#prygelknabe

I think in a mixture of fully formed statements, kind of mumbly dialogue and some echolalia and mental schreeching lmao. also a lot of blank emotions and an almost physical sense of prodding at them to produce sense, and some music/colors/sensations/pictures. Idk. A jumbled mess?? I also always have a part of me observing and critiguing the rest of me, especially when I become self-concious. But it's not like. Seperate things any of this, it's all in a mixed up stream

@prygelknabe

I think it doesn’t sound too dissimilar from me (what a relief!), except that I very much feel like these things are on separate channels/layers/physical places in my head. (I say this very vaguely bc it’s hard to observe how I think bc like u said... jumbled mess) I also don’t really have a lot of visual things, for someone who attempts to draw sometimes, I don’t really have much in the way of visualization. This is probably part of the reason why I can never create any profound artwork, I literally don’t have a “vision”. XD EDIT: i just realized you had the phrase “fully formed statements” in there and I don’t know if I actually vibe with that, but I guess it does  occasionally happen when thinking about generating speech/writing. And like I CAN force it for short periods it just takes a shitton of focus, and then i can’t actually THINK at the same time bc I’m spending all that energy on generating coherent inner speech. (and it’s different bc conversations I can “hear” but this is something I’m “thinking”. What the fuck is the distinction? I’m not sure myself, but thinking takes a lot more effort)

But if you mean mumbly dialogue and fully formed statements “to yourself” without a context IRL where you would be generating them, then I guess I can’t relate.

EDIT 2: This makes me think about the nature of internal voices though: Wouldn’t you having a voice observing and critiqueing you be the same as having an internal voice? Or is the distinction that you designate it as a part of yourself? Or because it’s not seperate? Hmmm I feel like we don’t know enough about how people think!! To actually comment on what is normal and what isn’t!!

sorry to just come out of nowhere, and please ignore if at all bothered, but I saw this and all I could think was “this person is definitely from the Free Orcs AU. I love them. I need to show TS”

I… yes. Yes it is.

Now I’m trying to figure out when the Free Orcs learned sexy dancing (this not being something Mordor prioritized). I think it would be before the events of Diplomatic Relations. They’d made trade agreements with Men, and were getting on with them well enough with them to be hired on as caravan guards.

This was when they were exposed to sexy dancing–caravaneers flirting with each other, and then in the cities of men, professional dancers on the corners with a shawl laying out for coin, or sex workers trying to lure the human members of the caravan to them for an evening of pleasure.

for @prygelknabe

While his parents are out of town, Steve gets an unexpected late night visitor.

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016)

Rating: E

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington

Characters: Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove

Additional Tags: Fear Play, Edgeplay, Rape Fantasy, Knifeplay, Choking, Aftercare, Risk Aware Consensual Kink

Well... Tbh, reading through the ICD criteria I can kinda see it? I mean, you are a pretty rational person, so when you have delusions you can kinda disprove them to yourself, or at least enough not to feel like sharing them. But I feel like, just looking as a through b, I would personally, from my perspective as both your confidant, a person with zero psychotic symptoms, and a psychology student, say that some of your experiences do fulfil at least d

@prygelknabe:

And that when you are very anxious you can experience b and c too, maybe? Idk, it send to be a lot more sporadic symptoms for you, than for a lot of people, and there's the whole thing where your symptoms actually used to be a lot wise as kid, which can fuck up any scale, but yeah. Ilu and I totally get why this is scary, and I support you no matter what you wanna do, but this has also kinda made me go "huh, i guess??"

prygelknabe:

That being said, I agree with you that there's probably a lot of people who live up to this, who don't really find out and never get the diagnosis, bc it's early/slow onset with no deterioration after a certain point so they just. Live their lives. _____________

Yeah, to the last point, I think that must be very true. I guess the “reason” I have ended up in the “clutches” of MH professionals is that I’m comorbid with a lot of anxiety + the cognitive/disorganized symptoms. And then instead of the adhd and anxiety that I had expected all along, they zoom in on these psychotic things because in a sense that’s their job: To find the underlying cause and treat that??

And I guess I’m man enough to admit that a lot of my issues are probably psychotic in origin. 

I think I have some a and b, d to a somewhat larger extent, while I don’t have a lot of c unless really in a weird situation and really anxious, and even then not that much - and I think c is kind of The Archetypal Schizophrenia Trait, so not having that, makes the whole thing seem really fake? I think that is a huge part of my issue here. It’s to the point that I *wish* some of the damn presences would get a bit vocal about it so I would feel valid, or something, lmao

So i went to the accomodations-people today along with Seb, and it went quite well actually???

The guy was a little overly friendly and very trying-to-catch-your-eyes to be down to earth and friendly and connected or w/e, but he did seem like a genuinely good guy.

And he was kind of in the business of talking me into the whole thing rather than out of it, which was incredibly helpful. So I agreed to a conversation with one of their advisors to figure out what I might need.

Basically they offer two things, and you can have just one thing or both. One is meetings with an advisor (usually psychologist), who will help you make plans and structure things or whatever else you may need to finish your education. The other is a mentor, who is an older student from the same field as yourself, who can help you more sort of specifically, and who may function a bit like a tiny paid studygroup (unhelpful analogy as I’ve never had a study group). It seemed like they were very large about things, and quite dedicated to getting the students through, and help them achieve to the best of their abilities.

like... at least if it's like... the same body urgh.... my thought would prob be that the giant was riding a dragon but i'm also way more innocent than u when it comes to rorschach. i see all these mythological creatures bc my head is in the clouds lmao