#pt reflection

you have a purpose. i think, ultimately, our purpose is what fuels us to do and act and live. our purpose is what fuels our veins. our purpose is our passion, advocacy, and what we will contribute to the world. sometimes we leave to go elsewhere; we grow apart from people; we learn and unlearn things; we fall and rise above; but ultimately, it's all part of the journey in achieving our purpose. it's okay to take a step back from time to time and evaluate, and re-evaluate. it's okay.

When I woke up today, the first thought that came into mind was doubt. I was doubting myself again if I am good enough for my dreams and goals. The problem with knowing what you want is the disappoint that comes with it when you fail at achieving a step to the destination. At some point you will realize maybe the failure is just a detour to the destination. You replenish your oil, you rest a bit, you clear the traffic, and when you’re ready to go it will be all good. Not all roads are paved so we must also be aware of the bumps and the humps. It might shake us a little, but not strong enough to make us fall. TYG for prayer time. It always makes me feel better.

If far more greater, and graver sins are forgiven, I guess I should learn how to forgive, too. I should unlearn how to hold a grudge, or the feeling of lasting "tampo". I don't think it's hard to forgive other people. I think it's harder to forgive yourself. In the same way, I think it's easier to forgive strangers that friends who you hold most dear. For what it's worth, here is to forgiving. 1. I forgive you for the hurt that came with the latter part of the friendship. 2. I forgive you for the pain I've suffered for being a friend. Though the pain is still debatable. 3. I forgive you for hurting me— wanted and unwanted. If the being greater than me can forgive, so can I.

“No force can withstand Christ’s power and authority... God’s word reminds us that no destructive force can keep anyone from the peace and safety which God offers to those who seek his help.” I guess what today’s prayer time told me is that nothing is impossible with God. He makes what seems impossible, possible. 

“Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” My reflection led me to a different context. I am afraid of the upcoming year. More accurately, I am afraid of the fruits of my upcoming gap year. I guess you could say I have little faith in myself. However, I’m trying to change that. Prayer helped me during my dark days. I believe it helped me become okay. Through prayer attained peace of mind. During those times, what got me through was strength– to keep on, to press on– from Him. I guess it’s time not to be afraid anymore. I have faith in Him. I also need to develop a greater sense of faith on myself. I just think I could do this. 

John 14:1 saved me today. I was having a tough, clutch day. I came back from Singapore at 5 am, thesis first draft presentation was at 1 pm. I was nowhere near finished (hi data presentation and analysis), and I had to cram my powerpoint in class. I was fourth to present and everyone else was done with theirs. When the third presenter was presenting, I was on the verge of breaking down, and crying. I had to leave the room to take a break. I had to held tears back. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of Singapore. I was just really worried, and uneasy. I even told my seatmate I was losing hope of getting published at that moment. So it was my turn to present, surprisingly my adviser gave good feedback (I’m too shy to admit it but I’ve always thought hehehe that maybe she likes my topic, and my magnum opus in general). Anyway, I felt the weight of the world gone. I felt like I was Atlas before I presented, then suddenly I wasn’t anymore. I still have a lot to do but hey, I gained my hopes of getting published (on a journal) back. May 3, 2017′s gospel was John 14:6-14. For some reason I started reading from the first verse of the 14th chapter. It spoke to me so much. It goes like this: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me.” It was exactly what I needed. John 14:1 saved me today. I hope that you were also saved today, dear reader. Whatever it is, whoever it was, or however you were saved, I hope you were saved from the thing that most troubled you today.