#psycho tips

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0I’ve been wondering recently why do people enjoy their suffering? Why do so many prefer to avoid problems and consequences of their decisions instead of doing anything?

No one will ever find it out probably.

I live under a constant pressure for the last 15 years.

I’m co-dependant.

And I don’t enjoy it at all and I want it to stop.

I’m sick and tired, even when I’m trying to keep positive profile.

I still can’t suppress depressing memories and thoughts. Feeling guilty, feeling inferior, feeling unappreciated. However, I’ve already reached a lot in my life. I should be happy. I have a job I like, I have a loving husband, I can dispose my time as I wish. And still I can’t let myself be happy as if I don’t deserve it.

So why is the other person who cause so much pain to me doesn’t feel the same.

Some people don’t understand and just don’t know how to cope with their problem. They are not afraid to admit it and ready to ask for help.

But the problem is that she doesn’t even want to try to do anything.

I mean she wants everyone around to bend and to do nothing in her turn.

My aunt is trying to believe in miracles even after all these years and she made me consider other ways of treatment. So a couple of days ago I talked to a psychiatrist and expert in narcology. He told me that sometimes it’s impossible to help especially as in our case a person doesn’t want to recover and I’d better care for myself more.

I know that already and I’ve faced reality, though it’s hard when it your own mother.

I’ve found some tips for co-dependant people for the millions time making another attempt in understanding the situation I was unwillingly involved into.

And I should admit that however through the years I could complete most of the steps I still have great problems with 5 and 7 and as a result 18.

I would really like to hear from you people who have the same problems. Maybe unity and sharing your fears and problems will help. And I just want to feel not alone.

With love, Tasha Ray

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0There are 15 things in your life you are not obliged to report of or make excuses to

NEVER

EVER

You don’t owe that to ANYone but yourself

Remember that you don’t have to…

… explain your lifestance Living in common-law marriage or with your parent though you’re no longer twenty, or moving from one rental apartment to another – no reason to explain yourself. You need to be aware of your own situation and if you do and you have your own reasons to live that way it’s no concern of others.

… explain your life priorities We are all unique and have different values, dreams and goals, priorities of one person will invariably differ from priorities of another one. You define yours.

… apologize if you don’t feel sorry I guess comments are unnecessary here. If you are not guilty, still think that the other person was wrong and don’t really need forgiveness, you don’t really have to apologize. We believe that apologies can heal the wounds and we just want to work out a truce, but sometime it only can make things worse. Sometimes time is needed.

… make excuses for the time spent in solitude Many are afraid of having a reputation of a «rude», «antisocial», « haughty» person, if they cancel some plans or turn down invitations, as they need some time with only themselves for company, to relax, recharge and simply read a good book. As a matter of fact, such lone time-outs are normal and essential for most of us.

… agree with smb’s personal beliefs Just because someone tells you passionately about their views, don’t just sit and nod in agreement to everything. If you don’t share their ideas, unjustified attitude toward you and others, you don’t have to put up with it and pretend as if you agree. It’s better to rejoin calmly than pile up disapproval and disillusionment.

… say «Yes» You have a right to say “No”, if there are no strong points for consent. Accept kindness of other people and be grateful but say “no” easily to everything what is not your priority. 

… make excuses for your appearance You may be slim or full-bodied, tall or nor really, pretty or average. Don’t let your appearance or side comments affect your self-esteem.

… explain your preferences in food There are certain products you don’t like for various reasons – from their taste to their impact on your health. If someone sticks up with a question why you eat (or don’t eat) some food, say that you feel good eating exactly the way you do.

… report your sexual life If you find yourself with a person (of the full legal age with a mutual consent) you may wait for marriage, come into accidental relationships, experiment unless you enjoy it.

… explain your career choice or personal decision Sometime circumstances make us choose between a job and private life and such a decision is never easy. And in the end you may end up choosing a job – not because you don’t care about your family but because you know that this choice will give you security in the future. Just make certain that you are sure that you do everything right.

… explain your political or religious outlooks Democrat, republican, catholic, protestant, moslem – it’s your own choice. You don’t have to justify your beliefs. If someone can’t accept you as you are – that’s their problem not yours.

