#ptential

her eyes flutter closed as she sucks in a breath, letting it out slowly before she finally locks eyes with her mom. " what are you doing here? how did you find me?! " her tone dances the fine line between defiance and determination as she shoves her phone and arthur's business card deep into her jacket pocket. she can only hope morgan would miss something for once in her life. as an attempt to cover up the action, she pulls her zip - up jacket tighter around her, also trying to keep from shivering as the chill of the air seeps through the fabric. " last time we texted you said you were checking something out with karadec and would probably be home late. does that mean you abandoned your job to spy on me?! "

normally carol was the jealous one. she was so used to that being the case. anytime another woman got too close to helen, the blonde could feel a warmth move up her body, years and years of insecurity moving through her veins. this time, a look of confusion crosses her face, walking closer to helen. it was true that the person she had been talking to had been a little physically close, but she had done her best to get out of that conversation as soon as possible, even going far enough to make an excuse as to why she had to leave. 

they had pretty much played every game there was. the long nights in their hotel rooms got boring sometimes even if they enjoyed each other's company, but it always felt weird for one of them to head to their own hotel rooms early. carol had suggested cards again, it was an easy thing to bring from city to city and it was something that she knew she had a chance of winning, but helen had complained, stating that they always did the same thing all of the time.

writing got boring sometimes. with wycaro specifically, there was a certain frustration that came with writing a storyline that at it's core, she wanted to be something else. raban and lucasia's romance fell flat and their more intimate scenes started to feel like a chore to carol. her reader's loved it, so she never scaled back. the lack of interest had started to wear away at her, already bracing for fan reaction that would not match how she felt about her own work.

she was tense. normally when she was tense, helen could sense it before she even could and they'd figure it out. but it was one of those days where she was home alone, without her wife. sometimes she felt selfish and wished the brunette only managed her, even though the two women were as attached at the hip as they could be.

carol just needed some kind of release. a distraction. she felt like if she sat at that computer for another moment, she was going to explode. her mind wanders to the latest chapter she was working on, imaging how much better and hotter it would be if helen was raban and she was lucasia. the thought alone is enough for a warmth to move up her body, thighs tightly pressed together.

she takes a deep breath before she stands up from her chair, feet quickly moving to leave her office and arrive in their bedroom. motivated by nothing but lust and pure frustration, she discards her pants, letting herself lay down on the bed with a sigh. hand reaches down to ghost under remaining fabric, a small groan at the feeling of how wet she already was. carol rubs slow circles over the already sensitive bundle of nerves, breath hitching in her throat.

the blonde wasn't a stranger to letting herself be loud, in fact, helen had encouraged it throughout their relationship. carol's mindset towards believing that she deserved to have wants and desires without shame was a constant struggle, but in this moment, she let's herself have it.

carol doesn't hear the front door unlock and definitely doesn't hear the footsteps arriving closer and closer to the bedroom door. her eyes are closed when helen first arrives, loud moans escaping from her throat as she easily pushes two fingers inside herself. blue eyes flutter open for a moment, opening her thighs wider as she makes eye contact with her wife. it wasn't anything that they hadn't seen of each other before, so she doesn't stop, a pleading look plastered on her face.

it felt like helen had been gone for months. of course, it had only been a few days. but to carol, everyday that she spent without her wife was torture. they both had survived via late night calls and planned nights where they would watch the same episodes of golden girls together, but it was still too quiet. she was still too alone.

it was one of those nights where it was clear that the other woman was too busy and even worse, their time zones didn't link up. carol had been waiting for her call, laying in bed and trying to pass the time by reading a book that truthfully, she wasn't even that interested in. carol hears her phone ding and for a second she worries that it's going to be a message about how the other woman is held up tonight, that carol should just try to sleep without her.

hands nervously reach for the phone, her breath catching in her throat as she views the photo on her screen. in the photo, helen's wearing the lingerie that carol had gotten her, smiling at the camera in a way that makes carol buzz, with just the message i miss you. it's enough to bring a blush to carol's face, feeling a warmth move throughout her body.

carol had tried to befriend other writers. more often then not, it tended to not work out. but a lot of the time she could look past bad writing if the person behind the writing was easy to be around - but that wasn't the case with jenny schecter. every interaction the blonde had with her ended in some sort of argument.

maybe in a way carol was jealous that jenny could openly write about her sexuality in her work, but she wasn't jealous of the work itself. if that could be published and made into a movie - what was stopping carol's serious book that she wanted to write? surely it would be better, even with the insecurities she had surrounding it.

the bright fluorescent lights of the hotel bathroom shine around them, carol’s eyes closed as she feels the wet makeup wipe move around her skin. she had complained the whole way up the elevator, feeling the weight of new heavier products weighing down on her face. almost instantly helen had grabbed the wipes, instructing her to go stand under the light. carol had obeyed without a word, just grateful that she never had to explain herself to helen. she just understood.

she always sort of felt like a clown when she had makeup on. It was something that both carol and helen had decided on once wycaro had started gaining actual popularity. the blonde had to look the part and often that meant dressing in a way to appease the masses. helen had assured her that she didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with and it was just an option, but carol knew she was right about her fear that people could make assumptions about them. it was just safer.

@ptential:　you always say that, and it's never true.

　　　　Sometimes I feel like nobody's in my corner.

She'd let the words slip;　partially joking as she swiped a glass from Gina's grasp, a crooked grin plastered across her pale complexion.

Anything further dies on her tongue when crystal reaches her lips, the dark liquid swallowed down her throat while easing back into the sofa.　Being in Gina's presence always unraveled her in a way it didn't with anyone else, as though the other woman could see right through her　―　see beyond the exterior of rotten dread she's cultivated.