#psychopathic behavior

You should’ve seen it sooner.

No, really, you should’ve seen it sooner before you had to face the man you used to love—now no more than a stranger who poses as your boyfriend.

You know he’s still the same person, physically at least. Hell, even that department received some abrupt changes : from short brown hair and sweaters to chin-length deep blue hair and business suits.

Kai denied it whenever you pointed out that something changed in him, saying it was for the better or worse—that he’s always been this way. The thought was gut wrenching, you couldn’t believe it. Surely you never would’ve dated him if you knew he was this way from the start, right ? So what, did he change or was he always this way and hid it better ?

You knew he was bound to suffer some kind of change, on a psychological level at least after the incident with Pastor Charles, which he was already very reluctant to tell you about and kept quiet for months until Winter nagged him enough.

But becoming a “conservative” politician and starting a fucking murder cult ? That wasn’t a trauma response ? No one fucking does that ?

He used to be such a sweet guy when you started dating, reserved and hesitant, you had to coax him into a lot of the normal aspects of a relationship; hell, he was hesitant to even start having sex. Now ? He used it as some kind of manipulation tool to recruit or keep people by his side. He didn’t call it cheating because he felt nothing about it but you knew.

It still hurt, but what hurt most was how dismissive he was of your feelings. How, no matter how fake it was, his flirting with Meadow hurt your feelings. It made you question if perhaps everything he did with you now was no more than just a manipulation tactic to keep you by his side.

Perhaps it was, you had considered the possibility for a while now. And you stayed, which was perhaps the worst part. You didn’t know who was worse, Kai for changing in the way he did, or you for staying and still loving this man who was quickly showing every clinical sign of psychopathy.

He had no empathy, not genuinely at least, he showed some when it was convenient. Delusions of grandeur, borderline narcissism that had you wondering who he loved more between you and himself. A total lack of remorse, for fuck’s sake, he murdered people just to get on the news! Let’s not start on his shameless manipulation, everyone currently by his side has been more or less manipulated into doing so, you most likely included.

He manipulated Harrison by targeting a man who was hitting rock bottom and getting him to let go of his morals by killing his boss, trying to make him grow a spine and then seduced his wife into doing exactly what he wanted when she started doubting the cult. He got Ivy by assuring her that they could terrorize her wife so she could have full custody of their son. He got Gary by enabling his victim complex as a straight white man while he was in a desperate position. He got Beverly by carefully crafting the perfect backstory to appeal to her and promise her equal power, which would obviously never be given, RJ followed just for the fame. He got Samuels by giving him a goddamn sexual awakening. Worst of all, he got his own sister Winter because the current political climate had her desperate to cling onto anything tangible, something she could believe in despite Kai being on the other end of the political spectrum. 

You ? You supposed he had nothing more to do to keep you around than just love you, or act like it if he perhaps didn’t actually feel love, you weren’t sure a psychopath could. You actually researched the topic and as it turns out, most people just want to be treated well or better regardless of the motive behind it. Perhaps that was your case, you weren’t exactly at peace with your moral compass at the moment. 

But today, after a meeting with the cult in his basement—a place that used to feel like a safe haven now no more than a suffocating confessional and meeting room—you decided to confront the problem at hand. Make him realize it, shake him and snap him out of it, at this point you’d take any reaction that proved he at least cared.

_____

“What is this about, I’m a busy man and I have to plan our next mission and prepare my next speech.” Kai asked, straight to the point while he sat on the basement couch, manspreading with his forearms resting on his knees and hands clasped together.

So dismissive, and you didn’t even start speaking.

“Kai, something’s changed in you and I really don’t think you’re aware—” You don’t get to finish speaking, he would’ve never cut you off before. Another change.

“Not this bullshit again, I told you, every change is for the greater good, if you actually trusted me you’d stop questioning every damn thing that I do.” He stood up as he talked and firmly placed his hands on your shoulders, eyes staring directly at yours. They used to be full of life and now they look like a predator about to pounce. As if one wrong word from your mouth could trigger the worst reaction. You never had to fear that before.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Kai. But I’m really worried, you’re different, in general and towards me too. I’m not sure if you even really love me anymore or if you’re just pretending and—” This time you cut yourself off, realizing what you’d just said.

The silence that settled in the room for the following seconds was tense, heavy, suffocating almost. Kai took a long, deep breath as if to keep himself calm and prepare his next words very carefully.

“You think I don’t love you anymore ?” 

