it isn't like she means for it to happen.
not any of it. not them drifting apart in junior year, in a way that makes her feel like she's not only lost her best friend but her only friend, the only one that matters. she isn't trying either when things - when she - becomes quiet or sad, but just like the aforementioned thing, it just happens. and most of all, she doesn't mean for miguel to meet jeannie, become closer with jeannie, and replace her with jeannie.
(even if, somewhere inside of her, she knows its not true. of course, miguel is her best friend. they still hang out together, still study together, but now she has to share him with drama club, which unfortunately includes jeannie too.)
laina isn't trying when any of these things occur. they just happen. it's out of her control. fate is the one I the drivers seat, and she's just the passenger.
and things don't change, even when she meets derek. derek just Happens too.
(even though "meets" isn't quite the right word, because they've been classmates all this time. it's just that she just never really noticed him when there was a different blond taking up all her time)
they're lining up at the airport, all the juniors and seniors from miss martin's third period class, and the other asl students that had to tag along. miguel is there too, of course, to send her off with jeannie (attached to his arm, like always). laina smiles back at them - if a little strained. a small wave as she's squeezed through the crowd.
that's the moment when she accidentally steps on him. steps on Derek Paxtons shoes - of course, of all people it had to be him. he eventually makes a comment, huffing and puffing, trying to make a scene. laina isn't sure what it is - maybe it's the frustration that they're being squeezed into a tight space, that the teachers didn't plan this properly at all. maybe it's the Something that tugs at her when she watches jeannie lean close to miguel, probably asking him when the next rehearsal is, but for all laina knows could be whispering how silly laina probably looks in her skirt. and is miguel laughing? he looks like he's laughing. it's this and that, and it's everything - laina, rather than be nervous and flustered like she normally would be, snaps at derek.
"they're just shoes," she says."don't you always buy new ones anyway?"
derek, obviously not expecting this, blinks. then, awkwardly, "uh, yeah, i guess."
before he can say anything else, laina brushes by him, squeezing off her shoes and into the security gate.
she doesn't mean for it to happen - to snap at him, quite like she did - but it does.
it's out of her control, really.
