nothing Will Ever Change: I'm making the same mistake. Like the argument above, because no matter what I do. Nothing will ever change. I will always be the loser. Marc and Marco will always be the champions.

To redeem myself I have to find an effective transition to education.

The playground activities and grass field activities are consider as physical activities.

For an effective transition to the education I need activities for my brain to make me smarter.

But, I could hear the voice inside me crying out, what about the fame and people involved with those playground activities and grass activities. I compete very hard to becomes champion on those competitions.

I became a champion because of the tough struggles. The barren and harsh environment. And, the poverty and famine third world countries.

Other ways to become a champion: Training programs. Obstacle courses. Laboratory's experiments. And/or, survival of the fittest selection.

I'm being unfair to myself by not caring about my history. In addition, what if this transition to education is Nothing Will Ever Change argument. This mean I sacrifice what I have in my history. For nothing. Because not matter what I do nothing will ever change.

I put it at there is no easy way. Example: The tough struggles. The barren and harsh environment. And, the poverty and famine third world countries. Made me a champion. Instead of destroying me.

Even though, I'm not leaving behind my physical activities. But, being destroy by Nothing Will Ever Change Argument is the same as I have left behind my physical activities.

The argument is if people know I'm constantly searching for activities for my brain to make me smarter. Then, people would criticize.

If I go through a lot of struggles for nothing, because nothing will ever change, then I would hate myself and upset at myself for going through those struggles. But, could I live with because I'm inferior to Marc and Marco all the time, so I became jealous of them. The jealousy became hatred.

Make the sacrifice and become smarter versus hatred and jealousy over Marc and Marco.

Whenever Marco come over to my apartment, I would hear my family members saying, "Marco, your baby sister is crying." Why didn't I hate her? Why do I felt she is carrying a heavy burden?

One day, during lunch break, me and Marc is playing shooting hoop together at the basketball court. As usually, Marc would talk about how smart he is. How intelligence the human's intelligence are. By explaining about anything he see that needed explanation.

There are times, I wanted to says, "Marc, I get it. You are really smart."

Anyway, during the basketball game, it started raining. Me and him stop playing basketball and hurried to the auditorium. The auditorium is connected to the cafeteria. The wall separate the auditorium and cafeteria are 2 foldable walls. Pushing both foldable walls to the side make the auditorium almost 2 times bigger.

Me and him know the routine on rainy day to come to the auditorium. So, me and him watching the CPES staffs taking control of the auditorium by getting the students inside the auditorium to quiet down.

Then, all of a sudden the students quiet down as the staffs turn on the TV inside the auditorium.

"Marc, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" I would asked him excitingly. Since he is a spelling bee champion, so he is the smartest person in the class. As the smartest person, he usually notice things before people. That is why he keep explaining things.

But, this time, I noticed something before him.

"Same routine. Rainy day. The auditorium play movie." He would answered.

The TV got the whole auditorium to quiet down. Since he is the smartest person in the class, so left out the explanation. The following is the explanation: The whole package. The rainy day. The many talks among the students. The TV in the auditorium. The movie that students like to watch.

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 24, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Chapter 03: 1993-1995 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 30 Chapter 04 [1.] Dirge For the Immigrants A. Achieving the San Diego Family Life B. Effective Transition To Education

Dirge For the Immigrants

Achieving the San Diego Family Life

It is a dream for the immigrants to be immigrated to the USA. And, the argument is the immigrants' wishes are to able to have a chance on settlement in the USA.

Talking about the immigrants might misunderstood as the immigrants are discontent about immigrated to the USA. And, want to revolutionize the USA.

Dirge for the immigrants mean things was not always like Retarded Child Conspiracies, Devil's Sons Conspiracies, Inferior Background Conspiracies, and Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies. Because there were happy memories where my family was able to get together with the CPES staffs and students. And/or, the adults and children in my neighborhood.

In other words, no rest for the weary or immigrants. But, a dirge for the immigrants mean to give the immigrants a break. And, see that the immigrants was not always creating problems in the USA.

In Chapter 02, "Retarded Child Conspiracies" section I wrote during my fourth grade year around 1994-1995. My fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Hanson was able to guide me through the transition of being part of the classroom activities. At the same time, the students in the classroom accepted me to be part of the classroom activities by applauding me for reading out loud in the classroom.

The expression. "I finally did it. I got accepted in the classroom activities and be part of the class. I no longer have to felt that I'm not part of the class. Loneliness and isolated."

Celestina, Starr, Erik Rodriguez, Filiciano Cervantez, Ashley Jones, Diana Olloni, Lawrence Vleck, Rick Kaer, Francisco Ortiz, Antonio Deluna, and other classmates would give me compliments about the foods my parents cook. Those compliments are they really like to eat the foods my mother cook. Or, the cook my mother cook taste very delicious.

Because during school gathering where students are asked to bring foods to the gathering. My mother, Sok Nghim Hoi would cook Fried Rice recipe, Chicken Curry recipe, Egg Roll recipe, and/or other recipes and bring to the school gathering.

Beside bringing foods to school, my parents would give a bouquet of flowers to me and my siblings' teachers at the end of each school years.

Outside of the school campus, during the Summer times, my family would go on family trip to the PB beach for swimming activities.

My family would go on PB beach trips around 5-10 times each Summers. Before the immigration, in Vietnam, my whole life living in Vietnam for 8 years, my family only go on the beach trip 1 time.

There are times on the PB beach trips, after the swimming activities, my parents would buy fish tacos for the whole family. Those fish tacos are from a well-known Mexican restaurant franchise called "Rubio". The regular price is $1.99 for each fish taco. But, occasionally, it is sold on the discount price, $.99 each fish taco. From my memories, during the discount price, my parents have bought fish tacos for the family around 2-3 times.

Even though, each person only get 1 fish taco. But, fish taco taste really good. It taste even better after swimming activities.

Even though, you are really hungry after swimming activities. But, you don't want to eat your fish taco too fast. Because if you eat too fast, then you have to watch your family members eating their fish tacos.

One way to take your time to appreciate your fish taco is by looking at the selection of sauces, lime juice, and vegetable you could put in your fish taco. This way you don't have to watch your family members eating their fish tacos.

I think the reason my parents buy fish tacos for the family is because that Mexican restaurant is about a street away from the beach. My parents would give my older sister, Bun the money and she go that restaurant and line up to buy the fish tacos. By the time, me and our other family members done with taking showers. We usually take a shower after swimming activities. We would start eating the fish tacos.