That question felt heavier than the silence that you suddenly found yourself missing. You both knew the answer to that question but speaking it out loud would feel like a slap to the face for both of you. This is what your relationship turned into.

“How could you think that ? You were there before any of them were besides Winter, you believed in me before anyone did. You’re essential to me, I need that same trust and devotion you always gave me without question.”

He said it so earnestly it was hard not to believe. It was true after all, he had no one besides you before. But the emphasis on the last part clearly felt like he was shutting down any further questions. Asking questions felt like his authority was diminishing, because authority meant that everyone who believed in him would do so without question.

“I know, but I don’t like all those changes in you, you started killing people! You snap at anything, you take fucking Adderall and now you’re out here rallying as a conservative politician! You used to make fun of right-wing extremists online, do you remember that ?!”

You couldn’t help yourself, you had to shake him and make him face reality. None of those changes are normal and there was no way he could justify all of this.

He only stares at you silently as you go on, he didn’t cut you off surprisingly but tilted his chin up like he was above you, which in his mind he was probably above everything and everyone. The most unsettling part was how cold his eyes were, there was little to no light in them which you weren’t sure if it was due to the low and terrible lighting of the basement, but his eyes resembled a shark’s, and that was uncomfortable. Because you couldn't look away.

“Everything I do is to bring us closer to our goal. The murders are essential in our plan, you know that. The adderall helps keep me focused because I need to be focused at all times. I don’t snap at everything, if anything I’m very calm right now despite how agitating you’re being. And you know my political change is to rally the biggest amount of people to our cause, the people need someone to believe in and that someone is me. When I’ll be in the White House, you will be there by my side, don’t you want that ? Don’t you want us to succeed ?”

Kai explains each point one by one in a surprisingly calm and collected manner, if not for the emphasis where it almost seems like he’s gritting his teeth to keep himself contained. The way he said us instead of using first person felt like he was roping you in, as if this entire thing was also your creation and you should bear a portion of that heavy crown. You find yourself actually thinking about his question. He doesn’t like that you have to question it.

“Or perhaps you want me to stop now after we’ve already started ? You want all those people to die in vain ? You want us to go back to the miserable life that was ahead of us before ? Is that it, you want to work some boring 9-to-5 and have no weight in any of the changes that happen to this country ? Change starts here and with me, whether you like it or not. Choose carefully, because you’re already in deep with our cause.”

Oh. That wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You could feel the guilt start to weigh on your conscience, guilt that you knew he was trying to force onto you but that despite yourself, you couldn’t shed yourself of. You did participate in all this, you followed him in everything he did. And if it were you, you’d rather die serving a cause then die for nothing. 

Besides, he clearly had no intention of stopping, if anything, it seemed more like it was a matter of whether he’d have to leave you behind or not. And you weren’t sure you wanted to find out how Kai disposed of dead weight. You knew too much after all, you had to face it. It wouldn’t make sense for him to just casually let you go back to your old life when you know so much, especially when guilty consciences are much more likely to admit. He couldn’t have a rat so early on, and especially not you.

It seemed that if he went down, you’d go down together. Romantic, you supposed. The risks that came with leaving were too great, the potential gains seemed so infinite that you decided not to do the probabilities. Besides, maybe if he made the change he so badly craved, he could start to show that old side of him again, he could be your boyfriend Kai Anderson instead of Councilman and future President Anderson. That would be nice.

“I’ve always followed you, I’m not stopping now, Kai. I was just worried and I didn’t feel like you cared about what I felt.”

You chose your words carefully, like he so often did now and tried to justify the exchange that could’ve very possibly cost you your life.

“I knew you’d stay. I know you’re worried, a lot of big things are happening now and it’s definitely only gonna get bigger from now. But if you’re with me, I’m sure I can bear all my new burdens.” 

Kai seemed appeased by your answer, a smile slowly forming on his face, light showing in his eyes again like magic and you were starting to seriously question if you were having hallucinations about it. He moved his hands from your shoulders to fully embrace you, he was warm, like before.

“And if I didn't care about your feelings, we wouldn’t be talking right now right ? You’re so precious to me, you’re my favorite, remember ?” He whispered in your ear and you could almost feel his smile widening as he held you tighter when you returned his embrace. 

He meant it when he said you were his favorite, that’s why he would hate to see you go and have to dispose of you. But now that you were in his arms again, placated with well practiced words, you both knew.

You both knew he had you under his control once again.

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