#ps1 lain

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Lyrics from Fukouna Girl by Stomach Book

This cute tho

I'm not surprised that so many of the reviews of this game take some pretty different stances on Lain, her therapist Touko, and the general "message" of the game, loathe as I am to use the word. So much of what's transpiring relies on the viewer to fill in the spaces between diary entries, counseling logs, and the like... and with something as contentious as troubled children with inadequate support systems, including inadequate psychological help, I can see why people would react so strongly off the bat.

Touko in particular is a difficult character--in the early logs, I almost felt insulted on behalf of Lain, as she used this chirpy, almost saccharine voice and directed the conversation away from Lain's concerns, arguing that Lain wasn't truly "sick" and was instead normal, and just dealing with lots of stress. However, her diagnoses were cold and deeply clinical--referring to a number of potential conditions, including identity disorders, psychosis, and neurosis, all of which were evidenced by frequent hallucinations and irrational fears. How cruel, I thought! To diminish a child's problems to her face, all the while referencing the DSM at every possible turn!

Of course, Touko's method turns out to be more complex--Lain is made highly nervous by uncomfortable subjects, and in the early game will retreat into her room (or mind) at the first sign of trouble. This is, perhaps, obvious--she's a twelve-year-old girl dealing with a lot. So, when Touko redirects the conversation away from uncomfortable subjects, or refuses to pathologize Lain's feelings, we can also see that as a sort of consideration for Lain's wellbeing--to be told that one is sick, truly Sick in the DSM-diagnosable manner, is a lot to deal with, and besides, having a non-typical (or divergent, even) psychology is often something to adjust to and live with, not something to see through the lens of "curing".

This is becoming more prominent--this question of the true nature of "mind" and what it means to have a non-standard psychological profile (or experience of the world). After all, it's not a bad thing to see the world differently to how others do, and in Lain's case it can even be helpful--allowing her to focus deeply on subjects like computer programming and psychology while having an astonishingly deep understanding of complex structures like the early web.

At the same time! At the same time! Lain does have a bad time due to her mental condition! Her elementary school friends abandon her, she's perpetually alone, bullied in class, and even harassed online. She becomes convinced that there is something inherently wrong with her--so wrong that her illness needs to be isolated into one "version" of herself while more dominant, friendly personalities take over. She very consciously constructs an alternate "self" in the ultimate form of self-defensive masking. While Touko may be careful not to cross the boundary of pathologizing, Lain has already crossed it--she likely already believes that she is truly Sick, and that it is a failure on her part to no longer be Sick, since Touko insists that she should not be. She has to be someone else. She has to.

And I think that Touko partially gave her this idea. Early on, in a diagnosis file, she says that she's treading lightly with Lain, as suggesting the contents of new delusions or neuroses can often bring them into existence. This is her explanation for speaking to Lain as if she isn't ill... but then, in early counseling logs, she tells Lain of all the ways people construct identities and hallucinate specific realities, when before, Lain stated that she never really questioned her sense of self. When Lain, later on, says that she wants to become a different person, it's a deliberate act--not the passive "I saw the hallucinations again" of some diary files, but an active "I will be a different person". Just as Touko may fear that Lain would manifest her own illness, she doesn't seem to realize that, by withholding the truth, she is probably encouraging feelings of self-loathing and estrangement. By insisting that Lain is normal, she is encouraging a worldview of complete isolation--because Lain knows that she is not "normal", and now even her psychologist won't help her.

I'll be honest--I'm really worried for Lain. While she may benefit from her attempts to be more outgoing at her new school, and from interacting with people on the internet, and hell, even her counseling, some of her worst threats come from the completely mundane, "normal" world. Whatever form her mental condition takes in the future, I am more worried about the ways in which society--classmates, teachers, parents, etc.--will treat a mentally ill child.

And that's really the problem, isn't it?

Touko struggles to connect with Lain, but also struggles with others--her boyfriend can be disinterested and distant, her seniors at work force too much on her, she doesn't really have too many friends. Unmarried at 27, she feels like a failure to society itself. Lain's parents are clearly having trouble in their relationship, and likely feel unprepared (or even unwilling) to parent a child with a serious mental illness. They may be a nuclear family, but they seem to have little in the way of support from outside. Lain's material struggles come from her inability to act "normal" with friends and at school, to the point of becoming a complete outcast.

I am really worried for Lain: because, going forward, I can only see the world fail every character around her more and more, and, most crucially, I can only see Lain continue to lose what remains of her support network as her hallucinations and neuroses increase.

I hope she's alright.