I have went with Bun to that restaurant to buy fish tacos before. From my observation, during the Summer time and lunch hours, there are a huge line.

The argument is $.99 for a fish taco must be a really good deal that is why there is a huge line.

But, my thoughts are there are better prices than $.99 for a fish taco. I think the reason it is a good deal maybe because you get to have a selection of sauces, lime juice, and vegetable you could put in your fish taco.

The "Burger King" hamburger restaurant is close to the beach also. It is about 2 streets away from the beach. There are times, my parents would buy Whoppers for the whole family.

$.99 for a Whopper. Whopper is the biggest hamburger I have seen in San Diego. The sesame-seed buns, beef patty, vegetables, and sauces stack together to make the Whopper. Every bites is juicy and satisfying.

It might not taste as good as the fish taco. But, it will fill you up.

It is hard to choose. Even though, I know the Whopper will fill me up. But, the fish taco taste better. So, I would said I like both Whopper and fish taco.

In addition, during Summer time and Winter holiday time, there are around 2-3 times my whole family went to the Belmont amusement park for family night out. I would argues amusement park trips are the most cherished family night out memories.

I would argue that I don't know about the goal to achieve life for a family to live in San Diego. Example: The standard for what it mean to be a family living in San Diego.

But, looking at the most cherished family night out memories, it seem like my family have achieved that goal.

At this point of time, around 1994-1995. Each time I'm close by to an Arcade. Or, inside an Arcade Center. I would stare at the Quarter in my palm. Should I save it or insert it into the Arcade? It is like I'm in war against myself. Example: One side would come up with many reasons I should save that Quarter. Another side would come up with many reasons I should insert that Quarter into an Arcade.

On the amusement park trips, while inside the Arcade Center. My parents would hand me a handful of Quarters. "Use that handful of Quarters considerately, so it will last you the whole night." My father would told me.

I could hear the voice from an Arcade Champion, "All I need is just 1 Quarter. It will last me the whole night."

I would argues that it is not the handful of Quarters. It is spending time together with the whole family. That made the family night out a cherished memory.

Most Arcades you just insert the Quarter to play. The Arcade Centers in this amusement park is you first have to go the Token Machine. Then, exchange your Quarter for a Token by insert your Quarter into the Token Machine. 1 Quarter = 1 Token. 1 Dollar = 4 Tokens.

Reading through the events in my life, I have point out a lot of fears, loneliness, and isolation in my life. The family night out is opposite of that.

Because the amusement park is filled with people who are very happy and having a lot of fun with their family and friends. Me and my family is going with the amusement park, so me and my family also very happy and having a lot of fun.

My 2 older sisters, Bun and Lieng decided they will be the first in our family to ride the rides in the amusement park. That ride is called Shells (It like Teapots or Teacups rides). After they rode it, I could tells they have a bit of dizziness in head and want to sit down. So, me, Ho, and Du decided to not ride the rides.

After our second or third time coming to this amusement park, Bun and Lieng have made friends in the amusement park. Also, in the talks with their new friends, Bun and Lieng want to becomes employees of this amusement park in the future.

Bun and Lieng would told me when they are the employees, then they would let me ride any ride I want to ride as many times as I want. Also, they would give me Arcade Center tokens to play the Arcades.

Because their new friends have connections with this amusement park, so their friends would help them to becomes employees.

In a way, it felt my family is connected with this amusement park. So, beside me and my family is very happy and having a lot of fun in this amusement park. The connections with this amusement park made this amusement park like my home.

My father's friend in Vietnam have a son. That son is a flight attendant. Coincidentally, the airplane he work in needed to land in San Diego for a few days.

Even though, my parents made him an offer to sleepover at our apartment. But, he told my parents that his airplane company have a place for him to sleep.

Anyway, there was a night he spend with me and my siblings in this amusement park.

In a way, he is like my sisters' new friends. Example: We would watch over each other and make sure we don't get lost inside this amusement park.

Because my apartment to that amusement part is about 6-7 miles. So, it will take me about 30-60 minutes roller-blading to get there.

In the later on chapters, I would write about my 2 sisters working at that amusement park. Also, I would write about me hanging out with my brothers and my friends in that amusement park's Arcade Centers.

Effective Transition To Education

Like I wrote above, Mrs. Hanson was able to guide me through the transition of being part of the classroom activities.

I would argues being part of the classroom activities is like taking the first few steps in the transition to education.

The argument is can my education be like being a champion in the playground activities and grass field activities?

I would argues I just barely got accepted to be part of the classroom activities. It would be a huge leap to becomes a champion of education.

By this point of time, around 1994-1995. The argument is because I'm part of the classroom activities mean Celestina no longer teaching me the English language.

Coincidentally, Marc Hua sat next to me. He is showing high achievement in the English language and overall education. Arguable the highest achievement in the class (AKA the smartest person in the class.).

In addition, me and him are the only students who have Chinese nationality background. Exception is my younger brother, Du.

Later on, I found out that Marc got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

Because he sat next to me and have the same Chinese nationality background as me, this mean I been asking him questions on the assignments I need help on. So, me and him decided to becomes friend.

In a way, I sees that me and him became friend as good luck. Because he is smart and Chinese. Also, he been sincerely helping me out.

One day, when I return to my apartment from the school campus. There were 2 girls and a baby in my apartment. I think the baby is a baby girl.

The 3 girls are sisters. I don't know their names. I think the oldest sister's name is Marco (3 years younger than me).

Marco is only 7 years old. She is watching over her baby sister who is only a few years old. And, her younger sister who is 1 year younger than her. (I forgot the younger sister name. I'm going to give her a nickname, BT.)

First, Miguel told me that Alex (who is around 6 years old) and Alex's parents are Miguel's family bosses.

The 2 sisters greeted me. I want to replied with the following: "My parents already have enough children."

So, I just greeted them back.

Then, my mother, Nghim introduce the 3 sisters to me. "Oh, so my mother is babysitting you 3 girls." I thought to myself.

Anyway, one time, the 3 girls' parents couldn't pick them up. So, Nghim told me to walk them back to their apartment.

Marco and BT are smart girls. Especially, Marco, she is the smartest one. This mean they are really articulate and good at talking.

