#prospective convert

said 'whatever it takes, however long this takes, wherever i must go and who i have to meet, i will follow the call You've placed within me. though i might feel alone sometimes, i know im not, because You walk with me, as i find Your people'

I told her I had the same prolonged interest in Judaism but worried it wasn't enough to convert. She asked me what would be

The first comment I got? "How will you decide the question of theodicy?" From, I find out after giving a slightly flippant answer, an atheist who says they couldn't "join a religion that couldn't explain why, say, babies get cancer, or why the Holocaust happened", etc. UGH.

i can’t see myself as being fulfilled if i’m not jewish. i can’t see myself living my life in the future if i’m not devoted to learning more and carving my own path within the community.

something is tugging on my soul and telling me that this is what i should be doing. i’ve tried ignoring it for a few months and not thinking about it, but i keep being drawn to judaism over and over again.

I just moved to a city that has more than one synagogue (for the first time in my life!) and this is the perfect opportunity for me to reach out but I'm so nervous to go to services/classes.

one of the dumbest reasons why is because I am HEAVILY tattooed. nothing inappropriate or devoted to other religions. I find my tattoos to be as tasteful as tattoos can be (mostly florals and animals) but they're essentially a giant Outsider sticker on my body. and given the climate, even if I dressed according to guidelines of tznius, I'd still be showing many.

plus I deal with some severe mental illnesses that have made it hard to stick to the path in the past but those are doing better now.

Idk why I'm posting this, just venting. I've decided that there's a 50% chance I convert before I die and I've made some peace with that timeline but now that the High Holidays are here I'm feeling once again pulled to it.