This is my emotional support pineapple. It is satisfyingly squishy. Like a thick squish, not a thin, watery squish. Somewhere between play doh and silly putty. Which, I’m sure no one plays with any more. What was the purpose of silly putty? OoOh YaY wOw. YoU cAn CoPy NeWsPrInT. (That’s the “sarcasm font,” right?) Big whoop. All that did was make the putty gross grey eventually. Who reads newspapers now? Who has silly putty now? That venn diagram intersection is probably pretty small. Is it still a Venn diagram with three circles? The third circle would be people who are easily bored. The very center would be “people who shouldn’t have silly putty and newspapers.”
Let me see if I can make that. BRB.
Whelp. That was a bitch and a half. But here it is.
Wait. Where am I? I started with my emotional support pineapple. … and then I had an ADHD tangent. Ok. So. Where was this headed originally …
Oh. Why a pineapple? Because it reminds me of Shawn. I can imagine him finding this item and just absentmindedly squishing the daylights out of it. Not only does it squish. (Yes, that is the word of the post, no I will not be taking comments. <That’s not true! I will take comments. I will not change the word>) It also has a satisfying thunk when you drop it. It kneads and rolls in the hands. It throws into the air and smacks into the palm in a delightful manner. I imagine it would make a wonderful noise if one threw it at the door but I’m at work and can’t test that theory.
Plus. It’s a pineapple. I think Shawn would love it. He’d toss it randomly at Lassie without saying anything and Lassie’d catch it and look at it incredulously before holding it between two fingers by the little green top and saying something like, “A pineapple stress ball? Really?” Shawn would grin and say something like, “oh, it’s more than a stress ball. That is an entertainment 3000. The only thing that could improve that would be for it to smell like pineapple. Toss it back!” And Lassie sighs and underhands it to Shawn who makes like he’s going to throw it back but Lassie just holds his hand up, palm forward in the “stop” gesture so Shawn throws it at Gus, who isn’t expecting a projectile and fumbles it. Then Shawn has to go pick it up and cuddle it in his hands and talk to it like mean old Gus hurt it and how he won’t let the pineapple hit the floor again. Then it’ll come up later in the case and … I dunno … it’s kind of a hair magnet tbh. Maybe it picks up a hair or a fiber and Gus goes to wash it off (because otherwise, ew?) and Shawn stops him because it’s a distinct red hair from a crime scene that shouldn’t have had red hair at it. Or something. I dunno.