In addition, I don't know if Marco know that I know she got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

Marc and Marco both got First Places in the spelling bee competition. As for me, I got eliminated on my first word in the spelling bee competition. My explanation is I was still learning how to speak the English language. But, my third grade teacher, Mrs. Gerrity sign me up in the spelling bee competition. That is why I got eliminated on my first word. Yet, "Quiet. Q-U-I-T-E Quiet." I spelled my first word. It seem like I actually know what I'm doing. Example: I don't why I was in the spelling bee competition. I don't know how to spell. But, for some reason I almost spell quiet correctly.

I would argues it is the wrong place at the wrong time. Because I'm tired of explaining why I got eliminated on my first word in the spelling bee competition. Also, I don't want to have to explained why people don't care that Marco got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

In other words, I want to tells her that I'm not the people who doesn't care about your First Place in the spelling bee competition. But, the problems in my life make it hard for me to acknowledge that you got First Place in the spelling bee competition.

Yet, she is only around 7 years old.

To Be Continue...

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 21, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 26 Chapter 03 [Important Note 08] A. Judgement Day Argument B. It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes? Revisit [1.] Poor Hungry Dog Image Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 27 Chapter 03 Continue [Important Note 09] [2.] The Real-Life Stories In My Neighborhood A. Competing For Recognition Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 28 Chapter 03 Continue [Important Note 10 (Father's Lectures & Masturbation)] B. Life On Campus Is Like My Second Home

Important Note 10 (Father's Lectures & Masturbation)

Father's Lectures

My father, Chung Wun Lam pass away on 2022. If he haven't pass away, then after he look through my situation, he would give me the following father's lectures:

[Father's Lectures Begin]

I left my family at the age of 13 years old. At 13 years old I have to make a living on my own without my family. I got married at the age 18 years old. Me and my first wife have my first child at the age of 19 years old. At 19 years old, I started raising a family.

How many times have I told you the story about how your older brother, On Lam became a rich boss? On became a struggling importer with your second older brother, Bint Lam at their early teen. They went from their humble importer business without help from their family to become the rich bosses in Hong Kong and China.

As a father it hurt to have a son like you who is a total loser. You are 41 years old and still don't have a girlfriend.

I'm very disappointed in you, because you have the qualities and talents to becomes very rich in life and have many friends. A person who have your qualities and talents would becomes very rich in life and have many friends.

How could you not have any feedback on your PTTS posts on tumblr.com for 9 years from 2016-2025? If you depended on PTTS to make a living, then no feedback and no income on your PTTS posts for 9 years you would have starve to death on your first year.

[Father's Lectures End]

Masturbation

In "Bad Luck With Girlfriends" Part 01 & 02, "Collecting Pictures of Nude Women", and "Bad Luck With Girlfriends Redemption", I explaining about the events in my life involving meeting girlfriends. Because of the conflicts/problems, so meeting those girlfriends would argued as meeting bad luck girlfriends.

In addition, I wrote why started having masturbation by looking pictures of nude women.

Because I have got praises on I'm the most handsome looking among my 3 brothers and 2 step-brothers. I felt that if the meant to be girlfriends read about my masturbation and she think I'm the meant to be boyfriends. This mean I have ruin her dream of meeting a meant to be boyfriend.

I wrote "Bad Luck With Girlfriends" Part 01 & 02, "Collecting Pictures of Nude Women", and "Bad Luck With Girlfriends Redemption" not to ruin the meant to be girlfriends' dreams. I wrote those contents (PTTS Articles or PTTS Posts) to avoid the confusion. Read those contents for more information.

Life On Campus Is Like My Second Home

In Chapter 02, "Conspiracies Behind the Curtain" and "A Little Bit of Hopes For the Inferior". Chapter 03, "Poor Hungry Dog Image". I wrote that I have to deal with the following conspiracies against me: Retarded Child Conspiracies, Devil's Sons Conspiracies, Inferior Background Conspiracies, and Dysfunctional Family Conspiracies.

In addition, there are a lot of pressures in my life. The odds are against me. Also, what if the "Judgement Day Argument" happen to me?

By this period of time (Around 1994), I still need help with my school subjects. Even though, I have learn how to speak the English language. And, my family overall status-quo is still consider as inferior background.

But, I have went through a lot of Empty Handed Combat league championship, playground activities and grass field activities in the CPES campus. Also, I have served multiple Student Service positions and provided Student Service services in general to the CPES campus. So, I have earned the respects and recognitions of the students and staffs in the CPES campus.

With those respects and recognitions, life on the campus is like my second home.

This mean outside of the campus, I could still have to deal the conspiracies against me, pressures, odds, and "Judgement Day Argument" like before I have those respects and recognitions.

So, to not have to worry about dealing with the conspiracies against me, pressures, odds, and "Judgement Day Argument". I would spend most of my time on the campus.

In addition, I could vibe the following argument: I have already became a champion on the Empty Handed Combat league. And, I have became a champion on all the playground activities and grass field activities. So, I want to look for other challenging activities.

I would argues life on campus before I have earned my respects and recognitions are tough struggles. I don't want to go through those tough struggles outweighed that argument.

In addition, like I wrote above, if I'm outside the campus, I could still have to deal with the conspiracies against me, pressures, odds, and "Judgement Day Argument" like before I have those respects and recognitions.

Because I don't have to go through those tough struggles, so there are times life on campus felt like I have overcame my nightmares. So, I would argues that I won't let a few bad days while on the campus ruin my daily life on campus.

I put it at: Life on campus might be argued as mediocre and isolated in the campus. But, I'm glad that the storm have passed by and the nightmares is over.

The following are the regular students who would stay on the campus afterschool:

[Regular Students Begin]

The CPES address: 4033 Ingraham St. San Diego, CA 92109. The following are the cross streets: Pacific Beach Dr., Jewell St., and Fortuna Ave.

Me and my younger, Du Hong Lam would stay on the campus afterschool daily.

My cousin, Sandy Lao would stay on the campus afterschool daily. Exceptions are after her family moved from Pacific Beach (PB) neighborhood to another location. She would only occasionally stay on campus afterschool.

Starr Barrowclough would stay on the campus afterschool daily. Exceptions are after her older brother, Leon Barrowclough pass away and her family moved from PB to another location. She would only occasionally stay on campus afterschool.