… explain why you are single Being single is not a personality disorder. You are free whether to see anyone or not, you don’t need to stick social labels to yourself.

… meet anyone just because you’ve been asked to If deep in your heart you feel that you don’t need this meeting (or a date) then don’t go. Find a reason to cancel and don’t change your decision.

… explain your decision about marriage No matter if you want to get married and have kids or stay single and childfree. Even if your mother is delirious about grandchildren she will have to accept your decision.

… explain your choice in relations Sometime people make comments on your relationships, which are definitely out of place, but that doesn’t stop them. Someone certainly told you that you are not an “ideal couple” or that you’d better look for someone better. Live your own life and never end or keep relationships only because you were told to.

Make mistakes and learn from them – that’s a real life how it is.

With love, Tasha Ray

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0Do you have many different interests in life? Do you feel scattered? Does it frustrate you when others judge you just because you can’t choose one career path and stick with it? In this case, you may also have a scattered personality type just as I do. It has also been called the polymath, the Scanner, the Renaissance Man, and even more recently a multipotentialite.

So what does it mean to be a Scanner? 

You have creative ideas all the time, no matter what kind of idea it is

You love to learn about new subjects and ideas and then quickly move on to something else

You have loads of seemingly unrelated interests

Trying to choose between all your ideas, interests and projects stresses you out

The thought of concentrating on one single topic for the rest of your life horrifies you

You start lots of projects but don’t always finish them before you get into something else

At first glance, you might say that such kind of life has a lack of focus. In fact, it’s not as bad as you think it is.

What do you do then when you have the Scanner personality?

The good news is that scanners are some of the most creative people in the world. Our focus on breadth rather than depth allows us to make connections between disparate worlds that others can’t see. We’re open minded, we’re fast to learn, and we’re keen to share. The bad news is that the world doesn’t always approve of scanners. We get labelled a Jack of all trades (and master of none), a dilettante, or worse. The modern world approves of the deep diver – someone who specialises in one subject – forgetting that some of the most remarkable people who ever lived were renaissance men or women.

So what do You need to do?

1. Embrace your passion for learning. Quit trying to choose just one thing. Fully take advantage of your love for learning and let yourself remain curious and finally give yourself permission to do so.

2. Capture all your thoughts. If you are a true Scanner, then you never run out of new ideas, thoughts, and projects. Write down your thought constantly in a notebook (either paperback or electronic) and capture all your ideas there. You can never know what can be great and promising

3. Give yourself permission to move on. I am not saying you should just live a life of quitting and jump from one task to another. What I am saying is that in some particular situations, you should be willing to move on. A typical example is with a book. I still know how it’s sometimes difficult to choose and read from cover to cover just one book. So now I interpret it differently. Maybe I just shouldn’t read it till the end when it burdens me, as I’ve got out of the book everything I needed up to some point.

4. Have the courage to blaze a different trail. That is okay if you’d rather live a life that appears scattered to others than live a life that tries to meet the expectations the world has set for you.

I have my own story of wondering. Doubts, frustration, embarrassment that I was just not like the others were following me. So far I wanted to become an actress, a police officer, a surgeon, a interpreter at UNO, a screenwriter, a designer, a psychologist, an economist, a pilot, and many many many others. I was diving into every opportunity to find out more and more, I was reading a lot and communicating with people to realise that that’s all very interesting but not as interesting to devote my life to. However I still feel sorry that I didn’t try myself in cinematography, but that’s another story. I ended up with tutoring and writing in the end, however meanwhile I’m still occupied with a great number of different things like drawing, hand-making, learning languages, writing a novel, leading a blog, studying SEO and web-design, an so on. I have my shelves stuffed with books on marketing, restaurant management, customs, language learning, psychology, landscape design, architecture projects, aviation, medicine, cinema studies, and I don’t regret anything at all.

I’m not a prodigy, I’m just very curious, and now when I’ve excepted myself I’m a changed person, I know my strengths and weaknesses and how to work at self-improvement.

