As parents we may not have all the answers, but we have lived a little more than our younger counterparts…at least enough to share some wisdom (so we hope). As the parent of a child with Autism, I always try to be one step ahead of the game in order to make my son’s life as worry free as possible. At times, I catch myself rushing to make decisions that could involve him, for the sake of time and trouble, when ultimately that answer is usually right there with him, causing me to cut unnecessary corners. I am always learning from my children, and always growing with them… or so I hope. Today was a good day. My son Rogan is officially out of school for the summer, and off to 5 days a week of ABA and other therapies (which he actually loves). Rogan has been working hard to use people’s name when asking for something, which has been going exceptionally well. Rogan has been enjoying spending more time with me in the afternoons, as my schedule has also lightened up for the summer. This newly found time has afforded us more story and play time, which opens up many more opportunities for learning. I asked Rogan today “Do you love Mama?” and he replied with an enthusiastic “yes”, which I have to admit felt great! Today was met with lots of hugs, and Rogan’s communication was definitely on point. It is no secret in our house that Rogan is addicted to technology, and is always looking for a way to get his hands on the nearest cell phone or iPad. My husband and I are mindful to set strict limits on Rogan’s use of electronics, as we notice that he tends to use these as a way to self stimulate by looping scenes from videos. If we do give him iPad time, it is monitored closely and he is given no more than 15 minutes at a time before he begrudgingly has to let go of the device and move on to the next activity. My generation did not have the types of electronic devices that are available today in fact, you were doing well if you owned an original Nintendo console with a copy of Super Mario Brothers. I have noticed thought that I too spend more time scrolling through my iPhone navigating social media or keeping up with current events than I did 10 years ago when technology was a little more primitive. After today, I have also realized that I need to practice what I preach when it comes to my own screen time. Rogan and I were watching Blues Clues. It was an episode that I had seen at least 52 times, and I could quote along so, I picked up my cell phone and started reading an article that a friend of mine had shared on Facebook. Rogan asked “I want phone please” and I responded “no Buddy, Mommy is reading something right now”. Usually, Rogan would’ve continued to ask for the phone regardless of my answer, but this time he attempted to take it from my hand without warning. I stated again “hey Buddy, Mommy is reading so you can’t have the phone right now” and he responded by continuing to retrieve the phone. All of a sudden it hit me, like Han Solo shooting Greedo from underneath the table in the Cantina Scene in Episode IV of Star Wars…What if Rogan doesn’t actually want my phone, but wants me OFF of the phone? I looked at Rogan and asked “Rogan, do you want Mommy to quit looking at her phone?” and he answered “yes”. I realized in that moment that it was more important for me to watch the episode of Blues Clues for the 53rd time, that it was for me to read an article on my phone that I could save for later. My son had flipped the script and taught me something extremely important…that he wanted my attention. A few minutes after it happened, I replayed the entire exchange in my head and realized that I was really glad that Rogan asked that of me. It meant that he sees our time together as important, and that it should never be secondary to a cell phone. It shows an emotional connection between child and parent, a connection that some people feel that children on the Autism Spectrum are unable to show. I am hopeful for more of these exchanges, and look forward to being the Padawan Learner that my Jedi Master son expects me to be.