Celestina Gallegos occasionally stay on campus afterschool. Sandy and Starr think Celestina and me have something going, because they been seeing Celestina teaching me the English language. But, I have let Starr know that I'm courting Starr. Anyway, I do pay attention to Celestina when she stay on campus afterschool. There were a few times, I saw her hanging out with 2 grown-ups (or, late teens) in the grass field. Could be her older brother and sister. Both she only occasionally stay on campus afterschool and she most of the times hanging out with her older brother and sister. So, it is uncommon for me to hang out with her on campus afterschool. This mean the hanging out are during school time when she is teaching me the English language.

In second grade, Celestina and Starr are friend, after second grade, Celestina and Christine Payne become friend. But, I don't know if Starr and Christine are friend.

Michael Coates and his sister, Kimberly Coates would occasionally stay on campus afterschool. I think the reasons they would stay afterschool is because their house is on Ingraham St. (the same street as CPES address). So, they live about 2 streets away from CPES. When they do stay afterschool, they would join me, Du, Sandy, Starr, and/or Celestina for afterschool activities.

Once in a while I would see Lawrence Vleck and his sister. And, Rick Kaer on campus afterschool. So, I don't know about how often they stay on campus afterschool.

Tony Quintero and students I don't know about would once in a while would stay on campus afterschool. The reason is because there was a time me and Tony got into a fight. He snatched my backpack. So, I chased him to get my backpack back. I think caught up to him before he reached his house. This mean his house is close by to the CPES campus. After I caught up to him. I punched him a few time and took my backpack back.

Jesus Rodrigeuez stay on the campus afterschool a lot. Coincidentally, he told me I'm the only person who have beat him on Tetherball game before. In a way, it is like saying I broke his winning streak. Saying that could argued as he want to pick a fight against me. As for me, I sees the Tetherball game is like I have already beat him in a competition, so me and him didn't get into a fight. So happen he and Sandy like to get into "Your Mama" competition.

The argument is why would he let people know that his winning streak in Tetherball game have been broken by telling people I have broke his winning streak? From this argument, if I told him, "Let go to the grass field and duke it out." I might able to get 1 more win on my fight record. Because of the competitions, so running into him on campus afterschool is like there are chances me and him might get into a fight.

[Regular Students End]

From my observation and serving as the CPES Equipment Room Monitor (Student Service), I heard that it is Coach Von who encouraged the afterschool activities. Coach Von is African-American. The following is what I heard:

[Begin]

Starting around 1992-1993, during afterschool, Coach Von begin opening up the equipment room in the CPES campus for afterschool activities. Students started staying afterschool for the afterschool activities.

He would play football and other activities with the students.

There are times he give students in the winning team prizes. Brochures to free lunches and dinners. Taking the students out for lunches and dinners.

As more students started staying afterschool. There are students from middle school, high school, and college would come to CPES for the afterschool activities. So, the afterschool competition started becoming exciting and competitive.

There are times you could see elementary school students versus college students in a football game.

Furthermore, he would buy sport stadium tickets and concert tickets. He would take students to watch sport games in the sport stadiums. Also, he would take students to watch live concert.

[End]

The CPES staffs saw me have served in the Student Service before. Also, me and Du usually stay on campus afterschool. So, the staffs assign me and students to take turn serving as the equipment room monitor.

I could recalled 1 time on 1993. Coach Von told me and my older brother, Ho Hong Lam to join his afterschool activities.

I been hearing stories about him. And, he asked me and Ho to join his school activities. So happen it is football game. Yet, me and Ho are elementary school students. There are college students in the football game.

Then, he added since you both are elementary school students, you don't need to tackle down the college students. You just need to take the flags from them.

I sees it as this is a chance to get to know Coach Von and have some fun. Me and Ho is not exactly playing a football game.

Coach Von is the Quarterback. One time, he threw the football to Ho. After Ho caught the ball, while running for the touchdown. He made flying round house kicks at the college students. As Ho about to reach the touchdown, a college student pick Ho up from the ground and carry Ho on his shoulder.

After that football game, that was the only time I meet and talk to Coach Von. Beside the stories I heard about him.

The way I sees there are no one in the CPES campus except for me, Du, Sandy, Starr, Celestina, and a few other students.

To not have to deal with the argument that no one care about the CPES afterschool activities. And, to stop the CPES afterschool activities from being discontinued. So, people started telling stories about Coach Von to stop the CPES afterschool activities from being discontinued. In a way, Coach Von's stories is saying that there are people who care about the CPES afterschool activities.

Coincidentally, there are times when he show up, the college students would show up also.

After I heard Leon injured himself while jumping off Coach Von's truck while the truck is moving, I haven't heard of Coach Von. I don't know the whole story. That is what I heard.

Like I wrote above, I put it at: Life on campus might be argued as mediocre and isolated in the campus. But, I'm glad that the storm have passed by and the nightmares is over.

The argument is the CPES afterschool activities around 1994-1996 is not important enough to be noticed. But, to me, the CPES afterschool activities are like the storm have passed by and the nightmares is over.

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 20, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 26 Chapter 03 [Important Note 08] A. Judgement Day Argument B. It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes? Revisit [1.] Poor Hungry Dog Image Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 27 Chapter 03 Continue [Important Note 09] [2.] The Real-Life Stories In My Neighborhood A. Competing For Recognition

Important Note 09

In "Important Note 08", "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes? Revisit" section, I wrote that my busy schedule and dealing with my situation would argued as I don't have time to play video games and watch movies.

[Important Note 08 Recaps Begin]

If I were to play video games and/or watch movies, then those video games and movies have to be very important to my schedule.

"Darkstalkers" is one of my favorited video game and movie during my middle school and high school years. I watched "Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge" Vol. 1 & 2 at least 10-20 times. "Darkstalkers 3" video game is one of my most cherished video games.

"Darkstalkers" should be important enough to my schedule. So, in "Important Note 08", I wrote that I don't want to create more problems to the accumulated problems in my life if I watched "Darkstalkers" film again.

I also wrote the following:

Playing "Soul Calibur" 4 & 5 again, because of Leixia Chai and Xianghua Chai in "Soul Calibur" 4 & 5.

Playing "Ultimate Marvel Versus Capcom" again, because of Morrigan Aensland, Hsien-Ko, and Felicia.

The argument is "Who the fuck is giving you commands? Yes or no on playing video games and watching movies is all you need. Why you have to write so many reasons and so much explanations? Is like you are fucking with yourself. If you don't stop fucking with yourself, then you going to make people want to fuck with you. Fucking with you mean creating more problems to the accumulated problems in your life.