With love, Tasha Ray

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As you can see I wasn’t very active and enthusiastic about the blog recently. In nearly one month and a half I managed to post only four times. And I must confess and first of all admit it for myself – that’s not because of some lack of time as I try to persuade people around me and additionally myself. I don’t know what happened to me and what caused this state, but I couldn’t make myself sit and write a single line just because I didn’t want to

At one particular moment I was about to consider that I had some kind of light version of depression but then I realised –

I didn’t. Not yet.

– I simply burnt out.

I can’t say that I was familiar with this concept long ago. Formerly I thought that I was under a lot of stress, or probably that I plunged into depression again. I caught myself making lame excuses for my poor performance at work. Teacher must be such a creature flying over the classroom full of enthusiasm and energy, and everything I wanted the last couple of weeks was only to let my head sink onto the table, close my eyes and black out and not hear all that nonsense that some of my students produce. I got nervous, hysteric, sometimes even rude, passive, and only when I discussed my problem with one of my colleagues a year before I found out about burnout syndrome.

I feel like I’m loosing my grip over some certain things in my life, that includes first of all my job, but also influences my private life. I feel like I have no control over my work, feel lack of recognition, lack of reward. I set high goals to myself and people around which are impossible to meet. The need to be in control, but I can’t. I know that I have perfectionist tendencies and one day that’s going to crush me, but I can’t do anything to fix it. Nothing is ever good enough. I set chaos by myself instead and there is no one to blame. And what’s more terrifying that I’m being expected to be too many things to too many people. And I don’t want to. I just want to be myself.

So I began experiencing exhaustion, lack of motivation, frustration, and even cognitive problems. The last one is the worst. I started forgetting everything, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, could mix up the names of my students, could forget words in my native language, and many other things. I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and at the same time I had very bad sleep during the night, waking up frequently because of nightmares. And I still do.

I know that I’m not alone with that and that is exactly the reason why I’m writing this post right now. Burnout can lead to serious problems with health, relationships, at work.

So what exactly is burnout?

Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. Often it’s caused by excessive and prolonged stress, but burnout is not caused solely by stressful work or too many responsibilities. Other factors may contribute to burnout. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest or motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place. Burnout reduces your productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give.

Burnout is a gradual process that occurs over an extended period of time. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it can creep up on you if you’re not paying attention to the warning signals. The signs and symptoms of burnout are subtle at first, but they get worse and worse as time goes on. So -> you may be on the way to burnout if:

Every day is a bad day.

Caring about your work or home life seems like a total waste of energy.

You’re exhausted all the time.

The majority of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming.

You feel like nothing you do makes a difference or is appreciated.

The negative effects of burnout spill over into every area of life—including your home and social life. Burnout can also cause long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like colds and flu. Because of its many consequences, it’s important to deal with burnout right away.

Start the day with a relaxing ritual. Rather than jumping out of bed as soon as you wake up, spend at least fifteen minutes meditating, writing in your journal, doing gentle stretches, or reading something that inspires you.

Adopt healthy eating, exercising, and sleeping habits. When you eat right, engage in regular physical activity, and get plenty of rest, you have the energy and resilience to deal with life’s hassles and demands.

Set boundaries. Don’t overextend yourself. Learn how to say “no” to requests on your time. If you find this difficult, remind yourself that saying “no” allows you to say “yes” to the things that you truly want to do.

Take a daily break from technology. Set a time each day when you completely disconnect. Put away your laptop, turn off your phone, and stop checking email.

Nourish your creative side. Creativity is a powerful antidote to burnout. Try something new, start a fun project, or resume a favourite hobby. Choose activities that have nothing to do with work.

Learn how to manage stress. When you’re on the road to burnout, you may feel helpless. But you have a lot more control over stress than you may think. Learning how to manage stress can help you regain your balance.

Stay well and take care of yourself, Tasha Ray

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0 So fine. 2016 race has just started and we look forward hopefully and enthusiastically. We have decided to bring some changes into our lives and are dead set to accomplish all our goals and resolutions. However it occurs it’s not that simple to stick to your own promises. There are some advice how to go towards your aim correctly and step by step.