It is something I wrote in "Important Note 06 (Demon Hunter)"? I wrote that I could picture myself so angry I would bite off someone's face. But, I do not ask to bite off someone's face.

Should I just kept it I'm upset about my situation without the adjective words?

The argument is you are not the only person who is upset, the rest of the world is dealing with their anger, why do you have to use so many adjective words to describe your anger? Anger is a sign of weakness. Because if you don't tell people you are angry, then no one would know you are angry.

Another argument is who the fuck make you upset if you are nobody and no one care about you? Why do you have to keep fucking with yourself? If you don't stop fucking with yourself, then you going to make people want to fuck with you. It is very fuck up, you been asking for a little bit of supports and hopes for many years. All you get is people want to fuck with you.

One of the questions I wrote was, "Can my accumulation of 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments make up for no feedback on my PTTS posts?"

On Thursday (05/15/2023), 6 of the electricity sockets on the walls in my kitchen don't have electricity. The refrigerator is plug in one of the 6 sockets. Without electricity the foods inside the refrigerator have to throw away. I went to electricity control panel on the side of my house. I turn off all the electricity in the house and turn it back on. There was 1 time in the past, turning off and turn back on, does give back electricity to the sockets. But, not this time.

I decided to told my older sister, Bun Hong San about it. She told me she try to look for someone who could help me fix it.

It happen at around 9:00 AM. I left my house at around 11:00 AM. To go to the North Clairemont Branch Library. I return back to my house from the library at around 5:00 PM.

The electricity sockets still don't have electricity. So, I used a long power cord wire. I connect it to a socket in my house that have electricity. To my kitchen. Then, I plug the refrigerator power cord into it. That is how I able to give electricity to that refrigerator.

To stop myself from panic about what happen to the 6 sockets in my kitchen. I decided to temporary put a stop to my exercise schedule. Also, put a stop to my playing video game schedule. I think watching 1 or 2 movies a week I don't have to mention about it. Example: In the recent weeks (about 2 weeks ago), I watched the "Karate Kid" movie, so I didn't wrote about it. The reason is in my healing process, "Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness" I'm currently writing about events related to a CPES student, Christopher. He is copying Daniel in "Karate Kid" by using the Crane Stance fighting style. Also, there were CPES students calling him as the "Karate Kid" to aggravate him to anger in the fight. Those students beat up Christopher and made Christopher cried. Because Christopher got beat up and cried, so it look like he is making fun of the Crane Stance and the "Karate Kid" movie.

I watched "Karate Kid" movie again to show that I'm not making fun of it like how Christopher did. Because I think the "Karate Kid" is an American Movie Classic with the Romeo and Juliet theme .

Anyway, while collecting DVD movies, I have came upon parody movies that made popular movies into comedy. Those parody movies would make fun of the "Karate Kid" movie.

My Anger Stop The Electricity: On Thursday (05/15/2023) I wrote "Important Note 06 (Demon Hunter)". Like I wrote above, in it, I used adjective words to describe being very angry. Did my anger stop the electricity from those 6 sockets in my kitchen?

[Did My Self-Criticisms Stop The Electricity? Begin]

On Sunday (05/11/2023), the argument is "Diablo 3" have created a very addictive formula that make a player play the game nonstop for many hours each days.

"Diablo 3" is created by Blizzard. I have been very into playing video games created by Blizzard. Especially, during my middle school and high school years. Because I'm defending TM Game Tournament title. That Championship Title is I have the most first places in the weekly TM Game Tournament. On the very competitive days, I could play video games created by Blizzard up to 18 hours in 1 day.

Very addictive formula. Combined with I'm a big fan of Blizzard and I'm a very competitive player. I should be easily playing 8+ hours a day. Also, as a competitive player this is what I been dreaming about.

I would argues in a Celebrated Champion Scenario that could happen. But, in a Trapped Scenario, "Diablo 3" have destroyed my life.

Peer Pressure 01: We put in at least multiple 1000s hours of very competitive gameplays. You just started playing it. We have to keep hearing, "Neng is better than you."

Peer Pressure 02: "This is bullshit, Neng is playing Offline. How could he know what we are thinking about him?"

Video Game Hot Line Argument: This argument is the average Video Game Hot Line charge around $20-30 each hour. The world still don't know about the PTTS. So, I would charge half the price. That is $10-15 each hour.

I would argues without having RPG background to get started with "Diablo 3" will have to go through some tutorials. Combined with I have to worried about Peer Pressure and Video Game Hot Line Argument. I probably feel too much pressures to play it, so I won't play it. I think that is what people are thinking.

While I'm playing it, I'm being attacked by "Neng is not taking the game seriously."

From the argument above, it was supposed be the game I been dreaming about.

On Sunday (05/11/2023), starting on my first day playing it, I have been upset about play it. Because I don't get to says the following: I'm doing it for the championship. I'm not doing it because it is a very addictive formula.

Because I been attacked all the time, so my notes are rough and need to be organized. I decided to ignore the pain from the attacks. And, organize my notes. While organizing my notes, I would self-criticize myself on my notes need to be organized out loud.

Did my self-criticisms stopped the electricity in those 6 sockets in my kitchen?

[Did My Self-Criticisms Stop The Electricity? End]

My situation made me barely hanging on, what happen if I panic about what happen to those 6 sockets in my kitchen?

So, I been pushing the following thoughts away: Is all of a sudden just stop my exercise schedule and my video game walkthrough schedule the solution?

To not panic about what happen to those 6 sockets. And, to not think about why I stopped my exercise schedule and my video game walkthrough schedule. I been doing vocal training by singing songs. The 2 songs, "In the Beginning - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx" and "Once Upon A December - Liz Callaway". I would sing the male lyric in the duet song, "In the Beginning". As for "Once Upon A December", I think male or female could sing this song.

I wrote "Important Note 08" and this note, "Important Note 09" to let myself know what happen. Also, to tell myself to not panic about what if I play a video game and/or watch a movie. And/or get back to my exercise schedule.

Video Game Update

"Diablo 3": I want to finish organizing my "Diablo 3" walkthrough notes before I continue doing the "Diablo 3" walkthrough.

"Tekken 6": Ghost Battle Mode with game setting on win 5 rounds to get 1 win. Old Characters: Nina Williams: 300+ Wins and 0 Lost. Anna Williams: 150+ Wins and 0 Lost. New Characters: Heihachi Mishima: 53 Wins and 0 Lost. Ling Xiaoyu: 31 Wins and 0 Lost.

On the Website, I read that the Story Mode protagonists are Lars Alexanderson and Alisa Bosconovitch. This mean I have to start playing Lars and Alisa. So, I could complete the Story Mode.

"Soul Calibur" 4 & 5 And "Ultimate Marvel Versus Capcom": Read "Important Note 08 & 09" for more information.

Note: Ling Xiaoyu's fighting style are Hekki Sho, Hika Ken-based, Baguazhang, and Pi Qua Quan. Because Helena Douglas's fighting style is Pi Qua Quan. This mean Ling and Helena have similar fighting style. If there are time in my schedule, then I would compare their fighting styles. In addition, Helena is like Heihachi because she is in charge of the "Dead Or Alive" tournament. Heihachi is in charge of the "Tekken" tournament.

The Real-Life Stories In My Neighborhood

Competing For Recognition

If my life is too difficult to continue, because there are too much pressures in my life and overwhelming odds against me. Then, what are the real-life stories in my neighborhood beside my life?

I'm only around 10 years old, I don't have a lot of power and connections. Also, I spend most of my time in the CPES campus. So, most of the real-life stories are close by to the CPES campus. The following are those stories: Barrowclough's family stories. Coach Von's stories. Nicolas' stories. And, students competing to keep up with the Empty Handed Combat league stories.

In "Controversy Leadership", I wrote about me and a CPES student, Adam Maze became best friend. He is the MIP (Most Important Player) in the elementary basketball league.

A quick recaps. After I barely beat him in the "Four Squares" game. Me and him race on running and climbing to top of the "Monkey Bar". I got to the top first. At the same time, there are many students cheering out my name. So, I gave him a hand to pull him to the top. Me and him sitting on top of the "Monkey Bar". Below us are many students cheering my name. I would argues this is probably the height of my achievements.

The following are students competing to keep up with the Empty Handed Combat league stories:

Around 1994 when I gathered Erik Rodriguez, Feliciano Cervantez, Rick Kaer, and a few classmates created the unofficial junior local Empty Handed Combat league. I would argues we didn't it would become successful. In addition, the CPES students would gathered to watch those fights. And, cheer for fighters in the fights.

It already been over 1 year since we created that league. In me and the combat regulators talks, we would assure each other that the playground activities and grass field activities can't compete against the Empty Handed Combat league. The implication is it is the most recognized activity.

Then, we started talking about the "Chicken" activity at the playground. In the talks, pretty much what we wanted to said is students competing to keep up with the Empty Handed Combat league. There are times, we would walk over to the "Chicken" activity. Coincidentally, the "Chicken" crowd is cheering about me coming over to watch them. In return of their friendly greeting and welcome, I decided to get in a "Chicken" match.

The following are the "Chicken" rule: Both fighters are hanging on the bars. Because you are using both of your hands to hang on to the bars, so you would kick each other until one of the fighters let go of the bars. Once you let go of the bars you lost the match.

What you need to watch out for is your opponent trying to scissor you with their legs by grabbing your body with both of their legs. Once you are scissor it is hard for you to make kick at your opponent.

Even though, it is a "Chicken" match. So, if I lost then, I still have 15+ Wins and 0 Lost record. But, I wasn't planning to lose the match. I keep my distance from my opponent to avoid my opponent scissor me. I would argue hearing about my fight record, my opponent would want to use the scissor against me.

After me and my opponent exchanged a few kicks, he is going for the scissor. His legs barely missed my body. So, I don't my take anymore chance. I went for a high kick on his face. The kick on his face made him let go of the bars. After the match, me and him would shake hand.

Afterward, me and the combat regulators would agree that Empty Handed Combat league is still better than "Chicken".

After me and the combat regulators seeing the crowd cheering for a student who are doing stuns at the "Green Bar". We decided to check it out. When we got close to the "Green Bar" that student got into an accident. From a distance, I saw he was doing his stun. But, he missed his grab on the bar. He had a bad landing on his hands. He started shouting out in pain. The CPES staffs hurried over to the "Green Bar". Many minutes later, the ambulance arrived at the CPES campus and took him to the hospital.

The "Green Bar" incident made the CPES staffs lock down the playground activities for multiple weeks of time.

Written By: Neng Hong Lam Date Written: May 19, 2025

Table of Contents: Book 1 Book 2 Introduction Chapter 01: 1992-1994 Chapter 02: 1992-1994 Step By Step Long Journey To Acceptance And Forgiveness Part 26 Chapter 03 [Important Note 08] A. Judgement Day Argument B. It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes? Revisit [1.] Poor Hungry Dog Image

Important Note 08

Judgement Day Argument

I would argues "Judgement Day" is not fair. If I point out that my life is only misery, bitterness, and no happy memories at all. Then, I could never forgive myself for being so cruel to myself.

If I point out that my life was not just misery, bitterness, and no happy memories at all. Because there were events in my life that me, my family, my relatives, my friends, and my neighbors think are happy memories. Then, people would argues that I want the "Judgement Day" to continue in my life.

Memories That People Wanted To Judge Me: I selected events in my life so that I could judge myself harshly.

Cherished Memories: I selected events in my life that filled with happiness and cherished memories.

For argument sake, I think it is better to face "Judgement Day" with some supports. Than being by myself with no feedback on my PTTS posts.

I would argues because I have no feedback mean I don't know if people know about my situation or not. So, it is down to: Knowing I'm being judged in "Judgement Day" Or, not knowing I'm being judged in "Judgement Day".

I think if people know that I'm being judged in "Judgement Day", then people won't judge me so harshly. Since I don't know if people know I'm being judged in "Judgement Day" or not. So, I have to tells myself to forgive myself for judging myself so harshly without knowing.

It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes? Revisit

[Recaps Begin]

In "It Is Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hopes?" Part 01-07, I wrote about events in my life as supports to this argument.

Part 01-07 is Online (Live). Before I get to Part 07, if someone left me a feedback, then I probably don't need to get to Part 07. Because the feedback that person left me gave me that little bit of hopes.

In addition, I wanted to point out the following argument, but I didn't get a chance to point it out:

I want to argues if my situation becomes too difficult. Then, could I step away from my life and play a movie that I felt would give me a little bit of hopes?

But, the argument is it might create confusion. Because I'm already stress out about my situation, how do I have time to watch a movie? Also, my situation is already too much for me to handle, watching a movie is handling another situation, how could I handle 2 situations simultaneously?