1.  Be Realistic

The fastest way to fail in your goal is to make your goal unattainable. For instance, avoid making 100 percent resolutions. Absolutes like “I’m giving up ALL sweets” or ‘I’ll NEVER use my credit card again’ is setting you up to fail as you have to get around some overly strict rules. Instead, keep it more simple and try drafting more limited restrictions like “I’ll eat one chocolate bar and only once a week.”

2.  Plan Ahead and Outline Your Plan

If you wait until the last minute on New Year’s Eve, you can overlook something and also your resolutions may be based on your mood and mindset that particular day. Instead, it should be planned well before December 31 arrives. You should make a “Pros” and “Cons” List beforehand either – it may help to see a list of items on paper to keep your motivation strong. Keep it with you and develop this list over time, and refer to it when you need help keeping your resolve.

3.  Formulate precise and detailed

Not just “I’ll eat healthy”. At least think what it means for you personally. Make it more thorough like “I’ll eat more veggies and fruit, reduce consumption of meat and…” so on 😉

4.  Break It Up

It’s easier to accomplish you goals if you break them logically into smaller stages. Keep track of each small success. Short-term goals are easier to keep, and each small accomplishment will help keep you motivated. Make One Change at a Time. The better you are at making small changes, the easier it will be for you to keep going.

5.  Talk About It

Don’t keep your resolution a secret. Tell friends and family members who will be there to support your determination to change yourself for the better. The best way is to find someone who you have common resolutions with and motivate each other.

6.  Reward Yourself

Celebrate your success by treating yourself to something you enjoy that doesn’t contradict your resolution. If you have been sticking to your promise to eat better, for example, reward yourself by going to the cinema with a friend or buying new item of clothes.

7.  Track Your Progress

Keep your personal diary and write down your progress. Refer to it when you deal with the temptation to skip that yoga class or have that pizza, and it’ll remind you what you’ve already achieved and how your bad will affect your goal

8.  Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Obsessing over the occasional slip won’t help you achieve your goal. Do the best you can each day, and take one day at a time! 🙂

9. Keep Trying

If you have totally run out of steam when it comes to keeping your resolution by mid-February, don’t despair. Start over again! Recommit yourself for a day and then come back to the path you stepped back.

10. Be persistent

Experts say that a person needs 21 days to stick to a new habit and six month to become essential part of your life. Nothing happens overnight, so be persistent and patient! So keep trying and trying and everything will be GREAT! 🙂

With love, Tasha Ray

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Doesn’t matter what happens in our life – generally we have 4 common reactions. Mostly it refers to bad events in our lives and our attitude when we experience problems can determine our future a lot as our life itself is a combination of our choices and attitude.

1. Change. The first thing you have to do if you are faced with difficulties is to try to change the course of events or at least revise your own stand.

2. Accept. If you don’t want (or maybe can’t) change something in your life, a rational way to react is to accept. Another form of acceptance is resignation which appears after a series of vain attempts to change smth. My advice instead of saying: “I’ve made a mistake”, try to transfer your experience into smth positive and say “Wow, it turned out differently…” This way it’s easier to accept reality. Rather than concentrate on your failure, interpret everything as a lesson.

3. Irritate (epicene anger without any attempts to bring changes or accept). This phase also comes due to our inability to make any changes in definite important sector of our life.  So we transfer our irritation to other people.

4. Whine/complain (turn into a victim, that hopes to find anyone, who will drag you out of gutter). People ask for help, but properly speaking they don’t need it. It’s their strategy to play victim. Help is not a favour to ask – for them it’s a request, demand of help as a matter of course, or to the contrary they wait until someone offers them help. Paradox but at this stage a person asks for help but can’t accept it. Ask me why? It’s quite easy to explain – they expect a definite sort of help – the one they imagine – the only right one – and don’t recognize any if it differs in some way to their own ideas. As for me this it the worst stage ever and it’s really hard to deal with people if they stuck here.

Everyone of us went though all these stages at least once in our lives to a greater or lesser extent. Deliberate life strategies in coping with problems are changing and acceptance of course, but all we have moments of weaknesses and can plunge into irritation and complaint from time to time, however the last thing we have to do is to turn it into our life-style. We have to struggle against all the problems, obstacles, prejudices, that we can meet in our life.

Be strong and stay positive.

With love, Tasha Ray