[Recaps End]

Starting from around 1998 to around 2000 (my middle school and high school years), I wanted make sure my family would subscript to Cable TV plan for the family. So, I became my family and close neighbors TV guide. But, I don't know a lot about the media. Also, my family didn't subscripted to the monthly TV Guide magazine.

What I wanted to says is I'm not an expert monthly TV Guide magazine. Even though, I became my family and close neighbors TV guide.

Yet, I did had a few favorited films.

The argument is a person who is an expert monthly TV Guide magazine favorited movies are movies that are critic's acclaims and Pulitzer's acclaims.

From this argument, I wanted to says I'm not trying to confuse anyone.

In addition, I don't have a lot of time to watch movies like a film critic. Also, it is really hard for me to save up funds to buy movies. So, whatever films I could get my hand on probably became my favorite films.

One more thing, I try to buy or trade films that are based on video games.

The following are my favorited films around that period of time:

Battle Royale, Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge Volume 1 & 2. (Based on video game), "Street Fighter 2 : The Animated Movie", and Cowboy Bebop Anime TV Series (At the time, I didn't own the DVDs. I watch it on Cartoon Network Channel).

Years later, I started build up my DVD films collection. So, I would have more favorited films.

In the past, I watched "Battle Royale" and "Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge" at least 10-20 times.

In my current situation, for some reasons wanting to watch "Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge" is like I'm making a mistake.

So, I brainstormed the following:

[Brainstorm Begin]

In one of the Important Notes, I wrote that I brainstormed doing Leixia Chai and Xianghua Chai walkthroughs in "Soul Calibur" 4 & 5.

Since I was thinking of doing those walkthroughs. So, if I were to do Leixia and Xianghua walkthroughs. Then, I would do their walkthroughs. Also, create them into Mei-Ling and Hsien-Ko's and Mei-Ling's mother. Her name didn't mention. But, she mentioned as a highly acclaimed sorceress demon hunter. For now I'm going to call her as Sorceress. Mei-Ling and Sorceress is mother and daughter with similar fighting style.

Leixia and Xianghua is mother and daughter with the same fighting style. Also, Leixia's and Xianghua's fighting style is similar to Mei-Ling's and Sorceress' fighting style. In the Character Creation, using Leixia's and Xianghua's models to create Mei-Ling's and Sorceress.

Then, in the Character Creation, I would use Voldo's model to create Hsien-Ko. It will not be a problem since I already did Voldo walkthrough.

Since Hsien-Ko and Mei-Ling are 2 of the main characters in the "Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge". So, I might be able to watch it again without feeling I made some kind of mistakes.

It would be pointless efforts if the following is the argument: I don't know what is going on. So, I don't know that the healing want to heal me by going through meditations to relieve me from the stresses in my life. These meditations are for me to stay away from video games and movies. Because video games and movies are too stressful for me.

[Brainstorm End]

The film plot is Sorceress sacrificed herself to save the people from the demons. Her death orphaned her 2 daughters, Hsien-Ko and Mei-Ling who still children. Also, made her 2 daughters can't feel anything. When they got older, they have to go around hunting for the most dangerous demons. Even though, they are demon hunters. But, Hsien-Ko is a Chinese Ghost (AKA Chinese Vampire).

The argument is I'm a sadistic person who enjoy watching Sorceress, Hsien-Ko, and Mei-Ling in pain.

As for me, I would argues I'm being tormented to death by my situation. So, I'm watching that film is like I'm giving myself a little bit of hopes on what if I could do some noble deeds like Hsien-Ko and Mei-Ling?

In the "Darkstalkers" video game, you could only select Hsien-Ko. One of Hsien-Ko's move is she could call out Mei-Ling to assist her. You can't play as Mei-Ling and Sorceress in the video game.

Coincidentally, it is one my favorited childhood's film and video game. When I first watch it. I did have those child thoughts. Those child thoughts are I get to see Morrigan Aensland taking a bath in the lake. Even though, the water in the lake covered her body. So, you don't see much of her body. In the video game, Morrigan is the female protagonist. In the film, she could be argued as the female protagonist. She is a vampire. Coincidentally, I rarely come across films where the female protagonist is a vampire.

The follow are female vampire protagonist, but different than Morrigan: Bloodrayne in "Bloodrayne" is the female protagonist. She is a vampire who hunt vampires. Selene in "Underworld" is the female protagonist. She is a vampire who didn't get along with the vampires.

In addition, in the "Twilight" movie series and "Tru Blood" TV Series, the vampires are the protagonists. But, the vampires are in war against their common enemies. Also, the vampires are in war against other vampires.

In "Ultimate Marvel Versus Capcom", you could selected some of the "Darkstalkers" characters. Since the Arcade Game Mode is 3 Characters Team Versus 3 Characters Team. So, I could select Morrigan, Hsien-Ko, and Felicia as a team.

Am I low on funds or, each time I bring up demon hunter topic, play video game, and watch movie, I'm creating problems in my life?

Do you have to have a lot of funds to bring up demon hunter topic, play video game, and watch movie?

Does this mean talking about demon hunter topic, play video game, and watch movie mean you are spending money?

If I'm going to watch "Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge", then Donovan Baine will be in it. He is a half human and half demon who is a vampire hunter. He hunt demons and vampires.

I just want to watch my childhood favorited film for a little bit of hopes, not to create more problems in my life.

In conclusion:

Can my accumulation of 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments make up for no feedback on my PTTS posts?

Or, it is argument on I have to stay away from video games and movies?

Or, it is argument on I'm low on funds?

Or, it is argument on I'm playing video games and watching movies as entertainment or taking a break?

I have took many College Multimedia Classes in Mesa College. Also, I have Club President position of Mesa Multimedia Club for 4 years from 2008-2011. The 4 main multimedia subjects are Video Game Development, Filmmaking, Graphic Design, and Web Development. So, multimedia could see as mainly video games and movies.

I thought I need to worry about the following: Did I have enough multimedia criteria or not enough to post up PTTS posts? Because PTTS posts is on game management (TM Game, Video Game, Tournament, and so on) and film review.

So it is not fair to says that my children could play video games better than you. My children's video game character is at a higher level than you. And/or, my children don't take break while playing video games.

Confusion: You took a lunch break you already lost. You go to sleep at nighttime you already lost.

Because I don't know the answers to those questions.

Poor Hungry Dog Image

I have been painstakingly arguing I created the Empty Handed Combat league to have a tiny bit of dignity. Because I have been having nightmares about criticisms of a person who have no dignity and a very low and inferior person who would do anything for a little bit of respect.

I would argues that I would says I live in a world that is very complicated and confusing. Instead having thoughts on what if the following happen to me: I'm the creator/founder, regulator/manager, and champion. And, I'm being put in the same category as the those criticisms I listed.

To not torment myself with those tormenting thoughts, I would argues I probably die early in life for a noble cause. Instead of being tormented to death. Example: I would be the first person at the scenes of very dangerous noble cause events. So, I got kill by one of those very dangerous noble cause events.

The following is consider as peer pressures: Come on. You are a great leader and grand champion in Sand Be Vietnam. Also, you have the most beautiful and beloved baby image in Sand Be. Show us some of your skills.

It is hard to picture how did die young for a noble cause and peer pressures. Got mixed with poor hungry dog image.

I think it is hard to write about it. But, what if I let someone else write about it and it is different than my experience on it? So, I'm going to write about it. And, please don't judge me so harshly.

In addition, around 1994-1996, I'm around 9-11 years old. My child thoughts is I'm a child so I'm going to play with other children. So, it could be argued as children playing around.

Afterschool, me, Du, Sandy, and friends would stay at the CPES campus for afterschool activities. So, by the time me and Du. Once awhile Sandy would walk with us. Walking back to our apartment. We are hungry. So, we pick the fruits, nuts, and editable plants on the way. Sometime those plants are inside people's properties. That is how the poor hungry dog image got started.

One time, me, Du, and Sandy while picking some nuts from a nut tree in someone front yard. We run into older students than us. The misunderstanding also made us got into a fight. The argument is fighting over nuts is like poor hungry dog image.

In "I Is the Devil", I wrote that Miguel live in the same apartment building as me.

While in our apartment, my older sister, Lieng know that me, Du, Ho, and Miguel favorited chips is "Hot Cheetos". So, whenever she took out a bag of "Hot Cheetos", me, Du, and Ho would act like poor hungry dog begging for some "Hot Cheetos". Sometime we would even bark like a dog.

She sometime would play along with us being poor hungry dog by tossing some "Hot Cheetos" on the ground for us. Since we were children, so it could be argued as we were children playing around.

Anyway, Miguel's cousin, Hector have a kitten (baby cat), Sylvester. Hector would take Sylvester with him as often as he can. The children in the neighborhood really like Sylvester. So, those children would ask Hector to pet it. And, he would let those children pet it. One day, Sylvester got run over by a car. It was really sad. So, he buried Svlvester at our apartment front yard.

Then, inside "Apartment #2", Hector show me, Du, Ho, and Miguel a porn video. When Miguel's grandmother walking toward "Apartment #2". Hector turn off the TV and hide the porn video tape. Me, Du, Ho, and Miguel got out of "Apartment #2".

Afterward, in a talk, Miguel told me he probably would do those scenes in the porn video in the future. The argument is doing porn video scenes would argued as poor hungry dog image.

The argument is me and my siblings love on playing video game would argued as the most noticeable poor hungry dog image.

It started back in the capital city, Ho Chi Minh Vietnam. Because me and my siblings have to pay 1,000 dongs to rent a TV and video game system station in the Video Game Center (AKA Lan or Video Game Lan) for each hours.

In currency exchange, 1,000 dongs = about 1 US dollar. But, 1,000 dongs is worth about $10.

$10 for 1 hour is a lot of money. Because if you have your own video game system, then you could play as many hours as you want. That is why me and siblings are so into playing video game, because it is $10 an hour.

In psychology study using animal (rats) experiments. Which ones does the rats prefer more, survival or video game stimulus? The study show that the rats would go for video game stimulus almost as much as searching for food to stay survive.

In Aunt Kim's apartment, Thai, Vin, and Sandy have a NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) video game system. Before Aunt Kim's family move out of that apartment building, once in awhile Thai, Vin, and Sandy would let me and siblings play some of their NES video game system.

There were times Vin is trying to set a new record on a shooting range video game on his NES. While me, Du, and Ho are waiting for a turn to play. The frustration of almost setting a new record would upset Vin, he would raised his voice toward us to "Shut Up." The argument is me and siblings can't wait to play video game have pissed off Vin. So, making a person upset over video game would argued as poor hungry dog image.

There are rare occasions, our cousins, Kay's, Kingsley's, and Kevin's family would come to our apartment. Kay, Kingsley, and Kevin would bring their SNES over with them. Me, Du, and Ho would play nonstop the whole day on the SNES from the morning until we go sleep. Around 10+ hours. That is around $100 or 10,000 dongs worth of video game time. The argument playing video game 10+ hours a day is poor hungry dog image.

Like I wrote above, please don't judge me so harshly.

In Vietnam, my family bought 2 hand-held (portable) video games. The gray one is a "Tetris" (Puzzle Game) video game. The green one is also a puzzle game (I don't know the name of it.). Me and my siblings been taking turn playing those 2 hand-held video games.

Around 1997, my older sister, Bun Hong San bought a Game Boy and 2 video game cartidges, "Super Mario" and "Tetris". Game Boy is much more advance than hand-held video game, because you could change video game cartidges. Also, the overall video game performance is better than hand-held video game. I get 2 hours a day. Du get 2 hours a day. Ho get 2 hours a day. Lieng get 2 hours a day. That is 8 hours. Since Bun bought it, so she get the remaining hours after me, Du, Ho, and Lieng. Same argument as above, playing video game 10+ hours a day is poor hungry dog image.

In the later chapters, I will go over my video game history. In this section, I'm going to end at Bun buying a Game Boy.

In "A Little Bit of Hopes For Inferior", I wrote that during my bad days, I dream about opening my own Arcade Center.

People would argue "What the fuck, are you not the champion of the Empty Handed Combat league in the real world, why do you have to go to the fake world (video game world)? So, it is hard for people to understand why I went to the Arcade Center.

Because people don't understand why I went to the Arcade Center. So, I said it is like a dream to avoid the confusion.

The argument is I already have a bad day. If I create more confusion by going to the Arcade Center, then my bad day going to get worse.

I dream about opening my own Arcade Center. Mean that I'm going to the Arcade Center and I will make my presence in the Arcade Center worthwhile.